Always the unlucky one

Hey everyone. I’ll try to keep this brief and get straight to the point regarding what's been bothering me. Hopefully, someone here can offer a bit of wisdom or at least some direction.

So, here’s the deal... Lately, I’ve been hitting these waves of feeling totally helpless, lonely, and just generally miserable. Being a 20-year-old college student, I figured this was just part of the territory—especially given how much pressure there is on individuals to perform in today's society. It seemed like a logical consequence of being young and uncertain.

But I just can't wrap my head around why I feel this way. By any objective standard, I'm doing fine. I'm killing it at school—honestly, it’s barely even stressful. I’ve managed to become financially independent, too, so I'm holding my own there. The real issue is my social life. I have plenty of friends, but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them. And while I've been seeing different women lately, I haven't been able to build anything meaningful or sustain a real relationship. I should also mention that I’m actually quite introverted and shy, even if people don't see me that way. Even the women I've been intimate with have mentioned that I seem to have some kind of mental block. I don't get it; nothing traumatic has happened recently, and my family life is perfectly normal. On paper, I'm living a pretty good life.

I just can't figure out where these moods are coming from, especially since they're becoming more frequent and intense. I wouldn't call it clinical depression, but it's this incredibly dull, heavy sensation. This feeling that I'm running out of time, or that I won't succeed, and everything is just sliding downhill. It’s starting to mess with my ability to connect with people normally. As a student, who can I actually talk to about this, and where do I even go?
I really want to understand myself better because my reactions don't seem to make sense. I've always been interested in psychology, and I just want to find out what the catch is.

Sorry for the wall of text; I'm typing this on my phone, so it might be a bit rambling or disorganized. You'll probably figure it out. 😁

Look, if you’re actually serious about this, just head over to your local family doctor and get them to write you a referral for psychotherapy. It's honestly the easiest way to get the ball rolling—just a quick trip to the clinic to get that paperwork sorted so you can finally talk to someone who actually knows what they're doing.

Look, there’s really no point in us trying to weigh in or give you any advice here—I mean, we don't know the first thing about your life. We aren't exactly mind readers, and without knowing what you've actually been through or how you operate, any opinion we throw out would just be total guesswork. It's hard to get the full picture when we're basically flying blind.

David Vaughn75 said:Look, if you’re actually serious about this, just head over to your local family doctor and get them to write you a referral for psychotherapy. It's honestly the easiest way to get the ball rolling—just a quick trip to the clinic to get that paperwork sorted so you can finally talk to someone who actually knows what they're doing.

Look, there’s really no point in us trying to weigh in or give you any advice here—I mean, we don't know the first thing about your life. We aren't exactly mind readers, and without knowing what you've actually been through or how you operate, any opinion we throw out would just be total guesswork. It's hard to get the full picture when we're basically flying blind.

And yet, even with that knowledge, things still seem unclear to you...
I suppose I would suggest seeing a therapist.

I don't believe there is an immediate need for a psychiatrist or medication—not that I am attempting to downplay what you are going through, please don't take that the wrong way. I simply want to offer the most practical advice possible for resolving this.

Respect. 👍

ruggedowl0 said:Hey everyone. I’ll try to keep this brief and get straight to the point regarding what's been bothering me. Hopefully, someone here can offer a bit of wisdom or at least some direction.

So, here’s the deal... Lately, I’ve been hitting these waves of feeling totally helpless, lonely, and just generally miserable. Being a 20-year-old college student, I figured this was just part of the territory—especially given how much pressure there is on individuals to perform in today's society. It seemed like a logical consequence of being young and uncertain.

But I just can't wrap my head around why I feel this way. By any objective standard, I'm doing fine. I'm killing it at school—honestly, it’s barely even stressful. I’ve managed to become financially independent, too, so I'm holding my own there. The real issue is my social life. I have plenty of friends, but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them. And while I've been seeing different women lately, I haven't been able to build anything meaningful or sustain a real relationship. I should also mention that I’m actually quite introverted and shy, even if people don't see me that way. Even the women I've been intimate with have mentioned that I seem to have some kind of mental block. I don't get it; nothing traumatic has happened recently, and my family life is perfectly normal. On paper, I'm living a pretty good life.

I just can't figure out where these moods are coming from, especially since they're becoming more frequent and intense. I wouldn't call it clinical depression, but it's this incredibly dull, heavy sensation. This feeling that I'm running out of time, or that I won't succeed, and everything is just sliding downhill. It’s starting to mess with my ability to connect with people normally. As a student, who can I actually talk to about this, and where do I even go?
I really want to understand myself better because my reactions don't seem to make sense. I've always been interested in psychology, and I just want to find out what the catch is.

