Is it a clinical obsession?

My brain feels like total mush right now, so I’m just going to dump my thoughts here in hopes of getting some constructive advice. Thanks in advance.

The truth is, I'm worried I haven't actually developed an obsession. I broke up with my girlfriend a little less than a year ago, and honestly, it completely destroyed me. Right before we split, I ended up in the hospital with a diagnosed psychotic episode. Things are better in that regard—I'm only on 10 mg of aripiprazole, and I should be tapering off soon. We broke up because I wasn't financially stable enough to keep up with her lifestyle; she couldn't live the life she was used to because of me. Plus, Taylor Swift was the dealbreaker—my father had to move in with me due to his own health issues, which just made everything impossible. It all took a massive toll on my mental health and my self-esteem. It's hard to admit, but I'm ashamed.

The issue is that I think about her 24/7, even though it’s been nearly a year since we parted ways. I've never felt this kind of overwhelming wave of emotion for anyone else. I've told myself so many times that I won't check my phone or stalk her social media activity, yet I can barely look in the mirror because I'm still doing it. My days feel... bleak, to say the least. I come home from work feeling like I'm barely surviving and drowning in debt, only to lie in bed and check that damn phone every twenty minutes (and I've been doing this for almost a year!!!). My legs are constantly restless—I'm always twitching—I don't hang out with friends, everything feels dark, and sometimes I just wish I weren't here. Knowing she's moved on with someone else is killing me; I just feel inadequate. I'm constantly clashing with my dad because I can't seem to get moving. Days, months, years have passed while I've just stayed in bed. Maybe it's the medication, but I can't even enjoy reading like I used to.

I'm 29, and the lack of prospects ahead of me is just crushing—which, in my mind, is why I was left in the first place.
I'm at a loss. I can't take antidepressants because they might trigger another psychotic episode. My psychiatrist? Well, let's just say he's useless and treats my situation like a joke. The only things keeping me going lately are gambling and alcohol—my "newfound passions" that are actually just destroying me. 😢

I'm terrified that I haven't even reached clinical obsession yet. Folks, this has been going on way too long. This anxiety and suffering... it's just too much.

And honestly, I'm embarrassed to even write this. Before I met her, I was mentally tough—like a rock. I can't believe I broke down this easily and this quickly without a fight. Is there any hope left? 🙂 😠

Of course there’s hope. If there wasn't, you wouldn't even be breathing right now.

You’re out here mourning someone who basically walked away without a second thought, just letting it all go. You need to wake up for your own sake.
She dumped you because you didn't hit her benchmarks—money, stuff, the lifestyle she wants. You don't fit her vibe because you can't provide what she’s used to... It's brutal... And then she moves on to someone else? Seriously? Look, please, do yourself a favor: stop grieving over someone like that and get your life together.

Gambling, drinking, rotting in bed all day... what kind of outcome were you actually expecting from those choices?
Kick the addictions and the weakness. Get to the gym, get busy, set some goals, make a plan—any plan. Even if it fails, at least you tried. Give it everything you've got. You matter to yourself now; whether you mattered to her doesn't mean a damn thing anymore.

The first step isn't even your problem anymore; the second one is.

Olivia Smith2 said:My brain feels like total mush right now, so I’m just going to dump my thoughts here in hopes of getting some constructive advice. Thanks in advance.

The truth is, I'm worried I haven't actually developed an obsession. I broke up with my girlfriend a little less than a year ago, and honestly, it completely destroyed me. Right before we split, I ended up in the hospital with a diagnosed psychotic episode. Things are better in that regard—I'm only on 10 mg of aripiprazole, and I should be tapering off soon. We broke up because I wasn't financially stable enough to keep up with her lifestyle; she couldn't live the life she was used to because of me. Plus, Taylor Swift was the dealbreaker—my father had to move in with me due to his own health issues, which just made everything impossible. It all took a massive toll on my mental health and my self-esteem. It's hard to admit, but I'm ashamed.

