Feeling unmotivated, lazy, or just burnt out?

I’m hitting 50 soon. I haven't exactly checked off all the traditional life milestones, but looking back, I can't say I've failed. I have a solid job—likely moving to a permanent contract soon—and the work is actually interesting. My coworkers are great. I’m engaged, too, so wedding planning should be on the horizon. Even though I don't live in my hometown anymore, I've managed to build a circle of people who have become real friends. And I still have wonderful people back home that I stay in touch with.

The past hasn't been easy—family drama, bad relationships, loss, illness, death. On top of that, I deal with two autoimmune diseases. A failed attempt at treatment three years ago absolutely wrecked me. I lost my energy, my strength, my mobility... I was stuck in the house in constant pain, losing most of my social life in the process. All because of side effects from a medication that didn't even work. So now? I’m left dealing with both the original illness and the aftermath.

I wouldn't say I have depression, though I was on antidepressants for a few years due to health issues and a brutal breakup after a long-term relationship. Maybe it's anxiety or something similar. I've had depressive phases, sure, but this doesn't feel like that.

Since getting off the antidepressants, my mental state feels better—less "numbed out"—but now I’m experiencing a different kind of numbness. It’s like I’ve lost all motivation. I go to work, I come home. That’s it. I struggle through basic tasks and push anything complicated off until "better days," which just leads to a cycle of falling behind, stress, and panic. I end up working late most days, then head straight to bed and spend the night scrolling through forums, Facebook, or YouTube. In the morning, it takes me an hour just to physically get out of bed. I often wake up too early and start spiraling over real or imagined fears. At work, I barely manage the essentials; everything feels exhausting and overwhelming. Fatigue is a major symptom of my condition, but I haven't even made it to a check-up in a year. I feel like I can't catch up with anything, like nothing interests me. I just want to sleep, but even when I try, I can't. Instead, I just occupy my brain with the internet so I don't have to think about the heavy stuff. My life is literally just work-home-work-home. My fiancé lives in a different city, so we only see each other on weekends. Usually, I'm too wiped out from the week to do much, so he mostly just hangs out with me and looks after me. Sometimes we actually go out and do something fun, but most of the time it's just grocery runs and errands.

There were times when I actually wanted to make something of myself—to dedicate myself to something. I used to love yoga, and I still meditate. I have piles of books that look interesting, but I don't have the will or the patience to read them. I love food and I used to love cooking, but now I can't even bring myself to do that. I eat at work, or I just throw a sandwich together or order takeout when I get home. I live in a pigsty, which drives me crazy, but I can't find the momentum to clean it up properly. The constant exhaustion doesn't help; every bit of effort requires a recovery period. And while I'm resting, I just wonder if any of it matters anyway, since I won't succeed regardless. Is it too late? There's so much ahead of me, and I don't have the strength for any of it. So why even bother starting?

I've been in therapy for years. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. It just keeps me afloat.

I don't know what else to do that I haven't already tried. What scares me most is that I'm not even trying anymore.

What would a therapist say about this? Is this depression?

I’m feeling the exact same way—just wondering.

🙂

Is there any indication this could be perimenopause? I have someone close to me, relatively young at 42, who is dealing with very similar issues. She was actually told by her doctor that she’s likely just entering menopause...

It’s likely a perfect storm of everything hitting at once... the sheer passage of time, your history, and dealing with illness.
I truly believe you ought to take some medical leave or perhaps even just use up your vacation days.
Your energy reserves have been completely depleted.
If this state of being persists, we could be looking at clinical depression. You really should consult with a psychiatrist regarding a different course of treatment than what you were prescribed previously—it clearly wasn't doing the trick (unless I'm mistaken?).
In any case, if you find yourself unable to manage on your own, ask about antidepressants that won't just leave you feeling lethargic, but rather the kind that actually provide a lift.

Scott Cooper3 said:I’m hitting 50 soon. I haven't exactly checked off all the traditional life milestones, but looking back, I can't say I've failed. I have a solid job—likely moving to a permanent contract soon—and the work is actually interesting. My coworkers are great. I’m engaged, too, so wedding planning should be on the horizon. Even though I don't live in my hometown anymore, I've managed to build a circle of people who have become real friends. And I still have wonderful people back home that I stay in touch with.

The past hasn't been easy—family drama, bad relationships, loss, illness, death. On top of that, I deal with two autoimmune diseases. A failed attempt at treatment three years ago absolutely wrecked me. I lost my energy, my strength, my mobility... I was stuck in the house in constant pain, losing most of my social life in the process. All because of side effects from a medication that didn't even work. So now? I’m left dealing with both the original illness and the aftermath.

