To all the Borderis and those who feel the same, from the bottom of my heart

Robert Harris16, sounds like you hit some kind of epiphany—a moment of clarity or a meditative breakthrough, maybe?
That’s cool and all, but if you want that feeling to actually stick, it’s gotta be a daily habit, not just some one-off thing.

Are you even thinking about trying to fix things? I mean, can a relationship actually survive after a blowout like that?

Yeah, I have to. There’s no other way—no matter what happens. If I managed to pull through the last 15 years, I can still handle this. It feels like a classic case of "spoiled brat" syndrome, even if the struggle is very real. Since I've spent my life perfecting the "head against a wall" approach, I've got all the tools I need to tackle this properly.

As for a connection... I'm thinking maybe, eventually. But she's bigger than my own willpower.

I wasn't planning on posting here anymore, but what you said really hit home this morning. So, this will be my last post for a while. Once I see some actual progress, I'll start a new thread and give an update. Until then, stay strong, everyone.

My bad, I wasn't checking those old handles—had you already suspected you were on the edge, or did it all just click for you recently?

How old were you when your grandma kicked you out of the house?