The issue is that I think about her 24/7, even though it’s been nearly a year since we parted ways. I've never felt this kind of overwhelming wave of emotion for anyone else. I've told myself so many times that I won't check my phone or stalk her social media activity, yet I can barely look in the mirror because I'm still doing it. My days feel... bleak, to say the least. I come home from work feeling like I'm barely surviving and drowning in debt, only to lie in bed and check that damn phone every twenty minutes (and I've been doing this for almost a year!!!). My legs are constantly restless—I'm always twitching—I don't hang out with friends, everything feels dark, and sometimes I just wish I weren't here. Knowing she's moved on with someone else is killing me; I just feel inadequate. I'm constantly clashing with my dad because I can't seem to get moving. Days, months, years have passed while I've just stayed in bed. Maybe it's the medication, but I can't even enjoy reading like I used to.

I'm 29, and the lack of prospects ahead of me is just crushing—which, in my mind, is why I was left in the first place.
I'm at a loss. I can't take antidepressants because they might trigger another psychotic episode. My psychiatrist? Well, let's just say he's useless and treats my situation like a joke. The only things keeping me going lately are gambling and alcohol—my "newfound passions" that are actually just destroying me. 😢

I'm terrified that I haven't even reached clinical obsession yet. Folks, this has been going on way too long. This anxiety and suffering... it's just too much.

And honestly, I'm embarrassed to even write this. Before I met her, I was mentally tough—like a rock. I can't believe I broke down this easily and this quickly without a fight. Is there any hope left? 🙂 😠

There is hope, man, if you wake up and realize that everything you're doing right now is wrong. Time will tell.

wearyeagle10 said:Of course there’s hope. If there wasn't, you wouldn't even be breathing right now.

You’re out here mourning someone who basically walked away without a second thought, just letting it all go. You need to wake up for your own sake.
She dumped you because you didn't hit her benchmarks—money, stuff, the lifestyle she wants. You don't fit her vibe because you can't provide what she’s used to... It's brutal... And then she moves on to someone else? Seriously? Look, please, do yourself a favor: stop grieving over someone like that and get your life together.

Gambling, drinking, rotting in bed all day... what kind of outcome were you actually expecting from those choices?
Kick the addictions and the weakness. Get to the gym, get busy, set some goals, make a plan—any plan. Even if it fails, at least you tried. Give it everything you've got. You matter to yourself now; whether you mattered to her doesn't mean a damn thing anymore.

The first step isn't even your problem anymore; the second one is.

There was a moment of clarity—I’d hit the gym for a month, run for a month, or work two jobs for two months—but eventually, I always slide back into old patterns. It’s easy enough while I'm awake and can use logic to manage things, but the dreams? I can't escape them. It's awful.
Just a few months ago, I was struggling with dyslexia, and the psychosis felt incredibly intense. And honestly, I feel such shame—if someone had warned me a year ago that heartbreak would wreck my mental health like this, I probably would have lost it on them. Now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

Jose Ward4 said:There is hope, man, if you wake up and realize that everything you're doing right now is wrong. Time will tell.

People like you are truly an inspiration. 🙂

Why haven't you switched doctors if this guy is such an idiot? Nobody needs a subpar physician, especially not someone dealing with diagnosed psychosis, managing medications, struggling with debt, and facing emerging addiction issues. Personally, I find that the "just pull yourself together" type of advice only serves to push a person deeper into the abyss. It might be wise to seek psychotherapy at a different practice instead. Dealing with a year of depressive symptoms and feeling like life is just a pointless struggle is not easy; believe me, I know.

Olivia Smith2 said:My brain feels like total mush right now, so I’m just going to dump my thoughts here in hopes of getting some constructive advice. Thanks in advance.

The truth is, I'm worried I haven't actually developed an obsession. I broke up with my girlfriend a little less than a year ago, and honestly, it completely destroyed me. Right before we split, I ended up in the hospital with a diagnosed psychotic episode. Things are better in that regard—I'm only on 10 mg of aripiprazole, and I should be tapering off soon. We broke up because I wasn't financially stable enough to keep up with her lifestyle; she couldn't live the life she was used to because of me. Plus, Taylor Swift was the dealbreaker—my father had to move in with me due to his own health issues, which just made everything impossible. It all took a massive toll on my mental health and my self-esteem. It's hard to admit, but I'm ashamed.

