Mental health vs. college: How do you choose?

Hi everyone, I haven't seen this specific topic mentioned anywhere else, and since I’m feeling a bit desperate to hear some unbiased perspectives, I decided to start a new thread. This might get a little long. I'm 20 years old and currently in my first year of law school in NYC. To be honest, I struggled at first because it was my first time being away from my family—and I'm very close to them—plus I ended up in an environment where I just couldn't focus on studying. I didn't really dive into the books until this second semester, and now I'm pulling 14-hour study sessions every single day. I barely allow myself any breaks; if I take even a five-minute breather, I'm hit with intense guilt. As for my memory, it used to be phenomenal, maybe even above average, but now it feels nonexistent. Even though I managed to pass Roman Law with an A—and anyone studying law knows how much effort that takes—and despite being incredibly sensitive and taking everything to heart, I feel like my brain has been fried. My concentration is gone, and I honestly feel like I have no will to live. Since February, I've been having panic attacks almost every day. I've also started quietly taking anti-anxiety medication just so I can fall asleep, but even when I do, I wake up feeling more exhausted than before. I've been drinking coffee by the gallon hoping it will help me focus, but damn it, it’s actually making things worse. All those hours I spend studying are essentially wasted because my concentration is so shot that I'm basically just forcing myself to sit there staring at pages. I've lost all motivation to study, and honestly, to live in general. I can't even remember the last time I went out with friends; I simply don't have the energy. Some people tell me it's because I don't know how to organize my time, but if I don't spend every waking moment with a textbook, I start panicking intensely and spiraling into drama. Basically, I check every single box for burnout syndrome. I've had a boyfriend for about ten months, but we only see each other roughly once every two weeks for a couple of hours. Because I'm studying so much, he's even started complaining that I'm neglecting him and that law school is more important to me—which is easy for him to say since he's working and supporting himself. My parents can see that I'm physically and mentally falling apart and that I can't go on like this. They've even suggested I switch to an easier major, but I could never forgive myself for doing that. I'm terrified of disappointing them. Now, the fall finals are approaching, and I really don't want to fail a year; I'm too proud for that. I'm the kind of person who believes in "all or nothing." But I'm realizing that I can't keep going like this and that this might be my last chance to actually prioritize my health. It was like this back in high school, too. I feel like I've made progress academically, but mentally, I'm stuck at the level of a 14-year-old. It's as if I stunted my emotional and mental development just to chase academic success. And yeah, I succeeded—I was one of the top students in my class—but now I'm realizing that doesn't mean anything if I'm like this. I lack basic social skills even though I'm 20; I feel like a social cripple. Being an introvert doesn't help, and I'm not someone who enjoys spending time with people who drain my energy anyway. Even this post is a total mess. I can't control my thoughts or my emotions, and it's all because of this damn law degree. I can't relax at all, and I don't know when the last time was that I took thirty minutes for myself without feeling guilty. I am an incredibly ambitious person, but I'm learning the hard way that everything has its limits. I'm posting this here hoping to get some objective feedback from people who aren't involved, just so I can get some direction on what I should do next.
Thanks in advance! 👍

You don't even bother using spaces after periods or commas, and honestly, you barely hit the enter key either 😁

Look, you really gotta decide what you actually want here. Because right now, you're trying to have it both ways—you want all the perks without any of the messy parts. But that just doesn't work. If you actually want to change things, you've gotta start with yourself, and that whole "that's just how I am" excuse? It’s basically just a way to justify being too lazy to actually grow. Nobody's handing out medals just for sitting there with a book; it’s about the knowledge you actually gain, not just the hours you put in.

There, just being real with you.

Learning is actually pretty damn fun when you’re actually into the subject matter.
But honestly? You really have to sit yourself down and ask: is this even the right path for you?
If you’re already pulling your hair out and struggling this hard—and you haven't even truly gotten started yet—I don't know, man... it might not be too late to just pivot to something else entirely.🙂

That usually happens to students right when they're about to graduate; if it hits them this early on, it’s a bad sign for what's ahead.

