Smiling on the outside, struggling on the inside?

briskrider17 said:Thanks for the input and the advice; I’ll admit it gave me a bit of a boost. 🙂 Honestly, you might actually make a decent psychologist!👍
Now, two questions are starting to weigh on me. Since I tend toward this kind of deep thinking—sometimes way too intensely—I find myself wondering how I can truly feel that inner emptiness I’m constantly trying to fill through various distractions, whether it's grabbing coffee, idling around, or spending hours playing mindless games like Agar.io or whatever. Sure, it feels fine in the moment, but it isn't productive; just search "Agar.io" and you'll see what I mean.
It is a bit of a paradox, though. Why does my tendency toward intellectual work—studying everything under the sun—not result in anything concrete or beneficial for me? And not just for me, but for anyone else, either. After all, the supposed hallmark of an "intellectual" is to positively impact their surroundings, to aid in the development of the individual or the community through mental labor, creating solutions and offering ideas where the "zombies" can't even begin to grasp them.

It’s like trying to explain to a fool that he’s being stupid... a total paradox. 😬

Exactly. By the time you manage to teach a fool a lesson, you’ve already made a fool of yourself. And in the end, that fool usually ends up screwing you over—I know from personal experience, several times now. That's probably why I spend most of my time laughing... 🤔

You know what I mean... if I’m not doing anything wrong to myself or anyone else, then I’m not doing anything wrong at all 😉 — logically speaking 😁

My only goal is to just be a person... though, obviously, in an absolute sense, one might need to feed those little selfish impulses slightly without causing too much collateral damage, haha. I try to avoid all those predefined social roles.

I suppose I have more thoughts! Here’s one; neither of us really needs a psychologist, nor does anyone else need a patient.😉 Thanks for the compliment... it is always a bit of a relief to be recognized by some semblance of intelligence amidst a sea of human stupidity.😬 Of course, if you ever feel the need for a professional conversation, psychologists are a wise choice, but they aren't the only option—I wouldn't want to imply that I am providing actual professional help now or in the future.

Quincy:

Now, two questions seem to be weighing on me. Since I tend toward this kind of mental heavy lifting—sometimes far too intensely—thinking for myself perhaps a bit too much, how can I truly feel anything beyond that deep internal void I keep trying to fill? I try everything from drinking coffee, idling around, to spending hours playing mindless games like Agar.io or something similar. Sometimes it feels fine, but it isn't productive; just search for "Agar.io" and you'll see what I mean.

Just keep asking questions... I think I would be more worried if you stopped having them.😉

No artist or philosopher ever has it easy... and you know, they never really go on vacation—the brain just keeps churning away. You have to learn how to rest within that work... it isn't easy, and it certainly isn't fast. And be careful with those habits used to fill the void. Drugs and alcohol cost many people their health and their lives... sex is perhaps a little less fatal, but even that can lead to extremes. Learning and research can be good additions... especially when paired with intimacy... provided everything stays under control. Anyway, I'm full of unsolicited advice here; please don't take offense... it is up to you to adapt things to your own needs and figure out how to live more easily and, hopefully, more productively. I don't know if I'm making sense... feelings don't lie, but they can cause quite a bit of chaos if the mind isn't clear. Listen to your feelings, but don't let them run the show; then again, you can't really control them either. It's all a bit much... man, if I knew the answers, I'd gladly tell you, but I don't know everything... I'm still barely getting to know myself.😵 Take it slow, stay patient, and just be brave... as I said, for artistic souls, it was never easy, and circumstances are simply what they are... hang in there, friend.🙂

Quincy:

It seems a bit paradoxical. So, why does this inclination toward intellectual pursuits, specifically studying everything, not result in anything concrete or beneficial for me? And not just for me, but for those around me either...

Well, you were born this way... shaped this way. I suppose, regardless of what those traits actually are, life is simply better if you embrace them and remain honest with yourself. To try and force a transformation, to spend an entire lifetime pretending to be someone else, seems like nothing more than pure suffering—a wasted existence, really. The struggles you are facing are, unfortunately, quite natural given your position. I truly hope you come to realize that you aren't to blame for finding things difficult; these are just the circumstances, the "nature of things," I guess. It is easy for me to sit here and speak with such perspective now, having weathered my own share of experiences, but I remember how heavy it all felt back then. It takes time to process everything, to truly grasp it. Perhaps the worst part of my own journey was that I was far too cautious, perhaps even overly sensitive. I spent so much time avoiding certain experiences that might have provided much faster lessons, but there isn't time to dwell on regrets. Life is far too short for that. Just remember, your intelligence is your strength—it is a virtue. Please, do not punish yourself simply because your mind is healthy and happens to work a little faster than most.

