Kevin White11 said:Option A was always the only real motivator.
The only reason people hesitate to help others is because getting everything handed to you on a silver platter rarely ends well; you never learn to value anything, which usually backfires. Plus, the reality is that everyone has opportunities to succeed, but some people just find it easier to complain and blame others for where they are in life.
But look, the core issue here isn't about learning at someone else's expense—it's about learning at YOUR expense.
The title of this thread and even your opening post make it pretty clear: what really bothers you is that someone else might try to take credit for YOUR hard work.
It also confirms that you already view yourself as having "made it."
And honestly, it highlights your insecurity that the distinction between your effort and theirs will vanish if you give in to your "emotions"—or rather, your fear of being perceived as selfish. It feels like they have some kind of trump card against you that you can't figure out how to play.
It’s also obvious you’re frustrated because you feel like you could be "blamed" for this, essentially fueling that fear of looking selfish.
Nowhere in your argument do you mention that you care about denying them the chance to build actual character. You didn't even bring that up until I pointed it out.
You keep saying it bothers YOU that THEY will LOOK like they walked your path when they didn't. But you aren't explaining why that matters so much when we're talking about YOUR struggle. Why is the "appearance" of things such a sticking point for you? I mean, surely everyone knows who actually put in the sweat equity? Or maybe you just don't know (which doesn't mean they don't), but instead, you're hyper-focused on the optics.
Like I said before, choosing option B inherently involves a stubborn denial of option B.
Everything in your opening post revolves around YOU and how they relate specifically to YOU.
I truly want the best for you with these posts, but I'm fairly certain I'm hitting the nail on the head here. That’s probably why you’re rejecting my point; you can't make a smooth emotional decision because you're trying to over-rationalize a way to act so that your emotions disappear—regardless of where they're coming from. Clearly, they stem from your concern for yourself and how you appear to the outside world.
At the end of the day, your success is
the knowledge you gained through the process. You can toss the trophies and the accolades in the trash once you're done.
That is the wisdom you gain after the fact—realizing that the knowledge was the prize, not the glory. By letting go of the need for recognition, you focus on the substance and building your true self. By obsessing over the recognition, you're just focusing on the "outside" and building an image.
Maybe I'm wrong, and there's no point in me being persistent, but I just wanted to lay out why I think we're talking about option B.
I can "read" it in your tone. Your whole way of expressing yourself seems to be an attempt to dodge option B by pointing to the immorality of others as the cause of your internal conflict. That immorality has always been there (or it hasn't), but in this specific moment, YOU are the one in the driver's seat. You are the only one who can choose to be moral or immoral. So, you're projecting that onto them, just like I explained earlier. Are they lazy, or stupid, or entitled simply because you're struggling with whether or not to hand them something?
Anyway, just give it some thought. 🙂
greeting