Trust issues

I don't trust anyone, honestly—not even my own family. I’d love to be able to lean on people for my own peace of mind, but I highly doubt that day will ever come.

I mean, seriously—why can't you even trust your own family?

Arthur Cook17 said:I don't trust anyone, honestly—not even my own family. I’d love to be able to lean on people for my own peace of mind, but I highly doubt that day will ever come.

Look, let me lay this out for you—just think about it for a second. Say you decide to actually open up to, what, five people? And then, eventually, two of them end up stabbing you in the back. Which one actually does more damage to your life: those two flakes, or you, for shutting the door on the three other potentially great people who could have been your rock?

I have friends, and I truly place my trust in them. I tend to nurture those friendships with the exact same level of sincerity, warmth, and genuine care that I hope to receive in return—it’s a sort of reciprocal philosophy, I suppose. So far, things have been going quite well. As for those people I don't fully trust? Well, they aren't really my friends—they're just acquaintances, coworkers, and such.

Linda Roberts said:I mean, seriously—why can't you even trust your own family?

I remember seeing some guy online—someone with a pretty messed up home life—saying, "I always say, who needs enemies when you've got family?"🤣

Paul Thompson3 said:I remember seeing some guy online—someone with a pretty messed up home life—saying, "I always say, who needs enemies when you've got family?"🤣

Well, listen, you can never really know what kind of situation someone is dealing with regarding their own family... 😳 😛

Look, I’m usually an optimist through and through, but man, some of the folks in my neighborhood really let me down. It feels like they’re just sitting around waiting for a reason to complain about something.

Lies, lies, from bitter souls
It simply isn't true
Because when you're chasing greatness
Dust starts to rise.

Now, don't get me wrong—I'm not claiming to be the best guy on the block or in all of Chicago. But am I better than the people who just pick a fight out of pure spite? Absolutely.

Turmoil and injustice? It’ll pass. Eventually, things will settle down and we'll find a better rhythm, even if just for a little while.

I try my best to show up. I really do. I make an effort to sit down with people and have those deep, honest conversations that actually matter. Am I naive sometimes? Sure. That's just part of the risk you take, right? You can't find everything in a textbook. The most important stuff lives in people's hearts—that genuine warmth, an open door, and that feeling that you actually belong somewhere.

Michael Sanders10 said:Over the last few years, I’ve been struck by how drastically the circle of trust among people seems to be shrinking. What worries me most is that this erosion has started to seep into even the closest friendships. Have you all noticed this shift in your own lives? How exactly are you maintaining your friendships and nurturing that mutual sense of trust?...

Every single generation claims things were better back in their day. By that logic, shouldn't we have all gone extinct 10,000 years ago? 😁

It feels like lately, everyone’s being force-fed this specific set of "values" that we really need to take a hard look at. We’re seeing arrogance, pure selfishness, cheating, lying, and this obsession with status symbols and materialism everywhere you turn...

In the middle of all that, people who actually believe in anything else end up feeling totally overwhelmed. They get intimidated, shut themselves off, and just stop trusting anyone. Meanwhile, the ones living by those toxic rules don't even grasp what trust means because they don't need it. It just creates this endless, closed loop.

Richard Wells said:It feels like lately, everyone’s being force-fed this specific set of "values" that we really need to take a hard look at. We’re seeing arrogance, pure selfishness, cheating, lying, and this obsession with status symbols and materialism everywhere you turn...

In the middle of all that, people who actually believe in anything else end up feeling totally overwhelmed. They get intimidated, shut themselves off, and just stop trusting anyone. Meanwhile, the ones living by those toxic rules don't even grasp what trust means because they don't need it. It just creates this endless, closed loop.

Exactly. You hit the nail right on the head.🤔

It has happened to me more than once—opening up to someone only to have them betray my trust. I’ve always lived by the rule "keep it between us," and frankly, I can't wrap my head around people who feel this compulsive need to recount secrets to a third party. They love using that line, "Oh, you don't know this, but let me tell you what [Name] whispered to me..." I honestly can't decide if they're just being malicious or if their lives are simply too empty to sustain an actual conversation. I really don't get
people like that. I actually ended a friendship recently because of this exact issue. Looking back, the girl had been dropping hints that she was a total gossip, but I missed the signs. Apparently, I'm terrible at reading people. 👏 To make a long story short, I shared something with her during a moment of vulnerability. A few weeks later, some other "friend" from our same circle let it slip, mentioning something that only my then-BFF 🙂 could have known. I ended up asking her out for coffee to confront her with the facts. She used to constantly dish dirt on other people to me, too—secrets I never asked for and didn't care about since they didn't involve me. But when confronted, she pulled the classic move: "I didn't say anything, you're just twisting it. You're sticking to your guns, but I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Her excuse for spreading everyone else's business was, "Well, yeah, but I only told *you*." Except, it wasn't just me; it was three other girls. She didn't even apologize. If she had just said, "Look, I messed up, it slipped out, I'm sorry," the whole situation would have been different. I told her straight up that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I wasn't interested in a deep connection. I meant it in the sense of, "Fine, we can grab a drink or hang out, but I am absolutely not sharing my inner life with you." There were tears involved, sure, but I stood my ground. I told her she wasn't a real friend. Eventually, I distanced myself from that entire social circle she introduced me to. I never formed deep bonds with the others, but they're all the same breed—sitting around over drinks, gossiping about one another while pretending to be oblivious, acting like "you wouldn't believe this..."
This is the second time I've dealt with this pattern: opening up and being burned. So, no, I don't trust people. It's easier for me when I don't divulge my private business. Sometimes people try to pull me into their drama by confiding in me, but I've learned my lesson. You stay naive until you hit the floor hard enough to learn. Now, I prefer to keep things casual without any heavy, intimate questions
Just having fun and enjoying life...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Am I socially maladjusted or something? Some other psychological label...
Has anyone else gone through something similar? 🕺

ruggedtinker8 said:I don't really have any close friends, and honestly, I'm not even sorry about it.

