Love: A blessing, a curse, or both?

Love as an emotion, in every sense of the word.

To me, it’s a double-edged sword, though one side usually carries more weight—and honestly, most of the time, it feels like a curse. It’s the root of weakness, fear, sadness, and suffering; I can't help but feel all of that is just a byproduct of love. But then again, would it actually be better if I swapped it out for its total opposite? You know, hate? Or maybe just complete apathy?
I suppose it wouldn't, though. Even as much as it indirectly throws us curveballs, it seems to be the one thing that actually gives some color to an otherwise gray existence. You're stuck with it, with or without it, so I guess there's not much to be done about it.

I'm curious to hear what you guys think about this emotion—it's something that was glorified and mystified way too much in the past, and now, in the present day, it's constantly being oversimplified by laypeople using pseudo-evolutionary explanations.

I think I’ve been calling infatuation Love for way too long. Same goes for that anxiety you get from those toxic push-pull relationships... It just isn't it. Love is more of a state of being than some fleeting emotion, and you can only really measure it by actions. I don't (really) believe it should be a source of weakness, sadness, or suffering anymore; if that's what you're feeling, then it’s just pathology or something else entirely.

Roger Kern16 said:I think I’ve been calling infatuation Love for way too long. Same goes for that anxiety you get from those toxic push-pull relationships... It just isn't it. Love is more of a state of being than some fleeting emotion, and you can only really measure it by actions. I don't (really) believe it should be a source of weakness, sadness, or suffering anymore; if that's what you're feeling, then it’s just pathology or something else entirely.

Honestly, I'm kind of with you there. I started typing out some of my own nonsense, but man—this is actually really well put.

Both sides.

I’m right there with you, though I’d just add—I actually managed to dodge that whole infatuation phase, but honestly? I still think it’s a total sickness because, man, it just hurts. When someone was into me—it was painful for them. When I’m the one catching feelings—it’s me who feels the sting. And when you both fall head over heels at the same time? That’s when things get really messy—just pure mutual destruction of the soul and the psyche. Plus, it’s always the same story: when you actually need her, she’s nowhere to be found, but the second you don't need her, Love comes buzzing around like the most annoying fly, totally messing with your ability to think straight.

And when we're talking about Love in the grand, universal sense... I can't help but think of that story about Chris and how much he suffered because he just couldn't help himself.

The opposite of Love isn't hate—it's just a total lack of it. Honestly, I think apathy is way more destructive than actual hatred.
I’m with you on this: Love isn't some fleeting feeling; it's actions, words, thoughts, and mostly just showing up for someone. And it doesn't demand anything in return.
It’s not inherently destructive, and it doesn't actually hurt. It’s just the ego getting tangled up in it that causes the pain.

Take parental Love, for example—it doesn't sting. It's selfless and exists without needing a reason. Romantic Love, though? That needs constant fuel. I’m being all metaphorical today—too much cheesy talk about Love for me, ugh.

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Ashley Bailey75 said:The opposite of Love isn't hate—it's just a total lack of it. Honestly, I think apathy is way more destructive than actual hatred.
I’m with you on this: Love isn't some fleeting feeling; it's actions, words, thoughts, and mostly just showing up for someone. And it doesn't demand anything in return.
It’s not inherently destructive, and it doesn't actually hurt. It’s just the ego getting tangled up in it that causes the pain.

Take parental Love, for example—it doesn't sting. It's selfless and exists without needing a reason. Romantic Love, though? That needs constant fuel. I’m being all metaphorical today—too much cheesy talk about Love for me, ugh.

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Honestly? I disagree. It hurts, it's often super selfish, it demands things, and sometimes... well, sometimes it's just not even there.

I get where they're coming from on the first part, but let's be real—ego is such a massive, unavoidable part of any loving relationship.

Roger Kern16 said:I think I’ve been calling infatuation Love for way too long. Same goes for that anxiety you get from those toxic push-pull relationships... It just isn't it. Love is more of a state of being than some fleeting emotion, and you can only really measure it by actions. I don't (really) believe it should be a source of weakness, sadness, or suffering anymore; if that's what you're feeling, then it’s just pathology or something else entirely.

Are you sure about that? I can think of several different scenarios that suggest otherwise.
If you lose someone you love, that connection becomes the very thing that breaks you—it’s the root of all the grief, the weakness, and the suffering that follows.
The person you love can be the very one to betray you, leaving you to deal with all those heavy, negative emotions on your own.
And so on, and so forth.

Ashley Bailey75 said:The opposite of Love isn't hate—it's just a total lack of it. Honestly, I think apathy is way more destructive than actual hatred.
I’m with you on this: Love isn't some fleeting feeling; it's actions, words, thoughts, and mostly just showing up for someone. And it doesn't demand anything in return.
It’s not inherently destructive, and it doesn't actually hurt. It’s just the ego getting tangled up in it that causes the pain.

