To explain or not to explain? How much is too much?

The answer is that you have to explain yourself.
It’s something you have to do from the very beginning.
Not by getting defensive or making excuses, but by actually explaining—by having a real conversation.
It honestly surprises me every single time how capable people are at seeing everyone else through their own lens.
I used to find that kind of projection somewhat understandable, but then I had a bit of a wake-up call, and now it just really gets under my skin.
And I don’t mean that minor kind of projection where you grab a few coffees with someone and make assumptions based on limited info.
I mean when someone you’ve known for years keeps insisting that you think or feel things that are... well, typical for *them*.
It makes me feel like I’m talking to a blindfolded person who hasn't truly paid attention to me all these years.
And if they aren't paying attention to me, then I guess I really was just alone this whole time.
Like some sort of background scenery, I suppose...
And the only thing standing next to me is someone who is either too selfish or too emotionally stunted to grasp reality.
Then again, the fault might lie with me for not being clear enough about certain things.
For not stopping them to ask, "Wait a second, how on earth did you come to that conclusion?"...
I suppose it happens because everyone feels more comfortable around people they perceive as being just like themselves.
But the truth is, we are all so vastly different from one another, in ways we can't even begin to fathom...

Does anyone here actually get what "politeness" means?

It’s basically just people being afraid of their own potential.

Because if we’re strictly following the rules of politeness, then everything on the table counts—including every mindless thing some idiot types out. It's like, "Oh, wow, thanks for sharing, you wrote that so beautifully." Then someone posts a photo on Facebook where they look like a total mess, and everyone goes, "Oh man, so cool, you're such an icon..." That's how social interaction works these days. I see tons of these programmed fakes everywhere... but I guess it's the only way to avoid carrying the weight of being rejected, weird, or hateful. Or so they think.

The second you decide to push back, the drama starts. And fixing that drama requires a massive amount of energy—the kind of energy that can cost you your career, your relationships, or honestly, pretty much everything else.

It’s what happens when you hang out with the same crowd for way too long. You get sick of each other and the constant roasting starts. 🤷 At first, when you're just getting to know someone, everything is great—you actually enjoy their company. But once you run out of things to say and start repeating the same old mindless stories every single day, it becomes inevitable.
In cases like this, if you know for a fact the person is solid and deserves respect, the best move is to create some distance. Maybe see them once a month instead. I used to hang out with a buddy every single day, and eventually, we both just started driving each other crazy. We scaled back how often we met, and now we rarely see each other (and never without a drink or some weed), but we still have each other's backs whenever things get heavy.

We really need to dive deep into explanations as much as possible. Ask more questions. Hunt down those answers. Seriously. Nowadays, everyone is constantly drowning in a massive flood of information throughout the day, isn't it? Because of that, I truly believe it’s vital to over-explain things—even the simple stuff—just in case they start getting complicated later on.

Adam Kern2 said:I honestly can't figure out the smartest move here🤷!
Lately—and I’ve really been trying this—I just stay quiet☕!
Every single time I attempt to bring a logical argument to the table—you know, actually trying to reach some kind of sensible conclusion with the other side—it just doesn't work. Instead, it gets taken as a personal attack, and before I know it, they've completely shut down the conversation.
It seems like they're clinging to this imaginary version of perfection—this ideal self they hold onto—that's just impossible to break through.

Exactly. Even if a whole group tells them the truth, they’ll just decide everyone is jealous. I’ve seen this firsthand, so I know how it works.
I had an acquaintance who was convinced she was a knockout, yet she could never figure out why men approached her friend instead of her 95% of the time. Believe me, she never once questioned her own ego. There was always some elaborate excuse to protect her self-image. They are incredibly creative at making excuses that favor them. You can't break through that. And if you did, some people probably couldn't handle the reality...🤷

Sometimes, we just don't know ourselves very well. Honestly? It’s often because we simply don't want to. Why bother diving deep when it’s such a long, messy process? You end up digging through old memories and past mistakes, which really just pulls your focus away from right now and what's coming next. Why dwell on yesterday when you could be living today?