That feeling when your neighbors are driving you crazy

...Ever get the feeling that everyone around you is one bad day away from needing a therapist? Just a heads-up—this might be a long one.

I’ve been sitting here lately, doing some soul-searching (and typing it out here), trying to find even the slightest hint that I’m actually the crazy one. I’m trying to rationally explain why people act the way they do, while working under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem. It isn't working.

Let's get to it:

1) My roommate situation. We share a room in an apartment, which I agreed to because I thought I knew him (turns out, I didn't) and because the rent is cheap for New York City. Before we moved in, I specifically asked if he brought guests over and how often. He told me, "My mom might stop by once a year since she works down at the coast." Fine. Once a year. I can handle that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over nine—count them, nine—times.

Since I'm someone who only expresses conflict here on this forum and doesn't dare say a word in person, I just stay quiet and simmer in my own rage. Then yesterday, at 10 PM, he casually mentions his mom is coming over today. No apology. Nothing. I've decided I need to find my own place. I can't do this anymore.

2) Work. I'm a software engineer. For two days now, I've been locked in a standoff with a colleague. He refuses to let me complete a task a certain way, even though it's the only logical method. So, fine, I listen to his suggestion. I spend sixteen hours over the last two days staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to do it his way. I can't. And he won't budge. Pure stubbornness... I don't know what to do.

3) A coworker at the same job. We haven't spoken since day one. Well, I tried being polite and friendly for the first two weeks, just like I am with everyone else, but she acts like a brick wall. If I say hello, it feels like my voice just bounces right off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a colleague you spend at least eight hours a day with? She just hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least acknowledge everyone else.

I have other stories, but I don't have the energy to recount them all right now.

So, do you ever feel like you're the only one in your immediate circle who isn't mentally unstable?

The behaviors you just described are nowhere near being actual mental health disorders.

Maybe you're the one with the issue here; you can't even stand up for yourself during a roommate dispute, let alone at your job.

And what you’ve listed aren't mental disorders—they're just basic human behaviors. Everyone acts differently.

urbanmoose2 said:...Ever get the feeling that everyone around you is one bad day away from needing a therapist? Just a heads-up—this might be a long one.

I’ve been sitting here lately, doing some soul-searching (and typing it out here), trying to find even the slightest hint that I’m actually the crazy one. I’m trying to rationally explain why people act the way they do, while working under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem. It isn't working.

Let's get to it:

1) My roommate situation. We share a room in an apartment, which I agreed to because I thought I knew him (turns out, I didn't) and because the rent is cheap for New York City. Before we moved in, I specifically asked if he brought guests over and how often. He told me, "My mom might stop by once a year since she works down at the coast." Fine. Once a year. I can handle that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over nine—count them, nine—times.

Since I'm someone who only expresses conflict here on this forum and doesn't dare say a word in person, I just stay quiet and simmer in my own rage. Then yesterday, at 10 PM, he casually mentions his mom is coming over today. No apology. Nothing. I've decided I need to find my own place. I can't do this anymore.

2) Work. I'm a software engineer. For two days now, I've been locked in a standoff with a colleague. He refuses to let me complete a task a certain way, even though it's the only logical method. So, fine, I listen to his suggestion. I spend sixteen hours over the last two days staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to do it his way. I can't. And he won't budge. Pure stubbornness... I don't know what to do.

3) A coworker at the same job. We haven't spoken since day one. Well, I tried being polite and friendly for the first two weeks, just like I am with everyone else, but she acts like a brick wall. If I say hello, it feels like my voice just bounces right off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a colleague you spend at least eight hours a day with? She just hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least acknowledge everyone else.

I have other stories, but I don't have the energy to recount them all right now.

So, do you ever feel like you're the only one in your immediate circle who isn't mentally unstable?

Asking upfront was the right move. It was professional. However, since he lied, the arrangement is broken. Find a new place. It sounds like you've already made up your mind. 😁

Some people claim you don't stand up for yourself. Perhaps they are right. If the guy were sane, he wouldn't behave this way. Trying to lecture him would just be a waste of breath.

urbanmoose2 said:...Ever get the feeling that everyone around you is one bad day away from needing a therapist? Just a heads-up—this might be a long one.

I’ve been sitting here lately, doing some soul-searching (and typing it out here), trying to find even the slightest hint that I’m actually the crazy one. I’m trying to rationally explain why people act the way they do, while working under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem. It isn't working.