Take parental Love, for example—it doesn't sting. It's selfless and exists without needing a reason. Romantic Love, though? That needs constant fuel. I’m being all metaphorical today—too much cheesy talk about Love for me, ugh.

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Hate is the direct opposite of Love. If you were to represent these two core emotions visually, it would look something like this:

Love Indifference Hate

Ashley Bailey75 said:The opposite of Love isn't hate—it's just a total lack of it. Honestly, I think apathy is way more destructive than actual hatred.
I’m with you on this: Love isn't some fleeting feeling; it's actions, words, thoughts, and mostly just showing up for someone. And it doesn't demand anything in return.
It’s not inherently destructive, and it doesn't actually hurt. It’s just the ego getting tangled up in it that causes the pain.

Take parental Love, for example—it doesn't sting. It's selfless and exists without needing a reason. Romantic Love, though? That needs constant fuel. I’m being all metaphorical today—too much cheesy talk about Love for me, ugh.

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Could I get an explanation on this?

Roger Kern16 said:I think I’ve been calling infatuation Love for way too long. Same goes for that anxiety you get from those toxic push-pull relationships... It just isn't it. Love is more of a state of being than some fleeting emotion, and you can only really measure it by actions. I don't (really) believe it should be a source of weakness, sadness, or suffering anymore; if that's what you're feeling, then it’s just pathology or something else entirely.

Happy Wednesday! 👍

Betty Fowler said:Are you sure about that? I can think of several different scenarios that suggest otherwise.
If you lose someone you love, that connection becomes the very thing that breaks you—it’s the root of all the grief, the weakness, and the suffering that follows.
The person you love can be the very one to betray you, leaving you to deal with all those heavy, negative emotions on your own.
And so on, and so forth.

Hate is the direct opposite of Love. If you were to represent these two core emotions visually, it would look something like this:

Love Indifference Hate

Could I get an explanation on this?

In that case, suffering isn't actually caused by Love—it’s triggered by loss, whether that loss is real or just something we imagine.

If we view ourselves as emotional creatures, then Love is just one slice of that massive spectrum. If you split that spectrum into the good and the bad, Love definitely sits on the positive side.

But look, for anything to actually work, there has to be a balance between the highs and the lows.
To actually feel good—to have a reason to get out of bed and enjoy life—we need to experience Love in some capacity. Constant hatred or staying stuck in a negative headspace mostly just destroys us from the inside out. You can't find lasting fulfillment in that kind of misery.

No emotion is purely "black" or "white." Love isn't always sunshine and rainbows either; it brings its own set of headaches and sadness. If we lowered our expectations a bit, maybe we wouldn't deal with such heavy disappointment. And if we were more emotionally stable, we’d bounce back faster.
Whether we are this or that... it doesn't really matter.

Personally, I need it in my life just to keep things balanced. I don't think it's some magical cure-all. It's just a part of the whole picture.

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Tyler Chavez3 said:Honestly? I disagree. It hurts, it's often super selfish, it demands things, and sometimes... well, sometimes it's just not even there.

I get where they're coming from on the first part, but let's be real—ego is such a massive, unavoidable part of any loving relationship.

I don't know, I'm not trying to get all deep or philosophical here, but I can't wrap my head around loving my kids only under certain conditions or specific circumstances. Just having them is enough for me to feel Love. It showed up out of nowhere and I doubt it’s ever leaving. And it doesn't demand anything back just to exist.

Betty Fowler said:Are you sure about that? I can think of several different scenarios that suggest otherwise.
If you lose someone you love, that connection becomes the very thing that breaks you—it’s the root of all the grief, the weakness, and the suffering that follows.
The person you love can be the very one to betray you, leaving you to deal with all those heavy, negative emotions on your own.
And so on, and so forth.

Hate is the direct opposite of Love. If you were to represent these two core emotions visually, it would look something like this:

Love Indifference Hate

Could I get an explanation on this?

Look, obviously you feel grief and pain when you lose someone—only truly messed up people are devoid of those emotions. That wasn't what I meant when I said Love doesn't hurt. I meant that Love keeps you from staying in relationships that cause suffering and damage you. Loving others naturally requires loving yourself, too, so it should protect the person doing the loving.

And regarding apathy—psychology basically says emotional neglect leaves a deeper scar on kids than actual abuse does. So, any emotion at all is clearly "better" than nothing.

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Nicholas Lee41 said:Love as an emotion, in every sense of the word.

