8 months post-breakup and the depression is hitting hard. Help.

I am not entirely sure where to begin, as I posted on the divorce subforum a few months ago when I was perhaps not in my right mind—and to be honest, I suspect I still am not quite myself.
Even though we moved to a different city and finally have our own peace, and we don't lack anything, our little girl has mostly recovered from the "loss," though she does ask about him every now and then. I have dedicated myself entirely to her, trying my best to ensure she doesn't realize that I am still struggling. We laugh together, we go wherever we want, and we truly enjoy ourselves; I honestly cannot remember the last time I had this much time to devote to my child, my friends, and my family. I try not to let anyone else notice either, as only a handful of close friends know about this whole mess. The issue lies within me, I suppose. I am fully aware of how he abandoned us like we were nothing, the things he did to us, the words he said, and how he ultimately behaved... yet, even though my head understands everything perfectly, it just won't seem to synchronize with my heart.
At night, I dream of him. He is my first thought when I open my eyes and my last before I drift off. Sometimes I catch myself unconsciously buying groceries or planning to cook his favorite meals, only to be hit by reality and find myself putting items back on the shelf in the grocery store. Then I look at the clock and think, "Oh, he should be home soon..." No matter where I turn, everything reminds me of my "former" life. I feel as though I am stuck somewhere in the past and simply cannot move forward (I have been taking Seroquel XR for seven months now, but I get the feeling it isn't really helping much).

The hardest part is having a million questions but not a single answer. I wonder what drives a person to suddenly throw their entire family away. Just days before he left me, he was texting me about how I was the best, how much he loved me, and that he would be there for me no matter what. And then, within days, he began treating me like his worst enemy—even though I did everything for him, to the point where my friends used to tell me I was being crazy.
My daughter and he are the two people I would take a bullet for.
It is most painful when I am alone. The ache of knowing I will never hug or kiss him again is overwhelming... and even though he is an idiot, I find myself wondering how it is possible to still love someone who told you to kill yourself or demanded you hand over your money. Someone who abandoned both a small child and me (honestly, you wouldn't even abandon a dog like that). Someone who reached out only once in six months, and only to ask for six dollars for some useless thing rather than to wish the child a Merry Christmas or Easter, or to ask how she is doing. (He isn't her biological father, but she called him Dad, and he insisted he would always be there for her.) Let alone actually visiting her. Someone who stole the child's social security benefits—not that he even needs the money. I truly wonder how a man with a college degree can turn out to be such a person...

I am neither unattractive nor unintelligent, yet I feel unable to pull myself out of this cycle of medication and therapy. I truly wish I could be genuinely happy again and just enjoy life, but this weight keeps pulling me down and prevents me from moving forward; sometimes, it even feels difficult to breathe.
Everyone around me who knows the situation cannot understand why I am still grieving him. My mother says that others have already moved on and found new partners in this time, but the mere thought of someone else touching me makes me feel ill. Was he truly the love of my life?

I have wanted to text him so many times, or call him just to hear his voice, or tell him that it is time to come home to the family he shared so many plans with, but I refuse to humiliate myself. On the other hand, I have this nagging feeling that if he did come back, I might actually be happy.
I just want to return to normal and forget everything that happened. 😞 How do I do that?

Losing someone close to you... it’s probably the most natural, gut-wrenching thing there is. Trying to rewire your whole life and find new priorities? It's brutal. Hang in there 🙂

You might not want to hear this, but eight months isn't nearly enough time to just "move on" without feeling the weight of grief and despair.
For me, it took a full two years before I could even begin to breathe again—and even then, it wasn't exactly deep breaths...
Obviously, everyone handles things differently—some are more resilient than others—but nothing about it is easy.
It takes time. Just time. You have to adjust to the reality that a major chapter of your life is gone for good, and you have to find a way to make peace with that. But that day will come, believe me. I've been there myself.🙂

How can you still have feelings for someone who actually told you to go kill yourself just so he could get his hands on some cash, or someone who walked out on you when your little one was still tiny — those were her exact words.

Look, don't get mad at me, but honestly, your post says it all.
The guy doesn't love you, and let's be real—he probably never did. HE WAS A TOTAL FRAUD, and you just couldn't see it because you were completely blinded by how much you loved him.
You claim the kid isn't his, but she was calling him "Daddy." To him, that's just noise. It means absolutely nothing.
That child isn't his.

So, how are you supposed to move on?
Simple—every single morning, make sure you read that sentence I put in bold.
And before you hit the hay at night, say it to yourself ten times.

You’ve got your kid... and you have a million reasons to build a better life for yourself, but there's one catch: stop trying to view everything through the lens of "love" for this guy. Instead, prove to yourself that someone like him has zero place in your world.