Maybe you’re just terrified of growing up—using this as a way to stall your own progress... which doesn't actually stop the clock on aging or anything else in life.
You need to set small goals for yourself—not impossible hurdles, just manageable ideas—that you can actually turn into wins.
Make it something you enjoy, rather than a chore.
Why make it so hard on yourself?
Taking one hour for yourself isn't much... but if that hour gives you the mental clarity to get hours of studying done later, look at it that way.
Just take it step by step until you find your footing. Honestly, moving out from your parents probably hit you harder than you care to admit—maybe you're still emotionally stuck in that childhood bedroom.
That feeling of being suffocated is just the first sign of awareness... it means you know you have to change things.
And that realization alone is huge.
Now, move forward.
Good luck.

It isn’t actually about college; it’s about you—specifically how you view yourself and how you manage your time and responsibilities.

People burn out in school because they aren't ready for the grind, whether that's an intellectual hurdle or just a mental one. I know plenty of people who cruised through their Law degree on schedule while still maintaining a life—hitting happy hours, dating, all that. They moved on to great careers afterward.

I had this friend back in college who was a total perfectionist. She had straight As and her papers were always flawless, but she basically missed out on the whole college experience. Whenever our group would grab coffee, she’d tell us she could only stay for fifteen minutes, and like clockwork, at the fifteen-minute mark, she’d get up like a robot and leave while the rest of us hung out for another half hour. She’d join us for a night out maybe once or twice a year, even though we were out every Thursday when we weren't cramming for finals. Going to the movies or shopping? Maybe once in four years.

And you want to know how that turned out? The rest of us finished our degrees right on time. She carried that perfectionism straight into her first job, and guess what? Her contract didn't even get renewed. She ended up unemployed for a bit after that. See, the corporate world doesn't have much patience for perfectionists. You have to be able to work in less-than-ideal conditions, and more importantly, you have to learn how to pivot and improvise on the fly. You don't learn those skills by memorizing textbooks; you learn them by building social intelligence, which is honestly everything in the professional world.

Dear author, reading this feels like watching an old acquaintance of mine (I actually know her personally :-) ). She lived in a dorm from her freshman year through college; she finally started to relax toward the end of her degree, but by then, the stress had absolutely wrecked her health and nerves.

IMHO, you need a hard reset. I know finals are looming, but take two days just for yourself—don't grab coffee with anyone, don't worry about family, don't worry about your boyfriend. Just you. No books. Go wander downtown, sit in a park... or if that’s not your thing, grab some snacks, find a series, and spend the whole day in bed. Rest! Forget the book exists.

On the second day, sit down alone with a notebook (find a nice, high-quality one for journaling or notes 😉) and make a plan! You're clearly disciplined enough to study 14 hours a day, so you'll be more than disciplined enough to build a schedule.

Start with habits—do some light exercises in the morning, and make sure you get out for a thirty-minute walk once a day. Make it a rule to eat a smoothie or some fruit/veg daily—bananas, walnuts, honey. And start taking some higher-quality multivitamins.
Forget drinking coffee in those quantities; two cups is plenty. Your head might ache at first and you might struggle to sleep, but both should pass after three days. Hang in there, you can do this!

Once you establish a rhythm and get through that detox phase, you'll sleep soundly. Don't get hooked on Xanax or anything similar; those are incredibly hard to quit. Stick to natural calming teas in the evening instead—it helps with sleep and the detox process. And forget about caffeine after 5 PM.

Second: studying. Break everything down into modules. Use a timer on your phone for 50-minute blocks. Then, take a 10-minute break where you actually get up from the desk and go somewhere else—dance to a song, check the news, whatever. Do that for maybe 3 to 4 hours max, then take a longer break for lunch or a walk.

