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Dealing with a problematic family member—what should I do?

Started by Sarah Nguyen96 · · 👁 4 views · 17 replies

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Participants Sarah Nguyen96briskwalker10velvetridge48coastalseal9James Miller2ironrider11Mark Martin10William Fox
Sarah Nguyen96 Sarah Nguyen96 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Feb 2015
#1 ·
The person I’m writing about is a relative of mine, and I’m looking for any advice you can offer.
Since he was a child, nothing has ever brought him joy. For example, if someone buys him a birthday gift, he won't show any emotion or happiness. He just looks at it with a deadpan expression and asks, "What is this?" and nothing else.
Ever since he was old enough to understand, he has had a tendency toward theft. He doesn't steal from strangers on the street, though; he steals from his own family. He takes money from his parents' wallets when they aren't looking, then puts the wallet back exactly as it was so no one notices he touched it.
He used to sneak into his uncle's house while he was out to steal jewelry, cash, and other valuables.
He enjoys drinking. When he drinks, he will refill a bottle halfway with water after drinking the wine so no one realizes how much he actually consumed.
He is an incredibly jealous person. If he becomes envious of someone, he wants to ruin their life. If he can't find a way to do that directly, he resorts to destroying their property.
When he drinks beer from plastic bottles, he peels off the labels and crushes the containers so nobody can return them for a deposit.
If he's a passenger in a car, he throws his trash or food wrappers right out the window.
He uses feces or even cigarette butts to draw swastikas on walls. He also carves swastikas—both right-side up and inverted—into surfaces with a knife.
He is 32 years old and has only held a job for a few months in his entire life because he refuses to work. He has been a total burden on his parents. He has been attending adult education classes for about eight years now, but he still hasn't passed his exams.
He won't even attempt to finish his driving school, even when they offered to pay for it.
He has never had a girlfriend, and based on what I've described, it's easy to see why.
When he goes into town, he glares at people with pure hatred and screams at anyone who happens to make eye contact with him.
Sometimes he starts crying out of nowhere. He'll tear up while riding the bus, or become extremely agitated and start weeping when there are people around him.
He is incapable of having a normal conversation; he just constantly yells and insults others.
His YouTube history consists entirely of religious movies. He constantly talks about the end of the world and how we're all going to burn in hell and other nonsense. He believes he is the only one who knows the "truth."
He frequently threatens his housemates, telling them he’s going to kill them one day.
When he's drunk, he rambles incessantly about stupid things and laughs at inappropriate times.
He is incredibly lazy and avoids any kind of responsibility. At one point, he hung out with some local delinquents, and most of them know him by reputation.
He is extremely stingy. If he buys you a soda, he acts like you owe him ten times the value of it.
The more you try to help him, the worse he treats you.

I have suggested reporting him to the police, kicking him out of the house, or trying to get him committed to a psychiatric hospital, because given his behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if he actually kills them one day.
The reality is that he has nothing to lose. He lives to make other people's lives miserable and to exploit them. He feels successful only when he succeeds in causing misery; if he sees that the person isn't suffering, he gets angry and tries to find new ways to torment them. He has zero motivation to improve his life.
Any advice would be appreciated.
briskwalker10 briskwalker10 Active Member
121 messages
joined Oct 2020
#2 ·
Honestly, calling him "sick" is an understatement—it’s more accurate to say he’s just a bad person who deserves a massive beating!

How much do you actually care about helping his parents out? I mean, are you genuinely trying to support them, or is this just some morbidly interesting case study for you? I'm asking because that changes everything regarding what kind of advice or perspective you should be looking for here.
velvetridge48 velvetridge48 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Dec 2018
#3 ·
This guy is genuinely pathological. Honestly, who knows what makes him tick? Maybe he was bullied growing up, and now he’s just lashing out to settle old scores in all these twisted ways. He definitely needs to see a psychiatrist—or maybe even some long-term psychotherapy—because there's clearly something deeply broken going on under the surface.
coastalseal9 coastalseal9 Newcomer
1 message
joined Dec 2018
#4 ·
You really need to report this immediately before he does something irreversible to someone else or ends up hurting innocent people. This kind of pathology doesn't just stay static; it escalates every single day. If you wait, it might be too late. Just file a report—you can always do it anonymously...
Man, what an absolute psychopath. 😲

P.S. What is that on your avatar? 🍿
Sarah Nguyen96 Sarah Nguyen96 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Feb 2015
#5 ·
briskwalker10 said:Honestly, calling him "sick" is an understatement—it’s more accurate to say he’s just a bad person who deserves a massive beating!

