Disowning a family member

I'm not entirely sure where this belongs, but I suppose I'm looking for some perspective on how people might handle a situation like this.

I'll keep this brief: a close family member, an armed robbery, and a conviction.

I guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, that person is still worth having in my life, or if any kind of relationship is even worth valuing anymore.

😢 I suppose I have to start with myself (since there isn't really any other logical point of departure 🤷)... and I find myself wondering what my own worth actually is. As for everyone else, I tend to leave it to them to judge their own value 🙂

If I were to ask you, would you consider yourself worthy of that person?

And can one human being truly be considered worthy of another if they spend their time devaluing them? 🙂

My answer is always yes. I believe every single human life holds inherent value, even when others choose to condemn, belittle, isolate, categorize, select, censor, kill, steal, lie, cheat, assault, maim, shame, ridicule, or undermine. And, perhaps most egregiously, even when they engage in the theater of politics, whether as a career or merely as a hobby 😵

The conformists, of course, will always scramble for excuses... or perhaps they'll just start new threads on a forum like this, hoping someone else will validate their way of life 😵

It all boils down to whether a lifestyle change is actually feasible.

Jack Jones7 said:It all boils down to whether a lifestyle change is actually feasible.

So, the intrinsic value of a human life is contingent upon their way of living?! 🙂

p.s. I suppose this is a rather arrogant stance to take, and even though I am merely posing the question, I can’t help but feel a bit hypocritical... asking such a thing, or rather, adopting a position regarding the valuation of a human being... if the implications aren't clear, then perhaps the phrase "playing God" carries more weight than one might realize; just imagine how it would feel if someone were to play with you in that exact manner.😈

p.s.s. when will it be my turn for an evaluation?🙂

boldbadger20 said:I'm not entirely sure where this belongs, but I suppose I'm looking for some perspective on how people might handle a situation like this.

I'll keep this brief: a close family member, an armed robbery, and a conviction.

I guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, that person is still worth having in my life, or if any kind of relationship is even worth valuing anymore.

Are you seriously asking people who don't know a single thing about you or this individual? It’s a bit bizarre, frankly. It is nearly impossible to even make a generalization here because there are a million different variables that dictate how our decisions actually play out in the real world.

My personal philosophy is simple: I measure a hundred times and cut once. But when I finally decide to cut ties, there is absolutely no going back. That shift happens on a profound, internal level within me. I suppose we all have one—that invisible line we call a boundary. Once someone crosses it, the bridge isn't just burned; it's gone. There is no return trip.
I am not sitting here theorizing; I am speaking from lived experience. Even a member of my own immediate family pushed me to my absolute limit with their behavior, and we haven't spoken since. I spent years trying to fix things, desperately hoping for a change, but eventually, the day came where I simply felt it was over. And that was it. Period. The relationship is dead and buried.

boldbadger20 said:I'm not entirely sure where this belongs, but I suppose I'm looking for some perspective on how people might handle a situation like this.

I'll keep this brief: a close family member, an armed robbery, and a conviction.

I guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, that person is still worth having in my life, or if any kind of relationship is even worth valuing anymore.

Too little info here.
Was it his first time? Did he go solo or with a crew? Was there a motive? Give us something to work with.
If everyone just cuts him loose, he’s probably gonna screw up again.

Maybe you’ll end up facing a judge yourself one day—say, for a DUI or something. You really want your family turning their backs on you then?

I guess maybe it’s just how things go, though I suppose one could argue that everything is eventually destined to fall apart if you wait long enough.

Andrew Doyle said:Are you seriously asking people who don't know a single thing about you or this individual? It’s a bit bizarre, frankly. It is nearly impossible to even make a generalization here because there are a million different variables that dictate how our decisions actually play out in the real world.

My personal philosophy is simple: I measure a hundred times and cut once. But when I finally decide to cut ties, there is absolutely no going back. That shift happens on a profound, internal level within me. I suppose we all have one—that invisible line we call a boundary. Once someone crosses it, the bridge isn't just burned; it's gone. There is no return trip.
I am not sitting here theorizing; I am speaking from lived experience. Even a member of my own immediate family pushed me to my absolute limit with their behavior, and we haven't spoken since. I spent years trying to fix things, desperately hoping for a change, but eventually, the day came where I simply felt it was over. And that was it. Period. The relationship is dead and buried.

Just asking in general terms, I guess.

Quincy:

rustywolf65 I guess maybe there's some truth to what rustywolf65 was saying, though I'm not entirely sure. There just isn't enough data to go on, I guess. I guess you're wondering about that first heist—whether he pulled it off solo or had a crew behind him, or if there was some specific motive driving the whole thing... maybe. If everyone just turns their back on him, I guess there’s a pretty good chance he’ll just end up making another foolish mistake. I guess you might end up facing a judgment call yourself one day, maybe over something like a traffic violation or a minor legal mishap, and I wonder if you'd really want your own family turning their backs on you because of it.

I suppose there isn't much data to work with here, but I don't really feel like sharing too much, I guess.

It wasn't exactly just one person, I guess; there was actually quite a whole crew involved, and it probably wasn't even driven by a lack of funds, maybe.