Lawrence Bailey77: I suppose I should address this, though I suspect my input might be largely superfluous in the grand scheme of things. It seems we are once again circling the drain of this particular debate, much like a weary traveler circling a roadside diner in Nebraska, hoping for a meal that isn't entirely disappointing, yet knowing full well the coffee will be bitter. There is a certain inevitability to these discussions, I think. One attempts to apply logic to matters that are inherently chaotic, only to find oneself lost in the weeds of semantics. Perhaps I am being too cynical, or perhaps I have simply seen this play out one too many times in various corners of the country. Regardless, the core issue remains unresolved, drifting aimlessly like a lost soul on a highway outside of Des Moines. I guess there is little point in pretending otherwise.

I suppose one could argue that the true mark of an "intellectual" lies in their ability to actually impact their surroundings. It would seem their purpose is to foster the growth of the individual or perhaps the community at large through their mental labor—offering solutions and generating ideas in those spaces where the "zombies" of society can't even begin to comprehend the problem. I guess, if one follows that logic, their value is measured by that specific capacity to create where others simply stagnate.

That is precisely the case... though it feels quite heavy when you dwell on it. It is simply "human nature," I suppose. In the short term, one might fail to see the pattern; you cannot truly gauge the situation because, unfortunately, experience remains one of our only reliable instruments of measurement. No one else—not even the most well-meaning advisor—can validate your thoughts, your studies, your assessments, or your decisions. Only your own lived experience holds that weight. Yet, even experience isn't the sole arbiter. There is this vast, overwhelming thing we call the cosmos—or the universe, depending on who you ask—of which we are merely a tiny part. It is infinitely larger than you, or any collection of Americans combined. Perhaps that is why a certain degree of modesty serves us well in these matters. It helps one maintain a sense of proportion and, perhaps more importantly, prevents being overly harsh on oneself. 😉

Lawrence Bailey77:

It really is quite simple. By the time you actually manage to talk sense into a fool, you’ve already wasted your own time. And if I’m being honest—and I know this from my own rather unfortunate experiences on more than one occasion—that fool usually ends up getting the better of you in the end anyway. I suppose that might be why I find myself laughing all the time... or at least, that's how I justify it to myself.

It seems that experience has a way of providing counsel even when one hasn't directly lived through the circumstances. I suppose if you hadn't faced those specific trials yourself, you might not have arrived at such a firm perspective. Perhaps. 🧐

Lawrence Bailey77:

I suppose there is a certain logic to it, if one stares at it long enough. It’s a rather simple proposition, really. I mean, if I am not actively causing harm to myself, nor am I going out of my way to inflict misery upon anyone else, then by any reasonable metric, I am not doing anything wrong. It sounds almost too elementary, doesn't it? Perhaps there is more nuance required in this messy existence, but I find myself leaning toward this particular brand of minimalism. If there is no malice intended and no self-destruction occurring, then I guess we can just call it a neutral state. It isn't exactly a philosophy that would win any awards, but it keeps things quiet. 😉 It stands to reason, I suppose. D.

I suppose some philosophers would argue that doing good is inherently sufficient in its own right. There is no need for a trophy, nor is there any requirement for a formal classification system or a ranking of merit. I guess the idea is simply that goodness is goodness, and once you accept that, the matter is settled. It’s quite a simple concept, really, though perhaps a bit too uncomplicated for my liking. 👍

To put it bluntly; if you find their regulations to be utterly nonsensical and frankly quite insulting 😁, then I suppose the solution is simply to establish your own set of rules! 😉

Best of luck 👍

briskrider17 said:When I actually let myself laugh, I come across as approachable and open, which just seems to invite people to target me—usually those self-important types who think they’re special.
It’s rare that anyone approaches me with any actual decency or normalcy; I suppose they see me smiling and just assume, "Look at her, she must be unhinged if she's just giggling away on her own." ............... meanwhile, I'm sitting here dealing with depression.

This used to happen to me basically every single day, and these total energy vampires would just swarm me.
It’s like they see a genie in a bottle or some magic lamp and think I'm there to grant their wishes.
Now, I just keep a stone face on—kind of a permanent scowl.
Honestly? It helps keep people at arm's length!