I'm still the same person at 30 as I was at 18... is that normal?

I find myself gravitating toward the exact same things. Same hobbies, the same circle of friends, the same political outlook and core beliefs. It’s the same music I listen to, the same movies, books, and games I dive into. I read the same news outlets, visit the same websites, laugh at the same kind of humor, and eat and drink the same stuff...

Physically, I’m basically the same guy I was at 18, just maybe 7 or 8 pounds heavier and perhaps an inch or two taller. My facial hair still hasn't decided to show up, just like back then, and I still deal with the occasional breakout. People actually ask to see my driver's license sometimes because they think I look way younger than I actually am.

I did manage to wrap up my college degree in the meantime, though I don't feel like a single bit smarter for having it.

Right now, I’m pretty content with where I'm at. I figured out what kind of life I wanted to live quite early on, so I guess I’m wondering if it’s normal to stay this consistent, or if I should be shaking things up just for the sake of personal growth...

William Hall93 said:I find myself gravitating toward the exact same things. Same hobbies, the same circle of friends, the same political outlook and core beliefs. It’s the same music I listen to, the same movies, books, and games I dive into. I read the same news outlets, visit the same websites, laugh at the same kind of humor, and eat and drink the same stuff...

Physically, I’m basically the same guy I was at 18, just maybe 7 or 8 pounds heavier and perhaps an inch or two taller. My facial hair still hasn't decided to show up, just like back then, and I still deal with the occasional breakout. People actually ask to see my driver's license sometimes because they think I look way younger than I actually am.

I did manage to wrap up my college degree in the meantime, though I don't feel like a single bit smarter for having it.

Right now, I’m pretty content with where I'm at. I figured out what kind of life I wanted to live quite early on, so I guess I’m wondering if it’s normal to stay this consistent, or if I should be shaking things up just for the sake of personal growth...

Personally, I feel like I’m just as stuck as I was at 26 as I was back when I was 18. I have absolutely no clue what kind of life I want to lead. I’m still afraid of most things, I’m incredibly insecure, and honestly, I can be really indecisive. I feel like I missed out on a real childhood, even though I dealt with some minor traumas growing up. I still listen to the same music, and while I used to have plenty of hobbies, I don't really have any left besides working out. I ended up dropping out of college because the whole thing just drove me crazy. Now I'm job hunting, but if I'm being honest, I don't even feel ready to enter the workforce yet...

You haven't changed one bit.

So, what's the move? Why feel pressured to follow whatever society says you should be doing? Just because there's this modern idea that everyone needs to constantly evolve doesn't mean it's a rule or even a requirement. It's all subjective. You are who you are. If you’re happy with that, why bother changing? Are you just doing it for the sake of change? If you've found what makes you tick and what you actually enjoy, then you're doing fine. Build your own life and just ignore those social expectations.

Look, if I’m actually happy right now and at peace with who I am, I don't see any point in forcing a change. Honestly, how much "forced growth" is even productive? It's debatable.

From what I can tell about myself and the people I run into, most folks only bother changing when they're miserable or when life just kicks them in the teeth and leaves them no choice.

I wouldn't go so far as to say changing is "normal," but it's definitely common. Most people do it. Some go through massive upheavals, others just make small tweaks.

I've gone through plenty of shifts over the years—different versions of myself popping up depending on whatever mess life threw my way. That's just how it goes, I guess. If things hadn't been bothering me or pushing me, I doubt I would have ever found the motivation or the damn reason to change in the first place.

If you don't feel this burning necessity to overhaul your entire existence, and you genuinely feel comfortable in your own skin, then I suppose I can't see any real issue with that.

I'm asking because there’s this whole idea that falling into a repetitive rut or a set routine long-term—though I've no clue what the actual timeframe for that would be—is devastating for your mental state, which eventually wrecks your physical health too... even if that rut is actually "productive," like it is in my case.

William Hall93 said:I'm asking because there’s this whole idea that falling into a repetitive rut or a set routine long-term—though I've no clue what the actual timeframe for that would be—is devastating for your mental state, which eventually wrecks your physical health too... even if that rut is actually "productive," like it is in my case.

So, do you actually feel that sense of being stuck or burnt out?

Not quite yet...

If that’s how you want to roll, fine. It’s your right to stay exactly the same if it makes you happy. Personally, I don't think people actually change—not their core character or psychological makeup. Your flaws and virtues? They're baked in. You're who you are. But life experience and circumstances definitely shift your perspective on people, the world, what matters, and what doesn't... even at work. The essence of a person stays constant, but their vision becomes sharper, clearer...
Life either toughens you up or completely breaks you. It all depends on what kind of hand you're dealt...
Everyone is fighting their own battle. Everyone has their wins and their losses, big and small. You can't miss every shot, and you can't hit every one either. If we did, we wouldn't be human; we'd be something much more perfect.

Relationships are basically the ultimate catalyst for growth and maturity. If you aren't out there connecting with people, it’s pretty much a mathematical certainty that you’re going to stay stuck exactly where you are, never evolving.

