Managing Bipolar Disorder in the Workplace

Hey everyone! 👋

I figured I’d share my "story" here because I honestly want to hear what you guys think. I already know what my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and even my frenemies have to say about all this, but I’m looking for some more objective perspectives from people out there.

So, I’m 30 and I’m from Washington, D.C. For the last two years, I’ve been with my boyfriend, who’s just a year older than me. I actually spent a huge chunk of my life living abroad. I spent way too long studying law before eventually dropping out when I got sick.

Back in 2014, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I’ve been in treatment for it since March 2014. I’ve ended up hospitalized ten times—sometimes for self-harm, sometimes just to get my meds adjusted—and I’ve done things like shoplifting, shaving my head, DIY piercing, and I even had to undergo eight rounds of ECT. Right now, I’m on a medication regimen that actually seems to be working. Like, for the first time in forever, I actually feel like a "normal" person.

Personality-wise, I’m pretty open and upbeat. I love reading and have a million different interests. I tend to lean toward hypomania—you know, that excess energy, being a bit theatrical, cleaning things that are already clean, or doing stuff with OCD tendencies—so when I crash back down to baseline, I register it as depression, even though I don't really lean toward the depressive side. My mom and brother do, though.

For the past year or so, my main struggle has revolved around work. Earlier this year, I worked at this call center, but I only lasted three months before I just totally snapped. It was one of those situations where they expected more, faster, harder... you know how it goes. I tried as hard as I could, mainly because I’m someone who is obsessively focused on what other people think of me. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. 🤷

I spent about nine years studying law without ever getting anywhere. Eventually, I walked away from it and pivoted to an Open University.

After that, I grabbed a summer job at a drugstore. I worked there through the summer doing everything from the register to stocking shelves and warehouse work. During the last month, I started making these little mistakes with the till. Most of the time I was in a hypomanic state—super talkative and high energy—and I’d mess up the cash counts, which meant I ended up paying the difference out of my own pocket at the end of my shifts.

Anyway, my meds were changed, and I was basically walking around the register like a total zombie, so I was essentially forced to quit because I just couldn't function. My coworkers started avoiding me, and customers would give me these worried looks like, "Is she gonna pass out on the floor or 🤔?"

Less than two weeks later, I landed my current job. Same old story, though—another call center. Customer support. The environment is actually great, the crew is awesome, and the first paycheck was more than enough, especially since everyone else there is going through similar stuff. But today, for the second time, I didn't show up for work because the second I stepped out the door, my heart started racing so hard I thought it would jump out of my chest.

I spend my day taking call after call, I don't get a single word of peace during my 30-minute break, and I mostly survive on junk food from the vending machines. About 99% of my job is just repeating, "I apologize on behalf of [someone halfway across the world who screwed something up]," while the people on the phone are swearing, yelling, screaming, or threatening me. And then I just sit there like a parrot saying, "I apologize..." and they just snap back with, "Like hell you ________." You get the idea. One call like that? Fine. But after eight hours of it, I feel like my ears are literally going to bleed. 😲

The thing is, I'm someone who genuinely loves to work. The idea of just sitting at home, popping pills and watching soap operas doesn't appeal to me at all. Being able to work and having that sense of financial independence is huge for my mental health. Plus, things are great with my boyfriend; we're planning on moving in together next year.

So yeah, this year I finished my retraining and cycled through three different jobs.

Every time I've had a major breakup or shift in my life, it starts with these morning or evening crying spells. I started taking sedatives that used to be just for emergencies, but now they're a regular part of my routine, along with panic attacks and all that.

I mean, I really do want to work. And look, I get it—working in a call center where you can't even see the person on the other end means you shouldn't take things personally, but spending eight hours a day basically apologizing for stuff that isn't even my fault, only to sit there and listen to people spewing absolute filth... man, I can barely stomach it. It’s just not for me.