To me, it’s a double-edged sword, though one side usually carries more weight—and honestly, most of the time, it feels like a curse. It’s the root of weakness, fear, sadness, and suffering; I can't help but feel all of that is just a byproduct of love. But then again, would it actually be better if I swapped it out for its total opposite? You know, hate? Or maybe just complete apathy?
I suppose it wouldn't, though. Even as much as it indirectly throws us curveballs, it seems to be the one thing that actually gives some color to an otherwise gray existence. You're stuck with it, with or without it, so I guess there's not much to be done about it.

I'm curious to hear what you guys think about this emotion—it's something that was glorified and mystified way too much in the past, and now, in the present day, it's constantly being oversimplified by laypeople using pseudo-evolutionary explanations.

People just invented the concept of Love so they could get laid for free...😁
Personally, I don't think Love is for everyone. It’s really meant for mature, responsible people who actually know themselves and have the capacity to care for others. For me, it hasn't worked out—I haven't had a single relationship where I didn't end up getting screwed over because I gave too much of myself and was way too emotionally vulnerable. Because of that, I'm kind of losing faith in the whole idea and am just trying to focus on becoming stronger on my own...

Ashley Bailey75 said:I don't know, I'm not trying to get all deep or philosophical here, but I can't wrap my head around loving my kids only under certain conditions or specific circumstances. Just having them is enough for me to feel Love. It showed up out of nowhere and I doubt it’s ever leaving. And it doesn't demand anything back just to exist.

Look, obviously you feel grief and pain when you lose someone—only truly messed up people are devoid of those emotions. That wasn't what I meant when I said Love doesn't hurt. I meant that Love keeps you from staying in relationships that cause suffering and damage you. Loving others naturally requires loving yourself, too, so it should protect the person doing the loving.

And regarding apathy—psychology basically says emotional neglect leaves a deeper scar on kids than actual abuse does. So, any emotion at all is clearly "better" than nothing.

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And both paths lead to the same result: falling for people who don't deserve you. 🤣

Personally, I find indifference to be a pretty wonderful state of being—one where I feel like nothing is missing. You could even say I enjoy it. Loving that sense of detachment is much more pleasant than dealing with anger, hatred, or even being in love with someone unworthy. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to maintain; those "lower" emotions tend to sneak back in sooner or later. Luckily, those pass too.

Joseph Bailey41 said:And both paths lead to the same result: falling for people who don't deserve you. 🤣

Personally, I find indifference to be a pretty wonderful state of being—one where I feel like nothing is missing. You could even say I enjoy it. Loving that sense of detachment is much more pleasant than dealing with anger, hatred, or even being in love with someone unworthy. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to maintain; those "lower" emotions tend to sneak back in sooner or later. Luckily, those pass too.

Makes sense. In one scenario, if you have nothing, you at least feel alive—in the other, you're just a ghost, irrelevant, worthless... basically non-existent.
Luckily, I haven't actually landed in either of those spots, so I'm just talking theory here.

But I see it with my kids—when I'm slammed with work and they feel ignored, they'll try to trigger any reaction possible, even if it's a meltdown. They just need to know they matter, that they're seen and felt. Just stating the obvious, I guess. Not exactly breaking new ground here.

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Ashley Bailey75 said:Makes sense. In one scenario, if you have nothing, you at least feel alive—in the other, you're just a ghost, irrelevant, worthless... basically non-existent.
Luckily, I haven't actually landed in either of those spots, so I'm just talking theory here.

But I see it with my kids—when I'm slammed with work and they feel ignored, they'll try to trigger any reaction possible, even if it's a meltdown. They just need to know they matter, that they're seen and felt. Just stating the obvious, I guess. Not exactly breaking new ground here.

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It’s logical that during childhood, negative attention feels better than none at all. But once you grow up, people and their irrationality start to drive you absolutely crazy. I’m not entirely sure why that is, since I’ve actually dealt with both situations, plus a few others. It took a lot of "self-work" to stop my reactions to random assholes from swinging wildly between hatred, rage, anger, animosity, contempt, and total indifference. That’s why I appreciate where I am now—for example, I can read something today that would have infuriated me a few months ago, but now? I truly don't give a damn, and most times I can't even be bothered to respond. Fortunately, I’m not religious, so I don't feel this obligation to "love my enemies" or forgive everyone who has wronged me. I prefer math; my favorite operation is multiplying by zero. 😁

Ashley Bailey75 said:I don't know, I'm not trying to get all deep or philosophical here, but I can't wrap my head around loving my kids only under certain conditions or specific circumstances. Just having them is enough for me to feel Love. It showed up out of nowhere and I doubt it’s ever leaving. And it doesn't demand anything back just to exist.

