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Home › Society › Psychology › Psychology & Therapy › The toxic dynamic between my mom, my cat, and me.

The toxic dynamic between my mom, my cat, and me.

Started by William Murphy · · 👁 5 views · 11 replies

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Participants William Murphybluewolf23casualharbor9lonetiger98Michelle EvansCarl Bishop2hiddenpuma3Kevin Nguyen3
William Murphy William Murphy NewcomerOP
3 messages
joined Aug 2014
#1 ·
Hey everyone.

I wasn't really sure where this topic fits best, but this feels like the right spot for it.

So, basically, I was sitting out on the porch with a friend when this little stray kitten wandered up behind us and curled up on the bench right on top of a coaster. When I headed inside, I didn't bother moving the coaster because I just wanted to let the little guy sleep in peace. Later, when I told my dad about it, he just lost it. He goes, "Is that where I sit? How am I supposed to sit there now?" Honestly, I was kind of stunned. It’s not like it’s rocket science—you just wash the damn coaster. Besides, I’m usually the one sitting on it, while Dad just sits on the wood without any protection. Anyway, he tells my mom, and she storms outside, starts yelling at the kitten, grabs the coaster, and the poor thing gets knocked off its perch, falls to the ground, and bolts. It felt terrible. I quietly slipped back outside when Mom wasn't looking to see if the kitten would come back, and sure enough, it crawled back to the bench trying to find a spot. I petted it and tried to fix the cushion, but then Mom saw me down there and started screaming at the cat again. It felt so cruel. Then Mom starts ranting about how much crap the animal has on it, how dirty it is, and how animals don't belong in our yard. I just snapped and told her, "We don't leave enough room for animals as it is, and we just keep making their lives harder. Physical filth doesn't matter nearly as much as being a shitty person deep down." Maybe I went a bit overboard, but... My mom is pretty religious and prays three times a day, and I looked it up online and found that Jesus said, "Whoever persecutes an animal will themselves be persecuted."

So, yeah. I don't even know what I'm asking here. I guess I just wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks.
bluewolf23 bluewolf23 Newcomer
8 messages
joined Aug 2014
#2 ·
Parents don't want cats hanging around THEIR house—it’s as simple as that. Look, maybe your heart aches for the little creature, and maybe you feel bad for it, but there is a fundamental level of respect due to your parents here.

Personally, I can't stand cats anyway—and even if I did, I wouldn't want them prowling around my yard or loitering near my place. Okay, fine, I probably wouldn't go to extreme lengths to chase one away, but if my daughter came to me with this, she'd be hearing quite firmly that the cat needs to find somewhere else to hang out...

I honestly don't see the point of this entire thread—are you really looking for a collective pile-on against your own parents? 🤷
casualharbor9 casualharbor9 Active Member
168 messages
joined Feb 2010
#3 ·
William Murphy said:Hey everyone.

I wasn't really sure where this topic fits best, but this feels like the right spot for it.

So, basically, I was sitting out on the porch with a friend when this little stray kitten wandered up behind us and curled up on the bench right on top of a coaster. When I headed inside, I didn't bother moving the coaster because I just wanted to let the little guy sleep in peace. Later, when I told my dad about it, he just lost it. He goes, "Is that where I sit? How am I supposed to sit there now?" Honestly, I was kind of stunned. It’s not like it’s rocket science—you just wash the damn coaster. Besides, I’m usually the one sitting on it, while Dad just sits on the wood without any protection. Anyway, he tells my mom, and she storms outside, starts yelling at the kitten, grabs the coaster, and the poor thing gets knocked off its perch, falls to the ground, and bolts. It felt terrible. I quietly slipped back outside when Mom wasn't looking to see if the kitten would come back, and sure enough, it crawled back to the bench trying to find a spot. I petted it and tried to fix the cushion, but then Mom saw me down there and started screaming at the cat again. It felt so cruel. Then Mom starts ranting about how much crap the animal has on it, how dirty it is, and how animals don't belong in our yard. I just snapped and told her, "We don't leave enough room for animals as it is, and we just keep making their lives harder. Physical filth doesn't matter nearly as much as being a shitty person deep down." Maybe I went a bit overboard, but... My mom is pretty religious and prays three times a day, and I looked it up online and found that Jesus said, "Whoever persecutes an animal will themselves be persecuted."

So, yeah. I don't even know what I'm asking here. I guess I just wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks.