Everyone around me keeps telling me I need to toughen up. And I know, I get it, I really do. I'm trying. But apparently, my subconscious isn't having any of it, because my heart is practically jumping out of my chest every single time.

What do you guys think about all this? 🍿

If nothing else, thanks for listening, guys! 🙂

Gary Morris2 said:Hey everyone! 👋

I figured I’d share my "story" here because I honestly want to hear what you guys think. I already know what my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and even my frenemies have to say about all this, but I’m looking for some more objective perspectives from people out there.

So, I’m 30 and I’m from Washington, D.C. For the last two years, I’ve been with my boyfriend, who’s just a year older than me. I actually spent a huge chunk of my life living abroad. I spent way too long studying law before eventually dropping out when I got sick.

Back in 2014, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I’ve been in treatment for it since March 2014. I’ve ended up hospitalized ten times—sometimes for self-harm, sometimes just to get my meds adjusted—and I’ve done things like shoplifting, shaving my head, DIY piercing, and I even had to undergo eight rounds of ECT. Right now, I’m on a medication regimen that actually seems to be working. Like, for the first time in forever, I actually feel like a "normal" person.

Personality-wise, I’m pretty open and upbeat. I love reading and have a million different interests. I tend to lean toward hypomania—you know, that excess energy, being a bit theatrical, cleaning things that are already clean, or doing stuff with OCD tendencies—so when I crash back down to baseline, I register it as depression, even though I don't really lean toward the depressive side. My mom and brother do, though.

For the past year or so, my main struggle has revolved around work. Earlier this year, I worked at this call center, but I only lasted three months before I just totally snapped. It was one of those situations where they expected more, faster, harder... you know how it goes. I tried as hard as I could, mainly because I’m someone who is obsessively focused on what other people think of me. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. 🤷

I spent about nine years studying law without ever getting anywhere. Eventually, I walked away from it and pivoted to an Open University.

After that, I grabbed a summer job at a drugstore. I worked there through the summer doing everything from the register to stocking shelves and warehouse work. During the last month, I started making these little mistakes with the till. Most of the time I was in a hypomanic state—super talkative and high energy—and I’d mess up the cash counts, which meant I ended up paying the difference out of my own pocket at the end of my shifts.

Anyway, my meds were changed, and I was basically walking around the register like a total zombie, so I was essentially forced to quit because I just couldn't function. My coworkers started avoiding me, and customers would give me these worried looks like, "Is she gonna pass out on the floor or 🤔?"

Less than two weeks later, I landed my current job. Same old story, though—another call center. Customer support. The environment is actually great, the crew is awesome, and the first paycheck was more than enough, especially since everyone else there is going through similar stuff. But today, for the second time, I didn't show up for work because the second I stepped out the door, my heart started racing so hard I thought it would jump out of my chest.

I spend my day taking call after call, I don't get a single word of peace during my 30-minute break, and I mostly survive on junk food from the vending machines. About 99% of my job is just repeating, "I apologize on behalf of [someone halfway across the world who screwed something up]," while the people on the phone are swearing, yelling, screaming, or threatening me. And then I just sit there like a parrot saying, "I apologize..." and they just snap back with, "Like hell you ________." You get the idea. One call like that? Fine. But after eight hours of it, I feel like my ears are literally going to bleed. 😲

The thing is, I'm someone who genuinely loves to work. The idea of just sitting at home, popping pills and watching soap operas doesn't appeal to me at all. Being able to work and having that sense of financial independence is huge for my mental health. Plus, things are great with my boyfriend; we're planning on moving in together next year.

So yeah, this year I finished my retraining and cycled through three different jobs.

Every time I've had a major breakup or shift in my life, it starts with these morning or evening crying spells. I started taking sedatives that used to be just for emergencies, but now they're a regular part of my routine, along with panic attacks and all that.

