Stay in the US or move abroad?

Hey everyone, sorry if I missed the PDF attachment earlier...

Lately, I’ve just been feeling really stuck—like I’m spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Most of my family has already moved over to the US, but I stayed behind here to finish up my degree, and through some stroke of luck, I managed to land a job. I'm in the IT sector, so my salary is decent for the local market—a little above average, though definitely not hitting those six-figure numbers yet. Lately, though, the inertia at work has been driving me crazy; there’s a lot of incompetence around, and everything just drags on forever. It feels like nothing ever actually gets done. On top of that, I don't have any family nearby, my relationship isn't going anywhere, and my social circle has kind of fallen apart. Regarding finances, my family hasn't left me anything except for this old three-bedroom house that’s basically falling apart at the seams. To make matters worse, there’s a massive lien on the property, so I don't even have a functional kitchen or a decent bathroom (and yeah, I’m currently living in it). I’m trying to patch things up as I go, but I can't qualify for a loan—between not having enough seniority at my job and not having any assets in my own name, it's a dead end. Plus, I don't have enough saved to cover the monthly utilities and constant repairs (which run about $250 a month, and the house is huge).

I’m curious to hear what you all would do in my shoes. Would you stay put, or would you look for a way out? I don't know enough about the US job market to feel confident about finding something better over there.

Selling the house isn't an option either since it's not legally mine and it's tied up in legal issues.

Nobody can really tell you what to do. Not even me. Honestly, the issue with most young people today is just this lack of drive. You need a wife and kids to give you something to fight for—to make you go out there like a lion. You can't just sit around on $2667 talking about how nothing is worth the effort. Getting laid is the ultimate cure.

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It feels like this American stagnation is just sucking you under. You’re young, so go out there and actually see the world. How are you supposed to figure out your own worth if you don't test yourself in a high-stakes, competitive market? Once you see how things actually work globally and get some real-world experience, you might actually make enough money to clear those debts and realize exactly what you walked away from. It changes your whole perspective. I guess you need to step away into a more stable, functional society just to come back as someone who isn't stuck in this local cycle of apathy and hopelessness. If you stay here, you're just going to be another average person swallowed by this void. Life isn't just about the paycheck; it's about the breadth of experiences that shape how we see everything. Stop venting on forums and just go—you can always come back 😉

swiftgardener33 said:Nobody can really tell you what to do. Not even me. Honestly, the issue with most young people today is just this lack of drive. You need a wife and kids to give you something to fight for—to make you go out there like a lion. You can't just sit around on $2667 talking about how nothing is worth the effort. Getting laid is the ultimate cure.

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To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't dive headfirst into that mess right now—not with how things are going. My siblings all married early and started families, so we ended up living like total paupers for a while. And by that, I mean our "fancy" lunches consisted of nothing but baked potatoes, and we spent half our time playing hide-and-seek from the EPA whenever they showed up to pull the power.

One day—once I actually get my life together and things settle down a bit—I'll definitely start looking into that.

vividmason11 said:It feels like this American stagnation is just sucking you under. You’re young, so go out there and actually see the world. How are you supposed to figure out your own worth if you don't test yourself in a high-stakes, competitive market? Once you see how things actually work globally and get some real-world experience, you might actually make enough money to clear those debts and realize exactly what you walked away from. It changes your whole perspective. I guess you need to step away into a more stable, functional society just to come back as someone who isn't stuck in this local cycle of apathy and hopelessness. If you stay here, you're just going to be another average person swallowed by this void. Life isn't just about the paycheck; it's about the breadth of experiences that shape how we see everything. Stop venting on forums and just go—you can always come back 😉

I really agree with that, because honestly, for the last five years, it’s just been one endless cycle of negativity—constant money struggles, the fear of losing everything, and the feeling that it's impossible to live like a functioning person in the 21st century. Until last year, I didn't even have hot water, which was a struggle during the winters. Now, I’m without a kitchen or a proper dining table, and it’s killing me financially; the house is basically a bottomless pit where every time I fix one thing, three other things fall apart.

But more than anything else, what’s really eating at me is the isolation—having no family nearby. I talk to them over WhatsApp, but the rest of my time when I'm not working is spent just staring at a computer screen or drinking something just to pass the time. My old social circle has completely fallen apart, and since I live in such a small town, I don't really have any options for people to hang out with during my free time. Ultimately, my main motivation for moving isn't even the money—though, let's face it, there's never enough of that—it's this crushing loneliness and the feeling that I have nobody.