I guess what does traffic have to do with any of this? Sure, you could kill someone behind the wheel and end up in prison, but that feels like a completely different issue entirely, unless we're talking about truly reckless driving. This whole thing just seems like an organized heist to me.

I don't necessarily mean to turn my back on him, though I suppose the way those people view everything is a whole different issue and a massive problem, since they seem to be branded that way for the rest of their lives.

What did they even do to you?
Were they actually unfair to you?

It’s cold-blooded to just turn your back on someone you were close to, especially if they haven't done anything wrong.

That robbery led to a conviction—that's more than enough punishment right there.

You’re supposed to back up the people close to you and give them strength when things get rough, not kick them while they're down.

It doesn't matter whether that individual was being polite to him or not.

You could be the kindest soul in the world to me—never lifting a finger to hurt my feelings—but if you go out of your way to intentionally cause trouble for someone else, then as far as I'm concerned, our relationship is over for good.

Let’s look at a little hypothetical scenario involving three people, whom I'll just call A, B, and C for simplicity...

Person A is always wonderful to Person B; they show love, they care, and they're incredibly supportive.

However, when it comes to Person C, Person A is incredibly rude—totally unprovoked—constantly looking for ways to cause them harm or put them in an embarrassing situation.

So, what should Person B do in this situation? Should they keep hanging out with Person A simply because they receive affection, even while watching Person A humiliate and attack Person C for absolutely no reason? Or should they cut ties with Person A because of how they treat Person C?

In my view, if Person B has even an ounce of respect for others, they really ought to walk away from Person A entirely.

You can't claim to love and respect me while simultaneously attacking someone else just because you feel like being a bully.

That’s just not how I operate.

Either you're a person of character, or you're just a total pushover—as they might say back in some small town in the Midwest...

boldbadger20 said:I'm not entirely sure where this belongs, but I suppose I'm looking for some perspective on how people might handle a situation like this.

I'll keep this brief: a close family member, an armed robbery, and a conviction.

I guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, that person is still worth having in my life, or if any kind of relationship is even worth valuing anymore.

My father disowned me twice.
The first time was when I left my husband. My father only came back around once he finally understood what actually happened and why I made that choice—he didn't care about the "why" at the time; he only cared about the gossip. Now, he loves me.
The second time was because he found out I had coffee with someone who wasn't Catholic, but a Jew.
He even tried to turn the entire family against me just because I don't support the Republican Party.😁
I just tuned him out (besides, I live far away from them anyway).
Eventually, everyone came around; they love me, they're on my side, and they look forward to my visits.
At the end of the day: one good friend is worth more than an entire family. (Even if we are all "good" now 😁).
How I felt during those periods of being "disowned" doesn't matter; what matters is that I refused to let it break me in any way.

James Hall68 said:My father disowned me twice.
The first time was when I left my husband. My father only came back around once he finally understood what actually happened and why I made that choice—he didn't care about the "why" at the time; he only cared about the gossip. Now, he loves me.
The second time was because he found out I had coffee with someone who wasn't Catholic, but a Jew.
He even tried to turn the entire family against me just because I don't support the Republican Party.😁
I just tuned him out (besides, I live far away from them anyway).
Eventually, everyone came around; they love me, they're on my side, and they look forward to my visits.
At the end of the day: one good friend is worth more than an entire family. (Even if we are all "good" now 😁).
How I felt during those periods of being "disowned" doesn't matter; what matters is that I refused to let it break me in any way.

😱😱😱

James Hall68 said:My father disowned me twice.
The first time was when I left my husband. My father only came back around once he finally understood what actually happened and why I made that choice—he didn't care about the "why" at the time; he only cared about the gossip. Now, he loves me.
The second time was because he found out I had coffee with someone who wasn't Catholic, but a Jew.
He even tried to turn the entire family against me just because I don't support the Republican Party.😁
I just tuned him out (besides, I live far away from them anyway).
Eventually, everyone came around; they love me, they're on my side, and they look forward to my visits.
At the end of the day: one good friend is worth more than an entire family. (Even if we are all "good" now 😁).
How I felt during those periods of being "disowned" doesn't matter; what matters is that I refused to let it break me in any way.

I remember reading a quote somewhere once, something along these lines:
Family. They are those people you wouldn't want to deal with for a single second if they weren't related to you.

James Hall68 said:My father disowned me twice.
The first time was when I left my husband. My father only came back around once he finally understood what actually happened and why I made that choice—he didn't care about the "why" at the time; he only cared about the gossip. Now, he loves me.
The second time was because he found out I had coffee with someone who wasn't Catholic, but a Jew.
He even tried to turn the entire family against me just because I don't support the Republican Party.😁
I just tuned him out (besides, I live far away from them anyway).
Eventually, everyone came around; they love me, they're on my side, and they look forward to my visits.
At the end of the day: one good friend is worth more than an entire family. (Even if we are all "good" now 😁).
How I felt during those periods of being "disowned" doesn't matter; what matters is that I refused to let it break me in any way.

👍

Family is just something you're born into, through no fault of your own. Friends are the ones you choose for yourself.