#1 ·
Ever since I was a kid, I’d decided my life would follow one path: either joining the military or, if that fell through, becoming a police officer. Those childhood dreams eventually turned into actual long-term ambitions.
Those two career paths were basically what kept me going through middle and high school. I was a top student—really threw myself into everything from coursework to extracurriculars—because I saw it all as just another step toward reaching those goals. I played sports, read tons of technical books and journals, and tried to build some discipline—waking up early, staying organized, being thorough, you know the drill.
Then, life happened. Toward the end of my junior year, I was diagnosed with Crohn's. I knew right away my plans were shot, so I immediately went to find out where I stood. The military labeled me "completely unfit," and the police department called me someone with "permanently limited capabilities."
Aside from being—and still being—mentally crushed by it, I just didn't know what to do next. What should I study? What am I supposed to do with my life? I decided against college altogether. A lot of friends, parents, and teachers tried to talk me out of that decision; they even sent me to psychologists and psychiatrists, though nothing really worked. I spent countless hours scrolling through the "become a student" site, hoping to stumble upon a major that actually fit. Eventually, I enrolled in a public administration program just to get everyone to stop breathing down my neck. Later, I realized it was an even worse choice than I thought. Just a useless degree, I guess.
I'm 22 now, taking a gap year and working shifts through the Student Union. I've been seeing a child and adolescent psychiatrist for about two years, but there's no real progress. My diagnosis is moderate to severe depression and an adjustment disorder, but I haven't heard any real solutions from him.
Any advice? Is there any career or field of study remotely similar to what I originally wanted?
Maybe it's worth mentioning that for a while now—and more actively lately—I've been thinking about suicide, just to finally end all this nonsense. I'm fed up. It's either win big or lose everything... and the second option feels more likely.
*please, if possible, no hateful, ironic, or sarcastic comments, no toxic remarks or anything like that
Those two career paths were basically what kept me going through middle and high school. I was a top student—really threw myself into everything from coursework to extracurriculars—because I saw it all as just another step toward reaching those goals. I played sports, read tons of technical books and journals, and tried to build some discipline—waking up early, staying organized, being thorough, you know the drill.
Then, life happened. Toward the end of my junior year, I was diagnosed with Crohn's. I knew right away my plans were shot, so I immediately went to find out where I stood. The military labeled me "completely unfit," and the police department called me someone with "permanently limited capabilities."
Aside from being—and still being—mentally crushed by it, I just didn't know what to do next. What should I study? What am I supposed to do with my life? I decided against college altogether. A lot of friends, parents, and teachers tried to talk me out of that decision; they even sent me to psychologists and psychiatrists, though nothing really worked. I spent countless hours scrolling through the "become a student" site, hoping to stumble upon a major that actually fit. Eventually, I enrolled in a public administration program just to get everyone to stop breathing down my neck. Later, I realized it was an even worse choice than I thought. Just a useless degree, I guess.
I'm 22 now, taking a gap year and working shifts through the Student Union. I've been seeing a child and adolescent psychiatrist for about two years, but there's no real progress. My diagnosis is moderate to severe depression and an adjustment disorder, but I haven't heard any real solutions from him.
Any advice? Is there any career or field of study remotely similar to what I originally wanted?
Maybe it's worth mentioning that for a while now—and more actively lately—I've been thinking about suicide, just to finally end all this nonsense. I'm fed up. It's either win big or lose everything... and the second option feels more likely.
*please, if possible, no hateful, ironic, or sarcastic comments, no toxic remarks or anything like that