Started by goldenheron6 · · 👁 6 views · 29 replies
frozenmaker74 said:silverhawk9 I can't even begin to explain how much this whole situation gets under my skin, but here we go again. Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve sat here staring at the screen, wondering why on earth anyone would think this was a good idea, I’d probably be retired in Florida by now instead of just sitting here venting to you people. It’s like there's this collective refusal to see the obvious, you know? We’re all standing around watching the same train wreck happen in slow motion, and yet, someone—and I won't point fingers, though we all know who it is—decides that now is the perfect time to double down on the exact thing that caused the mess in the first place. It’s almost impressive, in a deeply frustrating, "why am I even talking about this" kind of way. Anyway, I digress. What was I saying? Right, the sheer absurdity of it all.
I mean, obviously you’re going to get the hell away from an abuser. Like, is that even a question? It’s common sense, really, though I guess some people act like it isn't.
Look, you can't exactly just walk away from the situation if it involves the boss lady. I mean, unless she hands you a pink slip or tells you to pack your desk, you're pretty much stuck in that orbit. It’s just how the corporate ladder works here in the States, isn't it? You're basically tethered to her whims until someone officially pulls the plug on your employment.
I mean, honestly, if you listen to what frozenmaker74 was saying earlier, it’s almost like they’re living in a completely different reality than the rest of us, which—don't get me wrong—is a talent in itself, but still. I was sitting there, just minding my own business, sipping on some lukewarm coffee, when I saw that post, and I couldn't help but think about how much we all tend to overcomplicate things. It’s like when you’re trying to fix a leaky faucet in a suburban house outside of Chicago and you end up calling an expensive plumber for something that basically required a single wrench and five minutes of common sense. We do that with everything, don't we? We make life this massive, convoluted obstacle course instead of just walking the path. And then you have people like goldenheron6 chiming in with their theories, and suddenly we've gone from a simple discussion about daily life to a full-blown congressional hearing on why the sky is blue. It gets exhausting, really. I’m just sitting here, probably being too dramatic, but sometimes you just have to step back and realize that most of the noise we deal with is just... noise. Just unnecessary static in an already loud world.
Look, it’s honestly pretty much impossible to just completely shut someone out without feeling like you're losing your mind a little bit. I mean, there is a massive, gaping difference between just choosing not to react and actually trying to go totally cold turkey on a person while you're simultaneously white-knuckling it through all that internal turmoil. It’s not the same thing at all—one is peace, and the other is just a slow-motion mental breakdown happening entirely behind your own eyes.
Sure, I mean, technically you're right on the money there, but the real kicker is the "how" of it all. Just saying you want to "smooth things over" sounds great on paper—it’s a lovely sentiment that could probably open up any locked door if you play your cards right—but at the end of the day, you actually have to step up and say it. You can't just sit there wishing for a better outcome; you've got to actually find the guts to vocalize it.
Honestly, that’s a whole different ballgame and doesn't really have anything to do with what we're talking about right now. (I mean, theoretically, there’s a connection somewhere in there, but I’d better just keep my mouth shut before I spiral into a massive tangent.)
Honestly, I find it a little weird that you’re out here throwing around terms like "black empathy," but hey, whatever floats your boat, I guess. ☕
Quincy:Look, you made some really solid points there about self-confidence, and honestly, I’m right there with you on that, but because of that exact reason, I think what you said above is a little off—though, I'll give you credit, in the specific context you were using, it might actually hold water. You don't necessarily have to put on an act of being cold if you can just actually achieve that state naturally. A person who truly carries themselves with confidence is going to state their opinion, plain and simple, and then they're just going to sit there through all the inevitable, frantic hysterics that follow without breaking a sweat, mostly because they know they're right. Once that's done, I just don't see much room for anyone to keep throwing punches at someone who's genuinely cool.
Look, I’m not one to go shouting from the rooftops about every little shift in the wind, but we really need to talk about this whole idea of radical change because, honestly, it feels like we’re all just spinning our wheels in a massive, unorganized mud pit. You know that feeling when you wake up, grab your coffee—mine’s usually a burnt mess from a local diner that definitely doesn't follow health codes—and you realize that everything you thought was set in stone is actually just shifting sand? That’s where we are. It’s like when my car decides to give up the ghost right in the middle of a busy intersection in Chicago; suddenly, the entire landscape looks different, much more chaotic, and you’re left standing there wondering why you ever trusted a machine to be reliable. We keep hearing these big, sweeping promises about fundamental shifts in how things work, whether it's in politics or just the way we interact with technology, and I can't help but feel a bit skeptical, or maybe just exhausted by the sheer velocity of it all. People love to throw around terms like "disruption" as if it’s some kind of holy grail, but most of the time, it just feels like someone decided to rearrange all the furniture in your house while you were sleeping, leaving you to trip over a coffee table in the dark. Is it necessary? Maybe. Is it going to be a total headache? Absolutely. I mean, don't get me wrong, progress is fine and dandy, but I think we sometimes forget that tearing everything down just to build something slightly shinier isn't always the smartest move if the foundation was already cracking. It’s a lot to process, and frankly, I might need another cup of that terrible diner coffee before I can wrap my head around the implications of it all. kaže:
It’s like you’re just completely ignoring who you actually are at your core, right? You end up just putting on this massive, exhausting performance of being cold and detached—basically acting out some version of yourself that doesn't even exist—just so you can suppress everything you're feeling and live in total opposition to your own damn soul.
goldenheron6 said:Thanks for the advice 🙂
That sounds like the dream.
