I'm feeling anxious about everything

I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Exposure therapy. Yeah, it’s brutal—but it’s really the only way.
Go slow.
Just little bits at a time.
Whatever works for you.
Start with one thing, then move to the second, third, fourth... maybe tenth.

Fear is essentially just a liar.

For instance,
I used to be terrified of making eye contact with people.
So, I started writing in a notebook over and over: look people in the eye, look people in the eye, look people in the eye...
Eventually, it actually became kind of funny.
Now? I basically stare everyone down.
It's actually pretty amusing.

Maria Price3 said:Exposure therapy. Yeah, it’s brutal—but it’s really the only way.
Go slow.
Just little bits at a time.
Whatever works for you.
Start with one thing, then move to the second, third, fourth... maybe tenth.

Fear is essentially just a liar.

For instance,
I used to be terrified of making eye contact with people.
So, I started writing in a notebook over and over: look people in the eye, look people in the eye, look people in the eye...
Eventually, it actually became kind of funny.
Now? I basically stare everyone down.
It's actually pretty amusing.

Can you walk me through this "laying it out" idea? What exactly do you mean by that?

I went ahead and updated my post above. For instance

I noticed you edited your post to include an example. Thanks.
I really dig that gif in your signature. 👍

Yeah, I missed your post earlier. 😵

Thanks, but honestly, whatever it turns out to be, just deal with it 🙂)

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Hi there!

You and I are dealing with the exact same issue. We are both just terrified of living! We worry about this, we worry about that, we worry about absolutely everything. But why are we so afraid? We're afraid because our parents didn't step up and toughen us up when they should have, and they didn't help us grow into independent, strong individuals.

We're dependent on them, and that's a bond we have to break. It won't be easy, but believe me, it can be done.

You're 31. You are young! I truly believe you will overcome these fears 🙂 .

neonsailor26 said:Hi there!

You and I are dealing with the exact same issue. We are both just terrified of living! We worry about this, we worry about that, we worry about absolutely everything. But why are we so afraid? We're afraid because our parents didn't step up and toughen us up when they should have, and they didn't help us grow into independent, strong individuals.

We're dependent on them, and that's a bond we have to break. It won't be easy, but believe me, it can be done.

You're 31. You are young! I truly believe you will overcome these fears 🙂 .

Spot on.

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Everything. As long as a job is legitimate, you can do it—even if it's cleaning.
It is never too late for a new adventure.
Having a vocational degree doesn't mean you aren't just as smart as your friends who might have university degrees.
You can't lose true friends. They love you for who you are, regardless.
Honestly, I'm starting to see... that being alone is something very few people can truly handle.
If I'm being honest, there's just one thing I'm worried about regarding you... and that's that you're being way too negative.
Always positive.
Well, maybe not always... :-)

The only thing that actually changes if you fail is your headspace, and even that is nothing more than a temporary setback. Are you really too old for this? Is it possible to become proficient in any language after a year of study? A weekend trip to New York City? Come on, those are just two days out of an entire lifetime. My high school teacher had already finished her degree by the time she was lecturing us at 36. Then there's my cousin; she dropped out of business school at 20 because our parents were forcing the issue, insisting it was the only way to ensure a comfortable life. Well, she went back in her 30s, and she’s already a year into it.

It is never too late for anything. Everything you truly desire is waiting for you just on the other side of fear.
Try looking at it this way: when you wake up and realize that any given day could realistically be your last, would you "waste" it obsessing over everything you wrote, or would you spend it working toward those dreams? Even if things don't pan out perfectly, at least you'll know you spent your life pursuing something you actually cared about in the moment.

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Fear. It's just fear. That's all it is.
Why can't you just pull yourself together? Would you let someone rip your skin off or gouge your eyes out? Because this isn't your skin, and those aren't your eyes.
So, you move away from the source of the fear—even if it's just mentally at first, if you can't do it physically.
And you're damn intelligent. 🙂 I'll say it again. You are intelligent.
That's my take on it.

You are being lazy. Are you not afraid that you won't actually finish everything, but rather that you will simply remain idle and miss out on life?
I recently read a book suggesting that one should focus exclusively on the most profitable tasks and only address anything else if time permits.

What is the point of studying three languages and taking those dance classes? Do you truly believe you will become a simultaneous interpreter for all three and make millions? And what about that Fax job you have held for ten years? Why bother when you will just move on to professional training for $667, followed by some tedious administrative role paying $4,000 or $5,000 a year?
The Fax job is merely an entry point into white-collar work; the real money lies in SSS and the IT sector.

Rather than wasting time on pursuits that yield nothing, why not focus on video editing or something similar? Wouldn't that bring in a decent income and make your life much better?

Carl Cox3 said:You are being lazy. Are you not afraid that you won't actually finish everything, but rather that you will simply remain idle and miss out on life?
I recently read a book suggesting that one should focus exclusively on the most profitable tasks and only address anything else if time permits.

What is the point of studying three languages and taking those dance classes? Do you truly believe you will become a simultaneous interpreter for all three and make millions? And what about that Fax job you have held for ten years? Why bother when you will just move on to professional training for $667, followed by some tedious administrative role paying $4,000 or $5,000 a year?
The Fax job is merely an entry point into white-collar work; the real money lies in SSS and the IT sector.

Rather than wasting time on pursuits that yield nothing, why not focus on video editing or something similar? Wouldn't that bring in a decent income and make your life much better?