You didn't go too far.
I’ve actually moved apartments several times just to hide cats I found (mostly kittens, and once a puppy) from my landlords until they could find better homes. The last time, a stray cat that finally trusted me ended up having kittens right on my bed. I spent two months hiding her and four kittens—first in a small room, then on the balcony. It was exhausting to look after them since I work twelve-hour shifts and travel constantly, the pay is low, and getting help from local shelters is a nightmare. Keeping the place clean was a struggle, and sleeping near them was tough. Eventually, fleas showed up. In the end, my landlord caught on, and we were all given notice to move out. I managed to find homes for them at the very last second. Still, I saved four tiny lives, regardless of the judgment from people around me or the cost to myself.
I don't regret it, and I'd do it all over again.

You’re a good person—principled, capable of empathy, and able to see things from someone else's perspective. You aren't a hypocrite like those people who talk about lofty ideals while only caring about their own tiny interests and ignoring the lives of others.
There are other layers to it, obviously, but that’s the gist. I’d say more, but my brain is just fried today.

Where is the kitten now?
lonetiger98 lonetiger98 Member
22 messages
joined Dec 2012
#4 ·
It doesn’t really matter if they want a cat around the house or not—you can phrase it nicer, sure. But honestly? That kind of reaction tells you everything you need to know about their character.

...she went wild on the kitten, ripped the pad right up, and then the whole thing just slid onto the floor while she was sleeping...
All the praying in the world isn't going to help her now.☕
Michelle Evans Michelle Evans Regular
320 messages
joined Jan 2013
#5 ·
What should the purpose of this thread be...?
William Murphy William Murphy NewcomerOP
3 messages
joined Aug 2014
#6 ·
So, the kitten’s currently hiding out in the woodpile. I’ll sneak him some food once I get home, though I have to be super low-key about it so my parents don't catch me... they're still totally fuming at me over that thing I said earlier :$
Carl Bishop2 Carl Bishop2 Active Member
76 messages
joined Dec 2010
#7 ·
Michelle Evans said:What should the purpose of this thread be...?

For instance—take a situation where a kid lives in their parents' house, or maybe they have their own place nearby—do the parents hold all the decision-making power, or does the child have some level of autonomy too? I mean, obviously, what her parents think about it is pretty clear-cut, but is that approach actually aligned with modern parenting standards and psychological best practices today?
bluewolf23 bluewolf23 Newcomer
8 messages
joined Aug 2014
#8 ·
Carl Bishop2 said:For instance—take a situation where a kid lives in their parents' house, or maybe they have their own place nearby—do the parents hold all the decision-making power, or does the child have some level of autonomy too? I mean, obviously, what her parents think about it is pretty clear-cut, but is that approach actually aligned with modern parenting standards and psychological best practices today?

Of course she has *some* rights, but if they aren't into animals, she doesn't get to force one into the house... And let's look beyond the parent-child dynamic for a second; even in a marriage, if one spouse isn't on board with getting a pet, the other person would be acting like an absolute selfish jerk to bring one home without consent (and please, I am begging you all, don't even try to pivot to those edge cases where someone already owns a dog and is just trying to move in with a partner—I'm not interested in that argument)
hiddenpuma3 hiddenpuma3 Member
16 messages
joined Mar 2011
#9 ·
Once you’ve actually established yourself on your own property—once you have total autonomy over your own land—then you can grow and raise whatever the hell you want. (And frankly, I suggest you make that happen as soon as humanly possible.)
Until then? Just sit tight and stop getting worked up about things that don't concern you.
William Murphy William Murphy NewcomerOP
3 messages
joined Aug 2014
#10 ·
I didn't exactly bring the cat in; it just sort of showed up... I get it, you guys are right—it's my parents' place, and I'm not exactly in a position to be making the house rules here... but honestly, it wasn't intentional, the thing just wandered in. Besides, I never go out of my way to invite them over, it’s just that there are so many stray cats hanging around the neighborhood lately, they're practically everywhere you look in these backyards.
Kevin Nguyen3 Kevin Nguyen3 Regular
425 messages
joined May 2013
#11 ·
Michelle Evans said:What should the purpose of this thread be...?

I honestly don't get any of this, for heaven's sake...🤷
Michelle Evans Michelle Evans Regular
320 messages
joined Jan 2013
#12 ·
Carl Bishop2 said:For instance—take a situation where a kid lives in their parents' house, or maybe they have their own place nearby—do the parents hold all the decision-making power, or does the child have some level of autonomy too? I mean, obviously, what her parents think about it is pretty clear-cut, but is that approach actually aligned with modern parenting standards and psychological best practices today?

This question is directed at the author since this is her topic. There hasn't been a response from her yet, and what you mentioned above definitely isn't something we can gather from her previous posts.

Author, please clarify the actual subject here. It’s hard to tell what your goal is, and until you define it, everyone else is just guessing how to contribute... assuming you still want our input. If you don't, feel free to just lock the thread.

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