What happens and how can I help when my dad starts forgetting things?

rustywolf65 said:Divorced, three kids.
I don't let anyone interfere with my relationship with them. You say they had a bad relationship before and it wasn't traumatic, but suddenly they're traumatized now that he stopped paying up? Give me a break.
So what if he calls them or gives them advice? That doesn't change how they feel about their dad.
Now you're back at it again, talking about her and her kids, clearly trying to mess with the daughters' heads.
Everyone deals with disappointment. Some handle it, some look for help.
Money isn't going to erase the fact that a father and his daughters just don't click.
Love isn't measured in dollars. Even if he pays child support, that's an obligation, not love.
It's obvious you've both dragged the kids into this divorce battle. No offense, but I might be right here.

Actually, you're wrong. And frankly, I don't feel like I need to give a full deposition on everything that led to this situation, specifically regarding that woman. You’d actually want a complete stranger to come in and try to lecture you on your relationship with your father, knowing exactly how she approached him and what her agenda is?

As a father, you wouldn't want someone meddling in your bond with your kids, but unfortunately, some dads only look out for themselves.

And as for child support, that's a legal requirement as long as the child is in school, regardless of what your personal opinion on the matter might be.

If they actually gave a damn about someone else, maybe they’d worry about their own skin for once. Something stinks here. Clearly, they weren't treating him like a father—there's no other reason for all this lecturing. Just a little suck-up playing both sides. Your posts make it obvious how much you hate the new woman.
And it's clear you passed that resentment right down to the girls. One of them is obsessed with some expensive hobby and acting traumatized, but let's be real: it's not because Dad won't pay, it's because she's starving for his affection.
I'm not questioning child support, but the whole situation is just creating trauma for you, not the kids. The fact that they're pointing the finger at you says everything we need to know.
You don't have to give me your life story, but you're laying out the facts that matter to you while asking for advice.
If you actually want to get him back, you need to lay out the real issues, and you've been glossing over way too much.

rustywolf65 said:If they actually gave a damn about someone else, maybe they’d worry about their own skin for once. Something stinks here. Clearly, they weren't treating him like a father—there's no other reason for all this lecturing. Just a little suck-up playing both sides. Your posts make it obvious how much you hate the new woman.
And it's clear you passed that resentment right down to the girls. One of them is obsessed with some expensive hobby and acting traumatized, but let's be real: it's not because Dad won't pay, it's because she's starving for his affection.
I'm not questioning child support, but the whole situation is just creating trauma for you, not the kids. The fact that they're pointing the finger at you says everything we need to know.
You don't have to give me your life story, but you're laying out the facts that matter to you while asking for advice.
If you actually want to get him back, you need to lay out the real issues, and you've been glossing over way too much.

Typical guy move—cherry-picking whatever parts of the context suit his narrative.☕

I can't really speak from experience since I didn't have a dad...
If he were still around, he never would've walked away, even if my parents had split up. He was incredibly close to both me and my mom.
He grew up without his own mother, and when his father finally gave him the choice at 18, he chose his mom.
He just wanted to actually build a relationship with her.
My grandfather basically turned his back on him, acting like his own son didn't even exist.
Even when my late father would walk right past him, he'd just nod or say hi, and my granddad would pass by like he was walking past a tree or something.
After my dad passed away, he tried to claim some survivor benefits, but they wouldn't give him anything except disability.
Money is such a curse... apparently, it matters more to some people than blood.😠
Rest in peace to him...
cosmicorca18, for the second half of this, I’ll use my husband as an example...
He also grew up without a father from age 7 to 17.
As a dad, he never once reached out during those years; he’d only call when he was drunk and incoherent, never making a real effort to be there. And before that seventh year, he acted like the kid wasn't even his. Like that old saying goes, "a father is a father," but it's a stretch.
It’s just like that—there's absolutely nothing between them. Just a massive, unbridgeable gap.
If they haven't built a bond from age 17 through all the way to 31, I highly doubt it's ever happening.
Neither side wants to, and neither side is trying.
The father doesn't have a son, and the son doesn't have a father.
And that's just how they live.
The dad has a bottle to keep him company, while my husband has me and our daughter, whom he pours all the attention into—all the stuff he never got from his own old man.
Don't force it.
Don't push.
You might just end up with a boomerang effect.
You can't force a connection, and the tears of disappointment from your daughter...
...aren't worth a single cent of child support.
She won't be able to build a life that's actually healthy and whole without a father figure.
If we can cope with losing fathers who are gone, why shouldn't they be able to deal with those who are physically here but emotionally absent?
All we have is the realization that we can't bring anyone back. For us, the grief is a constant low flame, but for kids with absent parents, it hurts more because the parents are still alive, yet it feels like they aren't there at all.😢

safiru,

That last sentence you wrote is just heartbreaking; honestly, it sums up this whole mess perfectly.

I wasn't trying to push for splits or child support, because I know how much he obsesses over money. His whole logic was that since we have kids, it’s more important for them to have a father present. But now? He isn't emotionally available, and nothing else has changed either.