Edit: Sorry for the double post, clicked by accident—I'm on my phone.

Look, let's be real: living in America has the potential to be better than life in Germany. Mostly because it's your home, your people, and your language. But all that potential doesn't mean much if your basic needs aren't being met. The social aspect is huge. I haven't lived in Germany, but I have lived in Norway. Don't expect to go over there and suddenly fix everything regarding your social life. In the West, everything is structured—you have a job, a gym membership, you watch TV at night, and you get summer vacations. Maybe you go out on a Saturday, depending on what kind of person you are. If you have family over there, you already know how it goes. Once your people have moved abroad, I don't know what keeps you in America; is it just some old house?
You'll get a degree that lets you build whatever lifestyle you want, right up until the point where you decide you'd rather live in a cabin in the woods made of mud, who cares.
Give yourself some time and try not to view anything as permanent. I’ve moved ten times in twelve years—which isn't exactly normal—but nobody can put a price on the experience and the ability I've built to adapt quickly.
I didn't let myself get trapped by a massive mortgage, and that gave me the freedom to pick any country, city, or location whenever and however I wanted. If things get shitty, I just pack up and leave. There isn't a price tag high enough to buy that kind of freedom. For you, it'll be your degree and the knowledge you have. Right now, you're like everyone else in America, paying a price because all the mess that happened here drove your family away and left you feeling the way you do. I realized what that cost was even before we joined the EU, and I told my brother, "Not on my watch," packed my bags, and left. Don't ever let yourself feel like you're paying a debt; you didn't go to college just to be stuck, dammit!

Check this out and you'll see exactly what I mean 😉
https://streamable.com/3gasv

There you go. Honestly, wasn't even expecting that—solid advice, though. I’m hitting the road tomorrow, and man, I always end up getting stuck in transit because of it. Personally, I'm much more about that slow-paced, laid-back lifestyle. Might not be everyone's cup of tea, I guess.

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@Mackomir, one more thing. I’m guessing you aren't quite 30 yet. Right now, your biggest selling points are just your age and your degree. But eventually, being young stops being an advantage, and your resume will need to carry much more weight with actual references to make up for it. I don't know how many solid connections you can really build in the US, but I do know that Germany will offer way more opportunities to stack those credentials. In my opinion, those years between 20 and 27 are the most critical because that's when you lay your professional foundation; once you hit 35 or 40, people expect you to be an expert. The worst thing is having a gap in your twenties—once you lose that momentum, it’s hard to get it back. My son is 24, so we're right in the middle of that phase.
Just remember, whatever path you take, it takes five years to actually get good at what you do, and ten to become a master.
Every move, especially moving to a new country, is a total reset, and that clock starts over at zero. So, use your head and don't waste time.

vividmason11 said:@Mackomir, one more thing. I’m guessing you aren't quite 30 yet. Right now, your biggest selling points are just your age and your degree. But eventually, being young stops being an advantage, and your resume will need to carry much more weight with actual references to make up for it. I don't know how many solid connections you can really build in the US, but I do know that Germany will offer way more opportunities to stack those credentials. In my opinion, those years between 20 and 27 are the most critical because that's when you lay your professional foundation; once you hit 35 or 40, people expect you to be an expert. The worst thing is having a gap in your twenties—once you lose that momentum, it’s hard to get it back. My son is 24, so we're right in the middle of that phase.
Just remember, whatever path you take, it takes five years to actually get good at what you do, and ten to become a master.
Every move, especially moving to a new country, is a total reset, and that clock starts over at zero. So, use your head and don't waste time.

Based on what I’ve actually lived through, I have to say that isn't true. 😉

OT—well, yeah, obviously go. Leaving America is always a solid move for anyone with an education.

Sorry to be blunt, but if you’re pulling in like two grand a month—how are you even surviving without running water?

Kate Jones2 said:Hey everyone, sorry if I missed the PDF attachment earlier...

