Big brother is intimidated by his little sister—need some advice

So, here’s the deal.
I really hope I’m posting this in the right spot. I’ve actually mentioned how much I’ve been struggling on this forum before, but things just keep getting worse. So, there's this ex of mine, right? He basically kicked me out of our apartment because he was totally intimidated by his sister, and now he’s acting all regretful—but honestly, what does that even mean? Everything has just spiraled. I ended up in the ER on meds and everything... life is just hitting me hard lately.
The other day, I happened to catch a glimpse of a conversation they had where he was basically saying I’m "not right" and that he doesn't even want to see me, yet the guy shows up at my job three times a week just to grab coffee 🤔 and if I give him a call, he’s right there, hugging me and kissing me...
But then she’s the one calling all the shots. Every single time he tries to head home, she forbids him from contacting me. She’s only two years younger than him, but she acts like the boss of the entire household—she’s basically running the show for everyone, including their parents and the whole crew...
I just don't get it. How can a grown man be so terrified of some girl who’s basically just a pretender? Is it just me, or is it crazy how everyone seems to be under her thumb?
It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around this mess... she tells him one thing, but he says something completely different to me?
He told me a long time ago that he’s always been this way with every girl he’s ever dated...
Has anyone else ever dealt with something this insane? 😠

You’ve actually given me a brilliant idea for a brand new thread 🙂 — I was just thinking about it! I’m really hoping the admins decide to move your post over to 🙂...

Look, family matters to all of us—that sense of belonging is huge. It makes total sense, too, since our parents are usually the ones giving us support, understanding, a helping hand, or even financial backing... plus there's the whole inheritance thing down the road. We all try our best to keep things smooth with them. Most people, when they're caught in the middle of drama between their relatives and their partner, will choose family every single time. I mean, you can always find a new girlfriend, but you only get one family...😉
Let’s be real, these kinds of dynamics almost always involve some level of bickering. A guy should never be put in the position where he's forced to pick between his partner and his family—it's a total lose-lose situation. The goal should really be finding a way to have healthy relationships with everyone. If not, you're just asking for massive headaches later on.

As for the OP, honestly? I think she should just walk away from the relationship. Using "family" as an excuse feels like a smokescreen for a mountain of underlying issues that weren't being handled properly in the first place. Now that the breakup is happening, it seems like everyone's just scrambling to point fingers and find someone to blame...

Donna White50 said:Look, family matters to all of us—that sense of belonging is huge. It makes total sense, too, since our parents are usually the ones giving us support, understanding, a helping hand, or even financial backing... plus there's the whole inheritance thing down the road. We all try our best to keep things smooth with them. Most people, when they're caught in the middle of drama between their relatives and their partner, will choose family every single time. I mean, you can always find a new girlfriend, but you only get one family...😉
Let’s be real, these kinds of dynamics almost always involve some level of bickering. A guy should never be put in the position where he's forced to pick between his partner and his family—it's a total lose-lose situation. The goal should really be finding a way to have healthy relationships with everyone. If not, you're just asking for massive headaches later on.

As for the OP, honestly? I think she should just walk away from the relationship. Using "family" as an excuse feels like a smokescreen for a mountain of underlying issues that weren't being handled properly in the first place. Now that the breakup is happening, it seems like everyone's just scrambling to point fingers and find someone to blame...

Man, he’s basically totally estranged from his family. Things are just super messy there... They're all living over in Canada, not here in the States, so he only really gets to see them maybe once around Easter or sometimes during Christmas.
So, he only really talks to his sister maybe once a week, if that... sometimes not even then. And when his parents try calling him? Nothing. He just doesn't pick up. He left home pretty young, too—right after he graduated high school, he just packed up and headed straight for New York City.
So, it’s his dad’s birthday today, and honestly? His girlfriend had to give him a massive heads-up to actually say something. Like, if she hadn't stepped in, he totally would've just blanked on it. He’s such a space cadet sometimes, it's kind of ridiculous.
His relationship with his family is honestly pretty rough... and he claims that girl is just being her usual self with every other girl she meets, too.
Look, I’ve never once asked anyone to make a choice between me and their family. Like, that’s just not how I roll. But honestly? After two years together, don't I deserve to actually be part of the picture? To have his family know who I am? He’s already met everyone in my family... all of them. And I’m not ashamed of that. Not even a little bit. Plus, they all pretty much welcomed him with open arms.

I don't know, man... some weird stuff has been going on inside his head lately. It’s like he’s just not himself. And honestly? Our whole relationship ended up paying the price for it. Everything just fell apart because of all that chaos. 😢 I’m struggling, honestly. I feel like I’m just falling apart here, but whatever... if he cares more about some random girl than he does about me, then fine. Let him have her. But seriously, what kind of guy prioritizes a pretty face when he can't even keep food on the table? When things get real and there’s nothing left to eat, I’m the one who’s actually there. It’s just... everything about this is starting to gross me out. I’m not the type of person to just cut him off or throw him away like he’s doing to me, though. I just can't help how much this sucks.
If things get any worse, we’re basically doomed. We share the exact same zodiac sign, and honestly? It’s a disaster because we’re both incredibly emotional. Like, we actually end up crying sometimes... but hey, what does that even matter anymore when I've been a total wreck, just crying for days on end lately?

