Anti-Relationship Society

Hey everyone.
At 27, I’m looking back at all those wild parties I used to throw with my crew from this hilarious, lighthearted perspective—back when that lifestyle was actually "in." But then you meet the right person. You decide to focus on your career, shift your mindset about the future, and work on yourself. You try to be better in every way possible. Honestly, I’ve reached a point where I’m genuinely looking forward to 2019 so I can finally get married, settle down, and start a family. My fiancée and I both have steady jobs, and we’re currently planning our future and looking at buying an apartment together. You eventually realize what actually brings real happiness. Unlike my friends, unfortunately. My buddies—some even older than me—are still stuck in a permanent state of puberty. They go out to drink every other day just to destroy themselves with alcohol. It’s just the same endless cycle over and over. They’re always calling me to hit the clubs or go out drinking. I wouldn't mind hitting a club once a month, but I'd much rather invite them out for coffee or a drink at a nice lounge where we can actually talk, laugh, and hear each other. Not like those deaf, silent people just pounding drinks and nodding their heads in some loud club. There are eight of them, and not one has ever been in a serious relationship. Every single night out is strictly about getting wasted and nothing else. None of them have jobs or any real direction in life, which is honestly sad. It kind of revolts me to think about living just for the next beer or wondering who to call to go drinking every single night. For the last three years, I’ve been turning them down for those kinds of nights. Instead, I’ve tried organizing BBQs, occasional coffee runs, walks, or just good conversations. I even tried introducing them to my fiancée's friends, but they always turn everything into a massive, obnoxious joke. Lately, because of the wedding, the apartment, and work, I haven't had time to go out at all. My friends took it as a huge betrayal. Now they don't even invite me for coffee anymore because, according to them, "he ditched us for his girl." They’ve gotten so stuck up, too. Every time I reach out to grab a drink, the response is always, "We already made plans!" and they just leave without me. So, after this long rant, here's my question:
"Do you think I'm doing something wrong? Am I thinking about life the wrong way, and why do you think people act like this?"
Thanks.

It all comes down to herd mentality. Honestly, you're better off finding a new circle of people who actually think for themselves and leave those mindless sheep to wallow in their own misery. ☕

Just live your life! Honestly, people like those "friends" of yours are just clones—carbon copies of nothing special. You really don't need that kind of energy in your circle...

I think you’re making a mistake by giving so much headspace to people who haven't been close to you for a long time. Honestly, we all just outgrow friends from different chapters of our lives; it’s just how it works.
Just focus on enjoying your engagement and building your future. Unfortunately, I guess you'll have to leave some people behind along the way.

They aren't your friends, and they sure as hell aren't friends with each other either; it’s just a bunch of people using one another as nothing more than drinking buddies.
Actual friends would actually be happy for you and your success, but if these people were even remotely sane, they’d have actual lives and hobbies instead of just this.
You really need to kill the illusion that these guys are your circle because if they ever were, they clearly aren't anymore, so just enjoy life with your fiancée and go out and find some real people and a decent social life together.

crimsonfox51 said:Hey everyone.
At 27, I’m looking back at all those wild parties I used to throw with my crew from this hilarious, lighthearted perspective—back when that lifestyle was actually "in." But then you meet the right person. You decide to focus on your career, shift your mindset about the future, and work on yourself. You try to be better in every way possible. Honestly, I’ve reached a point where I’m genuinely looking forward to 2019 so I can finally get married, settle down, and start a family. My fiancée and I both have steady jobs, and we’re currently planning our future and looking at buying an apartment together. You eventually realize what actually brings real happiness. Unlike my friends, unfortunately. My buddies—some even older than me—are still stuck in a permanent state of puberty. They go out to drink every other day just to destroy themselves with alcohol. It’s just the same endless cycle over and over. They’re always calling me to hit the clubs or go out drinking. I wouldn't mind hitting a club once a month, but I'd much rather invite them out for coffee or a drink at a nice lounge where we can actually talk, laugh, and hear each other. Not like those deaf, silent people just pounding drinks and nodding their heads in some loud club. There are eight of them, and not one has ever been in a serious relationship. Every single night out is strictly about getting wasted and nothing else. None of them have jobs or any real direction in life, which is honestly sad. It kind of revolts me to think about living just for the next beer or wondering who to call to go drinking every single night. For the last three years, I’ve been turning them down for those kinds of nights. Instead, I’ve tried organizing BBQs, occasional coffee runs, walks, or just good conversations. I even tried introducing them to my fiancée's friends, but they always turn everything into a massive, obnoxious joke. Lately, because of the wedding, the apartment, and work, I haven't had time to go out at all. My friends took it as a huge betrayal. Now they don't even invite me for coffee anymore because, according to them, "he ditched us for his girl." They’ve gotten so stuck up, too. Every time I reach out to grab a drink, the response is always, "We already made plans!" and they just leave without me. So, after this long rant, here's my question:
"Do you think I'm doing something wrong? Am I thinking about life the wrong way, and why do you think people act like this?"
Thanks.

You are, yeah. It's because you're way too insecure about your own life choices, and you're letting them reject you instead. You're letting them dump all this guilt on you, making you feel like you're the one doing something wrong to them, 😵 when you should have just told them, "Forget this crowd, I'm not into the constant bender lifestyle. When you're ready to hang out like normal adults, let me know. Otherwise, stop leaving me out of the loop."

But you didn't do that because you lack confidence, and you're trying to start a family. God help me. I can only imagine how much someone as easily swayed as you will struggle when that same group tries to talk you into stupid stuff once family life gets stressful and heavy—maybe in 5 or 6 years, when the routine sets in and you think, "Man, is this really it? Is this all I wanted out of life?!"

Man, I’ve been there—my old neighborhood crew kicked me out of the circle once, and honestly? It crushed me. I felt like such a loser because, at the time, my need to belong was way stronger than my actual self-respect. The guy who tossed me aside actually called me back later, and we ended up hanging out and acting like total idiots again—just like we did when we were teenagers. But then, I finally walked away for good. And you know what happened? Everything started looking up the second I cut them out of my life. While they were sinking, I was rising, and suddenly they actually started respecting me... trying to crawl back into my life to hang out again. But I shut that door tight. We used to act all tough, like we had this unbreakable street code, but let's be real—we were just a bunch of nobodies. Our conversations were basically just us laughing about how God clearly has a sense of humor for protecting fools like us. We knew exactly who we were, deep down. So, if they’re using those manipulative little tricks to try and pull you back in, just realize they know exactly what they're doing. You can find a community without them. At the end of the day, it's your call who gets a seat at your table. As for my old squad? Yeah, we were friends once, but that's ancient history. I'm not that kid anymore. Just drop the guilt complex and let them go play in the sandbox.