I wouldn't say I have depression, though I was on antidepressants for a few years due to health issues and a brutal breakup after a long-term relationship. Maybe it's anxiety or something similar. I've had depressive phases, sure, but this doesn't feel like that.

Since getting off the antidepressants, my mental state feels better—less "numbed out"—but now I’m experiencing a different kind of numbness. It’s like I’ve lost all motivation. I go to work, I come home. That’s it. I struggle through basic tasks and push anything complicated off until "better days," which just leads to a cycle of falling behind, stress, and panic. I end up working late most days, then head straight to bed and spend the night scrolling through forums, Facebook, or YouTube. In the morning, it takes me an hour just to physically get out of bed. I often wake up too early and start spiraling over real or imagined fears. At work, I barely manage the essentials; everything feels exhausting and overwhelming. Fatigue is a major symptom of my condition, but I haven't even made it to a check-up in a year. I feel like I can't catch up with anything, like nothing interests me. I just want to sleep, but even when I try, I can't. Instead, I just occupy my brain with the internet so I don't have to think about the heavy stuff. My life is literally just work-home-work-home. My fiancé lives in a different city, so we only see each other on weekends. Usually, I'm too wiped out from the week to do much, so he mostly just hangs out with me and looks after me. Sometimes we actually go out and do something fun, but most of the time it's just grocery runs and errands.

There were times when I actually wanted to make something of myself—to dedicate myself to something. I used to love yoga, and I still meditate. I have piles of books that look interesting, but I don't have the will or the patience to read them. I love food and I used to love cooking, but now I can't even bring myself to do that. I eat at work, or I just throw a sandwich together or order takeout when I get home. I live in a pigsty, which drives me crazy, but I can't find the momentum to clean it up properly. The constant exhaustion doesn't help; every bit of effort requires a recovery period. And while I'm resting, I just wonder if any of it matters anyway, since I won't succeed regardless. Is it too late? There's so much ahead of me, and I don't have the strength for any of it. So why even bother starting?

I've been in therapy for years. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. It just keeps me afloat.

I don't know what else to do that I haven't already tried. What scares me most is that I'm not even trying anymore.

It could potentially be perimenopause. It might be worth discussing hormone replacement therapy options with a gynecologist.

I wouldn't call it anxiety; it sounds more like depression to me. Reading your posts, I can't help but compare this to my own cycle of anxiety and depression, and honestly, this smells like the latter. You’ll get a clearer picture once you sit down with your doctor, though. They'll help you pinpoint exactly what you're dealing with. Generally speaking, that sense of apathy and lack of drive? That's classic depression.
Before you go diving headfirst into all the different therapies suggested here, if I were in your shoes, I’d start with a full blood panel. Check everything—hormones, thyroid, the whole nine yards. It won't take much time, but it’ll give you a baseline for what's actually happening biologically.
Regardless of those results, looking at your history, it seems to me that psychotherapy is where you'll find the most significant relief.

The real kicker with depression is that the only way out is to actually change your life—but at the exact same time, you don't have the damn will to do anything

Brandon Myers20 said:The real kicker with depression is that the only way out is to actually change your life—but at the exact same time, you don't have the damn will to do anything

Exactly.

First off, thanks to everyone for the input.

So, I’m stuck in this loop between therapy sessions and total burnout—everything just feels like "too much." Between dealing with loss, setting impossible expectations for myself, those whole "childhood trauma" things, and various health issues... it's a lot. Perimenopause keeps popping up as a possibility too, though it's hard to pin down when I can barely find the energy to get bloodwork done in the first place. I still don't have a steady roster of specialists here in the States, and honestly, even looking for one feels like an insurmountable task.

Taking PTO or sick leave constantly comes up as a solution, but I’d actually have to prepare for that at work. I’m flying solo on my projects, so any absence means either falling behind or risking a disaster if someone needs an immediate status report on where things stand. Not to mention, with my current "motivation" levels, I'm barely hitting my daily tasks—I keep promising myself I'll take medical leave once I finally "clear my plate," which is a joke. I think my boss might actually have a heart attack if I even hinted that I needed a week or two off.

I’ll grab a day or two to try and reset, but even then, I don't actually rest. I just scramble to find something to distract my brain—like I mentioned earlier—just so I don't have to sit there and deal with my own head. And of course, I end up spiraling and beating myself up. What if someone at the office needs something I haven't finished? What if I left a mess? Then there's the inevitable self-flagellation over not sleeping, not being "productive," doomscrolling, and just generally being a mess.

After a nearly two-year hiatus—and yeah, call it a break if you want—during which I managed to drain about 50% of my total life force, I finally saw a doctor. She handed me an anxiolytic. She didn't want to start me on antidepressants yet because I was right in the middle of moving across the country, so she couldn't really follow my progress. Her advice? Once I’m settled in the States, find a local doc and ask for antidepressants. Not because I have clinical depression, mind you, but just so I don't completely fall apart.