Sean Sanchez14 said:Man, he’s basically totally estranged from his family. Things are just super messy there... They're all living over in Canada, not here in the States, so he only really gets to see them maybe once around Easter or sometimes during Christmas.
So, he only really talks to his sister maybe once a week, if that... sometimes not even then. And when his parents try calling him? Nothing. He just doesn't pick up. He left home pretty young, too—right after he graduated high school, he just packed up and headed straight for New York City.
So, it’s his dad’s birthday today, and honestly? His girlfriend had to give him a massive heads-up to actually say something. Like, if she hadn't stepped in, he totally would've just blanked on it. He’s such a space cadet sometimes, it's kind of ridiculous.
His relationship with his family is honestly pretty rough... and he claims that girl is just being her usual self with every other girl she meets, too.
Look, I’ve never once asked anyone to make a choice between me and their family. Like, that’s just not how I roll. But honestly? After two years together, don't I deserve to actually be part of the picture? To have his family know who I am? He’s already met everyone in my family... all of them. And I’m not ashamed of that. Not even a little bit. Plus, they all pretty much welcomed him with open arms.

I don't know, man... some weird stuff has been going on inside his head lately. It’s like he’s just not himself. And honestly? Our whole relationship ended up paying the price for it. Everything just fell apart because of all that chaos. 😢 I’m struggling, honestly. I feel like I’m just falling apart here, but whatever... if he cares more about some random girl than he does about me, then fine. Let him have her. But seriously, what kind of guy prioritizes a pretty face when he can't even keep food on the table? When things get real and there’s nothing left to eat, I’m the one who’s actually there. It’s just... everything about this is starting to gross me out. I’m not the type of person to just cut him off or throw him away like he’s doing to me, though. I just can't help how much this sucks.
If things get any worse, we’re basically doomed. We share the exact same zodiac sign, and honestly? It’s a disaster because we’re both incredibly emotional. Like, we actually end up crying sometimes... but hey, what does that even matter anymore when I've been a total wreck, just crying for days on end lately?

He clings to his sister because he's struggling and needs support...
He isn't clinging to you because he doesn't love you..
Everything else is just noise...
How you get through this is entirely up to you..
His mental mess is his own business, and you aren't some old rag someone can just pick up and hug or toss aside whenever they feel like it..
That's all I've got, gotta go earn a paycheck today...🙂

Donna White50 said:He clings to his sister because he's struggling and needs support...
He isn't clinging to you because he doesn't love you..
Everything else is just noise...
How you get through this is entirely up to you..
His mental mess is his own business, and you aren't some old rag someone can just pick up and hug or toss aside whenever they feel like it..
That's all I've got, gotta go earn a paycheck today...🙂

Honestly, that girl is just a straight-up nightmare. I don't get how sisters can be that toxic
I need to go earn a paycheck too, but my brain is absolute mush right now and I can't even function properly....

All I want is an honest conversation. Anyone sane would do that if they'd been in a relationship that long... Because of the chaos in his head, he was actually asking the doctor for Xanax..

But guys like him usually won't admit to that kind of stuff...... while I'm left here just hurting and hurting
But I'm pretty sure he's suffering too since the girl said so.. honestly, just walk away from it all. You're just wasting your life, is that really what a normal sister does? Shouldn't a sister actually be happy when her brother is happy??

Sean Sanchez14 said:So, here’s the deal.
I really hope I’m posting this in the right spot. I’ve actually mentioned how much I’ve been struggling on this forum before, but things just keep getting worse. So, there's this ex of mine, right? He basically kicked me out of our apartment because he was totally intimidated by his sister, and now he’s acting all regretful—but honestly, what does that even mean? Everything has just spiraled. I ended up in the ER on meds and everything... life is just hitting me hard lately.
The other day, I happened to catch a glimpse of a conversation they had where he was basically saying I’m "not right" and that he doesn't even want to see me, yet the guy shows up at my job three times a week just to grab coffee 🤔 and if I give him a call, he’s right there, hugging me and kissing me...
But then she’s the one calling all the shots. Every single time he tries to head home, she forbids him from contacting me. She’s only two years younger than him, but she acts like the boss of the entire household—she’s basically running the show for everyone, including their parents and the whole crew...
I just don't get it. How can a grown man be so terrified of some girl who’s basically just a pretender? Is it just me, or is it crazy how everyone seems to be under her thumb?
It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around this mess... she tells him one thing, but he says something completely different to me?
He told me a long time ago that he’s always been this way with every girl he’s ever dated...
Has anyone else ever dealt with something this insane? 😠

Whether she’s a total nightmare or not, he’s the one giving her a free pass to act that way. Since we're talking about an ex-boyfriend here, I really shouldn't have to spell this out for you: cut ties with a spineless guy like that immediately.