How much do you actually care about helping his parents out? I mean, are you genuinely trying to support them, or is this just some morbidly interesting case study for you? I'm asking because that changes everything regarding what kind of advice or perspective you should be looking for here.

I’d like to help, but honestly, they should have kicked him out the moment he turned eighteen. That might have actually forced him to grow up. Right now, he’s just taking advantage of his parents. I think they need to take action because this situation is pointless. They are basically letting him live there like a parasite. It seems like they’re terrified of how he might react since he’s unstable, and they're also stuck feeling sorry for him. That's why they won't let him go.
velvetridge48 said:This guy is genuinely pathological. Honestly, who knows what makes him tick? Maybe he was bullied growing up, and now he’s just lashing out to settle old scores in all these twisted ways. He definitely needs to see a psychiatrist—or maybe even some long-term psychotherapy—because there's clearly something deeply broken going on under the surface.

He’s been dealing with these issues since he was a kid. From what I hear, nobody ever stepped in to help him when he was younger; instead, everyone just tries to lend a hand now. He is his own worst enemy, though he can't quite figure out why. The funniest part is when he says, "You have no idea what kind of people are out there." When he says that, he sounds like he's the only sane person left and everyone else is losing it.

coastalseal9 said:You really need to report this immediately before he does something irreversible to someone else or ends up hurting innocent people. This kind of pathology doesn't just stay static; it escalates every single day. If you wait, it might be too late. Just file a report—you can always do it anonymously...
Man, what an absolute psychopath. 😲

P.S. What is that on your avatar? 🍿

I want to take action, but I'm not sure where to start. Who should I report this to, and what kind of results can I actually expect?
Hey, listen up. 😁
James Miller2 James Miller2 Member
49 messages
joined Oct 2020
#6 ·
Based on the description, I suspect this individual is either deeply obsessed or under the influence of some substance. It is possible they have joined a cult without anyone noticing. You should probably seek advice from an exorcist.
Sarah Nguyen96 Sarah Nguyen96 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Feb 2015
#7 ·
James Miller2 said:Based on the description, I suspect this individual is either deeply obsessed or under the influence of some substance. It is possible they have joined a cult without anyone noticing. You should probably seek advice from an exorcist.

Sure, the description gives off that vibe, but it isn't true. I think he’s just been deeply depressed and passive since birth. He likely expects everyone to push him through life, treating him like royalty and bowing down to him. Since reality doesn't work that way, it probably keeps him in a depressive state. That's also why he’s likely jealous of others. He sees people fighting for themselves and doing okay, while he's still at rock bottom. The only thing he’s ever bought with his own money is the bed he sleeps on, and even that was just a few months ago. Everything else he has either received or stolen. Honestly, he should end up on the streets so he finally starts taking care of himself. Instead of looking at others and making their lives miserable out of jealousy, he needs to look inward. I mentioned this to his parents, but they won't listen to me.
I don't think he's in a cult. If he were, everyone would know by now because he can't keep a secret to save his life. He always has to tell someone everything.
ironrider11 ironrider11 Regular
391 messages
joined Oct 2020
#8 ·
Sarah Nguyen96 said:...

In this little fairy tale you’ve cooked up, the only thing that stands out is how desperate you are to be part of the conversation. It’s weird how everything labeled "good intentions" just feels like pure resistance to you. Resistance against what? You and your own "good intentions." Does it kill you when people don't acknowledge you, even if they mean well? And hey, maybe you don't have kids to worry about—whatever. Even in a fake story, it’s obvious you’re just itching to meddle in stuff you clearly don't get. Like why "they" didn't kick him out, or why they didn't just throw him in a furnace and eat him for Christmas dinner...

Why try so hard where it doesn't matter? Just let this guy and his family deal with their own mess, especially since they probably don't understand it any better than you do. Trust me, you'll have plenty of time later to struggle with your own nonsense... maybe you're just reading the palm wrong. At the end of the day, this whole thing just isn't what you think it is...
Sarah Nguyen96 Sarah Nguyen96 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Feb 2015
#9 ·
ironrider11 said:In this little fairy tale you’ve cooked up, the only thing that stands out is how desperate you are to be part of the conversation. It’s weird how everything labeled "good intentions" just feels like pure resistance to you. Resistance against what? You and your own "good intentions." Does it kill you when people don't acknowledge you, even if they mean well? And hey, maybe you don't have kids to worry about—whatever. Even in a fake story, it’s obvious you’re just itching to meddle in stuff you clearly don't get. Like why "they" didn't kick him out, or why they didn't just throw him in a furnace and eat him for Christmas dinner...