The doctor here prescribed one of those rare antidepressants that doesn't clash with my autoimmune "best friend." Side effect? Insomnia. So, naturally, I got sleep meds too. I was on that combo for months—put on some serious weight, felt happy just because I wasn't a total wreck (even if I was fraying at the edges), but miserable because I was gaining pounds and still didn't feel significantly better. During a brief window where things actually seemed okay, I tried tapering off. It worked for maybe two or three months before the helplessness kicked back in, forcing me to hunt down a psychiatrist. After hearing my entire life story, she gave me a different antidepressant and new sleeping pills—mostly because I practically begged for them; she wouldn't have suggested them herself. Her big piece of wisdom? Fix my life: get some sleep, start exercising, eat healthy. Of course, I wanted to do all that, but did I? Not really. Maybe for a minute, but it was sporadic at best.

I'm not saying she's a bad psychiatrist. If anything, her professional take was that I don't have depression, but since my life is currently a chaotic mess I'm struggling to manage, let's see if the meds help. She didn't even think I needed to come to her for therapy sessions—since she runs her own practice—just that I should stick with the therapist I've already been seeing.

Even if I take a day or two just to pull myself together—which, let’s be honest, rarely happens—I still don't actually rest. I just end up frantically hunting for some distraction, something to occupy my brain, just so I don't have to dwell on things or deal with my own self-improvement crap. And then, predictably, I start picking fights with myself. I get all worked up and guilty because what if someone at the office asks for something I missed? What if I didn't organize a file correctly and the whole project turns into a total disaster? Then there's the endless loop of beating myself up for not sleeping, for not being productive, for doomscrolling online, and for just being... well, me.

It might be that you really need to cut yourself some slack regarding the past and just give yourself permission to exist in the present. If you're exhausted, sleep. If you don't feel like doing anything, then don't. If nothing feels fun right now, that's okay too. Just let it happen—let the funk run its course—but try to do it peacefully, without that constant, nagging sense of guilt or fear.

The more you stop fighting it, the less resistance your brain puts up, and honestly, those rough patches usually pass much faster that way.

Try talking to yourself like... "I forgive myself for..." or "I'm allowing myself to..." Just let the words flow naturally. Don't overthink it. Repeating a phrase a few times can help. If there's a mental block stuck in your head, you'll likely feel this sudden wave of relief the moment you hit on the actual truth of it.

Regarding making changes, try shifting how you handle your thoughts at night. Instead of spiraling into deep analysis, just pose a single question to yourself and go to sleep. You can toss out follow-up questions if you're tossing and turning, but just leave them hanging there and let the answer find you. Your subconscious is way smarter than your conscious, frantic mind anyway. Once you catch enough sleep, an answer will bubble up. It's like that "aha!" moment where everything suddenly clicks when you least expect it.

And in the morning, keep a journal right by your bed. Jot down whatever comes to you immediately—whether it's a gut feeling from the moment you wake up or something weird from a dream. You can often learn way more about who you actually are in your dreams than when you're wide awake. Just look at the symbols metaphorically. Try to figure out the underlying emotion, the core idea, or the specific need hiding behind whatever dream you had.

I also noticed you've been getting into meditation. That's awesome for you, 🙂. From what I've learned, I'd suggest doing these tiny, bite-sized meditations throughout the day. Like, set a timer on your phone to give you a little chime every hour or so using an app, and when it goes off, just take a few deep breaths. It breaks that cycle of automatic, runaway thoughts and pulls you back into a calm headspace.

These are all small things, I know, but they're exactly what you need... something low-stakes and simple to kickstart the change. Especially focusing on those evening and morning routines, because those are the bookends that really dictate how your entire mood holds up during the day.

Scott Cooper3 said:First off, thanks to everyone for the input.

So, I’m stuck in this loop between therapy sessions and total burnout—everything just feels like "too much." Between dealing with loss, setting impossible expectations for myself, those whole "childhood trauma" things, and various health issues... it's a lot. Perimenopause keeps popping up as a possibility too, though it's hard to pin down when I can barely find the energy to get bloodwork done in the first place. I still don't have a steady roster of specialists here in the States, and honestly, even looking for one feels like an insurmountable task.

Taking PTO or sick leave constantly comes up as a solution, but I’d actually have to prepare for that at work. I’m flying solo on my projects, so any absence means either falling behind or risking a disaster if someone needs an immediate status report on where things stand. Not to mention, with my current "motivation" levels, I'm barely hitting my daily tasks—I keep promising myself I'll take medical leave once I finally "clear my plate," which is a joke. I think my boss might actually have a heart attack if I even hinted that I needed a week or two off.