Sean Sanchez14 said:So, here’s the deal.
I really hope I’m posting this in the right spot. I’ve actually mentioned how much I’ve been struggling on this forum before, but things just keep getting worse. So, there's this ex of mine, right? He basically kicked me out of our apartment because he was totally intimidated by his sister, and now he’s acting all regretful—but honestly, what does that even mean? Everything has just spiraled. I ended up in the ER on meds and everything... life is just hitting me hard lately.
The other day, I happened to catch a glimpse of a conversation they had where he was basically saying I’m "not right" and that he doesn't even want to see me, yet the guy shows up at my job three times a week just to grab coffee 🤔 and if I give him a call, he’s right there, hugging me and kissing me...
But then she’s the one calling all the shots. Every single time he tries to head home, she forbids him from contacting me. She’s only two years younger than him, but she acts like the boss of the entire household—she’s basically running the show for everyone, including their parents and the whole crew...
I just don't get it. How can a grown man be so terrified of some girl who’s basically just a pretender? Is it just me, or is it crazy how everyone seems to be under her thumb?
It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around this mess... she tells him one thing, but he says something completely different to me?
He told me a long time ago that he’s always been this way with every girl he’s ever dated...
Has anyone else ever dealt with something this insane? 😠

So what now? We all have to be perfectly equal and liberated, but apparently, some guys still feel like they need to be able to bully women to feel like men.

Robin Diaz4 said:Whether she’s a total nightmare or not, he’s the one giving her a free pass to act that way. Since we're talking about an ex-boyfriend here, I really shouldn't have to spell this out for you: cut ties with a spineless guy like that immediately.

But honestly, looking at how they talk to each other, he’s totally dodging the subject too. He’ll just say, "we aren't talking about her," acting like he can just dodge the question....
Man, he's lying to himself, to her, to me, everyone... the whole circle. The thing is, we still run into each other sometimes, so I've decided I'm done reaching out. And hey, he hasn't hit me up in two days either, so whatever.
And I am seriously over these kinds of sisters. Manipulating everybody and throwing threats around? It's just straight-up trashy and arrogant....
I guess we'll see what happens. At the end of the day, a sister is a sister and a girl is a girl, regardless of where things stand with me right now. She'll find herself a boyfriend eventually, and he'll just be left hanging, but let's be real—it's a long way from being smart to actually acting smart. Way too long..... 🤦

Jesse Cook4 said:So what now? We all have to be perfectly equal and liberated, but apparently, some guys still feel like they need to be able to bully women to feel like men.

I mean, how hasn't he been intimidated by me? Like, he's lowkey terrified of her even if he won't admit it... but she’s out here playing both his mom and dad against each other... and everyone else just looks like a total idiot or a complete moron... man, it's actually wild🤔

Do yourself a favor and walk away from this. Cut ties completely so they never have a reason to reach out or call your name again.

John Thompson53 said:Do yourself a favor and walk away from this. Cut ties completely so they never have a reason to reach out or call your name again.

I’ve decided I’m not gonna hit him up for a while... I'm on day two of holding out... but man, he's still on my mind constantly...
Sending you a DM now.

So we talked, right? We actually made plans. This guy showed up a while back and we agreed to grab lunch together, but now he’s just ghosting my texts... meanwhile, I see him blowing up Sekica's phone. It's ridiculous.
I mean, where am I even going wrong here?
Why is he all over me, acting all affectionate and emotional?
Why are we both just sitting here crying about it?
Honestly, I don't know. I'm just lost.
The whole thing is driving me absolutely insane.😢

Sean Sanchez14 said:So we talked, right? We actually made plans. This guy showed up a while back and we agreed to grab lunch together, but now he’s just ghosting my texts... meanwhile, I see him blowing up Sekica's phone. It's ridiculous.
I mean, where am I even going wrong here?
Why is he all over me, acting all affectionate and emotional?
Why are we both just sitting here crying about it?
Honestly, I don't know. I'm just lost.
The whole thing is driving me absolutely insane.😢

The thing is... you're still expecting him to be someone he’s clearly not. And you're still trying to make it work with him...

Jonathan Hayes said:The thing is... you're still expecting him to be someone he’s clearly not. And you're still trying to make it work with him...

Porky Pig
I honestly just want one normal, adult conversation. Like, everything can be fixed if people just talk, but he just runs away from it every single time...
He’s heading out on a trip and tells me, "Yeah, I'll call you when I get there, we'll see each other then," and then—nothing. Just total silence.
I sent him a text and he didn't even bother replying... now I'm spiraling even harder.
I just wish I could tell him, "Hey, if you need space, just say so. Tell me if you want to end things or if you just need some time to think." Back on Valentine's Day, I told him I loved him, but asked if he felt the same, and he just gave me that vague, "I love you more than that little bit" line... ugh.🤔
Man, this is all just so heavy.
Love hurts, I guess... I really know that now.