I need some female perspective—I'm struggling to be objective right now.

Theoretically speaking, I’m fairly certain I’m engaging in a pattern of self-sabotage, yet when the feeling hits, I find myself completely paralyzed regarding how to fix it.

It’s become a recurring theme: I am consistently uninterested in men who treat me exceptionally well. These are guys who go above and beyond, show genuine interest, and execute everything perfectly... I have enough examples at this point to conclude there is a fundamental glitch in my wiring.😵

On the flip side, if the attraction just isn't there... take my most recent encounter, for instance. We hit it off brilliantly. We can talk for hours on end; he is incredibly understanding and supportive, creating a space where I feel safe being my true self. But the physical spark? Nonexistent. If I were to list the reasons why I'm not attracted to him, they would sound incredibly childish and irrational, which is frankly embarrassing, but the lack of physical chemistry is an insurmountable wall.
I often feel like crying out of sheer frustration because, in a perfect world, I would love him—but I simply can't force it. It’s not that I doubt my own sanity; normally, I’d just shrug it off and move on, but I fear I've been trapped in this cycle for far too long without finding a remedy.

I realize posting this here might seem a bit blunt, but I don't know any other way to process it. I tend to be a very analytical person, so perhaps if I could see some data or psychological statistics proving that I am sabotaging myself with imaginary hurdles, I might finally break this loop.

Or maybe I just haven't met "the one" yet! :P

To simplify things, here are two photos... ladies, please just tell me which guy you find more attractive:

What's with the photos. 🤔 Are you trying to say that being a good guy automatically makes someone less attractive?

I doubt anyone would actually fall for some total jerk. ☕

I'm not a woman, but I have an opinion here. 😬
- And honestly, everything happening here can be summed up with just one single word: hybristophilia.

what is actually wrong with this guy

Man, honestly, your whole situation just totally gives me vibes of this song and even that movie.

Have you ever been stuck with guys who were absolute trash to you but, like, incredibly hot? Basically, was every single one of your exes some kind of toxic hunk?

restlessdriver42 said:Theoretically speaking, I’m fairly certain I’m engaging in a pattern of self-sabotage, yet when the feeling hits, I find myself completely paralyzed regarding how to fix it.

It’s become a recurring theme: I am consistently uninterested in men who treat me exceptionally well. These are guys who go above and beyond, show genuine interest, and execute everything perfectly... I have enough examples at this point to conclude there is a fundamental glitch in my wiring.😵

On the flip side, if the attraction just isn't there... take my most recent encounter, for instance. We hit it off brilliantly. We can talk for hours on end; he is incredibly understanding and supportive, creating a space where I feel safe being my true self. But the physical spark? Nonexistent. If I were to list the reasons why I'm not attracted to him, they would sound incredibly childish and irrational, which is frankly embarrassing, but the lack of physical chemistry is an insurmountable wall.
I often feel like crying out of sheer frustration because, in a perfect world, I would love him—but I simply can't force it. It’s not that I doubt my own sanity; normally, I’d just shrug it off and move on, but I fear I've been trapped in this cycle for far too long without finding a remedy.

I realize posting this here might seem a bit blunt, but I don't know any other way to process it. I tend to be a very analytical person, so perhaps if I could see some data or psychological statistics proving that I am sabotaging myself with imaginary hurdles, I might finally break this loop.

Or maybe I just haven't met "the one" yet! :P

To simplify things, here are two photos... ladies, please just tell me which guy you find more attractive:

...except that, unlike those so-called bad guys, they don't provide any excitement, right? You aren't the first person to feel like you need a little drama just to feel alive, and that is exactly what they deliver. Those who are "genuinely good" to you are often predictable, boring, and lack passion. Bad guys offer a full spectrum of emotions: the anticipation, the anger, the jealousy, and the disappointment, followed by love, security, joy, and ecstasy in these almost rhythmic intervals where everything shifts. They say there’s no greater pleasure than the absence of pain—especially immediately following the pain itself.

The real question is why you accept people like that? Is it because you feel you don't deserve anything better? Perhaps it's their initiative and confidence that draws you in. Maybe you just love a challenge. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Only you can answer that.

Or maybe I just haven't met the right one yet! :P

No. You really need to stop telling yourself that, because you're just using it as an excuse to shift the responsibility for problems you created through your own choices (...choices made under the influence of a cocktail of chemicals your brain brews every time you come into contact with a bad guy).

So, how would you actually feel if some random person just decided to pin your photo up on a forum?
Honestly, I’m kind of hoping it happens to you. 🙂

Based on what you wrote, you seem pretty immature—and I really hope that's just because you're young. Like, incredibly young.
Let me break it down for you: you’re out here looking for validation from total strangers, people who don't know you at all, just to help you make decisions that you should be making on your own 😕. It’s honestly lucky you didn't turn this into a poll so everyone could vote on "Guy A" vs "Guy B" 🙄.

Personally, I find myself physically drawn to bad boys, though I tend to steer clear of them. At least for now... 🤣 ☕

You aren’t alone in this; plenty of women are attracted to that type. Look, >, if there isn't any chemistry with a good guy, there just isn't any. You can't force it just because you want it to happen. -.-

How old are you, anyway?

Look, it’s not even really about whether someone is "bad" or "good," you know? Sometimes, you just don't click with a person, plain and simple. And honestly, the absolute worst part—the stuff that really eats at you—is when that person actually truly loves you, but you just can't find it in your heart to feel the exact same way back. It’s heavy. Whether or not you decide to jump into an unbalanced relationship like that is totally on you, but if you ask me, it feels way more decent to just steer clear of it entirely. I actually went through something like that once myself, and man, let me tell you, all I was left feeling afterward was this massive, lingering sense of guilt.

