Dealing with emotional abuse

Alright, I need some advice here.
I’m a guy, and I’m not the victim in this scenario—I was actually the one being emotionally abusive toward my girlfriend.
I have this thing, call it a gift or a curse, where I can actually see my own mistakes and admit them so I can fix them. It usually happens a little too late, though. To be clear, when I say I was an emotional abuser, I don't mean I was getting physical or making violent threats. It was more about the jealousy and all that toxic baggage that eventually drives a relationship toward a breakup. I know I have this issue, and I refuse to jump into anything new until I’ve done the work. It’s not even that I’m itching to date again; I just want to get rid of this pattern, but I honestly don't know how to start.
Does anyone have any actual advice? Anything you can tell me about how to effectively work on myself?
Thanks.

I just shot you a DM with some pointers on how to deal with jealousy and get past it. Go check your inbox.

You said it yourself... you have to work on yourself.. 👍 .. you just have to practice.. train.. prepare.. so that you don't end up doing the very things you want to avoid..

My advice to you is to stop kidding yourself and trying to find excuses along the way.. being objective isn't easy.. "you" will be fighting against yourself.. against your own Ego.. and it isn't some harmless endeavor, quite the contrary! .. you might even face total madness.. not to mention that people around you won't even want to listen to you, let alone understand you 😁

I doubt many people have actually done anything similar, and even fewer have produced something concrete, like a manual for others.. it’s not exactly a "popular" topic either.. not to mention whether any real awareness even exists regarding it

In my case, I suppose I am an aggressor too.. I assault those around me with questions and my relentless insistence on living like a decent human being.. I wage war against hypocrisy, dogma, and lies until I am utterly exhausted 👍 but that's beside the point 😵

I just wanted to say that I think I grasp the core of your problem, and you aren't the only one who would want to change things based on that principle

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck 👍 and take care.. if you have already committed to this battle against yourself, I would suggest finding some sort of system you can rely on should things get... "tricky" 😉

Lawrence Bailey77 said:You said it yourself... you have to work on yourself.. 👍 .. you just have to practice.. train.. prepare.. so that you don't end up doing the very things you want to avoid..

My advice to you is to stop kidding yourself and trying to find excuses along the way.. being objective isn't easy.. "you" will be fighting against yourself.. against your own Ego.. and it isn't some harmless endeavor, quite the contrary! .. you might even face total madness.. not to mention that people around you won't even want to listen to you, let alone understand you 😁

I doubt many people have actually done anything similar, and even fewer have produced something concrete, like a manual for others.. it’s not exactly a "popular" topic either.. not to mention whether any real awareness even exists regarding it

In my case, I suppose I am an aggressor too.. I assault those around me with questions and my relentless insistence on living like a decent human being.. I wage war against hypocrisy, dogma, and lies until I am utterly exhausted 👍 but that's beside the point 😵

I just wanted to say that I think I grasp the core of your problem, and you aren't the only one who would want to change things based on that principle

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck 👍 and take care.. if you have already committed to this battle against yourself, I would suggest finding some sort of system you can rely on should things get... "tricky" 😉

thanks for the advice, but right now I'm in such a massive clusterfuck that I can't see a system, a lifeline, or anything else for granted.

How old are you?

Usually, jealousy is triggered by some past experience—like losing someone close to you, for instance. It can also be a learned behavior picked up from your environment.

Your first step should be identifying when it all started, how you feel while it’s happening, and what specifically triggers those feelings...

Gregory James9 said:How old are you?

Usually, jealousy is triggered by some past experience—like losing someone close to you, for instance. It can also be a learned behavior picked up from your environment.

Your first step should be identifying when it all started, how you feel while it’s happening, and what specifically triggers those feelings...

19.
I don't know. In my case, I think the jealousy stems from this nagging sense of being inferior. You know that feeling? You look at anyone else and you can instantly name at least one thing they have going for them that you definitely don't. Then that fear kicks in—this dread that I won't be enough, which then manifests as jealousy. Honestly, sometimes it makes me feel physically sick, sad, and just plain envious of everyone else. There are days when I just can't stand being in my own skin. Not just once in a while, either. It happens all the time.

Zachary Price5 said:19.
I don't know. In my case, I think the jealousy stems from this nagging sense of being inferior. You know that feeling? You look at anyone else and you can instantly name at least one thing they have going for them that you definitely don't. Then that fear kicks in—this dread that I won't be enough, which then manifests as jealousy. Honestly, sometimes it makes me feel physically sick, sad, and just plain envious of everyone else. There are days when I just can't stand being in my own skin. Not just once in a while, either. It happens all the time.

You're very young, and those years are incredibly volatile. The fact that you've decided to work on yourself is actually a good sign; it shows you aren't weak, but strong.

Most people deal with this at some point.

As you focus on self-improvement (in every sense of the word), your sense of worth will naturally increase. Stop measuring yourself against others; everyone is solving their own unique equation in life. If you feel the urge to compare, compare yourself to who you were at 15, or 19, or 25.

Does your college or high school have a counselor available? Reach out to them; give it a shot at least once. Like I said, these years are formative. You'll see much better results if you tackle this now rather than waiting until you're 30 or older.

Gregory James9 said:You're very young, and those years are incredibly volatile. The fact that you've decided to work on yourself is actually a good sign; it shows you aren't weak, but strong.

Most people deal with this at some point.

As you focus on self-improvement (in every sense of the word), your sense of worth will naturally increase. Stop measuring yourself against others; everyone is solving their own unique equation in life. If you feel the urge to compare, compare yourself to who you were at 15, or 19, or 25.

Does your college or high school have a counselor available? Reach out to them; give it a shot at least once. Like I said, these years are formative. You'll see much better results if you tackle this now rather than waiting until you're 30 or older.

That's why I say prevention is better than a cure, even though my dream is to just sleep through all this mess and wake up as a totally different person :P... I have access to help, but I'm honestly too embarrassed. I'd rather just dig through the internet and read about other people's experiences on forums. It feels easier knowing I'm not the only one stuck in this loop.