Lately, I’ve just been feeling really stuck—like I’m spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Most of my family has already moved over to the US, but I stayed behind here to finish up my degree, and through some stroke of luck, I managed to land a job. I'm in the IT sector, so my salary is decent for the local market—a little above average, though definitely not hitting those six-figure numbers yet. Lately, though, the inertia at work has been driving me crazy; there’s a lot of incompetence around, and everything just drags on forever. It feels like nothing ever actually gets done. On top of that, I don't have any family nearby, my relationship isn't going anywhere, and my social circle has kind of fallen apart. Regarding finances, my family hasn't left me anything except for this old three-bedroom house that’s basically falling apart at the seams. To make matters worse, there’s a massive lien on the property, so I don't even have a functional kitchen or a decent bathroom (and yeah, I’m currently living in it). I’m trying to patch things up as I go, but I can't qualify for a loan—between not having enough seniority at my job and not having any assets in my own name, it's a dead end. Plus, I don't have enough saved to cover the monthly utilities and constant repairs (which run about $250 a month, and the house is huge).

I’m curious to hear what you all would do in my shoes. Would you stay put, or would you look for a way out? I don't know enough about the US job market to feel confident about finding something better over there.

Selling the house isn't an option either since it's not legally mine and it's tied up in legal issues.

Even with your poll, you didn't actually ask a question. What I mean is, your question is technically an inquiry, but the decision is already baked into it. You aren't really looking for an answer; you're just following a predetermined pattern. It's a pattern imposed on us through social, economic, and "cultural" pressures. That's a cliché explanation, sure, but it works.
It’s not about whether you stay or go; it’s about what you’re going to do with yourself. And you do that regardless of where you happen to be standing.
If you want to actually *do* something for yourself, you can't just follow everyone else's ideas, attitudes, and ways of thinking. You have to observe them critically and build your own life through your own strength.
Hope that didn't sound too heavy-handed. 🙂

Kate Jones2 said:To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't dive headfirst into that mess right now—not with how things are going. My siblings all married early and started families, so we ended up living like total paupers for a while. And by that, I mean our "fancy" lunches consisted of nothing but baked potatoes, and we spent half our time playing hide-and-seek from the EPA whenever they showed up to pull the power.

One day—once I actually get my life together and things settle down a bit—I'll definitely start looking into that.

Hold up a second—your family was struggling that hard, yet you actually finished college?
Who was picking up the tab for your tuition?
Now you've got a great salary (for HR standards), you're living on your own, and you still can't manage to fix up at least one bedroom, a kitchen, or a bathroom?
If your whole family is over in Germany, how is this house so deep in debt—who even owns the place?
A ton of people would kill to land a job paying $1333 and not have to deal with roommates, yet you seem totally lost on what you actually want.

Anthony Ward6 said:Based on what I’ve actually lived through, I have to say that isn't true. 😉

OT—well, yeah, obviously go. Leaving America is always a solid move for anyone with an education.

Sure, there are always exceptions to the rule, but things just get harder as you get older. I mean, most companies would much rather hire an experienced 30-year-old than some green apprentice at that stage of life. Plus, there's the whole personal motivation aspect; people tend to change once they hit their thirties. And if you end up getting married and having kids... that takes a massive amount of energy, so it's probably better if a person already has their career path set.

Roger Scott17 said:Hold up a second—your family was struggling that hard, yet you actually finished college?
Who was picking up the tab for your tuition?
Now you've got a great salary (for HR standards), you're living on your own, and you still can't manage to fix up at least one bedroom, a kitchen, or a bathroom?
If your whole family is over in Germany, how is this house so deep in debt—who even owns the place?
A ton of people would kill to land a job paying $1333 and not have to deal with roommates, yet you seem totally lost on what you actually want.

I worked my way through college while helping out my parents, too. On paper, they own the place, but the liens on the house are basically equal to its market value. They don't have the cash, and—believe me—neither do I. I've managed to patch up parts of the house already, but we're talking about a place built in the late '60s, which means it needs a massive amount of investment. To me, $30–$40 is a huge sum regardless of what I make, because once I pay all the bills, I'm left with barely $333. Here is the breakdown:

$500 Commuting to work
$267 Electricity (don't even ask—I honestly have no clue, I think there's an issue with the wiring since I'm away from home most days, or maybe it's just old appliances)
$67 Water
$117 Utilities, trash pickup, and stuff like that
$500–$700 for car maintenance, since I work via 932 miles (that's my average monthly cost leveled out over the year)
$400 for rent and my cell phone
$2,000 for food (I don't have a functional kitchen, but I still have to eat, obviously)
About $333 per month for various house repairs
Around $500–$333 for unexpected expenses, like a burst pipe or things I can't really control

Just to get the bare minimum of a decent living situation set up right now, I'd need about $25,000–$30,000—and that's using the cheapest materials and doing the labor myself. Someone might think I'm exaggerating, but if you've ever stepped foot in a house from the late '60s, you probably realize exactly what needs replacing and just how much it all costs.

