#21 ·
And listen, nobody really knows...
.... To me, it sounds perfectly fine that the doctor thinks he’s capable of pulling himself together on his own. In fact, I suppose it’s the only way. No hospital in the States is going to truly fix you. It might be better to just ensure things don't spiral further, though I guess that depends entirely on the circumstances.
.. If I were to offer any advice, I'd say just stay close by, ready for when he actually needs you.
Let me tell you my own experience. I have plenty of friends, but you know how it goes. Much like yourself, man, you can't make heads or tails of a friend when they're spiraling; nothing they say sounds rational. I spent a long time in that exact same headspace. Not just every now and then, but constantly. Full-time. 😁 I didn't seek out much company from "normal" people back then because I was acutely aware of my condition. There isn't much help to be found from the outside when the issue is internal. Eventually, I ended up in a facility myself. Not directly, perhaps, but if you understand what I mean, no one was really holding my hand through it. I left quickly because I had too many work obligations and responsibilities, and I realized I could probably do more for myself than they could do for me anyway, and
well, that's how it went after I caught up with some old friends and we talked for a bit;
They started lecturing me, telling me I should see doctors or whatever nonsense, suggesting I reach out to them... essentially implying "you shouldn't talk about these things publicly." I told them, "Look, I appreciate the sentiment, friends, but please don't get inside my head too much." I didn't want to have to bother you all, frankly.
So, as usual, I just endured the daily grind. But when the burnout hits and everything starts snapping under the pressure, I call my friends—hundreds of calls over time—and there is just no answer. Silence. Total emptiness. And honestly, it's a mess. You're told everything you do is wrong, or you screw up and everyone blames you. (I won't even mention that I called the national crisis hotline for months and never once did anyone pick up! I even called that number in front of other people on speakerphone just to prove it, because in those states, people tend to assume you're lying.) For someone who isn't stable—someone who is barely standing because the ground beneath them is slippery and full of holes—having your support system vanish exactly when you need it is a fatal reality. Because while you're fighting, you're constantly guessing and waiting to see if that support will hold, knowing it rarely does. You see it in their eyes; you see exactly what you've become. You notice how when you start talking, their heads droop and their souls seem to flee from you. You shouldn't, and you simply cannot, drag others into those depths. If you pull someone else down with you, you've both failed. It is better to wait, as I suggested elsewhere, and take it one small step at a time. Wait for moments of clarity and try to navigate through them slowly.
If you have the will, the time, and—more importantly—the nerves, then help him. And listen to him closely. Even if he's talking nonsense, try to sift through the fog to figure out the best thing you can do, or perhaps, sometimes, the best thing is to do nothing at all... just listen. In my experience, being ignored or having someone say "go find someone else to deal with this" is worse than a bullet to the head. 😁
It will take a toll on you too, but you'll be helping him immensely. It is far easier to destroy a person than it is to help them. Oh, certainly.
Good luck. 👍
.... To me, it sounds perfectly fine that the doctor thinks he’s capable of pulling himself together on his own. In fact, I suppose it’s the only way. No hospital in the States is going to truly fix you. It might be better to just ensure things don't spiral further, though I guess that depends entirely on the circumstances.
.. If I were to offer any advice, I'd say just stay close by, ready for when he actually needs you.
Let me tell you my own experience. I have plenty of friends, but you know how it goes. Much like yourself, man, you can't make heads or tails of a friend when they're spiraling; nothing they say sounds rational. I spent a long time in that exact same headspace. Not just every now and then, but constantly. Full-time. 😁 I didn't seek out much company from "normal" people back then because I was acutely aware of my condition. There isn't much help to be found from the outside when the issue is internal. Eventually, I ended up in a facility myself. Not directly, perhaps, but if you understand what I mean, no one was really holding my hand through it. I left quickly because I had too many work obligations and responsibilities, and I realized I could probably do more for myself than they could do for me anyway, and
well, that's how it went after I caught up with some old friends and we talked for a bit;
They started lecturing me, telling me I should see doctors or whatever nonsense, suggesting I reach out to them... essentially implying "you shouldn't talk about these things publicly." I told them, "Look, I appreciate the sentiment, friends, but please don't get inside my head too much." I didn't want to have to bother you all, frankly.
So, as usual, I just endured the daily grind. But when the burnout hits and everything starts snapping under the pressure, I call my friends—hundreds of calls over time—and there is just no answer. Silence. Total emptiness. And honestly, it's a mess. You're told everything you do is wrong, or you screw up and everyone blames you. (I won't even mention that I called the national crisis hotline for months and never once did anyone pick up! I even called that number in front of other people on speakerphone just to prove it, because in those states, people tend to assume you're lying.) For someone who isn't stable—someone who is barely standing because the ground beneath them is slippery and full of holes—having your support system vanish exactly when you need it is a fatal reality. Because while you're fighting, you're constantly guessing and waiting to see if that support will hold, knowing it rarely does. You see it in their eyes; you see exactly what you've become. You notice how when you start talking, their heads droop and their souls seem to flee from you. You shouldn't, and you simply cannot, drag others into those depths. If you pull someone else down with you, you've both failed. It is better to wait, as I suggested elsewhere, and take it one small step at a time. Wait for moments of clarity and try to navigate through them slowly.
If you have the will, the time, and—more importantly—the nerves, then help him. And listen to him closely. Even if he's talking nonsense, try to sift through the fog to figure out the best thing you can do, or perhaps, sometimes, the best thing is to do nothing at all... just listen. In my experience, being ignored or having someone say "go find someone else to deal with this" is worse than a bullet to the head. 😁
It will take a toll on you too, but you'll be helping him immensely. It is far easier to destroy a person than it is to help them. Oh, certainly.
Good luck. 👍