I'm 21 and I already feel old.

Hello everyone.

Look, there is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time now, so I decided to bring it to the forum to see if anyone else out there shares this particular sense of melancholy.

I am twenty-one years old, financially independent, and living on my own here in Washington, D.C. My career is actually progressing quite well; at the end of most months, I even have a surplus left over, which I promptly funnel into my savings. Given the current economic climate in America, I suppose this would be considered an enviable life, and many people in my social circle certainly tell me so. Yet, internally, I have been struggling lately.

The reality is that whenever I am not working, I spend the vast majority of my time lost in thought regarding heavy topics like macroeconomics, personal finance, and long-term investments. I don't see my friends nearly as often as I used to, mostly because they are buried under the crushing workload of their engineering programs—which are notoriously demanding—and I find myself increasingly short on time as well. My closest friend lives in a different state entirely, so I only manage to catch up with him maybe two or three times a month. Sometimes, while commuting to the office, I pass by groups of high school kids and I can't help but reflect on my own days in secondary school, which leaves me feeling strangely aged.

It isn't that I harbor any desire to go back to being a child, having my parents pay for everything while I sit around doing nothing. I genuinely value my independence, I take pride in earning my own way, and I am quite satisfied with my professional path. It’s just that I have this persistent, nagging sensation that everything moved far too quickly—that life transitioned from carefree to dead serious almost overnight. I miss the regular camaraderie and the mindless, spontaneous fun with my friends; I miss those times when we could do something completely ridiculous just for the sake of it, or make a sudden decision without a second thought. Nowadays, meeting up feels like scheduling a corporate board meeting: you have to coordinate calendars and confirm locations well in advance. That era of just showing up at a buddy's house unannounced, knocking on the door, and heading out into the night is gone.

As I mentioned, I spend a lot of time planning ahead and obsessing over the future, but sometimes, when these thoughts hit me, I find myself looking through old photos or listening to songs that trigger childhood memories, and I end up in tears simply knowing that those days are never coming back.

You aren't old—you're just finally starting your actual life. You're not a kid anymore.

The more you dwell on it, the more you’re just going to let yourself wither away, honestly. It’s gone, plain and simple, and you really have to just accept that and start looking forward. You need to go out there and find a new circle of friends—people you can actually dive into activities with, whether it's grabbing drinks or finding some shared hobby. If I can say anything, you're actually in a great spot because you've got a steady job and a paycheck coming in; assuming the work isn't soul-crushing, you at least have the luxury of free time to invest in a social life, whereas plenty of people out there are struggling without a job, without cash, and without a single spare second to breathe.
As for me, my entire social circle basically boils down to the folks I went to high school and college with; I haven't stayed in touch with anyone from elementary school or even the neighbors from back in the day. For instance, my absolute best friend from grade school just sort of evaporated from my life entirely—he suddenly had zero time for anyone or anything. He spent all his energy traveling to various foreign countries just to blow money on his old man. In my opinion, he completely lost his grip on reality. He finished this pointless vocational program instead of pursuing photography or something actually worthwhile, didn't bother with higher education, yet he’d spend all this time feeding me these grand stories about how he was going to head off to university, and look—nothing happened. Now he's twenty-eight years old, dressing like some fashion model (honestly, who knows if he's gay or what, but whatever), and just drifting.
I eventually just wrote him off, and now I only put my energy into people who actually make the effort to hang out.
Nowadays, you have the freedom to do all those things you couldn't afford when you were just a kid. Like, if it's summer, you can just decide on a whim to drive down to the coast for a beach day, or hit up a different city for a night out. As long as you all agree to split the gas money, it’s easy.