Let's get to it:

1) My roommate situation. We share a room in an apartment, which I agreed to because I thought I knew him (turns out, I didn't) and because the rent is cheap for New York City. Before we moved in, I specifically asked if he brought guests over and how often. He told me, "My mom might stop by once a year since she works down at the coast." Fine. Once a year. I can handle that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over nine—count them, nine—times.

Since I'm someone who only expresses conflict here on this forum and doesn't dare say a word in person, I just stay quiet and simmer in my own rage. Then yesterday, at 10 PM, he casually mentions his mom is coming over today. No apology. Nothing. I've decided I need to find my own place. I can't do this anymore.

2) Work. I'm a software engineer. For two days now, I've been locked in a standoff with a colleague. He refuses to let me complete a task a certain way, even though it's the only logical method. So, fine, I listen to his suggestion. I spend sixteen hours over the last two days staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to do it his way. I can't. And he won't budge. Pure stubbornness... I don't know what to do.

3) A coworker at the same job. We haven't spoken since day one. Well, I tried being polite and friendly for the first two weeks, just like I am with everyone else, but she acts like a brick wall. If I say hello, it feels like my voice just bounces right off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a colleague you spend at least eight hours a day with? She just hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least acknowledge everyone else.

I have other stories, but I don't have the energy to recount them all right now.

So, do you ever feel like you're the only one in your immediate circle who isn't mentally unstable?

Software engineers are fine. Ask him for his reasoning. You might actually learn something.

urbanmoose2 said:...Ever get the feeling that everyone around you is one bad day away from needing a therapist? Just a heads-up—this might be a long one.

I’ve been sitting here lately, doing some soul-searching (and typing it out here), trying to find even the slightest hint that I’m actually the crazy one. I’m trying to rationally explain why people act the way they do, while working under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem. It isn't working.

Let's get to it:

1) My roommate situation. We share a room in an apartment, which I agreed to because I thought I knew him (turns out, I didn't) and because the rent is cheap for New York City. Before we moved in, I specifically asked if he brought guests over and how often. He told me, "My mom might stop by once a year since she works down at the coast." Fine. Once a year. I can handle that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over nine—count them, nine—times.

Since I'm someone who only expresses conflict here on this forum and doesn't dare say a word in person, I just stay quiet and simmer in my own rage. Then yesterday, at 10 PM, he casually mentions his mom is coming over today. No apology. Nothing. I've decided I need to find my own place. I can't do this anymore.

2) Work. I'm a software engineer. For two days now, I've been locked in a standoff with a colleague. He refuses to let me complete a task a certain way, even though it's the only logical method. So, fine, I listen to his suggestion. I spend sixteen hours over the last two days staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to do it his way. I can't. And he won't budge. Pure stubbornness... I don't know what to do.

3) A coworker at the same job. We haven't spoken since day one. Well, I tried being polite and friendly for the first two weeks, just like I am with everyone else, but she acts like a brick wall. If I say hello, it feels like my voice just bounces right off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a colleague you spend at least eight hours a day with? She just hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least acknowledge everyone else.

I have other stories, but I don't have the energy to recount them all right now.

So, do you ever feel like you're the only one in your immediate circle who isn't mentally unstable?

She likely hates herself, her job, and you. It's nothing personal.

urbanmoose2 said:...Ever get the feeling that everyone around you is one bad day away from needing a therapist? Just a heads-up—this might be a long one.

I’ve been sitting here lately, doing some soul-searching (and typing it out here), trying to find even the slightest hint that I’m actually the crazy one. I’m trying to rationally explain why people act the way they do, while working under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem. It isn't working.

Let's get to it:

1) My roommate situation. We share a room in an apartment, which I agreed to because I thought I knew him (turns out, I didn't) and because the rent is cheap for New York City. Before we moved in, I specifically asked if he brought guests over and how often. He told me, "My mom might stop by once a year since she works down at the coast." Fine. Once a year. I can handle that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over nine—count them, nine—times.

Since I'm someone who only expresses conflict here on this forum and doesn't dare say a word in person, I just stay quiet and simmer in my own rage. Then yesterday, at 10 PM, he casually mentions his mom is coming over today. No apology. Nothing. I've decided I need to find my own place. I can't do this anymore.