A real genius, huh? Sure.

It’s honestly wild when you see someone with those massive, dilated pupils—it just hits different. There’s something about that look when someone’s clearly on something that feels incredibly sexy.😒

I really just wish our OP would realize she isn't dealing with inanimate objects here—whether they're "good" or "bad"—but actual human beings who approach her in all sorts of ways.

I mean, obviously, she brought up how much talking goes on... and just talking...

If there had been some actual action first instead? Even the nicest guy in the world would have come off looking incredible.

Maybe one day guys will finally figure out how to look at a woman through a partner's eyes rather than just seeing a friend.
Let’s not even get into how she refuses to get sucked into these massive, drawn-out dramas before she’s even gotten close enough to feel a spark.

Imagine if Tommy Lee had just approached Pamela Anderson from behind and given her neck a little bite.
That would've been legendary!
After a move like that, he could have acted like a total teddy bear for all I care!

Look, I’ve definitely been around guys who were way more toned, sun-kissed, had eyes deeper than the Pacific, or were just generally more "perfect" looking than my husband... but honestly? I just grew up, and my priorities shifted. Suddenly, he became incredibly attractive to me because his character started merging with his masculine features—his gestures, his sense of humor, all of it. It’s about actually knowing a person on a level far deeper than just unwrapping some shiny, scented cellophane to find whatever it is we imagined was inside. Like Madonna once sang, something along the lines of: "The best part of you was the version I made up in my head." 😁
...just give it time—both you and him—if you actually believe you’re both worth the effort. You can always walk away if it isn't working. Who decided you have to sleep with someone immediately just to prove a relationship is worth having? Even if it ends up being nothing more than a solid friendship, that's fine.
Beauty and attraction are totally subjective, so this "test" you're doing is pretty pointless. We'll all see things differently because we *are* different, unless we're just clinging to stereotypes or acting like immature girls who fall for Justin Bieber just because he's 😉

EDIT: To me, it looks like the exact same person in both photos, just posing differently... the facial features, the eyebrows... they look remarkably similar.

I honestly think it’s pretty normal for women to have that whole "bad boy" fantasy when they're young—it’s just part of growing up, I guess, and maybe even a bit of that natural instinct to let a man take the lead. 😬

What you perceive as kindness or empathy might just be an act... honestly, if things actually progressed, there's no telling what kind of person they'd turn out to be.

I don't quite get this whole photo thing—it’s like you're choosing between two different guys... are these straight from a dating app? Honestly, stay away from internet guys; they'll tell you whatever sounds good, but you'll rarely hear the truth.

Larry Wilson25 said:I honestly think it’s pretty normal for women to have that whole "bad boy" fantasy when they're young—it’s just part of growing up, I guess, and maybe even a bit of that natural instinct to let a man take the lead. 😬

Then again, some women never have that fantasy, even when they're young. And for others, it stays with them for life.

Gregory James9 said:What you perceive as kindness or empathy might just be an act... honestly, if things actually progressed, there's no telling what kind of person they'd turn out to be.

I don't quite get this whole photo thing—it’s like you're choosing between two different guys... are these straight from a dating app? Honestly, stay away from internet guys; they'll tell you whatever sounds good, but you'll rarely hear the truth.

Look, plenty of women end up trapped in toxic cycles with some absolute moron who treats them like garbage. They keep crawling back because they’re clinging to a ghost—some version of him they thought they saw once, or maybe just an idealized fantasy they built in their heads. They tell themselves if they just stay patient enough, or act "good" enough, or push hard enough, that perfect moment will magically reappear. It’s that classic loop of female psychology for you. 🙂

restlessdriver42 said:Theoretically speaking, I’m fairly certain I’m engaging in a pattern of self-sabotage, yet when the feeling hits, I find myself completely paralyzed regarding how to fix it.

It’s become a recurring theme: I am consistently uninterested in men who treat me exceptionally well. These are guys who go above and beyond, show genuine interest, and execute everything perfectly... I have enough examples at this point to conclude there is a fundamental glitch in my wiring.😵

On the flip side, if the attraction just isn't there... take my most recent encounter, for instance. We hit it off brilliantly. We can talk for hours on end; he is incredibly understanding and supportive, creating a space where I feel safe being my true self. But the physical spark? Nonexistent. If I were to list the reasons why I'm not attracted to him, they would sound incredibly childish and irrational, which is frankly embarrassing, but the lack of physical chemistry is an insurmountable wall.
I often feel like crying out of sheer frustration because, in a perfect world, I would love him—but I simply can't force it. It’s not that I doubt my own sanity; normally, I’d just shrug it off and move on, but I fear I've been trapped in this cycle for far too long without finding a remedy.

I realize posting this here might seem a bit blunt, but I don't know any other way to process it. I tend to be a very analytical person, so perhaps if I could see some data or psychological statistics proving that I am sabotaging myself with imaginary hurdles, I might finally break this loop.

Or maybe I just haven't met "the one" yet! :P

To simplify things, here are two photos... ladies, please just tell me which guy you find more attractive:

Just say what you need to say; there is truly nothing to be ashamed of on an anonymous forum like this.

It is almost as if you are speaking to some boy who will "accept everything"—though, if I may be so bold, I am not entirely certain such a person exists—provided he is actually a healthy, grown adult.