Personally, I’m teaching myself how to code 🙂. I've been diving into Python and stuff like that... 🙂.

@Winston Churchill, how did you actually kick that addiction? You claim it’s possible.

@Yuna, look, I’m not trying to be a translator, nor do I expect fluency in these languages to make me some billionaire. I just like them. It’s like if you had a thing for Japanese. Or it's like tango. I want to learn it simply because it's my thing.

@Hostija, I never learned how to hustle. Like Winston Churchill says, when I needed to learn, there was nobody around to teach me. Especially not my parents. My mother and grandmother were the types to tell me the worst things imaginable—calling me a monster or pure evil.

ps. Thanks for the conclusion!

@EDeva, I feel like failure has become my permanent state of being, and I haven't the slightest clue how to turn it into something temporary. That would certainly make life a whole lot easier.

@Arthur Grant3, you hit the nail on the head regarding the girlfriends and college. And you're right—you can't lose what isn't real. Honestly, I almost wish they weren't real. At least I have luck in that department. 👏

Enjoy yourself.
At the end of the day—it's all about your attitude.

We all deal with fear, but honestly, sometimes we just use our anxieties as a convenient excuse to avoid actually living our lives. If you keep running from it, this is exactly how things play out:

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

The reality is that life doesn't just shift gears on its own; you have to be the one to drive the change. You can't just tread water and complain about the current; you have to start moving. Start with the tiny, almost insignificant things. Pick something trivial and ask yourself, "What’s the absolute worst-case scenario here?" Like, go see a stylist at a salon in downtown Chicago this Wednesday and get a haircut. What could possibly happen? Maybe you won't love the style? It’s just hair—it grows back. But regardless, you win because you finally broke the inertia and moved from a standstill.

Before you can tackle the massive shifts, you really need to pull yourself together and find some clarity. Looking at what you wrote, those aren't actual plans; they're just a collection of scattered thoughts. It feels to me like you don't even know what your end goal is yet, let alone how to build a financial foundation to support it. And you have to accept that there might be certain things that simply aren't within reach right now. Figure out what your true priorities are and start there. That would be an actual plan, rather than the list of uncertainties you've presented.

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

You don't really have any problems other than the ones you're creating in your own head.
Why does your life have to look exactly how you scripted it? Why would it be bad if things turned out differently instead of exactly as planned? What's actually missing for people who work lower-paying jobs? Is there *anything* you aren't afraid of starting with?

Get it together—you aren't better than anyone else, and nobody is better or worse than you. People make plans and dreams, but God laughs, which basically means everyone has dreams, but in reality, we live lives that are pretty far from those ideals. Just grow up and accept that. Get a job—any job—until you find something better. If you don't find something better, you'll just keep doing what you're doing. You'll manage to afford what you can and live a life within your means.
You've fallen into this loop of overthinking and you're just obsessed with your own insecurities. Anyone could spiral like this... I certainly have before.

Besides, if I were in your shoes, I’d just pack my bags, grab some cleaning supplies, and head down to Florida to start doing vacation rentals and condos. Honestly, you could probably pull in more cash than some engineer out there—plus, you won't be bored, you'll get to soak up the sun, and who knows? You might even meet a cute guy along the way... pretty solid start if you ask me...

Even if your birthday isn't in April 😁

I totally get where you're coming from—though, honestly, there isn't much sense in trying to argue with it.

Regarding that comment about how low-wage jobs are treated... I work a manual labor gig for minimum wage myself, and let me tell you—nobody is going to look you in the eye and say, "Hey, this job sucks, go find something better immediately." Instead, they give you that look—you know the one—where they pity you for being stuck there. They wonder how you even survive on that amount, or worse, they question if you even have any ambition. It’s not just my imagination, either; people really do feel that judgment. Not everyone who makes more money looks down on you, of course, but in my experience—at least for a good portion of them—that subtle condescension is definitely real.

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

First things first, you gotta start actually liking yourself. Just a little bit at a time. Take some tiny steps for yourself—nothing huge, just small wins every single day.

Start there.

fadedmason4 said:Even if your birthday isn't in April 😁

I totally get where you're coming from—though, honestly, there isn't much sense in trying to argue with it.

Regarding that comment about how low-wage jobs are treated... I work a manual labor gig for minimum wage myself, and let me tell you—nobody is going to look you in the eye and say, "Hey, this job sucks, go find something better immediately." Instead, they give you that look—you know the one—where they pity you for being stuck there. They wonder how you even survive on that amount, or worse, they question if you even have any ambition. It’s not just my imagination, either; people really do feel that judgment. Not everyone who makes more money looks down on you, of course, but in my experience—at least for a good portion of them—that subtle condescension is definitely real.

It's true though, people have biases. For instance, since I make a pretty decent living, I struggle to really tap into the mindset of people working retail or service jobs for peanuts. Some things are just built-in, you know? Like you can't teach an old dog new tricks...
But seriously, why should you care what someone thinks about you or how you pay your bills? You probably have your own biases about other people too, right? We all do...
As far as I'm concerned, the main thing is just doing whatever it takes to stay afloat. Besides, plenty of folks have the chance to land a better gig and then pick up side hustles to basically pull in a second paycheck... Personally, I think a skilled tradesperson can outearn your average engineer. Sure, an engineer might start off with a slightly higher salary, but nothing you can't make up for by picking up a few extra shifts on a Saturday... especially when you haven't spent five or six years grinding through college...