2) Work. I'm a software engineer. For two days now, I've been locked in a standoff with a colleague. He refuses to let me complete a task a certain way, even though it's the only logical method. So, fine, I listen to his suggestion. I spend sixteen hours over the last two days staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to do it his way. I can't. And he won't budge. Pure stubbornness... I don't know what to do.

3) A coworker at the same job. We haven't spoken since day one. Well, I tried being polite and friendly for the first two weeks, just like I am with everyone else, but she acts like a brick wall. If I say hello, it feels like my voice just bounces right off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a colleague you spend at least eight hours a day with? She just hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least acknowledge everyone else.

I have other stories, but I don't have the energy to recount them all right now.

So, do you ever feel like you're the only one in your immediate circle who isn't mentally unstable?

No. Honestly, looking at what hiddenwalker30 wrote, everyone acts differently, but that isn't a mental illness. My take is simpler: you were probably just raised well, you have a sense of direction, and you mistakenly assume everyone should be like you. If you're twenty, you'll eventually mature enough to realize that's false. But if you're over thirty, you simply haven't dealt with enough reality yet.☕

I mean, those aren't really psychiatric issues—they're just the kind of people you run into every day and have to deal with. But if someone is constantly getting under your skin, messing with your head, or wrecking your peace because they don't know how to set boundaries... well, then maybe the issue is actually yours. You just haven't figured out how to stand your ground or look out for yourself yet, right?

It’s not like they don't have their own stuff going on (and let's be real, we all do, including you), but if everyone acting like that ended up in a clinic, who would be left?

That perspective depends entirely on your state of mind... how much madness you perceive in others is simply a reflection of your own, isn't it? And vice versa.

I keep coming back to this idea, but I’m becoming increasingly convinced that nobody is truly free from some form of neurosis. It isn't necessarily something you need an official medical diagnosis to account for.

hiddenwalker30 said:Maybe you're the one with the issue here; you can't even stand up for yourself during a roommate dispute, let alone at your job.

And what you’ve listed aren't mental disorders—they're just basic human behaviors. Everyone acts differently.

Regarding that comment about me not being able to handle myself at work—I'm not sure you really understand how software development works. If you think I should just fight a colleague who won't let me finish my task the only way it can be done, let me explain.

See, when you're part of a large team, you don't just write code and call it a day. There's such a thing as a code review. You have senior developers above you who grade your work, and only then can you merge your changes into the main codebase for the rest of the team to see.

So, it isn't about me having "influence." If he decides to dig his heels in and won't approve my pull request, that's it. I'm stuck until he changes his mind. In this case, the dispute was settled...

I might have started this thread while I was a bit worked up.

I suppose it’s worth remembering that every single individual is essentially their own little universe within this larger one. When you’re staring down a problem, I think you really only have three paths forward: you can reject it, change it, or just accept where things stand right now. I know people tend to jump straight into action—and while any movement is probably better than nothing—maybe a conversation should come first? Since you work in software, you might actually follow my logic here; I feel like we’ve all been "programmed" by the good people in our lives since the moment we were born. It’s those early inputs, I guess—how to dress, what’s considered "right" or "wrong," all that stuff. We’re all just collections of beliefs that eventually harden into habits and conditioning. But there’s something significant about circling back to your roots and truly grasping who you are at your core. If you do that, the world stops trying to force itself upon you, and you might actually find some peace. Right now, though, you seem to be viewing everything through the lens of pure cause and effect, almost as if you're bypassing the emotional experience entirely.

Honestly, you’re better off just ignoring people like that. I dealt with my fair share of idiots at my old job in Chicago; except in your case, this person hasn't even tried talking to you yet. In my experience, someone will approach me, act totally normal, and everything seems fine—until they suddenly decide to start ghosting me or even making snide remarks😲, just out of nowhere. It's like they've turned into a complete stranger overnight. I have no clue what their deal is, but it’s definitely not worth the energy. Just hit ignore and move on.

Look, this goes against everything you learn in those standard psychology textbooks, but I’ve been looking at three specific cases lately:

It isn't some deep-seated issue with you; the problem is entirely them. 😉

I don't think these people are suffering from some massive, complex mental disorder. It’s simpler than that—it’s just plain old selfishness. It’s that classic egocentrism you see in basically everyone these days.

The fix? You either cut them out completely or you just shrink their footprint in your life. Evict the toxic roommate, quit the job when the vibes turn sour, or move until you find a place where the atmosphere actually feels positive for once. 👍

Perhaps it would be wise to attempt viewing this from a different perspective...

