How being in love affects your mental health

So far, every single time I’ve fallen for someone, it’s essentially turned into either a massive anxiety disorder or a full-blown acute psychotic break. I’ve had about three of these "crushes," and honestly, I don't think I've ever actually been *in love*—because if I had, I’d probably be spiraling into depression right now, since falling for someone is always my primary trigger for depressive episodes. I’m not going to get into the weeds regarding the details of my past relationships, but I want to ask: is it actually possible to be happily in love? Specifically, is it possible to find a partner—like those books claim—where you can actually work through the pain and eventually land in a happy, healthy relationship? That’s my first question. Second, how have you all experienced falling in love? Have any of you dealt with similar struggles with depression when things get intense?
To clarify, we really need to distinguish between that initial rush of being "in love" and actual long-term love. When I ask if it’s possible to be happily in love, what I really mean is: is it possible to find a partner for a long-term commitment? Real long-term love requires emotional maturity and the ability to take responsibility for your own emotions. Being "in love" is just a fleeting phase that usually evaporates over time. Eventually, that idealized version of the person shatters, and you're left with reality—who they actually are, rather than the perfect version you built up in your head.

Look, man, you’re living in a dream world here, even though you’ve clearly seen a thing or two in your life. Let’s be real: there is no such thing as "perfect love"—there never will be. It doesn't make sense to me how falling in love triggers these psychotic breaks for you. In my book, it’s more logical that the crush causes you enough stress—for whatever reason—that you eventually just snap like a kernel of popcorn in a microwave. Then, boom, you hit a psychotic episode.

And about the depression part—usually, it should just feel like a deep sadness rather than a total shutdown, but hey, we’re all wired differently and life throws different curveballs at everyone. You can build a healthy relationship whether it lasts a lifetime or just a season; it really just depends on how the chips fall.

But honestly, the biggest question mark for me is this: you say these psychotic episodes happen because of women and being in love, yet you keep running headlong into the same situation without any caution. To me, that sounds as crazy as me saying I have a mental breakdown every time I grab a beer, yet I still head down to the local pub every single night to order another round. It just doesn't add up to me. 🙂

Napokoon, this is actually a decent topic for once, but honestly, everyone here is such a total hack that nobody’s willing to contribute anything worthwhile. This is officially the last time I’m bothering to post a thread like this on this forum...

Brandon Mitchell said:Napokoon, this is actually a decent topic for once, but honestly, everyone here is such a total hack that nobody’s willing to contribute anything worthwhile. This is officially the last time I’m bothering to post a thread like this on this forum...

Hmm, have you considered that maybe the people reading this simply don't have an answer that would actually help you? They might not have gone through anything similar, so they'd rather stay quiet than spout nonsense. I get that you had certain expectations when you started this thread, but honestly, it isn't very polite to lash out at other members just because things aren't playing out exactly how you hoped. Let's just give it some time; who knows, you might actually stumble upon some solid advice if you wait a bit.

Brandon Mitchell said:Napokoon, this is actually a decent topic for once, but honestly, everyone here is such a total hack that nobody’s willing to contribute anything worthwhile. This is officially the last time I’m bothering to post a thread like this on this forum...

Look, next time, try having a little more caution before you dive in headfirst. If you already know it's going to wreck you, why not take a second to actually assess the situation first?

Brandon Mitchell said:So far, every single time I’ve fallen for someone, it’s essentially turned into either a massive anxiety disorder or a full-blown acute psychotic break. I’ve had about three of these "crushes," and honestly, I don't think I've ever actually been *in love*—because if I had, I’d probably be spiraling into depression right now, since falling for someone is always my primary trigger for depressive episodes. I’m not going to get into the weeds regarding the details of my past relationships, but I want to ask: is it actually possible to be happily in love? Specifically, is it possible to find a partner—like those books claim—where you can actually work through the pain and eventually land in a happy, healthy relationship? That’s my first question. Second, how have you all experienced falling in love? Have any of you dealt with similar struggles with depression when things get intense?
To clarify, we really need to distinguish between that initial rush of being "in love" and actual long-term love. When I ask if it’s possible to be happily in love, what I really mean is: is it possible to find a partner for a long-term commitment? Real long-term love requires emotional maturity and the ability to take responsibility for your own emotions. Being "in love" is just a fleeting phase that usually evaporates over time. Eventually, that idealized version of the person shatters, and you're left with reality—who they actually are, rather than the perfect version you built up in your head.