Look, obviously you feel grief and pain when you lose someone—only truly messed up people are devoid of those emotions. That wasn't what I meant when I said Love doesn't hurt. I meant that Love keeps you from staying in relationships that cause suffering and damage you. Loving others naturally requires loving yourself, too, so it should protect the person doing the loving.

And regarding apathy—psychology basically says emotional neglect leaves a deeper scar on kids than actual abuse does. So, any emotion at all is clearly "better" than nothing.

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Does that mean you think people with low self-esteem aren't capable of loving?

Ashley Bailey75 said:I don't know, I'm not trying to get all deep or philosophical here, but I can't wrap my head around loving my kids only under certain conditions or specific circumstances. Just having them is enough for me to feel Love. It showed up out of nowhere and I doubt it’s ever leaving. And it doesn't demand anything back just to exist.

Look, obviously you feel grief and pain when you lose someone—only truly messed up people are devoid of those emotions. That wasn't what I meant when I said Love doesn't hurt. I meant that Love keeps you from staying in relationships that cause suffering and damage you. Loving others naturally requires loving yourself, too, so it should protect the person doing the loving.

And regarding apathy—psychology basically says emotional neglect leaves a deeper scar on kids than actual abuse does. So, any emotion at all is clearly "better" than nothing.

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I agree that neglect is devastating for a child's development, but am I the only one who isn't sure if it's actually worse than active abuse?

Betty Fowler said:Does that mean you think people with low self-esteem aren't capable of loving?

I agree that neglect is devastating for a child's development, but am I the only one who isn't sure if it's actually worse than active abuse?

Nah—I mean they’re easy targets. They end up stuck in toxic relationships way longer than they should because they lack that basic self-love. It just leads to more suffering.

As for neglect—it rarely happens in a vacuum; it usually goes hand-in-hand with other types of abuse. Plus, studies—specifically tests involving groups of kids—have shown that the ones who were neglected actually ended up with the worst outcomes.

I consider T. Kuljis a total authority and top-tier expert in this field. Here’s what I found when I did a quick Google search (https://www.google.com/amp/s/klokanic...tavljanja-3583). The article focuses on physical abuse rather than emotional, and I was just going off memory when I wrote that first post without double-checking everything.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Happy Wednesday! 👍

In that case, suffering isn't actually caused by Love—it’s triggered by loss, whether that loss is real or just something we imagine.

Indirectly, maybe. If there wasn't any love involved, there wouldn't be this kind of suffering for those close to you. It would probably manifest in other ways, but in my experience, no kind of pain hurts quite as much as this byproduct of love.

When it comes to apathy, I find it incredibly easy to reach and maintain regarding most things in life, but I can never quite bring myself to be apathetic about the fact that I am apathetic. I suppose apathy is fine as long as you can keep it under control—being indifferent toward specific targets or goals is one thing—but the real issue arises when it starts bleeding into everything, evolving into this pervasive, generalized indifference. For me, that state was absolutely toxic; even with just a tiny spark of rational thought, it would steer me straight toward suicidal ideation.

Another complication with love is how much it limits a person. For instance, if I didn't have these feelings holding me back, I’d probably have already taken the risks my mind tells me to take. Whether those moves would actually pay off or if I'd end up scrubbing toilets in a county jail, I guess it doesn't really matter, but at least I wouldn't be hesitating.

Nicholas Lee41 said:Indirectly, maybe. If there wasn't any love involved, there wouldn't be this kind of suffering for those close to you. It would probably manifest in other ways, but in my experience, no kind of pain hurts quite as much as this byproduct of love.

And just like everything else in life, there's two sides to every coin.

Suffering is just as much a part of the deal as love is. Most people spend their lives running from it—trying to numb it out or ignore it—but honestly? It’s pretty valuable. It’s basically a signal that you’re off track or working against your own interests.

It's like when you smell something rotten—your body tells you to stay away because it's dangerous. Pain works the same way. It's necessary for survival.

Nicholas Lee41 said:Indirectly, maybe. If there wasn't any love involved, there wouldn't be this kind of suffering for those close to you. It would probably manifest in other ways, but in my experience, no kind of pain hurts quite as much as this byproduct of love.

Exactly. I figured it wasn't worth the breath to explain...

Ashley Bailey75 said:And just like everything else in life, there's two sides to every coin.

Suffering is just as much a part of the deal as love is. Most people spend their lives running from it—trying to numb it out or ignore it—but honestly? It’s pretty valuable. It’s basically a signal that you’re off track or working against your own interests.

It's like when you smell something rotten—your body tells you to stay away because it's dangerous. Pain works the same way. It's necessary for survival.

I've always had a bit of a grudge against people who can't master the art of a good comparison, and honestly, this one is pretty terrible...