It wasn't until I realized that the kids weren't just losing a father, but could potentially lose their entire inheritance too, that I finally decided to file the lawsuit.

There is nothing quite as gut-wrenching as catching a glimpse of your own father in passing, only to realize he doesn't even notice you're there...

cosmicorca18 said:Typical guy move—cherry-picking whatever parts of the context suit his narrative.☕

Nah, I'm just reading what you write in your posts.
Look, I'm not defending the father if that's how you saw it, but there’s always a massive reason why someone would ditch their own kids to embrace someone else's. Your daughters are adults now, but you guys made your choice and moved on. I doubt you had any say in how they see him. Alimony isn't love. And trust me, growing up without cash causes trauma; it's not about whether a dad loves you or not.☕
I feel for your girls. Dragging them into your drama was a mistake.

I've been with my parents since I was ten. Basically raised by my grandma while they were working over in Germany.
No amount of gifts or money can make up for those years without parents around.
They weren't there when I needed them. That's why material stuff means nothing to me—just look at my signature.

rustywolf65 said:Nah, I'm just reading what you write in your posts.
Look, I'm not defending the father if that's how you saw it, but there’s always a massive reason why someone would ditch their own kids to embrace someone else's. Your daughters are adults now, but you guys made your choice and moved on. I doubt you had any say in how they see him. Alimony isn't love. And trust me, growing up without cash causes trauma; it's not about whether a dad loves you or not.☕
I feel for your girls. Dragging them into your drama was a mistake.

I've been with my parents since I was ten. Basically raised by my grandma while they were working over in Germany.
No amount of gifts or money can make up for those years without parents around.
They weren't there when I needed them. That's why material stuff means nothing to me—just look at my signature.

"Deep reasons"... please. That happens every single day—men walking away from their own flesh and blood while taking in someone else's kids. Just look around you. Alimony isn't love, sure, but a man who actually cares about his children doesn't struggle with providing for them; I know plenty of decent, responsible guys who never once complained about meeting their kids' needs. If anyone dragged the children into this conflict, it was the father through his own actions. By the way, it's hard to take you seriously when, after 4,000 posts on this forum, you still haven't bothered to master basic American grammar. You could have at least tried.

wanderingangler13 said:"Deep reasons"... please. That happens every single day—men walking away from their own flesh and blood while taking in someone else's kids. Just look around you. Alimony isn't love, sure, but a man who actually cares about his children doesn't struggle with providing for them; I know plenty of decent, responsible guys who never once complained about meeting their kids' needs. If anyone dragged the children into this conflict, it was the father through his own actions. By the way, it's hard to take you seriously when, after 4,000 posts on this forum, you still haven't bothered to master basic American grammar. You could have at least tried.

What does a partner have to do with how a father treats his kids?
I know it happens—either parent turns the kids into clones of themselves and flips them against the other side.
Not interested in arguing here, especially not over typos.
This is a song with bad grammar, but my daughter was happier hearing it than if I handed her a stack of cash.

"Listen, honey, some guys brag about their money"
I just ask them if they're joking.
They go on about being loaded
And all I tell my girl is this:

They don't know what really matters in life
People living in poverty can be richer than them.
Real wealth is the kids
And seeing those smiles on their faces.
Wealth is being a dad
When those kids wrap their arms around your neck.
You and your two brothers are my wealth
And I'm the richest dad alive!

rustywolf65 said:What does a partner have to do with how a father treats his kids?
I know it happens—either parent turns the kids into clones of themselves and flips them against the other side.
Not interested in arguing here, especially not over typos.
This is a song with bad grammar, but my daughter was happier hearing it than if I handed her a stack of cash.

"Listen, honey, some guys brag about their money"
I just ask them if they're joking.
They go on about being loaded
And all I tell my girl is this:

They don't know what really matters in life
People living in poverty can be richer than them.
Real wealth is the kids
And seeing those smiles on their faces.
Wealth is being a dad
When those kids wrap their arms around your neck.
You and your two brothers are my wealth
And I'm the richest dad alive!

That's all well and good, but you can't pay the bills with poems.

What happens next—is your daughter going to carry your lyrics to school instead of her textbooks?

wanderingangler13 said:"Deep reasons"... please. That happens every single day—men walking away from their own flesh and blood while taking in someone else's kids. Just look around you. Alimony isn't love, sure, but a man who actually cares about his children doesn't struggle with providing for them; I know plenty of decent, responsible guys who never once complained about meeting their kids' needs. If anyone dragged the children into this conflict, it was the father through his own actions. By the way, it's hard to take you seriously when, after 4,000 posts on this forum, you still haven't bothered to master basic American grammar. You could have at least tried.

Exactly. And if you dare mention it, suddenly you're just a materialistic, jealous ex who's trying to ruin his happiness.