Why try so hard where it doesn't matter? Just let this guy and his family deal with their own mess, especially since they probably don't understand it any better than you do. Trust me, you'll have plenty of time later to struggle with your own nonsense... maybe you're just reading the palm wrong. At the end of the day, this whole thing just isn't what you think it is...

We're family, so how can I not try to help? I want to help while there's still a chance. If they don't take action now while I can, by the time they're older, it'll be too late. He'll just walk all over them, or worse. They'll end up with nothing because of him.
ironrider11 ironrider11 Regular
391 messages
joined Oct 2020
#10 ·
Sarah Nguyen96 said:We're family, so how can I not try to help? I want to help while there's still a chance. If they don't take action now while I can, by the time they're older, it'll be too late. He'll just walk all over them, or worse. They'll end up with nothing because of him.

It’s all just some "destiny" or "fate" you've cooked up in your head. Maybe. Years or decades have already passed. For all we know, they aren't even struggling. Maybe it isn't even like that. How does it feel to you? Maybe that's just what you secretly want it to be. It might just be your own perception. And because of that, you've found an excuse to jump in when nobody actually asked you to...

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Love, caring, feeling a sense of duty because you're convinced something is "wrong"... all you're doing is following those clear signs at the crossroads that lead straight onto a much wider, paved path. You don't have enough going on in your own life without trying to meddle, or using others under the guise of "doing the right thing"...

I'm a total non-entity here, based on how you're throwing this out there—unlike the self-appointed soul-searchers and moral compasses around here... I wouldn't point a finger of "judgment" at you. But when you do the same thing, claiming "good intentions," my stomach basically turns instantly. It's like this sour, bitter reaction... it spills right onto the keyboard. It eats through the plastic. More of a physical reflex than anything else, really... not that it actually matters to anyone...

As above, so below. Everything is just there for you to use.
James Miller2 James Miller2 Member
49 messages
joined Oct 2020
#11 ·
Sarah Nguyen96 said:Sure, the description gives off that vibe, but it isn't true. I think he’s just been deeply depressed and passive since birth. He likely expects everyone to push him through life, treating him like royalty and bowing down to him. Since reality doesn't work that way, it probably keeps him in a depressive state. That's also why he’s likely jealous of others. He sees people fighting for themselves and doing okay, while he's still at rock bottom. The only thing he’s ever bought with his own money is the bed he sleeps on, and even that was just a few months ago. Everything else he has either received or stolen. Honestly, he should end up on the streets so he finally starts taking care of himself. Instead of looking at others and making their lives miserable out of jealousy, he needs to look inward. I mentioned this to his parents, but they won't listen to me.
I don't think he's in a cult. If he were, everyone would know by now because he can't keep a secret to save his life. He always has to tell someone everything.


He mentioned his own "truth." He steals, he is cunning, he acts maliciously on purpose, draws upside-down crosses, threatens murder, and screams at anyone who looks at him. Who knows how he would react to a shot of tequila. This isn't a matter for the police; it is a matter for a psychiatrist or a priest.

The part about stealing and being devious suggests an addiction. Where does that money go? It clearly goes toward alcohol or some other substance.

He is quite active when it comes to seeking attention. He is far from passive.
The question remains: why aren't his parents fixing this?

The man described doesn't need pity. He needs concrete help, or as someone else wrote, a good beating (if we are talking about a spoiled brat).

I assume his parents are passively participating in this circus—taking the path of least resistance. They might even turn against him if someone actually held him accountable.
If his parents aren't seeking help, I don't see how you, as a cousin, can solve this problem.

We don't have the full story. But if he has always been this way, it is possible his parents made him this way. Or perhaps he was bullied, but that is no excuse for the evil he is committing.
ironrider11 ironrider11 Regular
391 messages
joined Oct 2020
#12 ·
James Miller2 said:He mentioned his own "truth." He steals, he is cunning, he acts maliciously on purpose, draws upside-down crosses, threatens murder, and screams at anyone who looks at him. Who knows how he would react to a shot of tequila. This isn't a matter for the police; it is a matter for a psychiatrist or a priest.

The part about stealing and being devious suggests an addiction. Where does that money go? It clearly goes toward alcohol or some other substance.

He is quite active when it comes to seeking attention. He is far from passive.
The question remains: why aren't his parents fixing this?

The man described doesn't need pity. He needs concrete help, or as someone else wrote, a good beating (if we are talking about a spoiled brat).

I assume his parents are passively participating in this circus—taking the path of least resistance. They might even turn against him if someone actually held him accountable.
If his parents aren't seeking help, I don't see how you, as a cousin, can solve this problem.

We don't have the full story. But if he has always been this way, it is possible his parents made him this way. Or perhaps he was bullied, but that is no excuse for the evil he is committing.

