Who are the 5 people you spend the most time with?

Someone on another thread mentioned this theory—that you’re basically just an average of the five people you spend the most time with. It got me thinking about what that actually means when someone who hasn't even been given a formal diagnosis by a psychiatrist primarily hangs out with people who have them.

Out of the five people I’m closest to—the ones I hang with most—at least four of them have psychiatric diagnoses and take medication; most have even dealt with hospital stays. I know because they told me themselves. As for the fifth one, I don't really know... they haven't brought it up, so maybe there isn't one? Not like I'd go asking, no matter how close we are—though I guess if they wanted to tell me, they would, since they've shared plenty of other stuff, but we haven't known each other forever. We're talking depression and bipolar diagnoses.

I saw a psychiatrist a few times a few years back, and their takeaway was that I wasn't experiencing any psychosis that required treatment—basically, that I was within the "normal" range considering everything I'd been through at the time. They didn't mind when I told them I probably wouldn't need to come back anymore.

I'm in college, doing pretty well, working a bit in my field too. I know I'm a role model for some people, and I've been financially independent and mostly self-sufficient for quite a while now. Every once in a while, I get hit with these waves of negative self-talk and really dark moods that drag on for days or weeks. I've never missed anything important because of it, though—sometimes I just want to stay in bed, but I always get up and do what I have to do. Then there are these other phases—it feels like one might be starting right now—where I'll sleep maybe 3 or 4 hours a night for days and feel like I have this endless supply of energy and positivity. I'm guessing these swings are actually caused by thyroid issues, which I haven't treated because spending a month in a hospital just to get meds adjusted isn't exactly something you can afford to do when you're trying to function like this. My "fifth person" is in a similar boat.

Looking back, I can't really remember ever feeling particularly connected to anyone—aside from one specific friend and one family member who had a history of abuse—who didn't have, or clearly needed, a psychiatric diagnosis.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone; that's definitely not my intention. I think I just needed to vent to someone about this one thing that I obviously can't talk about with my closest friends.

Look, I’m actually out here trying to find a friend for you... 😬

And maybe—subconsciously, mind you, I'm not saying this was intentional 🙂—maybe you feel a sense of superiority...
Or perhaps, if your relationships are feeling cold (and I am saying IF), you feel like you don't actually deserve anything better? 😕

It’s most likely just a pure coincidence that you happen to be surrounded by a slightly higher-than-average number of diagnoses in your immediate circle, but even so, that doesn't really say much about who you are as a person. 🙂

What you described sounds like a standard variation of being human... everyone hits those low points where you just lose the will to get up and "grind" through the day or through life itself 🤷, even if there is a significant lack of sleep involved. 🤔
How long do these "high energy" periods usually last for you? And do you try to make up for the lost sleep afterward, or do you just end up feeling completely drained... like the bill has finally come due..?

I'm not sure how much weight to give the theory, honestly. I saw a psychiatrist myself for a little while once. Out of the five people I'm closest to, one girl has also been seeing a psychiatrist.

The things you described sound more like symptoms of a thyroid issue to me. My husband actually deals with that. He hasn't had any symptoms for a few years now because he's on medication. At first, those symptoms can feel exactly like a mental health struggle, but once you add synthetic hormones and get everything back in balance, things tend to settle down.
Why are you trying to self-diagnose the treatment?

I don't know, man. That theory just doesn't hold water for me.

Look, it isn't really about who you’re hanging out with—it’s more about how you actually process those interactions. It’s all perspective, right? For instance, you might have one friend who is a total pessimist, but instead of letting it drag you down, you use their negativity as a roadmap for how *not* to act, basically turning their bad vibes into fuel for your own positivity. Then you’ve got the other type of person—the ones who just soak up someone else's gloom like a sponge and start mimicking it.

Sure, everyone we meet leaves some kind of mark on us, but let’s be real: they don't get to define who you are.

Thanks for all the input.

neonsurfer4 said:Look, I’m actually out here trying to find a friend for you... 😬

And maybe—subconsciously, mind you, I'm not saying this was intentional 🙂—maybe you feel a sense of superiority...
Or perhaps, if your relationships are feeling cold (and I am saying IF), you feel like you don't actually deserve anything better? 😕

It’s most likely just a pure coincidence that you happen to be surrounded by a slightly higher-than-average number of diagnoses in your immediate circle, but even so, that doesn't really say much about who you are as a person. 🙂

What you described sounds like a standard variation of being human... everyone hits those low points where you just lose the will to get up and "grind" through the day or through life itself 🤷, even if there is a significant lack of sleep involved. 🤔
How long do these "high energy" periods usually last for you? And do you try to make up for the lost sleep afterward, or do you just end up feeling completely drained... like the bill has finally come due..?

Honestly, I mostly feel inferior. They’ve been through way more than me and have figured out how to handle life better, even though my own past isn't exactly a walk in the park. I wouldn't say our relationships are cold, but they’re probably colder than your average friendship, mostly because I don't really let people get too close emotionally. I struggle with self-esteem, so maybe there's some truth to feeling like I don't deserve better. Though, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm friends with them out of pity. It's more like we just provide something useful for each other. We click, I guess, even if I don't fully wrap my head around everything they're going through.

neonsurfer4 said:Look, I’m actually out here trying to find a friend for you... 😬

And maybe—subconsciously, mind you, I'm not saying this was intentional 🙂—maybe you feel a sense of superiority...
Or perhaps, if your relationships are feeling cold (and I am saying IF), you feel like you don't actually deserve anything better? 😕

It’s most likely just a pure coincidence that you happen to be surrounded by a slightly higher-than-average number of diagnoses in your immediate circle, but even so, that doesn't really say much about who you are as a person. 🙂

What you described sounds like a standard variation of being human... everyone hits those low points where you just lose the will to get up and "grind" through the day or through life itself 🤷, even if there is a significant lack of sleep involved. 🤔
How long do these "high energy" periods usually last for you? And do you try to make up for the lost sleep afterward, or do you just end up feeling completely drained... like the bill has finally come due..?

Usually a few weeks to maybe a month. Then comes this period where I just feel wiped out and need to sleep forever—like 9 or 10 hours a day, sometimes even more at first. Usually, the crash lasts about half as long as the high, especially if I try to cut it short. I tried shortening it down to just one day recently, but of course, that carries the risk of making this current "up" period end sooner too.

Scott Miller4 said:I'm not sure how much weight to give the theory, honestly. I saw a psychiatrist myself for a little while once. Out of the five people I'm closest to, one girl has also been seeing a psychiatrist.

The things you described sound more like symptoms of a thyroid issue to me. My husband actually deals with that. He hasn't had any symptoms for a few years now because he's on medication. At first, those symptoms can feel exactly like a mental health struggle, but once you add synthetic hormones and get everything back in balance, things tend to settle down.
Why are you trying to self-diagnose the treatment?

Because I know that initial phase when they're still tweaking the meds can be absolute hell (someone close to me went through it). And I just can't afford to lose a month or more to that—I've always got too much important stuff on my plate.