Self-Respect: How do you practice it?

I know I don't really respect myself.
When I think about my anxiety, or this constant sense of being depressed, and I look back at all my relationships throughout my life—it's pretty obvious I never actually built up any self-respect (or self-confidence, obviously).
It’s always felt weird to me how other people seem to have at least a little more self-esteem than I do. How did they learn it, and why, honestly, haven't I developed it?

Do you guys think psychotherapy could actually make a difference here?
I guess it's probably a long road to get to something like that...

Justin Richardson said:I know I don't really respect myself.
When I think about my anxiety, or this constant sense of being depressed, and I look back at all my relationships throughout my life—it's pretty obvious I never actually built up any self-respect (or self-confidence, obviously).
It’s always felt weird to me how other people seem to have at least a little more self-esteem than I do. How did they learn it, and why, honestly, haven't I developed it?

Do you guys think psychotherapy could actually make a difference here?
I guess it's probably a long road to get to something like that...

Well, I suppose anything is possible... therapy might help anyone, including those people you find yourself comparing yourself to. At the end of the day, they’re just humans too, I guess..

I imagine it's quite a long road to achieve something like that...

It all starts with that first step, though I suppose if you haven't walked that path before, it's hard to truly grasp how long it really is 🙂 or what lies ahead. There isn't much else to it; you just have to be brave enough to try. 👍

Justin Richardson said:I know I don't really respect myself.
When I think about my anxiety, or this constant sense of being depressed, and I look back at all my relationships throughout my life—it's pretty obvious I never actually built up any self-respect (or self-confidence, obviously).
It’s always felt weird to me how other people seem to have at least a little more self-esteem than I do. How did they learn it, and why, honestly, haven't I developed it?

Do you guys think psychotherapy could actually make a difference here?
I guess it's probably a long road to get to something like that...

I was listening to a therapist on a podcast recently, and one thing stuck with me. If, for instance, your father was cold and critical toward you, that dynamic eventually becomes your internal dialogue. That's it. Your relationship with a parent becomes your personality. That's where I am. I don't trust myself, I'm incredibly self-critical, I'm cold to myself, I demand too much, and I feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Naturally, I'm going to therapy. It's grueling. But at least you understand the origin of it all—why we turned out the way we did.
Someone else made us this way. They didn't know any better. But changing it? That's the hard part.

Justin Richardson said:I know I don't really respect myself.
When I think about my anxiety, or this constant sense of being depressed, and I look back at all my relationships throughout my life—it's pretty obvious I never actually built up any self-respect (or self-confidence, obviously).
It’s always felt weird to me how other people seem to have at least a little more self-esteem than I do. How did they learn it, and why, honestly, haven't I developed it?

Do you guys think psychotherapy could actually make a difference here?
I guess it's probably a long road to get to something like that...

Absolutely.

As for everyone else... they're different people entirely—raised in different circumstances, different environments, surrounded by a completely different circle of people they learned from and observed. What I'm trying to say is, you aren't to blame for this. You are who you are, period. Focus on your own accomplishments and your strengths. As for that part where you're searching for and feeling like you deserve your place under the sun... yes, psychotherapy could definitely help there. It certainly helped me.

boldnomad45 said:I was listening to a therapist on a podcast recently, and one thing stuck with me. If, for instance, your father was cold and critical toward you, that dynamic eventually becomes your internal dialogue. That's it. Your relationship with a parent becomes your personality. That's where I am. I don't trust myself, I'm incredibly self-critical, I'm cold to myself, I demand too much, and I feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Naturally, I'm going to therapy. It's grueling. But at least you understand the origin of it all—why we turned out the way we did.
Someone else made us this way. They didn't know any better. But changing it? That's the hard part.

Nobody can actually change who they are at their core—you can't force yourself to be someone you aren't. Therapy is supposed to help you find yourself again, maybe even empower you, and try to shift your perspective. Real change isn't about rewriting your DNA or your personality traits, it's about smashing those old, shitty assumptions you have about yourself.

Nancy Lee84 said:Nobody can actually change who they are at their core—you can't force yourself to be someone you aren't. Therapy is supposed to help you find yourself again, maybe even empower you, and try to shift your perspective. Real change isn't about rewriting your DNA or your personality traits, it's about smashing those old, shitty assumptions you have about yourself.

Nancy, I have to tell you, stumbling upon your insights on this platform is a genuinely profound experience. 🙂

casualcanyon3 said:Nancy, I have to tell you, stumbling upon your insights on this platform is a genuinely profound experience. 🙂

Is it too much ego if I say thanks? 🙂

Nancy Lee84 said:Is it too much ego if I say thanks? 🙂

As far as I'm concerned—not in the slightest.

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Well, I suppose anything is possible... therapy might help anyone, including those people you find yourself comparing yourself to. At the end of the day, they’re just humans too, I guess..

I imagine it's quite a long road to achieve something like that...

It all starts with that first step, though I suppose if you haven't walked that path before, it's hard to truly grasp how long it really is 🙂 or what lies ahead. There isn't much else to it; you just have to be brave enough to try. 👍

Andrew Doyle said:Absolutely.

As for everyone else... they're different people entirely—raised in different circumstances, different environments, surrounded by a completely different circle of people they learned from and observed. What I'm trying to say is, you aren't to blame for this. You are who you are, period. Focus on your own accomplishments and your strengths. As for that part where you're searching for and feeling like you deserve your place under the sun... yes, psychotherapy could definitely help there. It certainly helped me.

Thanks!
I guess I'll start therapy once I can actually afford it.

boldnomad45 said:I was listening to a therapist on a podcast recently, and one thing stuck with me. If, for instance, your father was cold and critical toward you, that dynamic eventually becomes your internal dialogue. That's it. Your relationship with a parent becomes your personality. That's where I am. I don't trust myself, I'm incredibly self-critical, I'm cold to myself, I demand too much, and I feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Naturally, I'm going to therapy. It's grueling. But at least you understand the origin of it all—why we turned out the way we did.
Someone else made us this way. They didn't know any better. But changing it? That's the hard part.

Yeah, I get it. Family influence is huge when it comes to shaping who someone becomes. I guess that's just how it works.

Justin Richardson:

I guess Gajto Gazdanov doesn't really have much to say about this. Maybe. He's pretty quiet most of the time anyway. Justin Richardson says: No one can actually change who they are. Trying to be something else is pointless. Therapy is supposed to—or at least should—be about finding yourself. It’s about self-promotion, I guess. You use it to try and shift your own perspective. Real change isn't about altering your personality or your core traits; it's just changing the assumptions you hold about yourself. Maybe.

This all sounds pretty pessimistic to me 😢
I don't want my only takeaway from therapy to be "learning how to promote myself"—that should just be step one. Personal perspective? Well, I guess no matter which way I look at my own behavior, the picture stays the same.