So, "crooked" (meaning "..with understanding or at least, attention..") instead of "upside-down"?
For some occultist? 🤔
James Miller2 James Miller2 Member
49 messages
joined Oct 2020
#13 ·
ironrider11 said:So, "crooked" (meaning "..with understanding or at least, attention..") instead of "upside-down"?
For some occultist? 🤔

What? 🤔

"He carves crooked crosses with a knife and upside-down crosses alike."
ironrider11 ironrider11 Regular
391 messages
joined Oct 2020
#14 ·
James Miller2 said:What? 🤔

"He carves crooked crosses with a knife and upside-down crosses alike."

My bad... 🤦
Mark Martin10 Mark Martin10 Member
17 messages
joined Nov 2023
#15 ·
What kind of psycho priest is this guy? Seriously, he’s clearly struggling with mental health issues and you people want to exorcise him with holy water? And don't even get me started on the parents—what were they doing for thirty years? Where was the actual psychological support? Maybe if someone had just gotten him proper therapy or meds, he could've actually lived a productive life. Honestly, at this point, he might be the only sane one in the room.
Sarah Nguyen96 Sarah Nguyen96 MemberOP
40 messages
joined Feb 2015
#16 ·
ironrider11 said:In this little fairy tale you’ve cooked up, the only thing that stands out is how desperate you are to be part of the conversation. It’s weird how everything labeled "good intentions" just feels like pure resistance to you. Resistance against what? You and your own "good intentions." Does it kill you when people don't acknowledge you, even if they mean well? And hey, maybe you don't have kids to worry about—whatever. Even in a fake story, it’s obvious you’re just itching to meddle in stuff you clearly don't get. Like why "they" didn't kick him out, or why they didn't just throw him in a furnace and eat him for Christmas dinner...

Why try so hard where it doesn't matter? Just let this guy and his family deal with their own mess, especially since they probably don't understand it any better than you do. Trust me, you'll have plenty of time later to struggle with your own nonsense... maybe you're just reading the palm wrong. At the end of the day, this whole thing just isn't what you think it is...

And listen, when they're old and helpless, he’ll still be able to steal from them, and they won't do a thing about it. Especially now, when they're doing nothing at all. He’ll just keep spending that money on booze like he always has. A bright future isn't waiting for them; most likely, they're just aware that it's coming eventually. It seems you guys are right. It's not my job to interfere. Let them be.
ironrider11 ironrider11 Regular
391 messages
joined Oct 2020
#17 ·
Sarah Nguyen96 said:And listen, when they're old and helpless, he’ll still be able to steal from them, and they won't do a thing about it. Especially now, when they're doing nothing at all. He’ll just keep spending that money on booze like he always has. A bright future isn't waiting for them; most likely, they're just aware that it's coming eventually. It seems you guys are right. It's not my job to interfere. Let them be.

My god, is it really that easy for you to talk someone into being passive? To embrace the "maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't" vibe? You know that saying about roads paved with good intentions? Well, how about this: witnessing something terrible and doing nothing is actually worse than the act itself... or whatever. If I were a villain, I could easily—and cheap, too—buy my way out of responsibility. Based on some of the garbage we spew here online, where everyone's motives are pretty questionable to begin with, you can basically predict how people will react. Once you get those predictable "answers," you just tell yourself—or type out—your little excuse: "Maybe I shouldn't step in. I won't meddle, let whatever happens, happen. It's not my place..." Then, when the inevitable shitshow finally hits—something you saw coming from a mile away because of all that public posturing—you've got your "get out of jail free" card ready in your pocket. Easy.

I'm kidding, obviously. Just me venting or dealing with a bit of mental indigestion. I'm rambling, maybe mumbling through some "public declarations." It's all pretty much the same pattern, just in a digital space. And honestly, looking at the responses we get—if you can even call them that—when someone asks something deeply personal like "who should I be?" or "what should I do?", the answers are usually empty. Total nothingness. Like the wise ones say, "There's no bread there." Some other "wise" souls might follow up with: "let them eat cake." And The Fox Murder, with that crazy-eyed stare, looking off into the distance like he's solving a cosmic mystery, would probably just whisper: "the truth is out there." Out? There? The truth? Shine on, you crazy diamond...

As for that whole 'triskele' avatar thing? Coincidence, or was it on purpose?
William Fox William Fox Newcomer
2 messages
joined Jan 2019
#18 ·
James Miller2 said:Based on the description, I suspect this individual is either deeply obsessed or under the influence of some substance. It is possible they have joined a cult without anyone noticing. You should probably seek advice from an exorcist.

Is this some kind of joke?

To me, this screams sociopathy. 🤔

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