Thanks everyone for the replies, especially Lavazza.

Look, you’ve laid it all out there, and honestly, this house is just becoming a massive anchor for you. You need to stop letting it weigh you down. You’re way too young to be carrying all this responsibility on your shoulders right now. If I were in your shoes, I would've moved to Germany already. Just find any job you can while you work on your language skills, and keep an eye out for openings in your actual field. Who knows? Maybe you could land something using just your English.
Once you've finally saved up enough cash, maybe then you can fix the place up and turn it into a vacation rental for some extra income. In the US, people rent out just about anything, even properties in sketchy areas near cemeteries. I actually just heard about one such case today. Any house has potential, I guess, but your whole life shouldn't be revolving around this building when you haven't even really started living yet.
Check out some Facebook groups based around where your family lives; they’re always posting local job leads. Look for things like "Americans in Cologne" or "Americans in Stuttgart" and stuff like that.

Kate Jones2 said:I worked my way through college while helping out my parents, too. On paper, they own the place, but the liens on the house are basically equal to its market value. They don't have the cash, and—believe me—neither do I. I've managed to patch up parts of the house already, but we're talking about a place built in the late '60s, which means it needs a massive amount of investment. To me, $30–$40 is a huge sum regardless of what I make, because once I pay all the bills, I'm left with barely $333. Here is the breakdown:

$500 Commuting to work
$267 Electricity (don't even ask—I honestly have no clue, I think there's an issue with the wiring since I'm away from home most days, or maybe it's just old appliances)
$67 Water
$117 Utilities, trash pickup, and stuff like that
$500–$700 for car maintenance, since I work via 932 miles (that's my average monthly cost leveled out over the year)
$400 for rent and my cell phone
$2,000 for food (I don't have a functional kitchen, but I still have to eat, obviously)
About $333 per month for various house repairs
Around $500–$333 for unexpected expenses, like a burst pipe or things I can't really control

Just to get the bare minimum of a decent living situation set up right now, I'd need about $25,000–$30,000—and that's using the cheapest materials and doing the labor myself. Someone might think I'm exaggerating, but if you've ever stepped foot in a house from the late '60s, you probably realize exactly what needs replacing and just how much it all costs.

Thanks everyone for the replies, especially Lavazza.

Mytim asked why you took on so much responsibility. Honestly, I'm asking the same thing. It’s obviously overwhelming for someone your age, and even older people (which is clearly what your parents are proving by how they handle this) wouldn't be able to manage.
It would literally be cheaper for you to just move closer to where you work ($500 for commuting) and cut off the utilities (not completely, just pause them for a year) and use that money instead. But hey, if you're feeling masochistic, you could use it to pay down the debts on the house.
To be blunt—if your parents racked up all these loans or whatever on the house and now they're in Germany and can't cover it, why is it suddenly your job to fix everything? It sounds a bit egocentric, but it feels like you've spent your whole life looking out for yourself and them, and now you've basically become a slave to this house. Like velvetcobra65 said—yesterday you were living in Germany. Though, I guess if you're going to be stuck with your family's problems, you might as well try to build a new life for yourself here in America.

Your place might be a bit basic, but you have independence and a steady paycheck. That counts for a lot with women.
If you move to Germany, the social scene will likely feel just as isolated, if not worse, since people there aren't particularly outgoing—especially if you haven't mastered the local language. The only real upside is the higher salary.

Do you have any hobbies outside of work and home? Perhaps joining a local sports league or focusing on dating could help?

Carl Cox3 said:Your place might be a bit basic, but you have independence and a steady paycheck. That counts for a lot with women.
If you move to Germany, the social scene will likely feel just as isolated, if not worse, since people there aren't particularly outgoing—especially if you haven't mastered the local language. The only real upside is the higher salary.

Do you have any hobbies outside of work and home? Perhaps joining a local sports league or focusing on dating could help?

Ouch, Yuna. You really went for the jugular there. But honestly? That's the root of it all. No girl, no hobbies. Just vibes and nothing else.

Then let them put in the effort and find it. If it isn't available here in the US, it certainly won't be found in Germany.