I mean, I really do want to work. And look, I get it—working in a call center where you can't even see the person on the other end means you shouldn't take things personally, but spending eight hours a day basically apologizing for stuff that isn't even my fault, only to sit there and listen to people spewing absolute filth... man, I can barely stomach it. It’s just not for me.

Everyone around me keeps telling me I need to toughen up. And I know, I get it, I really do. I'm trying. But apparently, my subconscious isn't having any of it, because my heart is practically jumping out of my chest every single time.

What do you guys think about all this? 🍿

If nothing else, thanks for listening, guys! 🙂

Look, not every job is meant for everyone. You’ve given this one two solid shots, and it’s obvious it’s not clicking. Don't go forcing a square peg into a round hole. Stop fighting against the grain and find something that actually fits.
It’s not the end of the world; you'll find your footing somewhere else.

You don't need to harden up. You just need to stabilize. And sooner or later, one way or another, you’re going to hit that point whether you want to, wish for it, or need it... or just out of pure frustration... of "being normal." Regardless of how relative everything is, maybe try spending some time somewhere where having your ears bleed (or any other orifice, really) isn't a daily occurrence for a few hours a day. While that critical part of you shrinks and tries to rationalize why you should or could even handle that kind of constant bleeding, that wild, intolerant, eternally revolted side of you—regardless of the fallout—will do anything to stop that rationalization from becoming a routine that might actually kill you in the end. Is falling out of the system's order ("relapse") normal? To someone who lives by that rigid, repetitive grind, sure. But every time a "relapse" happens (even if it's been ages since the last one), maybe it's time for some serious looking back. Time to figure out what actually triggered the hemorrhage.

For the most part, my advice aligns with what darkjackal7 mentioned.

There really is a massive variety of roles available out there. I’d suggest heading over to the major job boards and scrolling through every single category—even the miscellaneous ones where you might find things like cleaning services or general labor. You can stumble upon some surprisingly interesting opportunities that way.
Just keep digging until you land on something that actually fits your needs.

And honestly, I have to say, I admire your incredible positivity despite dealing with such an exhausting diagnosis.. 🙂

Gary Morris2 said:Hey everyone! 👋

I figured I’d share my "story" here because I honestly want to hear what you guys think. I already know what my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and even my frenemies have to say about all this, but I’m looking for some more objective perspectives from people out there.

So, I’m 30 and I’m from Washington, D.C. For the last two years, I’ve been with my boyfriend, who’s just a year older than me. I actually spent a huge chunk of my life living abroad. I spent way too long studying law before eventually dropping out when I got sick.

Back in 2014, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I’ve been in treatment for it since March 2014. I’ve ended up hospitalized ten times—sometimes for self-harm, sometimes just to get my meds adjusted—and I’ve done things like shoplifting, shaving my head, DIY piercing, and I even had to undergo eight rounds of ECT. Right now, I’m on a medication regimen that actually seems to be working. Like, for the first time in forever, I actually feel like a "normal" person.

Personality-wise, I’m pretty open and upbeat. I love reading and have a million different interests. I tend to lean toward hypomania—you know, that excess energy, being a bit theatrical, cleaning things that are already clean, or doing stuff with OCD tendencies—so when I crash back down to baseline, I register it as depression, even though I don't really lean toward the depressive side. My mom and brother do, though.

For the past year or so, my main struggle has revolved around work. Earlier this year, I worked at this call center, but I only lasted three months before I just totally snapped. It was one of those situations where they expected more, faster, harder... you know how it goes. I tried as hard as I could, mainly because I’m someone who is obsessively focused on what other people think of me. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. 🤷

I spent about nine years studying law without ever getting anywhere. Eventually, I walked away from it and pivoted to an Open University.

After that, I grabbed a summer job at a drugstore. I worked there through the summer doing everything from the register to stocking shelves and warehouse work. During the last month, I started making these little mistakes with the till. Most of the time I was in a hypomanic state—super talkative and high energy—and I’d mess up the cash counts, which meant I ended up paying the difference out of my own pocket at the end of my shifts.