I’m dealing with the exact same thing—having people around you who make it impossible to breathe. In my case, it’s my boyfriend’s family, specifically his dad.
Since I’m going to college in his hometown, I’m basically stuck here for the time being.
The guy is an absolute nightmare, but nobody in the family has the backbone to stand up to him. His wife stays quiet, and his sons just shut up because they don't want to get kicked out. He’s this arrogant, small-minded bully who thinks he’s always right; everything has to go through him, and he has to be the ultimate authority on every single decision.
I can’t say a word to him because I’d be tossed out on the street, and I still have another year of finishing my degree in this dysfunctional mess...

How do you even deal with people like this?
urbanmoose2, believe me, none of us are actually in a position to fight back; sometimes you just have to swallow it and take it.
But HOW?!? How are you supposed to stay numb to all the bullshit, how do you keep from losing your mind, how do you just ignore it?
To all the masters of zen out there: please, share your secrets. 🙂

...whenever you get this overwhelming feeling that everyone around you is basically one bad day away from needing a therapist. Does that ever happen to you guys? Heads up—this is a bit of a long one.

I’ve been sitting here just reflecting on things (writing it all down here as I go), trying to find even the tiniest little hint that maybe I’m actually the crazy one. I’m attempting to rationally explain to myself why people act the way they do, all while operating under the assumption that I might be the one who’s lost it. But honestly? It’s just not working.

Think about it again, though; maybe it really is just your own perspective getting skewed. Paper can handle anything, so just write it out and try to look at it objectively.

1) So, I have a roommate. This guy and I share an apartment, and look, I agreed to it because we’ve known each other for, what, ten years now? Plus, the rent is pretty cheap for NYC. Before we became roommates, I made sure to ask him straight up if he was going to be bringing people over and how often. He told me, "My mom might drop by once a year since she travels for work." Okay, once a year sounds fine; I can definitely live with that. But since I moved in back in September, his mother has slept over in the apartment nine—yes, nine—times!!

Since I’m only really confrontational here on the forum—because in real life, I don't even dare say a word—I just sit here quietly, absolutely fuming. Get this: yesterday at 10 PM, he casually tells me his mom is coming over today. He didn't even apologize. I've decided I need to find my own place where I can actually be alone, because I just can't deal with this anymore.

Why don't you just talk to him? See where the disconnect is and tell him it bothers you. Staying silent doesn't solve anything; it just makes you suffer... and there's no reason to suffer. If it's truly that much of a headache, just find a new place. You said you're a software engineer, so money shouldn't be the main hurdle.

2) Then there's the job. I work as a developer. And for two days now, I've been going back and forth with this one colleague. He won't let me do a specific task the only way it can actually be done. Fine, I'll listen to his suggestion that I can't do it that way. So I watch, I think, and I grind away trying to figure out how to achieve what he wants, and I've spent 16 hours over the last two days doing just that. But I still can't find a way, and he's being incredibly stubborn about blocking my process. Just pure, unadulterated obstinacy. I don't know what to do.

Again, just get it down on paper. Draw it out for him if he won't listen to you verbally. Prove it to him, almost like you're proving a mathematical theorem or something. If he still insists (assuming he's your superior) then just do it his way and show him the result. It isn't worth the stress and the mental toll.

3) There's also a female colleague at that same job. We haven't spoken a single word to each other since day one. To be precise, I was polite and said hello regularly for the first two weeks, trying to be friendly like I am with everyone else at the office, but she acted like a total brick wall. Seriously, the only thing I hear when I say hello is the echo of my own voice bouncing off her. I don't get it. Is it really that hard to say good morning to a coworker you share a workspace with for at least eight hours a day? She simply hasn't liked me since the moment we met. How is that even possible? I at least say hi to everyone else.

Why are you pushing for a connection? Just stop reaching out to her. You aren't responsible for how she chooses to act. You haven't done anything to hurt her (or maybe you did, who knows?). Her behavior is her issue, and it's a reflection of her own character. Just let it go.

So, does anyone else ever get that weird, nagging feeling that you might actually be the only one in your entire neighborhood who isn't struggling with some kind of mental health issue?

I was just scrolling through this article earlier that mentioned something pretty wild...
Apparently, if you look at the global statistics, only about 20% of people out there don't have some sort of diagnosed mental health struggle. Which means...🙂