How to break free from love hypnosis

Olivia Garcia7 said:I agree, it is a form of fixation. Beyond that, I dealt with a lot of mental strain—putting all that energy into a relationship only to have someone just toss it aside. That hit me hard.

I tried to make things work later on, but it just didn't click. Whether I was misreading people, looking too hard, or whatever, it always ended the same way: I’d decide to just stop reaching out and move on quickly.

Yeah, I was blind in that situation. Every time I made a decision for both of us or showed some maturity, she’d just snap at me.

No.

That has followed me my entire life. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the snide comments from peers back in the day, who would openly or subtly gloat whenever I was lonely... Looking back now—and I couldn't admit this to myself before—I grew up surrounded by people who were occasionally happy about my isolation. It was probably their way of getting even, seeing someone like me working so hard on self-improvement while they always took the path of least resistance.

During that exact stretch of time, I lost a parent and my partner left my life. I basically lost my job, too (though I'm back at a solid career with a good salary now).

I didn't die from it all, but I'm not exactly bursting with joy either. I'm just apathetically getting through one day at a time.

I don't want to start an argument over this topic, but since you put it that way—tell me this: what about a bride who cheats on her husband with her maid of honor in the restroom during the wedding? That's clearly just people with normal hormones and a healthy libido. Are they candidates for a psychiatrist, the tabloids, or a role model for society?

Yeah...

Olivia Garcia7 said:One parent left me, and they’re gone now. The other one—well, let's just say there was nothing I could ever do to prove myself to them. When I was 21, things hit a breaking point; I spiraled into self-destruction and ended up seeing a psychiatrist for the first time. My mother actually had the nerve to tell me, "You'll be out of it in a year. You don't even have a girlfriend—how can you claim to be a man? I have to lie about your age and relationship status every time someone at the office asks." It was humiliating. On top of that, my academic records were a mess because of some incompetent faculty administration. God knows I gave it everything I had. This was all before the modern credit system was implemented, and trying to get through college under those conditions was brutal. In the end, though, I graduated at the top of my class.

A few thoughts on peers. When I met her at 22, she was my entire world. Honestly, I was just relieved to have someone so I wouldn't have to be alone or deal with my toxic environment again. My peers used to constantly pry into how we were spending our time, but it wasn't out of genuine interest—they were just insecure and lacked any actual direction or plans for their own relationships. If things had been different, they wouldn't have bothered asking. After we broke up and they saw her out in town with someone else, they suddenly decided to message me on Google Chat to ask if we had split up. This was hilarious because they had never once reached out to me first on there before. As soon as I said "yes," the conversation died instantly. It was clear they only cared to find out if I was back to being alone. Then there’s this one incredibly arrogant guy. I get the feeling he actually thinks he's destined to watch me fail. I suspect his parents probably drilled it into him that someone from my background and socioeconomic status is bound to hit rock bottom eventually, just so he can feel vindicated about his own path. We were sort of quasi-friends. There's an upcoming event where we're all going to be hanging out, and there will be plenty of alcohol involved. Part of me is thinking about provoking him just so I can deck him. But, I'll probably spend the time leading up to it fighting that impulse, trying to handle things constructively and without losing my cool.

It’s tough. Even when you think you’ve finally moved past it, something hits you out of nowhere—a specific memory, a night of drinking too much, or just letting your guard down—and suddenly, it all comes rushing back.

It’s possible. I can’t even begin to describe how many subtle jabs they threw my way, all designed to tear me down.

They are, married with kids. Since I am a believer, I wouldn't disrespect anyone else's marriage, and out of pure spite—or perhaps just bad character—given my own unhappy family history, I view other people's children extremely negatively. Even the divorced ones. They feel like a personal insult to me. They're there, they're interesting, they're charming, but when it came time to actually build a life, they chose idiots to marry. I get the impression that everything in my life is destined to be hand-me-downs. And if calling this arrogance, then fine—I’ll gladly die for that reason. I don't want this life, nor do I want an afterlife where I'm happy and humble enough to serve as a stepfather to anyone. I’d rather face a different kind of death on Judgment Day.

You're 100% right. If I hadn't played the clown and the entertainer, I wouldn't have existed at all. That’s why I was such easy prey.

My libido is once a week, mostly just me alone in the bathroom. I would love an emotional connection, affection, and sex (even though I said earlier I could go long without the physical part). But if everything is on the table, I’d take it all.

Every now and then I watch, and it’s incredibly hard for me, how women trade their femininity to turn men into fools. Sometimes I overhear them gossiping about men, and it makes me sick. I don't tolerate that kind of thing; even when I find myself in female company where someone tries to drag me down by attacking my dignity, I just launch a verbal counterattack and end it right there. The lady realizes she can't win against my temperament and backs off. Usually followed by gossip about how something is "wrong" with me mentally.

I have a friend who puts up with all of it, hovering around women like that. He claims he disagrees with it, but in practice, he's tethered to his girlfriend and her equally toxic friends. He's like a beaten dog. In his head, he often escapes to happier places—a coping mechanism of the imagination.

Lisa Morales4 said:The main thing is not to rely solely on myself. A person simply cannot do anything without God.