The issue is that I think about her 24/7, even though it’s been nearly a year since we parted ways. I've never felt this kind of overwhelming wave of emotion for anyone else. I've told myself so many times that I won't check my phone or stalk her social media activity, yet I can barely look in the mirror because I'm still doing it. My days feel... bleak, to say the least. I come home from work feeling like I'm barely surviving and drowning in debt, only to lie in bed and check that damn phone every twenty minutes (and I've been doing this for almost a year!!!). My legs are constantly restless—I'm always twitching—I don't hang out with friends, everything feels dark, and sometimes I just wish I weren't here. Knowing she's moved on with someone else is killing me; I just feel inadequate. I'm constantly clashing with my dad because I can't seem to get moving. Days, months, years have passed while I've just stayed in bed. Maybe it's the medication, but I can't even enjoy reading like I used to.

I'm 29, and the lack of prospects ahead of me is just crushing—which, in my mind, is why I was left in the first place.
I'm at a loss. I can't take antidepressants because they might trigger another psychotic episode. My psychiatrist? Well, let's just say he's useless and treats my situation like a joke. The only things keeping me going lately are gambling and alcohol—my "newfound passions" that are actually just destroying me. 😢

I'm terrified that I haven't even reached clinical obsession yet. Folks, this has been going on way too long. This anxiety and suffering... it's just too much.

And honestly, I'm embarrassed to even write this. Before I met her, I was mentally tough—like a rock. I can't believe I broke down this easily and this quickly without a fight. Is there any hope left? 🙂 😠

What are you actually feeling in those moments? Is it anything productive, or is it just the same loop over and over? Hate, sadness, or something else entirely?

Don't beat yourself up thinking there's "no hope." Everything can be fixed... eventually. 🙂

Take that advice above regarding finding a new psychiatrist... do some research and see who actually knows what they're doing.

Jessica Cooper5 said:Why haven't you switched doctors if this guy is such an idiot? Nobody needs a subpar physician, especially not someone dealing with diagnosed psychosis, managing medications, struggling with debt, and facing emerging addiction issues. Personally, I find that the "just pull yourself together" type of advice only serves to push a person deeper into the abyss. It might be wise to seek psychotherapy at a different practice instead. Dealing with a year of depressive symptoms and feeling like life is just a pointless struggle is not easy; believe me, I know.

My doctor was mainly focused on treating the psychosis—he didn't really care about anything else. Until a few months ago, the psychosis was my main concern and I just wanted it gone. It feels okay now, even if the meds make me feel a bit foggy. Luckily, he mentioned I might be one of the lucky ones where it won't recur. I should be tapering off the medication soon. Apparently, psychotherapy isn't always recommended for those who have experienced psychosis.

briskwalker10 said:What are you actually feeling in those moments? Is it anything productive, or is it just the same loop over and over? Hate, sadness, or something else entirely?

Don't beat yourself up thinking there's "no hope." Everything can be fixed... eventually. 🙂

Take that advice above regarding finding a new psychiatrist... do some research and see who actually knows what they're doing.

Most of the time I’m just melancholy—and I still find myself hoping we can find our way back to each other. Our relationship was incredibly intense. I didn't want to waste time, so I dated a few people, but it all felt hollow. Now I'm back to being alone and feeling pretty low. On the flip side, I get hit with waves of rage during the day. I'll feel like grabbing my biggest shoe and stomping on it—but of course, those emotions aren't particularly productive either.

Hope is really the only thing I have left—hope that I can eventually wipe her from my mind. Still, the fact that this is dragging on worries me. A whole year is a long time. I'm genuinely afraid that I haven't developed an obsession, but rather something more permanent. It's completely wrecked my confidence. If only we had broken up under normal circumstances, instead of her just finding a replacement. 😢

Olivia Smith2,
I suspect you might be being a bit too hard on yourself.
What you’re navigating right now is simply the process of healing. Every stage of this is tied to your own life experience and is an inevitable part of moving forward. Things will cool down eventually. Just give it some time.