Believe me, your mental state will settle once you do this. Fix your habits first. Once you've gotten your physical health in order and exams are over, then create a new plan to develop other areas of your life—your relationship, your family, and how you interact with yourself and everyone else.

I'm not just talking nonsense; I worked in education, went through training, and dealt with crowds of people right before their big exams. This is a proven recipe that actually works. 😉

So, here it is: a one or two-day total rest reset, a notebook, a plan, a shopping list (vitamins, tea, fruit, veg), and then go for it. 👍

I’d suggest looking into a different major altogether. Honestly, struggling through Roman Law and the freshman year burnout isn't some true litmus test for what's coming; the workload and the pressure just scale exponentially once you hit junior and senior year.
You’re probably better off skipping this degree, if I’m being honest. It’s a blessing in disguise, really, because at the end of the day, very few people actually see a decent return on the investment anyway.

Staring at a textbook without a break is basically mental self-harm. That’s exactly why he failed.
Eventually, you're just going to hit a wall during the exam because your brain is pure chaos.

The whole thing just feels obsessive.
And what's the absolute worst-case scenario if you fail an exam? Why is everyone acting like it's the end of the world?

Look, you've got your parents backing you up, so at the end of the day—honestly—nobody is forcing your hand here but you.
If you ask me? You’ve gotta put your health first.

Casey Hernandez72 said:Hi everyone, I haven't seen this specific topic mentioned anywhere else, and since I’m feeling a bit desperate to hear some unbiased perspectives, I decided to start a new thread. This might get a little long. I'm 20 years old and currently in my first year of law school in NYC. To be honest, I struggled at first because it was my first time being away from my family—and I'm very close to them—plus I ended up in an environment where I just couldn't focus on studying. I didn't really dive into the books until this second semester, and now I'm pulling 14-hour study sessions every single day. I barely allow myself any breaks; if I take even a five-minute breather, I'm hit with intense guilt. As for my memory, it used to be phenomenal, maybe even above average, but now it feels nonexistent. Even though I managed to pass Roman Law with an A—and anyone studying law knows how much effort that takes—and despite being incredibly sensitive and taking everything to heart, I feel like my brain has been fried. My concentration is gone, and I honestly feel like I have no will to live. Since February, I've been having panic attacks almost every day. I've also started quietly taking anti-anxiety medication just so I can fall asleep, but even when I do, I wake up feeling more exhausted than before. I've been drinking coffee by the gallon hoping it will help me focus, but damn it, it’s actually making things worse. All those hours I spend studying are essentially wasted because my concentration is so shot that I'm basically just forcing myself to sit there staring at pages. I've lost all motivation to study, and honestly, to live in general. I can't even remember the last time I went out with friends; I simply don't have the energy. Some people tell me it's because I don't know how to organize my time, but if I don't spend every waking moment with a textbook, I start panicking intensely and spiraling into drama. Basically, I check every single box for burnout syndrome. I've had a boyfriend for about ten months, but we only see each other roughly once every two weeks for a couple of hours. Because I'm studying so much, he's even started complaining that I'm neglecting him and that law school is more important to me—which is easy for him to say since he's working and supporting himself. My parents can see that I'm physically and mentally falling apart and that I can't go on like this. They've even suggested I switch to an easier major, but I could never forgive myself for doing that. I'm terrified of disappointing them. Now, the fall finals are approaching, and I really don't want to fail a year; I'm too proud for that. I'm the kind of person who believes in "all or nothing." But I'm realizing that I can't keep going like this and that this might be my last chance to actually prioritize my health. It was like this back in high school, too. I feel like I've made progress academically, but mentally, I'm stuck at the level of a 14-year-old. It's as if I stunted my emotional and mental development just to chase academic success. And yeah, I succeeded—I was one of the top students in my class—but now I'm realizing that doesn't mean anything if I'm like this. I lack basic social skills even though I'm 20; I feel like a social cripple. Being an introvert doesn't help, and I'm not someone who enjoys spending time with people who drain my energy anyway. Even this post is a total mess. I can't control my thoughts or my emotions, and it's all because of this damn law degree. I can't relax at all, and I don't know when the last time was that I took thirty minutes for myself without feeling guilty. I am an incredibly ambitious person, but I'm learning the hard way that everything has its limits. I'm posting this here hoping to get some objective feedback from people who aren't involved, just so I can get some direction on what I should do next.
Thanks in advance! 👍