Quentin:

Kimberly Smith6 As I was saying... The longer you sit there mulling it over, the more you’re just going to let yourself wither away. It’s gone—it’s over—and honestly, you really need to just face the music and move on. You have to go out there and find a new circle, some people you can actually invest time in, whether that's through shared hobbies, hitting up local spots, or just finding something fun to do together. If you look at it from a certain perspective, you’re actually in a pretty enviable position; you’ve got a steady job and a paycheck coming in, and since your work life seems stable enough, you actually have the luxury of free time to dedicate to a social life. Believe me, there are plenty of people out there struggling without a job, without any money, and without a single spare second to breathe, let alone socialize. To be perfectly honest, my entire social circle is basically just the group I met during high school and carried through college. I haven't stayed in touch with anyone from middle school or even the people who grew up in my old neighborhood. It’s funny how life works like that, isn't it? For instance, my absolute best friend back in middle school just completely evaporated from my life. He suddenly had zero time for anything or anyone. He spent all his energy traveling to various parts of Europe, blowing through his old man's hard-earned money instead of building something for himself. If you ask me, he’s completely lost his grip on reality. He wasted his time getting some pointless vocational certification in HVAC instead of pursuing photography or something actually worthwhile. He refused to go any further with his education, yet he kept feeding me this nonsense about heading off to university—and look at him now, absolutely nothing to show for it. At twenty-eight years old, he spends all his time dressing like some sort of fashion model, though frankly, I couldn't tell you if he's gay or what; it's just ridiculous. I’ve officially written him off; at this point, I only bother spending my time with people who actually have the decency to make time for others. Now that you’ve finally reached an age where you actually have some disposable income, you can finally indulge in all those things that felt completely out of reach when you were just a kid with empty pockets. Back then, the idea of a spontaneous getaway was a pipe dream, but today, if the mood strikes during the summer season, you could easily decide on a Friday morning to drive down to the coast for a quick dip in the ocean, or maybe head over to a different city just to check out the nightlife. It’s all about that newfound freedom. Just make sure you coordinate with your friends beforehand to split the gas money, and honestly, that’s really all there is to it.

Now that you’ve brought that up, I suppose I have to admit there might be some truth to your point—perhaps it is my own fault for not making a more concerted effort to branch out and forge new connections. Instead, I’ve found myself leaning far too heavily on the few friendships I managed to carry over from a previous chapter of my life. The reality is, I have crossed paths with so many terrible, fundamentally broken people over the years that those two or three genuine souls I have left—people who are truly good at their core and whom I've known for over eight years now—are things I guard with everything I have.

quietdriver21 said:Hello everyone.

Look, there is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time now, so I decided to bring it to the forum to see if anyone else out there shares this particular sense of melancholy.

I am twenty-one years old, financially independent, and living on my own here in Washington, D.C. My career is actually progressing quite well; at the end of most months, I even have a surplus left over, which I promptly funnel into my savings. Given the current economic climate in America, I suppose this would be considered an enviable life, and many people in my social circle certainly tell me so. Yet, internally, I have been struggling lately.

The reality is that whenever I am not working, I spend the vast majority of my time lost in thought regarding heavy topics like macroeconomics, personal finance, and long-term investments. I don't see my friends nearly as often as I used to, mostly because they are buried under the crushing workload of their engineering programs—which are notoriously demanding—and I find myself increasingly short on time as well. My closest friend lives in a different state entirely, so I only manage to catch up with him maybe two or three times a month. Sometimes, while commuting to the office, I pass by groups of high school kids and I can't help but reflect on my own days in secondary school, which leaves me feeling strangely aged.

It isn't that I harbor any desire to go back to being a child, having my parents pay for everything while I sit around doing nothing. I genuinely value my independence, I take pride in earning my own way, and I am quite satisfied with my professional path. It’s just that I have this persistent, nagging sensation that everything moved far too quickly—that life transitioned from carefree to dead serious almost overnight. I miss the regular camaraderie and the mindless, spontaneous fun with my friends; I miss those times when we could do something completely ridiculous just for the sake of it, or make a sudden decision without a second thought. Nowadays, meeting up feels like scheduling a corporate board meeting: you have to coordinate calendars and confirm locations well in advance. That era of just showing up at a buddy's house unannounced, knocking on the door, and heading out into the night is gone.

