Struggling with emotional regulation

Hey there, I’m reaching out from Mexico. I suppose I consider myself someone who can tell right from wrong, and I've never really been one for violence or playing games with people. Honestly, I don't really have a grand sense of purpose or a specific career path I'm chasing right now. I'm 20 years old, and if I had to call my situation a "problem," I guess it would be this total lack of empathy. Ever since I was a kid, I've just felt this weird aversion toward people who are overly emotional or those who seem to be missing that certain spark; I've always kind of loathed seeing any display of emotion in others, especially when things get pathetic. To be honest, I've never actually felt love or even hatred toward anyone, not even my own family. I've dated a few girls, but everything just felt... mechanical, I guess. Even when my best friend ended up betraying me, I didn't take it hard or feel any bitterness at all; I just couldn't care less, whether it's a betrayal or getting into a physical fight—it's hard to explain what that feels like from the inside. About four years ago, my cousin passed away from leukemia, and we were really close growing up, but I processed it almost like I'd just tripped and scraped my knee. It sounds harsh, but I even tried to force myself to cry just to see if I could feel something, but nothing happened. When I was little, I used to get hit for all sorts of tiny things, but I never once cried, or at least that's what my parents tell me. I've never been a liar, either. I don't necessarily view this as a "problem" that requires me to go out and hunt for professional help, but I wanted to post this here just to see how you guys look at it. Is this just a normal way to be, or am I looking at some kind of personality disorder? I don't really bring this up with the people around me because, well, almost everyone has noticed it through various situations, but it's not like we live in a place where people treat these things with gravity or talk about them openly. Anyway, thanks for listening. 🙂🙂

You’re gonna end up breaking down when you lose someone close to you.
Look, I’m not quite there yet, but I’m heading that way.
I really value logic and intelligence—that's what I aim for—and honestly, letting emotions run the show feels like the exact opposite of being rational; it's just too unpredictable.

My dad passed away recently.
Everyone keeps telling me he was way too young.
If he had made it, he would’ve been about 50.
At the funeral, man, I was trying so hard to keep it together, but the tears just started flowing... it’s even tougher when you're surrounded by everyone else sobbing, too.
After everything settled, I think I was probably one of the "fastest" ones to just move on with my life.
It’s just that I've accepted death as a fundamental part of living.
And since I'm not a religious person, I don't feel any real need to go visit his grave or anything.

So, yeah—when a situation like that actually hits you, I bet you'll show some emotion.
If even then you don't feel a thing, then you seriously might need to sit down and talk to a therapist.
(I mean, maybe you have a psychopath gene—if that's even a real thing)

Look, like I mentioned before, I don't really see this as some huge issue, and honestly, it isn't even hard for me to just stick with whatever makes me feel most comfortable, though I guess I do occasionally end up feeling a bit awkward or just plain foolish about it. I only really brought it up because I was curious to see how other people might view things from their perspective, nothing more than that 🙂