Anyway, my meds were changed, and I was basically walking around the register like a total zombie, so I was essentially forced to quit because I just couldn't function. My coworkers started avoiding me, and customers would give me these worried looks like, "Is she gonna pass out on the floor or 🤔?"

Less than two weeks later, I landed my current job. Same old story, though—another call center. Customer support. The environment is actually great, the crew is awesome, and the first paycheck was more than enough, especially since everyone else there is going through similar stuff. But today, for the second time, I didn't show up for work because the second I stepped out the door, my heart started racing so hard I thought it would jump out of my chest.

I spend my day taking call after call, I don't get a single word of peace during my 30-minute break, and I mostly survive on junk food from the vending machines. About 99% of my job is just repeating, "I apologize on behalf of [someone halfway across the world who screwed something up]," while the people on the phone are swearing, yelling, screaming, or threatening me. And then I just sit there like a parrot saying, "I apologize..." and they just snap back with, "Like hell you ________." You get the idea. One call like that? Fine. But after eight hours of it, I feel like my ears are literally going to bleed. 😲

The thing is, I'm someone who genuinely loves to work. The idea of just sitting at home, popping pills and watching soap operas doesn't appeal to me at all. Being able to work and having that sense of financial independence is huge for my mental health. Plus, things are great with my boyfriend; we're planning on moving in together next year.

So yeah, this year I finished my retraining and cycled through three different jobs.

Every time I've had a major breakup or shift in my life, it starts with these morning or evening crying spells. I started taking sedatives that used to be just for emergencies, but now they're a regular part of my routine, along with panic attacks and all that.

I mean, I really do want to work. And look, I get it—working in a call center where you can't even see the person on the other end means you shouldn't take things personally, but spending eight hours a day basically apologizing for stuff that isn't even my fault, only to sit there and listen to people spewing absolute filth... man, I can barely stomach it. It’s just not for me.

Everyone around me keeps telling me I need to toughen up. And I know, I get it, I really do. I'm trying. But apparently, my subconscious isn't having any of it, because my heart is practically jumping out of my chest every single time.

What do you guys think about all this? 🍿

If nothing else, thanks for listening, guys! 🙂

You need a different kind of job. Somewhere where you don't have to deal with people, but can still use your strengths.
Maybe cleaning vacation rentals in the summer? Or housekeeping?
What you're doing right now isn't meant for people like us. We can't just "toughen up."
My husband, who has nerves of steel and is great with people, says he can't handle his current job anymore either.
Find something else. If you're in a big city like Chicago, you'll have plenty of options.

Given how demanding those diagnoses are, you can't realistically expect to grind for eight hours straight. It wouldn't work even for someone perfectly healthy. In an environment like that, you're basically just a punching bag for everyone's verbal abuse. Healthy people walk away, while you're left at risk of a total breakdown. Handling money requires constant focus, too. Staying unemployed isn't the answer, but neither is destroying your health for a paycheck. Do you have any specific skills?

Honestly, you’d probably be better off finding some low-key physical gig—maybe something outdoors where you can actually breathe some fresh air. Personally, once I wrap up my shift, I need to just sit somewhere out in the mountains or by the coast and stare into space for at least two hours straight. While you're hunting for a new job, just spend your downtime imagining you're on a conference call with little aliens from another planet, and during your thirty-minute break, just play that little melody for them.🎉

David Torres87 said:Given how demanding those diagnoses are, you can't realistically expect to grind for eight hours straight. It wouldn't work even for someone perfectly healthy. In an environment like that, you're basically just a punching bag for everyone's verbal abuse. Healthy people walk away, while you're left at risk of a total breakdown. Handling money requires constant focus, too. Staying unemployed isn't the answer, but neither is destroying your health for a paycheck. Do you have any specific skills?

Exactly.

