#1 ·
Hey everyone, I could really use some advice or just a place to vent because right now, I have nowhere else to turn.
Here’s the quick version of my life so far: I’ve never quite fit in. My mind is restless and hyperactive, which constantly drags me down into depression. I grew up mostly without friends or any real sense of community support. I’ve struggled with addictions, never had deep or intimate relationships with family or partners, lived in poverty, and felt a massive amount of frustration with life. Even while finishing my degree, I’ve been grinding through seasonal internships just to cover the bills—I haven't exactly lived a sheltered life. It's not that I lack social skills; I can network and communicate just fine, but I often feel too unmotivated and exhausted to actually build deeper connections. Right now, I’m operating like a robot. I just work and study. I feel like if I stop moving, even for a second, the depression will take the wheel and everything will go south. And trust me, it wouldn't be the first time.
Now, at 21, I finally have a shot at a real life. I killed it during my undergrad, and thanks to a bit of luck, I landed a job along with a full ride for a Master’s at a top-tier American university. There’s a great salary and a serious project waiting for me. It sounds amazing, truly, but I don't even have anyone to celebrate this with. I did this all on my own.
But honestly, I want to change. I want to become "normal" and relaxed, as much as that's possible. Right now, I'm the opposite: stiff, tense, and wound way too tight. I know changing who you are isn't about what continent you're standing on, but being stuck here in the States right now, I'm so buried in work that I have zero time for myself. Once I move, I'll be financially independent for the first time. I’m hoping to finally lose that constant feeling of barely scraping by and escape the depressing cycle of the American lower-middle class living on the edge of poverty. I'll have a solid job where I can actually use my talents instead of fighting against cronyism, nepotism, and a broken system that feels stuck in the past. I should actually have enough money to afford things like travel and going out—things that currently feel like "exotic luxuries" to me. So, does anyone here have a similar story? How do you handle a massive life shift like this? How do you make sure you grab the good stuff and avoid the pitfalls? I don't know if this ended up being more of a question or a confession, but at least I feel a little lighter getting it out. Thanks to whoever reads this!
Here’s the quick version of my life so far: I’ve never quite fit in. My mind is restless and hyperactive, which constantly drags me down into depression. I grew up mostly without friends or any real sense of community support. I’ve struggled with addictions, never had deep or intimate relationships with family or partners, lived in poverty, and felt a massive amount of frustration with life. Even while finishing my degree, I’ve been grinding through seasonal internships just to cover the bills—I haven't exactly lived a sheltered life. It's not that I lack social skills; I can network and communicate just fine, but I often feel too unmotivated and exhausted to actually build deeper connections. Right now, I’m operating like a robot. I just work and study. I feel like if I stop moving, even for a second, the depression will take the wheel and everything will go south. And trust me, it wouldn't be the first time.
Now, at 21, I finally have a shot at a real life. I killed it during my undergrad, and thanks to a bit of luck, I landed a job along with a full ride for a Master’s at a top-tier American university. There’s a great salary and a serious project waiting for me. It sounds amazing, truly, but I don't even have anyone to celebrate this with. I did this all on my own.
But honestly, I want to change. I want to become "normal" and relaxed, as much as that's possible. Right now, I'm the opposite: stiff, tense, and wound way too tight. I know changing who you are isn't about what continent you're standing on, but being stuck here in the States right now, I'm so buried in work that I have zero time for myself. Once I move, I'll be financially independent for the first time. I’m hoping to finally lose that constant feeling of barely scraping by and escape the depressing cycle of the American lower-middle class living on the edge of poverty. I'll have a solid job where I can actually use my talents instead of fighting against cronyism, nepotism, and a broken system that feels stuck in the past. I should actually have enough money to afford things like travel and going out—things that currently feel like "exotic luxuries" to me. So, does anyone here have a similar story? How do you handle a massive life shift like this? How do you make sure you grab the good stuff and avoid the pitfalls? I don't know if this ended up being more of a question or a confession, but at least I feel a little lighter getting it out. Thanks to whoever reads this!