As I mentioned, I spend a lot of time planning ahead and obsessing over the future, but sometimes, when these thoughts hit me, I find myself looking through old photos or listening to songs that trigger childhood memories, and I end up in tears simply knowing that those days are never coming back.

It sounds like you’re feeling "old," but really it's more like feeling lost—like there's no real direction or big goals waiting for you down the road.
Basically, you hit one of those life crossroads where you were supposed to find something new to push you forward, but maybe things were just too comfortable? So you didn't feel the need to move, and now you're stuck in this weird limbo, just dwelling on nostalgia for a past that isn't coming back...
Look, everyone goes through phases like this. You just gotta set some goals—figure out what actually makes you happy and where you want to steer your life. Where do you see yourself in five years? Go meet a girl, make some new friends, pick up a sport or a hobby... just turn those drifting thoughts into actual, concrete things...
If you don't, you're gonna spiral into a funk because nothing feels exciting enough anymore. The truth is, the world is massive and there's an endless supply of challenges out there, but you're just hesitant to dive into any of them... and that's the real issue. You're stalled out, just waiting around, which leads to that lack of drive, that feeling of having no future, and all that sadness over how things used to be...
You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, man. You're in your prime and you're already financially set—you've got girls, relationships, career moves, travel, parties, new people, events... the whole world is basically yours for the taking...😉

quietdriver21 said:Quentin:

Kimberly Smith6 As I was saying... The longer you sit there mulling it over, the more you’re just going to let yourself wither away. It’s gone—it’s over—and honestly, you really need to just face the music and move on. You have to go out there and find a new circle, some people you can actually invest time in, whether that's through shared hobbies, hitting up local spots, or just finding something fun to do together. If you look at it from a certain perspective, you’re actually in a pretty enviable position; you’ve got a steady job and a paycheck coming in, and since your work life seems stable enough, you actually have the luxury of free time to dedicate to a social life. Believe me, there are plenty of people out there struggling without a job, without any money, and without a single spare second to breathe, let alone socialize. To be perfectly honest, my entire social circle is basically just the group I met during high school and carried through college. I haven't stayed in touch with anyone from middle school or even the people who grew up in my old neighborhood. It’s funny how life works like that, isn't it? For instance, my absolute best friend back in middle school just completely evaporated from my life. He suddenly had zero time for anything or anyone. He spent all his energy traveling to various parts of Europe, blowing through his old man's hard-earned money instead of building something for himself. If you ask me, he’s completely lost his grip on reality. He wasted his time getting some pointless vocational certification in HVAC instead of pursuing photography or something actually worthwhile. He refused to go any further with his education, yet he kept feeding me this nonsense about heading off to university—and look at him now, absolutely nothing to show for it. At twenty-eight years old, he spends all his time dressing like some sort of fashion model, though frankly, I couldn't tell you if he's gay or what; it's just ridiculous. I’ve officially written him off; at this point, I only bother spending my time with people who actually have the decency to make time for others. Now that you’ve finally reached an age where you actually have some disposable income, you can finally indulge in all those things that felt completely out of reach when you were just a kid with empty pockets. Back then, the idea of a spontaneous getaway was a pipe dream, but today, if the mood strikes during the summer season, you could easily decide on a Friday morning to drive down to the coast for a quick dip in the ocean, or maybe head over to a different city just to check out the nightlife. It’s all about that newfound freedom. Just make sure you coordinate with your friends beforehand to split the gas money, and honestly, that’s really all there is to it.

Now that you’ve brought that up, I suppose I have to admit there might be some truth to your point—perhaps it is my own fault for not making a more concerted effort to branch out and forge new connections. Instead, I’ve found myself leaning far too heavily on the few friendships I managed to carry over from a previous chapter of my life. The reality is, I have crossed paths with so many terrible, fundamentally broken people over the years that those two or three genuine souls I have left—people who are truly good at their core and whom I've known for over eight years now—are things I guard with everything I have.