Taking a job at a call center when you're struggling mentally is about as smart as a vegan taking a gig at a slaughterhouse or a recovering alcoholic working in a distillery... 🤦

Man, thanks a ton for all the input and the different takes you guys dropped here. It actually helped me see things from a whole different angle, I guess 👍

Gary Morris2 said:Man, thanks a ton for all the input and the different takes you guys dropped here. It actually helped me see things from a whole different angle, I guess 👍

So, what's your actual plan?

First off, I’m gonna try to handle this at my own pace, kind of like what someone else mentioned earlier. If things start getting heated and the situation escalates, I'll just picture whoever is on the other end of the line wearing some hideous neon green Grinch suit and screaming 😬

I’ll stick it out through December, but honestly, I’ve already started looking for the exit. I’m planning to sit down with the social worker at the hospital and just take it one day at a time. One hour at a time, really. At the end of the day, I just need to make sure I’m okay.

I mean, I truly believe there’s plenty of work out there that I can actually do, without having to spend eight hours straight being insulted.

👋

Back when I was doing similar survey work, I’d spend my time flipping through Cosmo or Story—with a headset perched on my shoulder, of course—and honestly, thank God there was a pile of those magazines nearby; it made the shift much more bearable. I actually walked away from that one session thinking the guy was a total porn addict—he kept going out of his way to insist he had absolutely zero vices 🤣, yet somehow ended up with a theology degree and a job as an executive at a big marketing agency in Chicago... I won't even go there.
If you don't have any magazines at your workstation, just browse some mindless gossip sites; it makes the clock move faster and keeps you from getting too worked up 😵
If you happen to be working in "customer support," just know that nobody—and I mean absolutely nobody—actually believes anyone is going to "help" them unless they figure it out themselves, so you can pretty much just ignore the whole thing

Maria Price3 said:Back when I was doing similar survey work, I’d spend my time flipping through Cosmo or Story—with a headset perched on my shoulder, of course—and honestly, thank God there was a pile of those magazines nearby; it made the shift much more bearable. I actually walked away from that one session thinking the guy was a total porn addict—he kept going out of his way to insist he had absolutely zero vices 🤣, yet somehow ended up with a theology degree and a job as an executive at a big marketing agency in Chicago... I won't even go there.
If you don't have any magazines at your workstation, just browse some mindless gossip sites; it makes the clock move faster and keeps you from getting too worked up 😵
If you happen to be working in "customer support," just know that nobody—and I mean absolutely nobody—actually believes anyone is going to "help" them unless they figure it out themselves, so you can pretty much just ignore the whole thing

That sounds like a killer suggestion if we weren't getting slammed with calls back-to-back. We barely get 15 seconds between calls to log anything into our software before the next one hits the line. I'm heading back into the grind now with a massive pit in my stomach. My folks at home don't really get what this job is actually like; they're just thrilled I found something and that I'm bringing home a paycheck. Like, how I actually earn that money is a whole other story... Maybe I'm asking for too much, I guess, but I can't shake the feeling that this whole situation is heading south :-(

I'm currently cranking through 6 pills a day as my regular maintenance, plus I’ve had to bump that one pill I usually split in half up to a full dose, along with some extra stuff for calming down which used to be just an occasional thing. Honestly, I've become incredibly snappy—like, a total jerk to people who haven't done a single thing to deserve it. And look, I'm actually a decent person. It's not like I'm made of sugar, but when my family starts coming at me with shit like, "Be grateful you even have a job" or "In one ear and out the other," I just feel like breaking down and crying from pure frustration. I really am trying. I'm working on myself. It's just that by the time I finish my shift, I've poured every ounce of energy and strength into this job, so once I'm off the clock, all I want to do is collapse into my bed. I can feel the swings happening. Just like how I know I was in full hypomania for the last three weeks, only now I'm being quiet and withdrawn—polite, sure, but not that total clown I was a few days ago. And don't even get me started on people getting on my nerves with that whole, "Come on, team! Let's see those big, bright smiles!" I can't smile right now if I want to. I'll do kako and koliko I possibly can. I can't give any more than that, because if I do, there won't be anything left of me. Nothing. Zero. Hope. Niente.