Personally, I dealt with massive issues and plenty of physical symptoms that I’d attribute to pathological infatuation. It was incredibly difficult trying to "deflate" that intense connection after such an overwhelming, cosmic level of love without completely blowing up the relationship in the process. But, hey, looking back, I think it can be done.

So, here’s the thing: if both people in a relationship are insecure, then the bond—just like it was for me—will be fueled by this "cosmic love" and a sense of total understanding, which is really just a polite way of saying you're completely neglecting your own boundaries and identity. You both get used to thinking the other person is exactly what you need, but then you lose the will to keep up that "unconscious act." That’s when the downward spiral starts, and you begin discovering each other's "true qualities." In principle, those "true qualities" that surface during that transition aren't necessarily "real" traits; they are largely a byproduct of coming down from the high caused by that initial infatuation. Just like detoxing from any drug, there’s a ton of irritability, frustration, and anger, and most of the time, everyone points the finger at their partner. That’s basically the "disillusionment phase" that follows a massive bout of infatuation. I don't know how things play out for everyone else, but I managed to "deflate the infatuation" that my marriage was built on without wrecking the whole thing too badly. I’m actually somewhat proud of that, considering how often those "cosmic loves" end in a total train wreck...

Anyway, just because I might have managed to pull that off doesn't mean it's the recommended way to go. Ideally, you should try to avoid that overwhelming, "reach-for-the-stars" infatuation in the first place, because when you're staring at the heavens, you can't see what's right in front of your face.

Brandon Mitchell said:So far, every single time I’ve fallen for someone, it’s essentially turned into either a massive anxiety disorder or a full-blown acute psychotic break. I’ve had about three of these "crushes," and honestly, I don't think I've ever actually been *in love*—because if I had, I’d probably be spiraling into depression right now, since falling for someone is always my primary trigger for depressive episodes. I’m not going to get into the weeds regarding the details of my past relationships, but I want to ask: is it actually possible to be happily in love? Specifically, is it possible to find a partner—like those books claim—where you can actually work through the pain and eventually land in a happy, healthy relationship? That’s my first question. Second, how have you all experienced falling in love? Have any of you dealt with similar struggles with depression when things get intense?
To clarify, we really need to distinguish between that initial rush of being "in love" and actual long-term love. When I ask if it’s possible to be happily in love, what I really mean is: is it possible to find a partner for a long-term commitment? Real long-term love requires emotional maturity and the ability to take responsibility for your own emotions. Being "in love" is just a fleeting phase that usually evaporates over time. Eventually, that idealized version of the person shatters, and you're left with reality—who they actually are, rather than the perfect version you built up in your head.

I spent years pining after one specific girl. It left me pretty miserable and depressed, honestly. She’s a genuinely great person—she proved that plenty of times—but I basically put blinkers on and refused to see anyone else. It took me way too long to realize there's a whole world of amazing women out there. It doesn't matter if you don't vibe with one, five, or even ten of them. Opportunities are always going to pop up. The real reason we suffer so much is this paralyzing fear that we're destined to be alone—this irrational belief that we don't deserve happiness because if one person rejects us, there must be something fundamentally broken within us. It's such flawed logic, though, because almost everyone gets rejected at least once. 😛 And yet, they still go on to click with someone else and find real happiness.

And yeah, that idealization thing is always lurking there. At least a little bit. 😛 But hey, that's fine. We all know we aren't exactly thinking with our highest faculties when we fall hard. Just try to stay self-aware; remember you aren't looking at a flawless saint, even if it feels that way right now. Keeping that in mind makes it a lot easier when their flaws and issues inevitably start showing up. Only time will tell if they’re actually the right fit for you.

Most importantly, don't treat a romantic relationship like an escape hatch or a magic fix for all your life problems. Having a partner's support is great, obviously, but you still have to face your own fears and deal with your own baggage.

PS: When you're in that "in love" stage, it's totally normal to ride a rollercoaster of intense euphoria and deep sadness. Just lean into it, feel it, and when you're ready, move forward. Don't try to shut your emotions down.

hiddeneagle98 said:Personally, I dealt with massive issues and plenty of physical symptoms that I’d attribute to pathological infatuation. It was incredibly difficult trying to "deflate" that intense connection after such an overwhelming, cosmic level of love without completely blowing up the relationship in the process. But, hey, looking back, I think it can be done.