Sorry for the wall of text; I'm typing this on my phone, so it might be a bit rambling or disorganized. You'll probably figure it out. 😁

Sounds like you're dealing with some anxiety—being preoccupied with fears about the future, fear of failure, or even the fear of intimacy. Maybe it's even just the general weight of the world right now. Either way, that fear is blocking you, taking up all your headspace until you feel lost, numb, a bit depressed, or just stuck... you might even be feeling it physically—like chest tightness, tension, headaches, heart palpitations, or that weird knot in your stomach when anxiety hits...

There could be a dozen different causes, ranging from how you were raised to just closing yourself off like a shell. Growing up means having to step out, meet girls, handle intimacy, and navigate relationships... it all creates a massive amount of pressure, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself or lean toward pessimism (thinking things won't work out, worrying about your age, feeling like no one wants you, thinking life is bleak, or just looking at the state of the country...).
Try to relax a bit and put yourself out there more. If someone catches your interest, give it a shot and let yourself experience something good. Accept that you actually have a solid life. Try meditating, or reflect on whether your parents had unrealistic expectations of you, or if you're just a bit too much of a perfectionist. Think about whether you're actually voicing your needs and feelings, and look at your overall self-confidence. Work on yourself. If this keeps happening, it might be worth talking to a therapist.
You might also want to check out some videos on life psychology—I find this creator pretty interesting:

Donna White50 said:Sounds like you're dealing with some anxiety—being preoccupied with fears about the future, fear of failure, or even the fear of intimacy. Maybe it's even just the general weight of the world right now. Either way, that fear is blocking you, taking up all your headspace until you feel lost, numb, a bit depressed, or just stuck... you might even be feeling it physically—like chest tightness, tension, headaches, heart palpitations, or that weird knot in your stomach when anxiety hits...

There could be a dozen different causes, ranging from how you were raised to just closing yourself off like a shell. Growing up means having to step out, meet girls, handle intimacy, and navigate relationships... it all creates a massive amount of pressure, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself or lean toward pessimism (thinking things won't work out, worrying about your age, feeling like no one wants you, thinking life is bleak, or just looking at the state of the country...).
Try to relax a bit and put yourself out there more. If someone catches your interest, give it a shot and let yourself experience something good. Accept that you actually have a solid life. Try meditating, or reflect on whether your parents had unrealistic expectations of you, or if you're just a bit too much of a perfectionist. Think about whether you're actually voicing your needs and feelings, and look at your overall self-confidence. Work on yourself. If this keeps happening, it might be worth talking to a therapist.
You might also want to check out some videos on life psychology—I find this creator pretty interesting:

Solid advice. It’s genuinely refreshing to see someone put in at least a little
effort to help someone who's struggling 👍

Donna White50, thanks for sharing this. 🙂

I’d add that those bouts of feeling crappy never really last that long—they just hit you, and then they pass. Because of that, I don't think I need a psychiatrist, though maybe a therapist could help a bit.

That point about forcing things is spot on. While pushing through works for some stuff, like grinding at college, it can actually backfire in other areas, like dating. So, we'll see. I used to think staying constantly busy was the way to go, that being tied down to obligations made life better or more meaningful. Now, I'm going to try to carve out some actual free time and focus on things I actually enjoy doing. And, honestly, probably stop people-pleasing quite so much. I suspect that constant sense of responsibility and all those "what if" anxieties come from that.

Thanks again. 🙂

ruggedowl0 said:Donna White50, thanks for sharing this. 🙂

I’d add that those bouts of feeling crappy never really last that long—they just hit you, and then they pass. Because of that, I don't think I need a psychiatrist, though maybe a therapist could help a bit.

That point about forcing things is spot on. While pushing through works for some stuff, like grinding at college, it can actually backfire in other areas, like dating. So, we'll see. I used to think staying constantly busy was the way to go, that being tied down to obligations made life better or more meaningful. Now, I'm going to try to carve out some actual free time and focus on things I actually enjoy doing. And, honestly, probably stop people-pleasing quite so much. I suspect that constant sense of responsibility and all those "what if" anxieties come from that.

Thanks again. 🙂

Even if these waves of anxiety or mild depression feel short-lived, it doesn't mean things won't get worse if you aren't working on yourself. Those feelings are basically telling you there's a conflict within. Anxiety is like a red flag—it means something in your life is off, and you're essentially working against your own best interests. Maybe it's unrealistic expectations, or maybe you're haunted by the past or old patterns you picked up from your family—like always putting others first while neglecting yourself, or having low self-esteem and all that...