I find it hard to wrap my head around when someone brings up a diagnosis similar to yours but then claims they've been dealing with it for years. To me, those two things just don't add up, though I guess it leaves a tiny bit of hope that it actually is possible.

Gary Morris2 said:I'm currently cranking through 6 pills a day as my regular maintenance, plus I’ve had to bump that one pill I usually split in half up to a full dose, along with some extra stuff for calming down which used to be just an occasional thing. Honestly, I've become incredibly snappy—like, a total jerk to people who haven't done a single thing to deserve it. And look, I'm actually a decent person. It's not like I'm made of sugar, but when my family starts coming at me with shit like, "Be grateful you even have a job" or "In one ear and out the other," I just feel like breaking down and crying from pure frustration. I really am trying. I'm working on myself. It's just that by the time I finish my shift, I've poured every ounce of energy and strength into this job, so once I'm off the clock, all I want to do is collapse into my bed. I can feel the swings happening. Just like how I know I was in full hypomania for the last three weeks, only now I'm being quiet and withdrawn—polite, sure, but not that total clown I was a few days ago. And don't even get me started on people getting on my nerves with that whole, "Come on, team! Let's see those big, bright smiles!" I can't smile right now if I want to. I'll do kako and koliko I possibly can. I can't give any more than that, because if I do, there won't be anything left of me. Nothing. Zero. Hope. Niente.

It isn't your fault. People telling you that’s just a normal job aren't normal themselves, period. Those are some of the lowest, worst, most mentally taxing jobs out there. None of us were built to absorb other people's rage for eight hours a day.
People think you just sit there and wonder what's wrong with you, but those are the people who have never actually done the work. My experience wasn't quite as extreme as yours, but it was still draining. I'd come home with a headache, feeling dead on my feet.

Don't beat yourself up if you can't hack it. If you lose your health, what's left?

The real issue is how hard it is to build a career when you're dealing with that diagnosis. It leaves people stuck with those "dead-end" jobs nobody else wants. And when you combine that condition with a lack of drive, it becomes a nightmare—everything from the mental decay of unemployment to a total collapse of self-esteem and all the dark consequences that follow, like self-harm or suicidal ideation.

urbanowl81 said:The real issue is how hard it is to build a career when you're dealing with that diagnosis. It leaves people stuck with those "dead-end" jobs nobody else wants. And when you combine that condition with a lack of drive, it becomes a nightmare—everything from the mental decay of unemployment to a total collapse of self-esteem and all the dark consequences that follow, like self-harm or suicidal ideation.

Which one? It looks like there are two. I don't really know enough to judge, but even among "dead-end" jobs, isn't there a spectrum?

I can't say I'm eager to try it, but there's nothing left to lose. I just don't see any other way out, so...

wiredangler71 said:Honestly, you’d probably be better off finding some low-key physical gig—maybe something outdoors where you can actually breathe some fresh air. Personally, once I wrap up my shift, I need to just sit somewhere out in the mountains or by the coast and stare into space for at least two hours straight. While you're hunting for a new job, just spend your downtime imagining you're on a conference call with little aliens from another planet, and during your thirty-minute break, just play that little melody for them.🎉

Honestly, this whole "creative visualization" thing... might not be the best move. Especially when someone dealing with two pretty intense diagnoses—while their ears are literally bleeding because they can't make sense of the gibberish coming from these alien-sounding weirdos—starts questioning what "normal" even means... based on what, exactly? These aliens... After spending hours every single day hanging out with these outsiders, the local guys are just glad to have some semblance of stability for once. They’re basically trying to cope by acting like ear bleeding is just a standard part of life in this circle of freaks. I mean, who's actually sane here...