To me, "working on oneself" sounds a bit like applying a cosmetic face mask, or even just self-indulgence. Taking care of your face gives you a sense of satisfaction and security. I actually started taking this very seriously back in my high school days; I used to own more creams, tonics, nourishing masks, and various tools than I probably would need if I were just starting a skincare routine today. Even though at my age I really should be dedicating more attention to that organ—my skin—I don't force ANYTHING onto it. I don't feed it anything except some hemp oil straight from the bottle, the same one I use for my salad. It feels like I'm still living off that high school glory days when I invested so much into my skin.

Is that what it means? Is that, Donna White50, what you mean by "working on oneself"?

It’s complicated. I remember that adolescence was also the time when I was developing my relationship, my personhood, and building an unbreakable, lasting bond with God—first through an intense and intimate friendship with the Queen of Heaven, Mary, and so on.

I lost my innocence when I was 17 and all that; all sorts of forces were pulling at me and tempting me, and life was just hitting me against the wall... don't get the wrong idea and think I ran off to join a convent right in the middle of high school, far from that. But I always made sure to stay faithful to my God.

I only know one thing—that everything I have survived in life, and everything that happened to me and from which I was pulled out and saved—is because I could NOT have done it alone by relying on myself without God's help.

I was prompted to say this because the thread starter mentioned being a believer, so that's why. Maybe it reminded me of times when I felt similarly in my own life (only much, much, much worse, and completely alone on the other side of the world with a small child and nothing to my name)... but never truly alone.🙂

People who rely strictly on themselves are tyrants; they are individuals with every psychiatric attribute imaginable—walking bombs that are dangerous not just to themselves, but to everyone around them.

I was so alone—from childhood through my entire life, where the dear, unfortunate people in my life often turned away from me or even mistreated me—that I couldn't afford the luxury of being that kind of capricious person ALONE. I always placed my full trust in God, even when it looked like everything was going incredibly well—I believed there was a reason for that.

If I had relied only on myself, I would have lost my mind by now. I wouldn't have raised my child, nor would I be who I am today: a person with a high-trust professional career.

When we look back one day, we finally see why things had to happen the way they did and where they led us.

A person alone in a cold, deep pit will reach for the only thing they have: their own little ladder, and they'll start sawing off the rungs to use as firewood just to stay warm. Short-circuiting or cutting corners during a crisis always turns out to leave you with too few rungs to reach the life-saving shore. Only later do we look back with gratitude at where those little ladders of suffering actually carried us. We find ourselves thanking God for every deep pit and every hardship.👍

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Is that meant to be irony... or perhaps some sort of sarcasm? 🤔

Lisa Morales4 said:The main thing is not to rely solely on myself. A person simply cannot do anything without God.

To me, "working on oneself" sounds a bit like applying a cosmetic face mask, or even just self-indulgence. Taking care of your face gives you a sense of satisfaction and security. I actually started taking this very seriously back in my high school days; I used to own more creams, tonics, nourishing masks, and various tools than I probably would need if I were just starting a skincare routine today. Even though at my age I really should be dedicating more attention to that organ—my skin—I don't force ANYTHING onto it. I don't feed it anything except some hemp oil straight from the bottle, the same one I use for my salad. It feels like I'm still living off that high school glory days when I invested so much into my skin.

Is that what it means? Is that, Donna White50, what you mean by "working on oneself"?

It’s complicated. I remember that adolescence was also the time when I was developing my relationship, my personhood, and building an unbreakable, lasting bond with God—first through an intense and intimate friendship with the Queen of Heaven, Mary, and so on.

I lost my innocence when I was 17 and all that; all sorts of forces were pulling at me and tempting me, and life was just hitting me against the wall... don't get the wrong idea and think I ran off to join a convent right in the middle of high school, far from that. But I always made sure to stay faithful to my God.

I only know one thing—that everything I have survived in life, and everything that happened to me and from which I was pulled out and saved—is because I could NOT have done it alone by relying on myself without God's help.

I was prompted to say this because the thread starter mentioned being a believer, so that's why. Maybe it reminded me of times when I felt similarly in my own life (only much, much, much worse, and completely alone on the other side of the world with a small child and nothing to my name)... but never truly alone.🙂

People who rely strictly on themselves are tyrants; they are individuals with every psychiatric attribute imaginable—walking bombs that are dangerous not just to themselves, but to everyone around them.

I was so alone—from childhood through my entire life, where the dear, unfortunate people in my life often turned away from me or even mistreated me—that I couldn't afford the luxury of being that kind of capricious person ALONE. I always placed my full trust in God, even when it looked like everything was going incredibly well—I believed there was a reason for that.

If I had relied only on myself, I would have lost my mind by now. I wouldn't have raised my child, nor would I be who I am today: a person with a high-trust professional career.

When we look back one day, we finally see why things had to happen the way they did and where they led us.