Even those rare few people I actually let in—people I thought I’d built a real bond with—ended up screwing me over in ways a mortal enemy wouldn't even dream of. And this was after years of being nothing but positive and supportive.

At this point, being "close" to someone just feels like waiting for the inevitable knife in the back. It usually happens right when you're being your most honest, open, and vulnerable self.

These days, I prefer keeping things with cheerful people in that sweet spot between an acquaintance and a friend. We have plenty of good vibes, but there's enough intelligent distance involved that I don't pour too much of my time or energy into them. Of course, the unspoken rule is that I can't expect much emotional heavy lifting from them either.
It’s a much better setup. Every now and then, I might actually be pleasantly surprised by them, which beats getting burned by someone I practically shared my life with.

I find this quite relatable. There was a stretch in my life where I simply couldn't handle excessive closeness or the weight of constant expectations. These days, I’ve learned to expect nothing at all—it's a foolproof way to avoid disappointment.

Sophia Phillips75 said:It has happened to me more than once—opening up to someone only to have them betray my trust. I’ve always lived by the rule "keep it between us," and frankly, I can't wrap my head around people who feel this compulsive need to recount secrets to a third party. They love using that line, "Oh, you don't know this, but let me tell you what [Name] whispered to me..." I honestly can't decide if they're just being malicious or if their lives are simply too empty to sustain an actual conversation. I really don't get
people like that. I actually ended a friendship recently because of this exact issue. Looking back, the girl had been dropping hints that she was a total gossip, but I missed the signs. Apparently, I'm terrible at reading people. 👏 To make a long story short, I shared something with her during a moment of vulnerability. A few weeks later, some other "friend" from our same circle let it slip, mentioning something that only my then-BFF 🙂 could have known. I ended up asking her out for coffee to confront her with the facts. She used to constantly dish dirt on other people to me, too—secrets I never asked for and didn't care about since they didn't involve me. But when confronted, she pulled the classic move: "I didn't say anything, you're just twisting it. You're sticking to your guns, but I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Her excuse for spreading everyone else's business was, "Well, yeah, but I only told *you*." Except, it wasn't just me; it was three other girls. She didn't even apologize. If she had just said, "Look, I messed up, it slipped out, I'm sorry," the whole situation would have been different. I told her straight up that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I wasn't interested in a deep connection. I meant it in the sense of, "Fine, we can grab a drink or hang out, but I am absolutely not sharing my inner life with you." There were tears involved, sure, but I stood my ground. I told her she wasn't a real friend. Eventually, I distanced myself from that entire social circle she introduced me to. I never formed deep bonds with the others, but they're all the same breed—sitting around over drinks, gossiping about one another while pretending to be oblivious, acting like "you wouldn't believe this..."
This is the second time I've dealt with this pattern: opening up and being burned. So, no, I don't trust people. It's easier for me when I don't divulge my private business. Sometimes people try to pull me into their drama by confiding in me, but I've learned my lesson. You stay naive until you hit the floor hard enough to learn. Now, I prefer to keep things casual without any heavy, intimate questions
Just having fun and enjoying life...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Am I socially maladjusted or something? Some other psychological label...
Has anyone else gone through something similar? 🕺

Of course you're fine. We learn from our mistakes. In the future, just don't trust anyone until you truly know them. By that, I mean spending enough time together to build a superficial friendship first—grabbing coffee without diving into emotions or intimacy. Only after time passes, you see you share common ground, observe their character, and realize they have actual substance, should you even consider deepening the connection.

Honestly, you’ve gotta watch your back even when you're just grabbing coffee and meeting someone new. You don't really know who you can count on until you've actually been through the wringer together.

I’ve always found myself wondering—seriously, what kind of deep-seated secrets are people actually terrified of leaking? It’s one of those things that sticks in my craw. Personally, I don't have much of a filter; if I think it or feel it, I'm putting it out there—no hesitation, no nothing. So, the whole concept of "trust" or being afraid of someone spilling your guts just doesn't bother me the way it seems to rattle everyone else. Honestly, though, I wouldn't mind stepping outside of my own head for a second and seeing how the rest of the world perceives things. Maybe then I'd get why everyone is so guarded.

It feels like almost every woman is out to snake another woman, and honestly, there are plenty of guys cutthroat enough to play that same game too.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:I’ve always found myself wondering—seriously, what kind of deep-seated secrets are people actually terrified of leaking? It’s one of those things that sticks in my craw. Personally, I don't have much of a filter; if I think it or feel it, I'm putting it out there—no hesitation, no nothing. So, the whole concept of "trust" or being afraid of someone spilling your guts just doesn't bother me the way it seems to rattle everyone else. Honestly, though, I wouldn't mind stepping outside of my own head for a second and seeing how the rest of the world perceives things. Maybe then I'd get why everyone is so guarded.

It could be anything. A messy family situation you wouldn't want the neighbors hearing about, or perhaps a past trauma. Those kinds of things aren't meant for the public; they are meant for a trusted confidant. If you reveal a "secret" to the wrong person, there is a high probability they will misinterpret it because they don't truly know you. They won't just misunderstand—they'll end up gossiping about it to everyone from the guy next door to your closest friends.

Thanks for the reply 🙂