#1 ·
Hi everyone,
The core issue is my own insecurity. It’s bleeding into my relationship, even though, objectively speaking, things are going great. My girlfriend gives me absolutely no reason to doubt her. When we are together, everything functions perfectly. But the moment we are apart, I start spiraling. I convince myself she’s texting someone else or that there’s someone else she finds more attractive. There is zero evidence for this; it’s entirely internal. Social media is the main trigger. She has an Instagram account, which is standard, but seeing a photo get a hundred likes sends me into a tailspin. I find myself obsessively checking who liked her posts, clicking through their profiles to compare myself to them, and checking if she liked their photos in return. It’s a possessive, obsessive loop that I can't seem to break. I’ve actually reached out to a psychologist for help, but I’m still waiting for my appointment. She’s actually very transparent. She was the one who put a heart and our anniversary date in her Instagram bio, essentially showing her followers that she’s in a committed relationship. Her posts are completely innocent—just simple selfies or scenery. She’s a decent, polite, and somewhat shy person. Sometimes she’ll post a photo and immediately follow it with a story of us together, which I find sweet. But even after those moments, two days later, I’ll be back to imagining her leaving me or hiding someone from me. Subconsciously, I know it isn't true. Our communication is excellent. We are incredibly affectionate, and I probably overcompensate by telling her how much I love her constantly because I'm terrified of losing her. She gets shy and blushes because she’s genuinely a modest, well-mannered girl.
To be blunt, I’ve descended into monitoring everything: whose photos she likes, who follows her, who she follows. If I see a guy from her high school liking all her posts, I immediately start comparing myself to him, thinking he’s a better option and that she’ll eventually leave me for him. It sounds manic, but it’s my reality. In truth, there is no logic to my suspicion. She is top-tier. She doesn't even have a passcode on her phone, and when we are out, it sits right there on the table. No other guys message her, and she isn't texting anyone secretly. When a friend texts her, she just opens Messenger or Instagram right in front of me. She hides nothing. This gives me peace for maybe two days, but as soon as life gets busy with college or work and we aren't seeing each other, the paranoia returns. It’s affecting my quality of life, causing anxiety and depression. She even keeps a photo of us as her phone wallpaper, which is a clear sign of her commitment. I know she cares about me, and she tells me so constantly, but I can't stop the cycle. I am going to see a professional, but I would appreciate any advice from anyone here who has dealt with similar experiences. How did you handle it? The post is long, but there is more weighing on me that I haven't even mentioned yet. I think I've covered the main points.
To be clear, I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while now—specifically health anxiety and hypochondria. I’m on medication for it, which honestly works great; the physical symptoms are gone. But this mental struggle regarding self-doubt and my general outlook on life is killing me.
I actually brought this up with her once before. I asked if her feelings toward me had changed, even though there wasn't any actual reason or sign to suggest they had. It was just my own head playing tricks on me. She told me they hadn't changed and asked me to stop asking, because questioning it like that ends up hurting her feelings since she hasn't given me any reason to doubt her. She's right, and I know it.
The core issue is my own insecurity. It’s bleeding into my relationship, even though, objectively speaking, things are going great. My girlfriend gives me absolutely no reason to doubt her. When we are together, everything functions perfectly. But the moment we are apart, I start spiraling. I convince myself she’s texting someone else or that there’s someone else she finds more attractive. There is zero evidence for this; it’s entirely internal. Social media is the main trigger. She has an Instagram account, which is standard, but seeing a photo get a hundred likes sends me into a tailspin. I find myself obsessively checking who liked her posts, clicking through their profiles to compare myself to them, and checking if she liked their photos in return. It’s a possessive, obsessive loop that I can't seem to break. I’ve actually reached out to a psychologist for help, but I’m still waiting for my appointment. She’s actually very transparent. She was the one who put a heart and our anniversary date in her Instagram bio, essentially showing her followers that she’s in a committed relationship. Her posts are completely innocent—just simple selfies or scenery. She’s a decent, polite, and somewhat shy person. Sometimes she’ll post a photo and immediately follow it with a story of us together, which I find sweet. But even after those moments, two days later, I’ll be back to imagining her leaving me or hiding someone from me. Subconsciously, I know it isn't true. Our communication is excellent. We are incredibly affectionate, and I probably overcompensate by telling her how much I love her constantly because I'm terrified of losing her. She gets shy and blushes because she’s genuinely a modest, well-mannered girl.
To be blunt, I’ve descended into monitoring everything: whose photos she likes, who follows her, who she follows. If I see a guy from her high school liking all her posts, I immediately start comparing myself to him, thinking he’s a better option and that she’ll eventually leave me for him. It sounds manic, but it’s my reality. In truth, there is no logic to my suspicion. She is top-tier. She doesn't even have a passcode on her phone, and when we are out, it sits right there on the table. No other guys message her, and she isn't texting anyone secretly. When a friend texts her, she just opens Messenger or Instagram right in front of me. She hides nothing. This gives me peace for maybe two days, but as soon as life gets busy with college or work and we aren't seeing each other, the paranoia returns. It’s affecting my quality of life, causing anxiety and depression. She even keeps a photo of us as her phone wallpaper, which is a clear sign of her commitment. I know she cares about me, and she tells me so constantly, but I can't stop the cycle. I am going to see a professional, but I would appreciate any advice from anyone here who has dealt with similar experiences. How did you handle it? The post is long, but there is more weighing on me that I haven't even mentioned yet. I think I've covered the main points.
To be clear, I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while now—specifically health anxiety and hypochondria. I’m on medication for it, which honestly works great; the physical symptoms are gone. But this mental struggle regarding self-doubt and my general outlook on life is killing me.
I actually brought this up with her once before. I asked if her feelings toward me had changed, even though there wasn't any actual reason or sign to suggest they had. It was just my own head playing tricks on me. She told me they hadn't changed and asked me to stop asking, because questioning it like that ends up hurting her feelings since she hasn't given me any reason to doubt her. She's right, and I know it.