You honestly can't uncover the deeper layers of who you really are until you start interacting with other people—and I don't mean those shallow, surface-level small talk interactions, either.

It’s like that old saying goes: there’s a massive difference between theory and reality. It’s just like how kids often walk around thinking they’ve got the whole world figured out because it makes sense on paper, but once they actually step out into the real world, they realize things are a whole lot more complicated than they imagined.

William Hall93 said:I find myself gravitating toward the exact same things. Same hobbies, the same circle of friends, the same political outlook and core beliefs. It’s the same music I listen to, the same movies, books, and games I dive into. I read the same news outlets, visit the same websites, laugh at the same kind of humor, and eat and drink the same stuff...

Physically, I’m basically the same guy I was at 18, just maybe 7 or 8 pounds heavier and perhaps an inch or two taller. My facial hair still hasn't decided to show up, just like back then, and I still deal with the occasional breakout. People actually ask to see my driver's license sometimes because they think I look way younger than I actually am.

I did manage to wrap up my college degree in the meantime, though I don't feel like a single bit smarter for having it.

Right now, I’m pretty content with where I'm at. I figured out what kind of life I wanted to live quite early on, so I guess I’m wondering if it’s normal to stay this consistent, or if I should be shaking things up just for the sake of personal growth...

Look, if you’re genuinely happy with who you are, I don't see any reason to force changes that would normally just happen naturally over time anyway.
Besides, this whole idea of "normality" is entirely subjective. There is no universal standard, so why shouldn't you just stick to what works for you and follow your own version of "normal"?

hollowscout57 said:Relationships are basically the ultimate catalyst for growth and maturity. If you aren't out there connecting with people, it’s pretty much a mathematical certainty that you’re going to stay stuck exactly where you are, never evolving.

You honestly can't uncover the deeper layers of who you really are until you start interacting with other people—and I don't mean those shallow, surface-level small talk interactions, either.

It’s like that old saying goes: there’s a massive difference between theory and reality. It’s just like how kids often walk around thinking they’ve got the whole world figured out because it makes sense on paper, but once they actually step out into the real world, they realize things are a whole lot more complicated than they imagined.

What kind of relationships are you even talking about?... 🤔

Honestly, if that kind of lifestyle doesn't drive you crazy, then I don't see why it wouldn't be totally fine. I mean, what even counts as "normal" these days?

The only thing I can't wrap my head around is why you're questioning yourself and how you live your life if you're actually happy with it. If you're second-guessing everything, there’s gotta be something missing... maybe just a craving for a different level of responsibility?

I think a lot of us look back on those carefree, easygoing days with a ton of nostalgia—but let's be real, being an adult is way more complicated. I honestly don't know how anyone could find that sort of adolescent, aimless lifestyle interesting again in the long run once you've experienced actual ups and downs and deeper, more mature relationships.

For example: there was a time when I thought Bukowski was the absolute goat, and I was totally obsessed with Tarantino's chaotic energy. But looking back now? Their stories just feel kind of childish and uninspiring 🥱 Not because I've suddenly turned into some super serious, boring adult or anything, but mostly because I think I just lived through that phase of my life where all that stuff actually mattered to me.

I’ve basically been the exact same person since I can remember—well, at least up until my 30th birthday. I haven't exactly broken out of this rut, nor have I managed to achieve anything particularly noteworthy... It’s just that one recurring cycle: one jerk staying a jerk stays a jerk. 😂

You probably aren't even the same person... we rarely notice our own evolution unless it’s some sort of total life overhaul. I certainly haven't been the same man I was back when I was eighteen, though I suppose certain perspectives and tastes of mine have remained stubbornly consistent, or at least somewhat similar...

How old was your mother when she had you? Do you happen to know what your birth weight was—how long did she carry you, nine months, maybe eight...

If you’re out here grinding and actually handling your responsibilities by age 30, then whatever, you do you.

But if you're just playing around and chasing those same old hobbies without a single real obligation to your name? That's where you run into trouble.

placidwolf27 said:How old was your mother when she had you? Do you happen to know what your birth weight was—how long did she carry you, nine months, maybe eight...

What does any of that have to do with the topic at hand? 🤣
I don't buy into that quasi-astrological psychological nonsense you're peddling.

Richard Wells said:If you’re out here grinding and actually handling your responsibilities by age 30, then whatever, you do you.

But if you're just playing around and chasing those same old hobbies without a single real obligation to your name? That's where you run into trouble.

Care to clarify what exactly you mean by "responsibilities and obligations"...

I guess we're talking about stuff like having a real job, taking care of my own business, cooking my own meals, paying the electric bill, all that good stuff. You know, actual responsibilities. It's not like being 30 and still living off your parents like some kid who hasn't a clue what's going on. If someone's still obsessed with the same music or hobbies they had at 18, I don't see the big deal—as long as they've actually grown up in every other way that matters.