Failing a class: Dealing with the judgment from everyone around you

I recently moved away from my small hometown to attend college in a bigger city, and honestly, I’ve been struggling to find my footing. I started my studies a bit later than most, and because I grew up in a pretty easy school district where I never really had to push myself, I didn't realize how much discipline I actually lacked. I was disorganized, I overestimated my abilities, and now I'm paying the price. Coming home for breaks has been a nightmare. My family treats me like some sort of walking embarrassment. They act like I've single-handedly ruined their lives and wasted every cent they spent on my tuition just because I hit a rough patch. It’s like they feel they’ve suffered a massive public failure as parents, and they plan on throwing it in my face for the rest of my life. That’s just how they are—they have this incredible capacity for holding onto grudges. Even ten years from now, they’ll probably still be bringing up my mistakes, claiming I’m just playing them for fools or predicting that I’ll fail out again. Their "solution" is always the same: they want me to just give up on this path and enroll in a local community college back here. The worst part is the gaslighting. If I were actually lazy, I could at least agree with them, but I *have* been trying. I’ve put in the work, but since nobody else in my extended family ever went to college, they don't understand the grind. To them, I’m just some kid who isn't studying, and hearing my parents lecture me like I’m incompetent kills me because I know the effort I'm putting in. My plan now is to grind harder at this new university and prove to everyone that I’m not a lost cause. But if I do fail again? I genuinely fear they might actually kill me. My ultimate goal is to finish this degree and move somewhere far away—maybe even relocate abroad—just to get away from this small-town judgment and the constant scrutiny. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you deal with failing, surviving the judgment of everyone around you, and finding the strength to try again? And do your parents ever stop bringing up your past failures, or is it a lifelong sentence?

Generally speaking, the specific year you fail matters most—those in my circle who tanked their freshman year rarely even made it to junior year.

As for those who hit a snag during their sophomore year or later (and only once)—there’s honestly no difference between them and the students who breezed through on schedule.

But then again, how did you actually fail? Did you pass most of your credits and just miss the mark on one single class—or whatever the standard is for failing a semester under this credit system 😁—or did you simply fail everything?

And more importantly, why bother switching majors now?

I mean, maybe that college just wasn't your scene, you know?
For me, I basically spent four years trying to finish a three-year degree, if that even makes sense.😁
I don't really recall getting any official academic probation or anything like that, I think I was just... exhausted by the whole thing, but it always felt pretty certain that I’d eventually cross that finish line anyway.
So, yeah, I guess it really all depends on which year you ended up repeating.

swiftgull21 said:I recently moved away from my small hometown to attend college in a bigger city, and honestly, I’ve been struggling to find my footing. I started my studies a bit later than most, and because I grew up in a pretty easy school district where I never really had to push myself, I didn't realize how much discipline I actually lacked. I was disorganized, I overestimated my abilities, and now I'm paying the price. Coming home for breaks has been a nightmare. My family treats me like some sort of walking embarrassment. They act like I've single-handedly ruined their lives and wasted every cent they spent on my tuition just because I hit a rough patch. It’s like they feel they’ve suffered a massive public failure as parents, and they plan on throwing it in my face for the rest of my life. That’s just how they are—they have this incredible capacity for holding onto grudges. Even ten years from now, they’ll probably still be bringing up my mistakes, claiming I’m just playing them for fools or predicting that I’ll fail out again. Their "solution" is always the same: they want me to just give up on this path and enroll in a local community college back here. The worst part is the gaslighting. If I were actually lazy, I could at least agree with them, but I *have* been trying. I’ve put in the work, but since nobody else in my extended family ever went to college, they don't understand the grind. To them, I’m just some kid who isn't studying, and hearing my parents lecture me like I’m incompetent kills me because I know the effort I'm putting in. My plan now is to grind harder at this new university and prove to everyone that I’m not a lost cause. But if I do fail again? I genuinely fear they might actually kill me. My ultimate goal is to finish this degree and move somewhere far away—maybe even relocate abroad—just to get away from this small-town judgment and the constant scrutiny. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you deal with failing, surviving the judgment of everyone around you, and finding the strength to try again? And do your parents ever stop bringing up your past failures, or is it a lifelong sentence?

That's such an exaggeration. "Ruined their lives" just because you had to retake a year? Seriously, it makes it sound like you were out there doing drugs or something. 😁
I get it, though. I had to repeat my sophomore year, and now I'm heading into my third. So many students struggle and have to redo a year, but since parents are the ones footing the bill, they tend to blow things way out of proportion. It's like they're embarrassed, as if you're the only person in America who's ever struggled in college. My parents used to nag me constantly too—they even bring up my mental state and why studying is hard for me lately. It doesn't matter; it's always the same nagging, and just like what you're going through, they'll bring it up years later.

When you start again, just try to stay organized and prepared. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You're getting this degree for yourself, not for them. People will always find something to judge, especially in small towns. If someone confronts you directly, just stand your ground—especially if they didn't even go to college themselves and think they have a right to lecture you about your studies.

Look, your parents are being a bit dramatic, and if I’m being honest, I’ve noticed this pattern tends to come from parents who didn't pursue higher education themselves. I know that stings, but you really need to learn how to tune them out. Things will look up once you start again next year—I promise. Just approach it with more focus and better strategy this time around.

I went through something almost identical. I enrolled in a major I absolutely hated and had zero interest in (my own mistake, admittedly), and by the end of the second semester, I just hit my breaking point and laid it all out for my family. At first, my old man took the "you signed up for it, now you finish it" stance. But once he realized that wasn't happening, his support suddenly turned into, "You should have gone to a trade school," "I knew you wouldn't amount to much," and "My son is a complete failure." Then he didn't speak to me for three months, which was honestly pretty ridiculous considering we live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment.

Fast forward three years: I just finished my third year, and switching majors was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made. My dad eventually admitted he was wrong, and we're good now. Not to mention the endless threats about being kicked out of the house and all those other blowout arguments. Let's be real: maybe 15% of people actually graduate from a serious university—I'm talking Ivy League or heavy STEM programs, not some easy business degree—without losing a year along the way. You aren't a failure by any stretch. Take this as a lesson, learn from the mess, and next year will be much better. Good luck.

🙂

you're going to be meeting the entire new generation of 🙂... though, I suppose you might encounter even more of them if you actually find yourself "enjoying" your studies 😬

Surroundings really don't matter ☕ . You've got to do what you feel is right—not just follow whatever advice everyone else is throwing your way. At the end of the day, you're getting that degree for yourself, not for them
.
Best of luck!!!

P.S. I actually have a mother who isn't supportive of my choices either, but I haven't let that break my spirit—I'm out here fighting like a tiger 🙂 .

neonsailor26 said:Surroundings really don't matter ☕ . You've got to do what you feel is right—not just follow whatever advice everyone else is throwing your way. At the end of the day, you're getting that degree for yourself, not for them
.
Best of luck!!!

P.S. I actually have a mother who isn't supportive of my choices either, but I haven't let that break my spirit—I'm out here fighting like a tiger 🙂 .

Keep building up that grit... you're going to need plenty of it when you eventually settle down and deal with a wife😬.