Look, you're still young, but you really have to grasp the fact that as the years slip by, there is always the very real possibility that even these remaining connections might fade away. It doesn't always require a massive blowout fight, either; life just happens. Take your friend who moved to another city, for instance—that's one gone right there. Then, the other two could move overseas if they can't find work here, or heaven forbid, they fall ill or meet with some tragic accident, and then what are you left with?
Are you just going to sit there at home, staring blankly at every different sized screen available, from your phone and tablet all the way up to your computer monitor and the TV?
I suppose you might manage to survive on your own, or perhaps find solace in a relationship, if you had a house with a proper yard or maybe a small garden or vineyard to lose yourself in, just to pass the time with some honest work, but living like this, coming home to an apartment where you're just boxed in by four walls while kids scream in the local park until your ears ring... it's tough.

Friends are a bit like partners; they come into your life and they leave for a thousand different reasons. It is incredibly rare to find those few souls who will actually stand by your side until the very end.

I really want to thank everyone for all the input. Honestly, I haven’t had anyone to actually sit down and talk through this with, so having this discussion here has been incredibly helpful.

I think I’m finally starting to wrap my head around the reality of the situation—that the friends I have right now might not even be in my life five years from now. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I suppose I just need to make a genuine effort to branch out and meet new people. Before I moved to Washington, D.C., I came from a much smaller environment where I hung out with basically the same core group of people every single day, so I realize now that I probably overreacted to all this sudden change lately.

Anyway, I thought I'd share a song while I'm at it. 😁

It sounds like we’re dealing with a very similar situation here. I honestly can't say for sure what your home life is like—if you even have parents around—but if you do, mine are absolutely toxic...

You're way too serious for your age... just relax and enjoy being free while you can.

neonsailor26 said:It sounds like we’re dealing with a very similar situation here. I honestly can't say for sure what your home life is like—if you even have parents around—but if you do, mine are absolutely toxic...

Personally, things are actually quite civil between us. We usually catch up maybe twice a month for a day or two at most, which significantly lowers the odds of any major blowups. Besides, I made my exit from the nest at eighteen.

What would you say is the actual root cause behind all this drama on your end?

Man, I was thinking the exact same way when I was twenty-one. I spent all my time buried in philosophy books, arguing about 🤣 and whatnot—just endless, circular debates.
But honestly? All of that just fades away.
Eventually, you find a girl, you get married, there’s kids, then life hits you with different kinds of headaches—work stress, maybe even dealing with a partner being unfaithful (or maybe you're just being paranoid and jealous, who knows?) 😉... all that stuff, and all those "huge" problems you're obsessing over right now? They just pop like a soap bubble.

You make a pretty solid point there, crimsonhound80; honestly, once you finally settle down with a woman, all those old, nagging issues will just vanish into thin air, only to be replaced by an entirely new set of complications that come along with having a partner! 🤣

I was actually just telling a buddy of mine—who’s currently flying solo—that exact same thing. He’s out there looking for "the one," but in the meantime, he spends an absurd amount of time obsessing over this pristine white BMW he drives, a car so polished that everyone turns their heads to look, even people who aren't even looking his way. He’s constantly buffing it, tweaking every little detail, basically treating the vehicle with more affection than he treats himself. Every now and then, he'll stumble upon some tiny bit of luck in his dating life and then turn to me, looking completely bewildered, asking for advice on what to do next. I told him straight up, "Man, just sell the car; you really don't need two different headaches competing for your attention—one with the machine and one with a girlfriend"—and he just laughed it off. 🤣

I'm 33 years old, but honestly? I feel like I'm still 18.
Financially speaking, I'm basically broke—total disaster zone over here. Sure, I know plenty of people, but can I actually call any of them friends? Not really. In my downtime, it’s just me, sitting around, daydreaming about being out by the ocean or wondering which number is finally going to hit the jackpot at the casino.