It's vital to realize that she belongs to your past—she was a chapter in your journey that served a purpose, even if the reasons behind it aren't clear to you right now.
The goal is to extract the lessons from the experience and find a way to finally let it go.

Our brains use dreams, among other things, to process daily stress. Dreams are just one part of a biological system designed to help you keep functioning.
Try to occupy your mind with other, more demanding tasks whenever possible. The more you dwell on her, the more you reinforce those neural pathways that hold onto the memory.
By diverting your focus toward new interests (and ideally, meeting new people), you're allowing your brain to prune those old connections more effectively.

Beyond that, I think your perspective is a bit skewed. Instead of feeling "replaced," you should actually feel a sense of relief that she's out of your life. You only lost a year; for someone else, this could have been a much longer setback.

If you want to make something of this whole ordeal, follow what wearyeagle10 suggested: work on building yourself up so you feel more confident, rather than using your perceived flaws to justify why someone left. Aim to become a happier person through self-fulfillment, rather than constantly viewing yourself through someone else's lens.

Olivia Smith2 said:My doctor was mainly focused on treating the psychosis—he didn't really care about anything else. Until a few months ago, the psychosis was my main concern and I just wanted it gone. It feels okay now, even if the meds make me feel a bit foggy. Luckily, he mentioned I might be one of the lucky ones where it won't recur. I should be tapering off the medication soon. Apparently, psychotherapy isn't always recommended for those who have experienced psychosis.

Most of the time I’m just melancholy—and I still find myself hoping we can find our way back to each other. Our relationship was incredibly intense. I didn't want to waste time, so I dated a few people, but it all felt hollow. Now I'm back to being alone and feeling pretty low. On the flip side, I get hit with waves of rage during the day. I'll feel like grabbing my biggest shoe and stomping on it—but of course, those emotions aren't particularly productive either.

Hope is really the only thing I have left—hope that I can eventually wipe her from my mind. Still, the fact that this is dragging on worries me. A whole year is a long time. I'm genuinely afraid that I haven't developed an obsession, but rather something more permanent. It's completely wrecked my confidence. If only we had broken up under normal circumstances, instead of her just finding a replacement. 😢

Man, you seriously need to find a different psychiatrist. Like, ASAP. Before this guy gets you off your antipsychotics and leaves you to fight this whole thing on your own right when you actually need the support most.

Seriously. Try to track down someone else tomorrow.

Olivia Smith2 said:My doctor was mainly focused on treating the psychosis—he didn't really care about anything else. Until a few months ago, the psychosis was my main concern and I just wanted it gone. It feels okay now, even if the meds make me feel a bit foggy. Luckily, he mentioned I might be one of the lucky ones where it won't recur. I should be tapering off the medication soon. Apparently, psychotherapy isn't always recommended for those who have experienced psychosis.

Most of the time I’m just melancholy—and I still find myself hoping we can find our way back to each other. Our relationship was incredibly intense. I didn't want to waste time, so I dated a few people, but it all felt hollow. Now I'm back to being alone and feeling pretty low. On the flip side, I get hit with waves of rage during the day. I'll feel like grabbing my biggest shoe and stomping on it—but of course, those emotions aren't particularly productive either.

Hope is really the only thing I have left—hope that I can eventually wipe her from my mind. Still, the fact that this is dragging on worries me. A whole year is a long time. I'm genuinely afraid that I haven't developed an obsession, but rather something more permanent. It's completely wrecked my confidence. If only we had broken up under normal circumstances, instead of her just finding a replacement. 😢

You can seek out a psychologist at any time, regardless of whether you've experienced psychosis in the past. Find a psychologist or a therapist who can assist you with daily survival and coping with loss. I am not referring to a shrink who provides pharmacological treatment. I am not talking about medication.
I am an intensely melancholic person who struggles significantly with the past, so I understand your position. No one can dictate whether a year is a sufficient amount of time to move past someone or something, but the reality remains that you have been in a state of constant distress for a full year and you feel terrible. Seek out someone to talk to.

crimsonhound422 said:Olivia Smith2,
I suspect you might be being a bit too hard on yourself.
What you’re navigating right now is simply the process of healing. Every stage of this is tied to your own life experience and is an inevitable part of moving forward. Things will cool down eventually. Just give it some time.