The point here isn't about how to handle unpaid bills, or maybe it 🤔
Look, I get what she's saying. She's claiming the girls are traumatized because their dad walked away.
Sure, he pays alimony, but in my book, the damage is already done. All I see here is pure jealousy toward his new wife and her kids.
Not once did she mention the girls actually missing their father; it’s all about his cash and his real estate.
As for the alimony, I'm not even touching that—the court made its call.
Dragging everything through the legal system isn't going to fix the relationship between a father and his daughters.
Even if they strip him of everything in court, the soul-crushing trauma won't just vanish. What disappears is the money in his wallet, which is clearly the real issue here based on her tone.
She’s still living in the shared condo. Real trauma is going to hit when she loses half of it.

rustywolf65 said:The point here isn't about how to handle unpaid bills, or maybe it 🤔
Look, I get what she's saying. She's claiming the girls are traumatized because their dad walked away.
Sure, he pays alimony, but in my book, the damage is already done. All I see here is pure jealousy toward his new wife and her kids.
Not once did she mention the girls actually missing their father; it’s all about his cash and his real estate.
As for the alimony, I'm not even touching that—the court made its call.
Dragging everything through the legal system isn't going to fix the relationship between a father and his daughters.
Even if they strip him of everything in court, the soul-crushing trauma won't just vanish. What disappears is the money in his wallet, which is clearly the real issue here based on her tone.
She’s still living in the shared condo. Real trauma is going to hit when she loses half of it.

It was precisely because of mindsets like yours that I started this thread.

Not only are you projecting, but apparently, you're also psychic.

According to you, my ex is in the right. Sure, paying alimony is easy, but I don't know how you justify him grabbing everything he could, changing the locks on the house, and now acting like some big shot gloating about how he outsmarted me. Does he not realize how much damage he's doing to his own children?
It was a long road from his antics to my lawsuit.

If you actually have experience with a situation like mine and can tell me how it all turned out—and let me remind you, the father doesn't even ask about the kids—then write. If you don't, then just start your own thread so you can vent your opinions on women going through divorces.

rustywolf65 said:The point here isn't about how to handle unpaid bills, or maybe it 🤔
Look, I get what she's saying. She's claiming the girls are traumatized because their dad walked away.
Sure, he pays alimony, but in my book, the damage is already done. All I see here is pure jealousy toward his new wife and her kids.
Not once did she mention the girls actually missing their father; it’s all about his cash and his real estate.
As for the alimony, I'm not even touching that—the court made its call.
Dragging everything through the legal system isn't going to fix the relationship between a father and his daughters.
Even if they strip him of everything in court, the soul-crushing trauma won't just vanish. What disappears is the money in his wallet, which is clearly the real issue here based on her tone.
She’s still living in the shared condo. Real trauma is going to hit when she loses half of it.

Go get some fresh air...🙂

cosmicorca18 said:It was precisely because of mindsets like yours that I started this thread.

Not only are you projecting, but apparently, you're also psychic.

According to you, my ex is in the right. Sure, paying alimony is easy, but I don't know how you justify him grabbing everything he could, changing the locks on the house, and now acting like some big shot gloating about how he outsmarted me. Does he not realize how much damage he's doing to his own children?
It was a long road from his antics to my lawsuit.

If you actually have experience with a situation like mine and can tell me how it all turned out—and let me remind you, the father doesn't even ask about the kids—then write. If you don't, then just start your own thread so you can vent your opinions on women going through divorces.

I'm not trashing anyone. This is a therapy session, not a legal aid clinic.
In my first post, I already told you that you left out the important stuff. You didn't say anything about the relationship between the girls and their father, other than it being bad. Most of what you wrote was about the new woman and her kids, and how it feels watching them in what used to be your house. Let me be clear: I am not defending the father, if you can even call him that.
If he was really that bad, why didn't you sue him immediately instead of waiting until this new woman showed up?
I'm responding based on what you actually wrote, and you haven't told the whole story.

wanderingangler13 said:Go get some fresh air...🙂

If you actually put this year in your username, I've got nothing for you but a kick in the teeth.

rustywolf65 said:If you actually put this year in your username, I've got nothing for you but a kick in the teeth.

I get the feeling you’re just here to mess around and waste everyone's time, even though your wife has probably begged you a dozen times to stop replying to people because you're just being annoying, and she’s made it pretty clear she doesn't care about your "advice." Maybe you should just take her advice and go kick rocks, huh?☕

By the way, if you're going to try and be funny, at least get your grammar right. You're doubling up on verbs like an amateur. Maybe pick up an American English textbook and spend your time doing that instead of wasting ours—since you've already proven yourself to be completely useless here anyway...

mistyjackal842 said:Well, it’s because those kids are adults now and they aren't in school anymore, so he doesn't really have to worry about them if he doesn't want to. And honestly, even if he does step up and takes care of them now, who's to say those daughters will be there for him when he gets older? It sounds a bit harsh, I know, but that's just how life works sometimes. Besides, a guy going through a divorce should at least have the right to live his life the way he chooses.

Sent from my iPhone 1st Gen using Reddit

Reddit, I'm tempted to go off-topic here—though maybe not, since we're still talking about parents forgetting their children—but yeah, "he doesn't have to worry about them if he doesn't want to." However: Did your own parents forget about you the second you turned 18? How would that actually feel? Think about it..

I don't get why people struggle to put themselves in someone else's shoes. If they did, they'd find plenty of answers... and this "dad" would know exactly what to do.