#21 ·
Gerald Gomez43 said:Hello, everyone.
I went to start a new thread about interpersonal dynamics—friendships, romance, the whole spectrum—only to realize this one already exists.
I’m really looking for some real-world perspectives from others.
To be blunt, due to a mix of past traumas and my own inherent nature—I’d describe myself as quite guarded and emotionally distant—I have this recurring impulse to dismantle my relationships once they settle in. It’s a tendency toward self-sabotage, likely driven by a repressed fear of being hurt again. I find myself sabotaging both friendships and romantic connections constantly. This isn't the kind of sabotage where I act out to torment someone else or play the victim; rather, I tend to retreat into myself, pull away, and succumb to this nagging feeling that I simply don't deserve the people in my life. Eventually, the connection withers under that distance and just snaps. Naturally, most people don't have the patience for that kind of emotional withdrawal, so my inner circle has become quite small over the years. If anyone here has dealt with this and found a way through it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you're still struggling with it, please feel free to share; I'd just like to know if I'm alone in this. I recognize the root cause, and while I've considered seeking psychotherapy, I wanted to see if there is any specific literature out there or if people can just share their experiences first.
If anyone feels too uncomfortable posting publicly, feel free to send me a private message.
man, that is the classic "need vs. fear" paradox right there
on one hand you crave that closeness, which basically means you have to be vulnerable
but the second things get real, you sabotage the whole thing just to protect yourself from getting hurt based on whatever ghosts are haunting your past
self-sabotage is pretty much just a survival response to trauma🙂
if you're looking for some reading material on this, check out Gay Hendricks
his book Conscious Loving
plus a bunch of his other stuff should help too.