I’ll grab a day or two to try and reset, but even then, I don't actually rest. I just scramble to find something to distract my brain—like I mentioned earlier—just so I don't have to sit there and deal with my own head. And of course, I end up spiraling and beating myself up. What if someone at the office needs something I haven't finished? What if I left a mess? Then there's the inevitable self-flagellation over not sleeping, not being "productive," doomscrolling, and just generally being a mess.

It sounds like you care about the job more than you care about your own well-being. You really need to make a choice here, because at the end of the day, your health should always come first.

Thanks everyone, you guys are great.

I'm reading through everything and trying to figure out where to even start. It all sounds so simple when people say it.

Sometimes I feel like there’s this angry, bitter, stubborn kid living inside me who’s decided to stage a coup. I know exactly what I should be doing—most of the time—but that part of me just refuses to cooperate. It’s pure defiance. Just a flat-out "no."

For example,
I wake up one morning and try—God knows how many times now—to talk myself into going to get blood work done. I haven't slept (kept waking up all night) and I am desperate for coffee. And of course, it has to be the kind with milk and sugar—which, obviously, makes it useless for the test. It’s already sitting there. Before I can take that first sip (and I want it so bad my head, neck, and shoulders are already aching from the tension), I’m having this internal debate. "Come on, let's just get it over with." "No." "But it's important." "I don't care."

In the mornings, I feel like I only have enough bandwidth for one thing—work. Everything else feels like too much. That’s how I rationalize the resistance.

It's the same story with so many other things. I won't do them, even though I know the consequences are piling up. Everything I'm avoiding right now is just waiting for me, and eventually, it'll become an emergency and I won't be able to push it off anymore. But I don't do it. I procrastinate. And then, naturally, I beat myself up and worry about the fallout when... well, whenever.

Joshua Patel6, I get that health should come first, but for me, work comes first because I have rent, bills, and groceries to pay for. Plus medical costs. So, I've prioritized work. I don't know. This week I'm feeling a bit more motivated to actually get stuff done since I have the chance to step away for a bit (I'm going to try to take some sick leave). We'll see how much I actually manage to pull off.

In my head, I’m basically having this endless debate with myself—it’s like, "Come on, just get it done." And the other part of me is just like, "Nope."
"But it’s important." "I don't care."

Look, stop trying to wage war against yourself—it almost never works. It’s like you’re putting this massive external pressure on your own soul. That stubborn side of you can't even tell if the demand is coming from your goals or just some drill sergeant in your brain. It just wants to feel free—kind of like how kids act when they just want to run around and play their own way without being told what to do.

Kids actually listen to adults when they feel understood, respected, and like the adult actually has their best interests at heart. They listen when you ask them what *they* want and why it matters to them. Then, you find a middle ground where everyone wins.

It’s the exact same thing when you're negotiating with yourself. Stop barking orders and start asking, "Wait, what am I actually feeling right now?" or "What about this task is making me shut down?" You have to actually understand your own headspace first—listen to your feelings and respect your own boundaries before you try to force a breakthrough.

Try this: imagine you’re sitting down for coffee with your absolute best friend. If she looked you in the eye and said, "I just don't want to do it," how would you react? Would you scream at her? Or would you talk to her with some empathy when she’s being stubborn or just totally unmotivated?

I'm reading this and trying to wrap my head around where to even begin. It all sounds so great in theory.

Just go at whatever pace feels right for you—seriously. Whatever makes sense in the moment. Always listen to your gut. If that means you only manage to do one small, positive thing for a couple of weeks, then hey, that’s a win. 🙂 Once you actually feel ready to layer in another change, you can add it.

Anything that demands an impossible amount of effort usually ends up failing miserably. It needs to be a little bit of a challenge, sure, but it also has to be simple enough that deep down, you actually believe you can pull it off.

I feel exactly the same way you do.

The worst part is that psychotherapy hasn't done a damn thing for me. And I haven't just been jumping from one doctor to another—I’ve actually stuck with several different therapists for quite a while—so don't go thinking I'm one of those people who runs away the second things get uncomfortable.
We just kept going in circles—maybe it’s trauma, maybe my expectations are too high, maybe it's this or maybe it's that.
At this point, I don't even care to figure out what is wrong with me; I just want to know how to fix it. And therapy? It hasn't offered any answers there.

I’m honestly starting to think there might not even be a solution—like there's some kind of "glitch" in my actual personality.
It's as if I'm just missing that basic spark for living.

The thing about sick leave is that it doesn't actually fix anything. You don't solve the underlying issue—what we really need is a total overhaul of how our daily routine works.
It’s way too easy to just sleep through the whole damn thing only to end up feeling even more exhausted and groggy when you finally get back to it.
been there, done that