It's vital to realize that she belongs to your past—she was a chapter in your journey that served a purpose, even if the reasons behind it aren't clear to you right now.
The goal is to extract the lessons from the experience and find a way to finally let it go.

Our brains use dreams, among other things, to process daily stress. Dreams are just one part of a biological system designed to help you keep functioning.
Try to occupy your mind with other, more demanding tasks whenever possible. The more you dwell on her, the more you reinforce those neural pathways that hold onto the memory.
By diverting your focus toward new interests (and ideally, meeting new people), you're allowing your brain to prune those old connections more effectively.

Beyond that, I think your perspective is a bit skewed. Instead of feeling "replaced," you should actually feel a sense of relief that she's out of your life. You only lost a year; for someone else, this could have been a much longer setback.

If you want to make something of this whole ordeal, follow what wearyeagle10 suggested: work on building yourself up so you feel more confident, rather than using your perceived flaws to justify why someone left. Aim to become a happier person through self-fulfillment, rather than constantly viewing yourself through someone else's lens.

I’m honestly a bit worried about this whole "cooling off" period—it just doesn't seem to be happening. Sure, things felt a little better for a few days, but then we were right back where we started—is time really that relative when it comes to these things? A year definitely doesn't feel like a short amount of time... Thanks for such a detailed post, though. It’s actually quite comforting. 🙂

Jose Miller3 Asks:
You really need to find yourself a second psychiatrist—and fast. It’s urgent, honestly—before this one decides to pull you off your antipsychotics and leaves you to fight the battle entirely on your own right when you need support the most?

Honestly—maybe tomorrow you should try finding a different psychiatrist?

Yeah, I have to agree—it feels like things are much more dire than everyone else realizes, doesn't it?

Jessica Cooper5 said:You can seek out a psychologist at any time, regardless of whether you've experienced psychosis in the past. Find a psychologist or a therapist who can assist you with daily survival and coping with loss. I am not referring to a shrink who provides pharmacological treatment. I am not talking about medication.
I am an intensely melancholic person who struggles significantly with the past, so I understand your position. No one can dictate whether a year is a sufficient amount of time to move past someone or something, but the reality remains that you have been in a state of constant distress for a full year and you feel terrible. Seek out someone to talk to.

I’ve actually gone through group therapy sessions where I did nothing but vent about being head-over-heels for this person—non-stop. But honestly? They can't really help much; at the end of the day, it’s just on me. Or at least, that’s what the social workers and therapists tell me. I'm feeling a bit lost, though—what am I even supposed to do on my own when every single effort feels like hitting a brick wall? I don't bring it up with my friends because, frankly, I'm embarrassed. Besides, I feel like I already leaned on them way too hard back when things were at their absolute worst during my psychotic episode. I am just bone-tired from all of this. My providers have noticed how depressed I've been, but as I mentioned, they aren't able to prescribe any medication right now.

I wouldn't say I'm the type of person who struggles to let go of the past—at least, I didn't think so. It’s just that I’ve never experienced this kind of pathological infatuation before. That’s the catch, isn't it? I’m genuinely terrified that this feeling isn't going away. There’s nothing wrong with being nostalgic, sure, but this? This is actively interfering with my daily routine and my ability to function. 🤦

Falling in love is basically a temporary mental glitch—it clouds your judgment so you stop seeing the actual person and start seeing some idealized version instead. Usually, those "epic romances" are just massive amounts of projection; once that bubble finally pops, the whole thing deflates like a cheap balloon, and you’re left seeing them for who they really are—though that takes some time. Honestly, I think that’s exactly where you’re at right now. You're still viewing your ex through this filtered lens, even though she isn't actually that person. The fact that she walked away simply because you didn't meet her material standards tells me everything I need to know about her—she sounds like someone trying to compensate for her own lack of character, talent, or imagination by chasing status. What does someone like that even bring to the table if you're already a much deeper, more substantial person than she is? That alone should be enough to shift your perspective. Try looking at her from a different angle—focus on her flaws and keep them front and center every day; eventually, that obsession will probably just fizzle out. And yeah, I definitely agree with the folks who said you seriously need to find a new therapist.👍