It's definitely good to have goals and things to stay busy with, but it's not healthy if you're forcing it and fighting against your own nature. You can ask "what if" about anything the second you wake up, but you don't ask it about most things—like, "what if I don't brush my teeth?" or "what if I'm late for work?" You just take those things for granted and get them done. Why? Because you're living in the moment. When you're brushing your teeth, you're just brushing your teeth... you aren't drowning in "what ifs." That constant worrying is usually tied to a lack of confidence, trouble making decisions, a pessimistic outlook, or just feeling like you're not enough, which leads to fear of failure and worst-case scenarios. You've succeeded at most things in life, and yeah, you haven't in others—that's just how it goes. Just give it your best and try to approach life with the same level of chill you have when you're brushing your teeth... Use your downtime to recharge and reflect on your choices. Think about what you want to change, what makes you happy, or even what scares you and why... Maybe try meditating or finding an activity to help shake off the stress...🙂

ruggedowl0 said:Hey everyone. I’ll try to keep this brief and get straight to the point regarding what's been bothering me. Hopefully, someone here can offer a bit of wisdom or at least some direction.

So, here’s the deal... Lately, I’ve been hitting these waves of feeling totally helpless, lonely, and just generally miserable. Being a 20-year-old college student, I figured this was just part of the territory—especially given how much pressure there is on individuals to perform in today's society. It seemed like a logical consequence of being young and uncertain.

But I just can't wrap my head around why I feel this way. By any objective standard, I'm doing fine. I'm killing it at school—honestly, it’s barely even stressful. I’ve managed to become financially independent, too, so I'm holding my own there. The real issue is my social life. I have plenty of friends, but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them. And while I've been seeing different women lately, I haven't been able to build anything meaningful or sustain a real relationship. I should also mention that I’m actually quite introverted and shy, even if people don't see me that way. Even the women I've been intimate with have mentioned that I seem to have some kind of mental block. I don't get it; nothing traumatic has happened recently, and my family life is perfectly normal. On paper, I'm living a pretty good life.

I just can't figure out where these moods are coming from, especially since they're becoming more frequent and intense. I wouldn't call it clinical depression, but it's this incredibly dull, heavy sensation. This feeling that I'm running out of time, or that I won't succeed, and everything is just sliding downhill. It’s starting to mess with my ability to connect with people normally. As a student, who can I actually talk to about this, and where do I even go?
I really want to understand myself better because my reactions don't seem to make sense. I've always been interested in psychology, and I just want to find out what the catch is.

Sorry for the wall of text; I'm typing this on my phone, so it might be a bit rambling or disorganized. You'll probably figure it out. 😁

It’ll pass once you get married.

ruggedowl0 said:Donna White50, thanks for sharing this. 🙂

I’d add that those bouts of feeling crappy never really last that long—they just hit you, and then they pass. Because of that, I don't think I need a psychiatrist, though maybe a therapist could help a bit.

That point about forcing things is spot on. While pushing through works for some stuff, like grinding at college, it can actually backfire in other areas, like dating. So, we'll see. I used to think staying constantly busy was the way to go, that being tied down to obligations made life better or more meaningful. Now, I'm going to try to carve out some actual free time and focus on things I actually enjoy doing. And, honestly, probably stop people-pleasing quite so much. I suspect that constant sense of responsibility and all those "what if" anxieties come from that.

Thanks again. 🙂

Hey!

If you look at other threads, you'll see I actually started a similar one once where I described a struggle almost identical to yours. Physical exhaustion, depression, constant sadness, lethargy, massive anxiety about the future, heavy pessimism, and even suicidal ideation (and finding a strange comfort in those thoughts)...

People on the forum supported me, and here I am—feeling positive and active again, trying to pass some advice along to you.

If you feel sluggish, unmotivated, and just lack any willpower, I wouldn't call it clinical depression (which is a much heavier diagnosis). It sounds more like melancholy... maybe you're just wired to overanalyze everything and take it all to heart. That’s typical for a melancholic personality. Even your birth season can say a lot about your temperament (shoot me a DM if you want to dig into that).

On the flip side, if you’re feeling tension, nervousness, high blood pressure, or a racing heart—that restless feeling where you just have to move—then you’re likely dealing with anxiety (a slightly tougher diagnosis). Personally, I used to get bouts of anxiety that lasted a few days, manifesting as severe shortness of breath. It felt like no matter how hard I breathed, oxygen wasn't hitting my bloodstream and I was suffocating. I always beat it by going for long bike rides... trust me, it works.

I fight off melancholy with intermittent fasting. If I go a full day without eating, the fatigue and lethargy vanish. It triggers the sympathetic nervous system, and I get a rush of warmth, energy, and motivation. For me, it even hits euphoria levels.

Of course, you can only suppress the physical symptoms this way; you won't solve the core psychological issue. To do that, you have to work through it yourself or with a psychologist.