So, here’s the thing: if both people in a relationship are insecure, then the bond—just like it was for me—will be fueled by this "cosmic love" and a sense of total understanding, which is really just a polite way of saying you're completely neglecting your own boundaries and identity. You both get used to thinking the other person is exactly what you need, but then you lose the will to keep up that "unconscious act." That’s when the downward spiral starts, and you begin discovering each other's "true qualities." In principle, those "true qualities" that surface during that transition aren't necessarily "real" traits; they are largely a byproduct of coming down from the high caused by that initial infatuation. Just like detoxing from any drug, there’s a ton of irritability, frustration, and anger, and most of the time, everyone points the finger at their partner. That’s basically the "disillusionment phase" that follows a massive bout of infatuation. I don't know how things play out for everyone else, but I managed to "deflate the infatuation" that my marriage was built on without wrecking the whole thing too badly. I’m actually somewhat proud of that, considering how often those "cosmic loves" end in a total train wreck...

Anyway, just because I might have managed to pull that off doesn't mean it's the recommended way to go. Ideally, you should try to avoid that overwhelming, "reach-for-the-stars" infatuation in the first place, because when you're staring at the heavens, you can't see what's right in front of your face.

Thanks for such a generous and polite response. 🙂

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:I spent years pining after one specific girl. It left me pretty miserable and depressed, honestly. She’s a genuinely great person—she proved that plenty of times—but I basically put blinkers on and refused to see anyone else. It took me way too long to realize there's a whole world of amazing women out there. It doesn't matter if you don't vibe with one, five, or even ten of them. Opportunities are always going to pop up. The real reason we suffer so much is this paralyzing fear that we're destined to be alone—this irrational belief that we don't deserve happiness because if one person rejects us, there must be something fundamentally broken within us. It's such flawed logic, though, because almost everyone gets rejected at least once. 😛 And yet, they still go on to click with someone else and find real happiness.

And yeah, that idealization thing is always lurking there. At least a little bit. 😛 But hey, that's fine. We all know we aren't exactly thinking with our highest faculties when we fall hard. Just try to stay self-aware; remember you aren't looking at a flawless saint, even if it feels that way right now. Keeping that in mind makes it a lot easier when their flaws and issues inevitably start showing up. Only time will tell if they’re actually the right fit for you.

Most importantly, don't treat a romantic relationship like an escape hatch or a magic fix for all your life problems. Having a partner's support is great, obviously, but you still have to face your own fears and deal with your own baggage.

PS: When you're in that "in love" stage, it's totally normal to ride a rollercoaster of intense euphoria and deep sadness. Just lean into it, feel it, and when you're ready, move forward. Don't try to shut your emotions down.

Thanks, Drake 🙂

Look, I want to apologize if my use of the word "trash" offended anyone. That wasn't my intention at all. I honestly just let my frustration get the better of me in the heat of the moment, and I lashed out... It won't happen again, especially since I’m planning on staying away from these kinds of topics altogether from here on out...

After navigating four long-term relationships, I’ve come to the weary conclusion that we’re all just incredibly spoiled—stunted, really, in our emotional development.

Sure, love can foster empathy and all those other lofty ideals that supposedly come with sharing a life together, but let’s be real—when she spent every single waking moment venting to me about her job, it drove me absolutely insane, if you catch my drift. 😉

Larry Lewis said:After navigating four long-term relationships, I’ve come to the weary conclusion that we’re all just incredibly spoiled—stunted, really, in our emotional development.

Sure, love can foster empathy and all those other lofty ideals that supposedly come with sharing a life together, but let’s be real—when she spent every single waking moment venting to me about her job, it drove me absolutely insane, if you catch my drift. 😉

I figured out a long time ago that making sweeping generalizations is complete garbage😬 and, looking back after more than 30 years on this planet, I suppose it's really the worst way to draw any kind of conclusion😛 (if you'll excuse my tendency to push back against that tired old "we" mentality)

Love can certainly foster understanding and all the nuances of living together, but if you really want to know, the constant venting about her job every single day used to drive me absolutely insane.😉

In my view, based on what I've been through, love is comprised of understanding and respect, among many other things. As I've mentioned quite often... love is much easier to demonstrate than it is to define. Someone once said something—I think I heard it somewhere—that strikes me as the most accurate description possible.

Ultimately, I believe anything is better than relying on broad generalizations.👍