Hang in there. Things always get better, so don't lose faith in yourself just yet.🙂

placidorca16 said:Falling in love is basically a temporary mental glitch—it clouds your judgment so you stop seeing the actual person and start seeing some idealized version instead. Usually, those "epic romances" are just massive amounts of projection; once that bubble finally pops, the whole thing deflates like a cheap balloon, and you’re left seeing them for who they really are—though that takes some time. Honestly, I think that’s exactly where you’re at right now. You're still viewing your ex through this filtered lens, even though she isn't actually that person. The fact that she walked away simply because you didn't meet her material standards tells me everything I need to know about her—she sounds like someone trying to compensate for her own lack of character, talent, or imagination by chasing status. What does someone like that even bring to the table if you're already a much deeper, more substantial person than she is? That alone should be enough to shift your perspective. Try looking at her from a different angle—focus on her flaws and keep them front and center every day; eventually, that obsession will probably just fizzle out. And yeah, I definitely agree with the folks who said you seriously need to find a new therapist.👍

Hang in there. Things always get better, so don't lose faith in yourself just yet.🙂

My imagination basically built me an alien from another planet. I know it now—and honestly, it's probably for the best. During my psychotic episode, I was actually terrified of her. I thought she had some kind of magical power over me... it was a living nightmare!

I've been trying to focus on her flaws for a year now, but even the things most people would call red flags—things I didn't even notice before I fell for her—still feel like virtues to me. 🤣

A huge thanks to you and everyone else who helped me try to shift my perspective. I think that's the core issue here. The reality is, she's unfaithful, an alcoholic, and incredibly volatile.

Still, I can't believe how quickly she found someone else to turn to. I feel like a gust of wind that just gave her a little breeze, and now she's all bundled up in something warmer and moved on.

As for the phone and the constant checking... I might just smash it. I swear. 🙂 I've been reading about romantic psychosis and extreme projection during infatuation... sometimes a breakup can cause more PTSD than actual combat. That's exactly how I feel.

Olivia Smith2 said:My imagination basically built me an alien from another planet. I know it now—and honestly, it's probably for the best. During my psychotic episode, I was actually terrified of her. I thought she had some kind of magical power over me... it was a living nightmare!

I've been trying to focus on her flaws for a year now, but even the things most people would call red flags—things I didn't even notice before I fell for her—still feel like virtues to me. 🤣

A huge thanks to you and everyone else who helped me try to shift my perspective. I think that's the core issue here. The reality is, she's unfaithful, an alcoholic, and incredibly volatile.

Still, I can't believe how quickly she found someone else to turn to. I feel like a gust of wind that just gave her a little breeze, and now she's all bundled up in something warmer and moved on.

As for the phone and the constant checking... I might just smash it. I swear. 🙂 I've been reading about romantic psychosis and extreme projection during infatuation... sometimes a breakup can cause more PTSD than actual combat. That's exactly how I feel.

There’s also this obsession with podcasts about people who have gone through the exact same thing.
Give them a listen; you might understand yourself better.

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Jose Miller3 said:Man, you seriously need to find a different psychiatrist. Like, ASAP. Before this guy gets you off your antipsychotics and leaves you to fight this whole thing on your own right when you actually need the support most.

Seriously. Try to track down someone else tomorrow.

I'm signing off on that—get yourself a new shrink ASAP.
If you feel like they just don't get you, or worse, like they're laughing at what you're going through, find someone else immediately. It’s dangerous to stay with someone like that.

There are medications out there for what you're dealing with; you just need a competent professional to manage them.

Gambling and drinking? That’s a one-way ticket to total disaster.