Back when I was working for my first mentor, instead of actually teaching me anything, she’d constantly send me out to grab
specific snacks for her, or different drinks, and I had to hit up three or four different stores like Whole Foods or Target
just to find the exact brand and product she wanted. When it was freezing outside in the winter, she wouldn't even
bother turning on the heater in the office. I’d be shivering, and she’d just tell me to "go walk down the hallway."
And honestly, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Basically, what you said is spot on. These people are just frustrated and need a "pushover" to
dump their crap on. And this woman really has issues. I honestly think she might have a personality disorder.
It didn't stop there either; once I moved to a different department, she caught me
walking into my own office and told me
to go buy her something again. It was endless. Of course, being an idiot, I
actually went and did it, instead of just saying, "Sorry, I can't, I've got other stuff to do."
Not to mention, while I was under her, she’d insult me and try to
stop me from hanging out with anyone else at work except her.
I’d be out on the patio with the crew and she’d show up and bark, "Get inside!"
Totally bossy, acting like she owned the place.
Here’s another one of my "worst-case" scenarios.
Someone who barely knows me asks for a huge sum of money, and when I respond
with "I can't" or "I don't have it," suddenly I'm the cheapskate.😁
goldenheron6 said:Hey there.
So, I’m 26, and I feel like I should have my life together by now—you know, have a solid personality and actually know what I want out of things.
The problem is, I just can't bring myself to say "no" or shut someone down when they're being disrespectful.
It’s especially bad whenever I’m trying to fit into a new crowd, like starting a new job.
I’ve had two jobs so far, and both times I ended up dealing with some total jerk. At the first one, my boss was constantly barking orders and insulting me; at the second, she was straight-up gaslighting me. I still haven't figured out how to stand up for myself and tell them off to their face. Instead, a coworker had to step in and handle it for me, which finally got them to back off. I guess I’m just too soft and sensitive. I’m always worried about offending people, plus I really hate being the center of attention.
I don't deal with that older coworker anymore since I got transferred to a different
department, but get this—just a few days after the move, she shows up at my desk asking me to buy her stuff...
And of course, I couldn't even find the words to say "no" or even "I can't."
I just let people walk all over me and boss me around.
Now I'm wondering why I totally freeze up whenever I need to snap back at someone who's poking at me. My life is actually great—I live with my parents in a beautiful house, and since I'm an only child, I definitely got spoiled a bit. Everything is perfect on the home front.
But back in high school, I dealt with a lot of psychological bullying. Can that kind of stuff mess with you later on?
silverhawk9 said:Actually, it does relate, because this kind of behavior is uniquely characteristic of narcissists within marriages. Most of us tend to develop hatred or intolerance toward people who mistreat us. I mean, when someone is being cruel to you, you aren't exactly going to love them, right?🙄, though clearly, the individuals mentioned here do, which is why I noted that such cases are the exception to the rule.😛
As for the author, you really need to start loving yourself and putting your own needs first. You have to stand up for yourself. I used to be just like you, but I'm making progress and fighting for my own well-being. It doesn't matter if some insignificant nobodies comment that I'm a narcissist or arrogant or whatever else. Don't ever let them walk all over you.👍 My advice? Don't engage in any personal drama with her. Just get your work done and act as if she doesn't even exist. No personal stories, no small talk—nothing.
silverhawk9 said:Actually, it does relate, because this kind of behavior is uniquely characteristic of narcissists within marriages. Most of us tend to develop hatred or intolerance toward people who mistreat us. I mean, when someone is being cruel to you, you aren't exactly going to love them, right?🙄, though clearly, the individuals mentioned here do, which is why I noted that such cases are the exception to the rule.😛
As for the author, you really need to start loving yourself and putting your own needs first. You have to stand up for yourself. I used to be just like you, but I'm making progress and fighting for my own well-being. It doesn't matter if some insignificant nobodies comment that I'm a narcissist or arrogant or whatever else. Don't ever let them walk all over you.👍 My advice? Don't engage in any personal drama with her. Just get your work done and act as if she doesn't even exist. No personal stories, no small talk—nothing.
goldenheron6 said:I’m done working for that secret, thank God, but if I had stayed
it would’ve been pure abuse.
I can't tell if she actually doesn't realize how incredibly awkward she acts
toward everyone else—like, is she playing dumb?
Or does she just straight-up love acting like a drill sergeant and treating people like her personal maids?