A person alone in a cold, deep pit will reach for the only thing they have: their own little ladder, and they'll start sawing off the rungs to use as firewood just to stay warm. Short-circuiting or cutting corners during a crisis always turns out to leave you with too few rungs to reach the life-saving shore. Only later do we look back with gratitude at where those little ladders of suffering actually carried us. We find ourselves thanking God for every deep pit and every hardship.👍

Donna White50 said:Man, there are just so many tragic stories out there in this world, God help us.
Dealing with losing a father and having a mother who's super strict, hyper-critical, and totally dismissive... it's a classic setup. You don't have a father figure to look up to or someone to teach you how to set boundaries, so your mom basically wrecks your sense of self. Because she treated you that way, you end up with this general resentment toward women, which completely trashes your emotional and romantic life. In an attempt to please everyone, instead of standing your ground, you ended up being a people-pleaser—and others just saw that as a weakness, including your girlfriend. Look, you aren't some clown meant to entertain her, and trying to play that role actually backfires with women. Women want someone who can be affectionate and make them happy, sure, but mostly they want someone who is their own person—someone who stands firm... Men shouldn't take every female whim or mood swing personally, and they definitely shouldn't obsess over some fairytale romance. They just need to be free, authentic, and confident. But you? You aren't there yet. You're crumbling under the weight of a life that, frankly, just sucks. Instead of stepping up and taking what belongs to you, you pull inward, thinking you're incapable or just plain weak. This whole "mourning" phase you're in is just a reflection of that weakness. You've protected yourself by hating women—viewing them as nothing but gold diggers or cheaters—and you've retreated into your own little shell. That’s basically signing your own surrender papers. Get this straight: life is tough, and YOU NEED TO CHANGE, ADAPT, AND DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER to be independent, so nobody can mess with you, and so you can finally grab what you need from life.
That's what growing up is—it's responsibility, it's life. It's hard for you because you've adopted this mindset based on your family situation.

Keep your chin up, man. Realize it's not that women are the problem—it's that you haven't learned how to choose properly and you're blinded by prejudice. It's not the girls' fault if they messed up in life and ended up with bad partners; that happens, and kids don't deserve the blame either. You're judging people who are actually out there fighting through this chaotic mess we call life, while you've just stopped living altogether. You act like life doesn't concern you, like you don't want to get your hands dirty. You can't live like that. If you aren't willing to roll up your sleeves, fight, and evolve, then you don't deserve anything more than sitting around for six years doing nothing.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or tear you down, I just want you to see where the glitch is. Life is what it is, and it's not your fault you were raised that way, but you're a grown man now. You need to stop, look in the mirror, analyze where you're tripping up, and try to fix it. It might take some time, but you have to do it if you actually want a better life.😉

If it helps to hear, I struggle with this kind of stuff too... I had a pretty rough childhood myself...😉

Olivia Garcia7 said:One major roadblock to moving forward:

I’ll dive into a new relationship, and after a while, I realize it isn't working. I just say it plainly—I don't want to continue.

It happened to me before. And then, she lashed out, calling me a jerk and telling me I was trash, saying she’d rather just die than deal with how miserable she felt because of me.

I didn't do anything to her; I didn't cheat or act disrespectfully. I simply said, "I don't think this is right for me."

Now, I see that potential reaction in everyone, so I tend to stay away.

As for this one who won't let it go... I asked myself some hard questions: Could I grow old with her? Would I want to live by her side if we were struggling financially or dealing with poor health? Did I actually want to wake up next to her every single morning? I made my choice, and the answer to all of those was no.

In the end, she decided to swap me out like a pair of shoes that just went out of style...

Donna White50 said:Look, you have every right to be pissed at her... but she also has the right to run her life however she wants, whether that includes you or not..
Just accept that you don't get to control anyone else's life. Everything you do in dating is because *you* want to do it—you have the right to make choices that she, or anyone else, might not like.. Nobody can guarantee you'll spend a lifetime with any girl, or even just three months together. People just try things out, and if they vibe, it works long-term. But people leave even the most solid relationships because of work, illness, or just bad luck. I think you're over-idealizing what a relationship should be because you're scared of getting hurt, so you're looking for something perfect, smooth, and totally logical that lasts forever. Stop living in a movie, man. In the US, every third marriage falls apart, yet plenty of people stick together through all the mess, cheating, and pain... very few paths are ever perfectly smooth. Life is a struggle on all fronts, you gotta get used to that..
If you aren't ready for that reality, then don't get involved, otherwise it’s just gonna wreck you...

Olivia Garcia7 said:One major roadblock to moving forward:

I’ll dive into a new relationship, and after a while, I realize it isn't working. I just say it plainly—I don't want to continue.

It happened to me before. And then, she lashed out, calling me a jerk and telling me I was trash, saying she’d rather just die than deal with how miserable she felt because of me.

I didn't do anything to her; I didn't cheat or act disrespectfully. I simply said, "I don't think this is right for me."

Now, I see that potential reaction in everyone, so I tend to stay away.

As for this one who won't let it go... I asked myself some hard questions: Could I grow old with her? Would I want to live by her side if we were struggling financially or dealing with poor health? Did I actually want to wake up next to her every single morning? I made my choice, and the answer to all of those was no.

In the end, she decided to swap me out like a pair of shoes that just went out of style...

lavore said:She clearly has a personality disorder, but you've got your own mental struggle to deal with.