Be smart and actually deal with the root issue instead of trying to drown it in booze.

Olivia Smith2 said:My imagination basically built me an alien from another planet. I know it now—and honestly, it's probably for the best. During my psychotic episode, I was actually terrified of her. I thought she had some kind of magical power over me... it was a living nightmare!

I've been trying to focus on her flaws for a year now, but even the things most people would call red flags—things I didn't even notice before I fell for her—still feel like virtues to me. 🤣

A huge thanks to you and everyone else who helped me try to shift my perspective. I think that's the core issue here. The reality is, she's unfaithful, an alcoholic, and incredibly volatile.

Still, I can't believe how quickly she found someone else to turn to. I feel like a gust of wind that just gave her a little breeze, and now she's all bundled up in something warmer and moved on.

As for the phone and the constant checking... I might just smash it. I swear. 🙂 I've been reading about romantic psychosis and extreme projection during infatuation... sometimes a breakup can cause more PTSD than actual combat. That's exactly how I feel.

I suspect you are less obsessed with her and more nostalgic for the version of yourself that existed when you were with her.

Jessica Cooper5 said:I suspect you are less obsessed with her and more nostalgic for the version of yourself that existed when you were with her.

That’s an interesting way to put it. I definitely have those moments myself—isn't that just how it goes? Why do you say that, though?

Olivia Smith2 said:That’s an interesting way to put it. I definitely have those moments myself—isn't that just how it goes? Why do you say that, though?

The reason is simple: I have never actually mourned a person. Instead, I mourn the version of myself that existed in that specific moment, acting as a resonance with them. It took several failed relationships—along with a few other life lessons—to finally realize this. People arrive and they depart. No matter how difficult it is to grasp or accept that inevitability, we are always left alone with ourselves, without exception. That is also a hard truth to swallow. Often, the shifts we experience through others—be they friends, lovers, or partners—are precisely what irrevocably change us. Perhaps we aren't actually longing for them, but rather feeling nostalgic for who we were back then.
I suspect you are actually pining for your former self.
You lost your way somewhere along the road, and she was your anchor; now that she's gone, you simply miss the person you used to be.
My apologies for the lack of cohesion; I am feeling quite inflated right now.

Jessica Cooper5 said:The reason is simple: I have never actually mourned a person. Instead, I mourn the version of myself that existed in that specific moment, acting as a resonance with them. It took several failed relationships—along with a few other life lessons—to finally realize this. People arrive and they depart. No matter how difficult it is to grasp or accept that inevitability, we are always left alone with ourselves, without exception. That is also a hard truth to swallow. Often, the shifts we experience through others—be they friends, lovers, or partners—are precisely what irrevocably change us. Perhaps we aren't actually longing for them, but rather feeling nostalgic for who we were back then.
I suspect you are actually pining for your former self.
You lost your way somewhere along the road, and she was your anchor; now that she's gone, you simply miss the person you used to be.
My apologies for the lack of cohesion; I am feeling quite inflated right now.

Are you feeling any better now? 😁
Yes, I agree with you. Honestly? I miss how she used to put me on a pedestal. 😁
She idealized me to an extreme degree—though I have no idea when that illusion finally popped in her eyes. My therapist mentioned it's quite likely we both have some kind of personality disorder (mine isn't as obvious, anyway) and that we were essentially mirroring the family dynamics we grew up with. He also noted how rare this specific dynamic is—so I guess I really struck gold, didn't I? 😢
With her, I felt alive—we spent so much time talking, and the intimacy was incredible. We lived life to the fullest, only for me to end up with nothing. In a sense, I've reverted to the person I was before her—a state that used to suit me, but doesn't anymore. I seriously need to do some self-work.

It wouldn't be all that strange if I hadn't been quite promiscuous before we met. I thought I had successfully numbed my heart... or at least, I believed I had. Instead, I ended up right back here. It's brutal. 🙂

There is nothing you can do about it. Things change regardless of our involvement.
I simply offered an opinion on a potential source of the problem (and I emphasize *potential*); as for how or where to begin fixing it, I have no idea.