Workplace birthday celebrations

I have a question:

Is it a thing where you guys buy group birthday gifts at work? Like, everyone chips in to get one big present?

That’s how it works at my company. And look, I don't have an issue with the concept itself.
BUT... there are about seven of us in the office. It's fine if we all chip in for a little something for each other and split the cost.
The problem is management is pushing this idea—and I can tell my coworkers aren't complaining, so they probably agree—that we should be buying gifts for everyone in the entire operation. That means all our drivers and the warehouse staff too. Of course, it's totally one-sided. The bosses don't even acknowledge our birthdays, let alone buy us anything. Not that I care much since we aren't exactly close, and they don't even know when our birthdays are. No one is forcing them to do anything, yet somehow, it's our job to track everyone's birthdays and make sure the drivers and warehouse crew get gifts.

It feels stupid and unfair. Why am I expected to keep track of their birthdays when it isn't reciprocated?

Am I losing my mind here, or is this actually messed up?

If I actually speak up, I'll just end up being the only one complaining.

No, we aren't buying anything. Honestly, I find the whole thing bizarre. Maybe if someone actually celebrating brings in some donuts or something to share with the office, then we'll talk.

By the way, what does any of this have to do with psychology?

David Evans6 said:I have a question:

Is it a thing where you guys buy group birthday gifts at work? Like, everyone chips in to get one big present?

That’s how it works at my company. And look, I don't have an issue with the concept itself.
BUT... there are about seven of us in the office. It's fine if we all chip in for a little something for each other and split the cost.
The problem is management is pushing this idea—and I can tell my coworkers aren't complaining, so they probably agree—that we should be buying gifts for everyone in the entire operation. That means all our drivers and the warehouse staff too. Of course, it's totally one-sided. The bosses don't even acknowledge our birthdays, let alone buy us anything. Not that I care much since we aren't exactly close, and they don't even know when our birthdays are. No one is forcing them to do anything, yet somehow, it's our job to track everyone's birthdays and make sure the drivers and warehouse crew get gifts.

It feels stupid and unfair. Why am I expected to keep track of their birthdays when it isn't reciprocated?

Am I losing my mind here, or is this actually messed up?

If I actually speak up, I'll just end up being the only one complaining.

The situation your boss is imposing is unfair.

First, it puts people in a difficult position who might not want to celebrate birthdays at work. That happens.
Furthermore, it is nice to wish a colleague a happy birthday if you feel like it. But if you aren't close with your coworkers, forcing people to hand over money just to follow a formality is foolish.

Edit: The boss clearly participates in the office gifting, so he wants to appear equal to all employees, including those in the warehouse.

There’s three of us at the office, so we just grab some small gift and bring in some treats to celebrate.😁
My "issue"—and my husband's too—is that coworkers always show up with food on their birthday, but since we celebrate our family traditions instead, neither we nor our parents ever bring anything, even though we get the day off anyway😁 (we head over to a relative's house for the celebration)

It's honestly pathetic that your boss is forcing this on you!👍
What kind of fallout would you actually face if you just told them you aren't interested?

wanderinghawk30 said:No, we aren't buying anything. Honestly, I find the whole thing bizarre. Maybe if someone actually celebrating brings in some donuts or something to share with the office, then we'll talk.

By the way, what does any of this have to do with psychology?

I don't know, I was just interested in the, let's call it the psychology behind the idea that people in an office are expected to buy gifts for the entire company.😁
Where else was I supposed to post—in a forest?😁
Fine, I could have put it under career and job. I still can. If it's bothering people here, move it then.

Personally, I think this gift-buying stuff is stupid too. Fine, if it's just a few people in my immediate department buying something for each other, whatever. But for the whole company? That's just plain moronic.

And what, everyone just stays quiet because it suits them? If I say something, suddenly I'm the one being difficult.
Honestly, I don't give a damn if nobody buys me anything for my birthday. I'd just bake some cookies or grab something sweet and bring it in. It’s also dumb to make anyone feel obligated; it should just be a nice gesture.

I am certainly not buying gifts for people I barely see once or twice a week when they swing by the office. We aren't even friends. Some of them I don't even like.

ruggedmarlin18 said:There’s three of us at the office, so we just grab some small gift and bring in some treats to celebrate.😁
My "issue"—and my husband's too—is that coworkers always show up with food on their birthday, but since we celebrate our family traditions instead, neither we nor our parents ever bring anything, even though we get the day off anyway😁 (we head over to a relative's house for the celebration)

It's honestly pathetic that your boss is forcing this on you!👍
What kind of fallout would you actually face if you just told them you aren't interested?

No, nobody actually said, "You have to buy everyone a gift" or "You must contribute to the group fund." No one can mandate that. But there would definitely be that heavy, unspoken disapproval hanging in the air. That's why she's complaining now. Honestly, I'm right on the edge of telling her I'm not buying anything for the boss, just for the girls in the office. I mean, I see them every single day for at least eight hours, so fine, whatever.

David Evans6 said:I don't know, I was just interested in the, let's call it the psychology behind the idea that people in an office are expected to buy gifts for the entire company.😁
Where else was I supposed to post—in a forest?😁
Fine, I could have put it under career and job. I still can. If it's bothering people here, move it then.