Look, you don't "learn" everything—you just focus on the big stuff. Everything else? Just ignore it if it isn't worth the effort or the time. Make bullet points, highlight the key definitions, and honestly, just let the minor details slide... it’ll save you so much time.
And please, get it out of your head that you need an A on every single exam. Passing is enough. If you feel like your expectations are getting a bit too intense, just lower the bar...
Same goes for running to a doctor for antidepressants just to avoid spiraling into a psychosis or other nonsense—like panic attacks, OCD, burnout, or depression. Take care of your mental health first; make it your priority.
Having hobbies and downtime is huge because that's how you clear your head and shake off the stress... plus, it lets your body release all that tension you're carrying around every day. If you don't, that built-up pressure in your mind and body is gonna make you snap. Seriously, give yourself a 7-day break right now. Go somewhere quiet where you can actually relax, then maybe start studying for a couple of days before the actual test...
Just chill out. Not everything has to be perfect or a perfect score—trying to chase perfection will destroy you. You've gotta find a little bit of fun in whatever you're doing, instead of just grinding your teeth and pushing through... nobody can sustain that level of intensity forever, yet you're still forcing yourself to do it. Lower your standards a bit, otherwise, you're just going to burn out...

It all boils down to your own philosophy regarding the law. Do you actually enjoy what you’re studying? Can you honestly picture yourself working in a high-rise firm or standing in a courtroom one day? It is vital that you get a realistic grasp of the environment—legal practice in America isn't quite like those polished dramas we see on TV, though I suspect you’ve already realized that. In the justice system, "justice" is often the last thing on anyone's mind. Forget the idealism; prepare yourself for a brutal, Machiavellian world that tramples anything in its path.

Another thought occurred to me while reading your post: seriously consider switching majors. I personally know people from the old school who got stuck in their fourth year of law school and haven't moved an inch since, even though they breezed through their first three years without a hitch. I have no idea how they teach Roman Law these days, but it used to be just a single textbook—something like a standard legal primer—that looked laughable compared to the absolute grind waiting for you in your junior and senior years. I am telling you this with the best intentions. Wasting a year or two of your education isn't the catastrophe here; it's the toll this takes on your mental health. The more sensitive types in law tend to crack under the pressure—they always have, and they always will. You're young... think about it.

I know this might sound a little harsh to some people reading this, but let me offer you a bit of comfort—I was exactly the same way back when I was a student in college, and honestly, everything turned out just fine for me! 🙂

Come on, just grit your teeth and push through until September, pass those remaining classes, and make sure you don't have to repeat the year! Can't you see that all this fear and panic is actually just fuel to drive you forward? Once you pass, isn't all of this going to feel like a distant memory?

It feels like nothing is sticking right now, doesn't it? But if you just go through the material, truly grasp it, and review it, won't everything come flooding back to you right when you need it most during the exam?

And since we both know you're such a total perfectionist, why not start studying much earlier next year so you don't find yourself caught in this kind of time crunch again?

By the time you're finishing up your degree, you'll naturally start to relax more and work on your social skills, too. And once graduation rolls around, maybe then you can finally kick that coffee habit! 🙂

It’s hardly a shock you’re feeling burnt out when you’re pulling fourteen-hour study sessions every single day. You really ought to try finding some kind of rhythm, maybe even a bit of consistency, so you actually have room left for anything else in life... like having friends or a hobby that doesn't involve a textbook. That is, assuming you’ve actually made up your mind that this major is worth the struggle in the first place.

Neither option, really; I suppose it’s just sex 😛