Personally, I think this gift-buying stuff is stupid too. Fine, if it's just a few people in my immediate department buying something for each other, whatever. But for the whole company? That's just plain moronic.

And what, everyone just stays quiet because it suits them? If I say something, suddenly I'm the one being difficult.
Honestly, I don't give a damn if nobody buys me anything for my birthday. I'd just bake some cookies or grab something sweet and bring it in. It’s also dumb to make anyone feel obligated; it should just be a nice gesture.

I am certainly not buying gifts for people I barely see once or twice a week when they swing by the office. We aren't even friends. Some of them I don't even like.

What kind of psychology is driving this... consumerist greed, maybe?🤔 😁

I would have posted this on ZK; reading the replies there would've been entertaining.😬 But since it’s here, all the employers can get a collective diagnosis at once!😈

I get not wanting to ruin the "gift-giving harmony," but this imposition is exhausting. Not just exhausting, it’s rude. Why should anyone buy or chip in money for someone they can't even stand to imagine working with?🤷

If you give a gift, it should come from the heart, not through some mandatory system. I’m perfectly fine buying a gift for my immediate team if I actually feel like honoring them or taking them out to dinner. But that’s not coercion. That’s doing something because I genuinely enjoy being around those people.

David Evans6 said:I have a question:

Is it a thing where you guys buy group birthday gifts at work? Like, everyone chips in to get one big present?

That’s how it works at my company. And look, I don't have an issue with the concept itself.
BUT... there are about seven of us in the office. It's fine if we all chip in for a little something for each other and split the cost.
The problem is management is pushing this idea—and I can tell my coworkers aren't complaining, so they probably agree—that we should be buying gifts for everyone in the entire operation. That means all our drivers and the warehouse staff too. Of course, it's totally one-sided. The bosses don't even acknowledge our birthdays, let alone buy us anything. Not that I care much since we aren't exactly close, and they don't even know when our birthdays are. No one is forcing them to do anything, yet somehow, it's our job to track everyone's birthdays and make sure the drivers and warehouse crew get gifts.

It feels stupid and unfair. Why am I expected to keep track of their birthdays when it isn't reciprocated?

Am I losing my mind here, or is this actually messed up?

If I actually speak up, I'll just end up being the only one complaining.

I could get behind the idea, provided that to offset the extra expense, we start buying those gifts through Amazon😁

I’m fairly certain most people would find a proposal like that pretty ridiculous. Why not have a private chat with your colleagues first? That should give you a decent sense of where the majority stands. Once you have that, go to your manager and let them know you don't think it makes any sense.

Good grief, what kind of nonsense are your bosses actually dealing with?

Maybe you guys are just treating people like garbage, and since there aren't enough workers left to go around, you think you can just lowball some American guy for pennies—as if that always works. Honestly, I think the whole idea is stupid. It’s just like me—I don’t want anyone knowing it’s my birthday, and I sure as hell don't want to be the one footing the bill. You know how it is, right? Someone buys you a drink or lunch, and then they're hovering over you like, "Hey, you owe me one!" It's exhausting. Personally, I don't think career and job stuff and friendship ever really mix. At work, everyone is basically your competition—does anyone actually get that, or am I just shouting into the void here? Seriously, if you're pulling in a bigger paycheck, just be cool with the person making less, but don't expect to be everyone's best friend in the office.

Say you work at a place with 600 employees. Statistically speaking, how many birthdays are we looking at per month, week, or day? And what happens to the bottom line if you drop 20, 30, or even 50 grand per person for every single birthday—not to mention sponsoring all those mandatory team buildings and seminars everyone's forced to attend... How much profit is actually left? Are we living in capitalism or socialism here?... 🤔

"It's just how things work in America, kid; just America."

ironrider11 said:Say you work at a place with 600 employees. Statistically speaking, how many birthdays are we looking at per month, week, or day? And what happens to the bottom line if you drop 20, 30, or even 50 grand per person for every single birthday—not to mention sponsoring all those mandatory team buildings and seminars everyone's forced to attend... How much profit is actually left? Are we living in capitalism or socialism here?... 🤔

"It's just how things work in America, kid; just America."

I mean, most companies like that are spread out across different departments anyway—it's not like they're throwing a party for everyone every single day. 😁

Robin Brown3 said:I mean, most companies like that are spread out across different departments anyway—it's not like they're throwing a party for everyone every single day. 😁

Duh, obviously. A little cynicism never hurt anyone... My question wasn't even targeted at that, it was just about how differently things work within the exact same system. Like, if you're working a register at Walmart or Target, nobody expects a tip. But there’s this unspoken rule where you're basically expected to tip your server at a diner or a restaurant because, well, they rely on it to survive. So why the inconsistency? It's just a thousand different behaviors and "house rules" happening inside one clearly defined system...

Forcing someone to participate in something that should be a personal choice is just tacky. Especially in a professional setting where you’re all there because of work, not because you're a tight-knit group of friends.

Back in my day, we used to swap gifts and pass around homemade cookies, but thankfully, those traditions have mostly faded away.