I feel like an outsider

Hey, I’m struggling a bit here—everything basically went downhill after my mom passed away when I was in 4th grade. Since then, life has just been… well, a mess. I became super sensitive, and honestly, I barely have any friends. Most people who hang out with me only stick around because they feel bad for me, which sucks. Even when I thought I finally found a real buddy back in 7th grade, he ended up totally screwing me over. Then, things got even heavier in 8th grade when my dad remarried—that really crushed me and made me shut down completely. I actually had some pretty intense mental breakdowns back then. Lately, I’ve been trying to bottle everything up, so those outbursts aren't happening as much, and I guess I feel a little better? I really wanted a fresh start, so when it came time for high school, I didn't pick the local school nearby. Instead, I chose one that requires an hour-long commute each way, hoping I could find a new crowd—people who wouldn't know anything about my past or my issues. But man, it hasn't worked. I’ve been at this school for two months now and nothing has changed. I act totally normal, just like everyone else, and people are friendly enough, but nobody really reaches out or includes me. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit on the bigger side—I’m about 6'1" and 200 lbs. 🙂 I just don't get what the issue is. I seriously can't seem to make actual friends or find anyone I can truly trust. I just feel so alone.🙂

Your parents getting remarried shouldn't weigh on you this much; honestly, be happy that your dad found someone to share his life with again. He isn't doing this at your expense, trust me.

At the end of the day, you have to accept that life is going to throw curveballs, but it also brings a ton of opportunities. So, what actually drives you? Whether you want to be a doctor, a scientist, a driver, or a nurse, just pick a direction and start putting in the work toward those dreams. I promise you, as you pursue those goals, you'll meet the right people along the way. First things first, though: take care of yourself and make sure YOU feel good about who you are. 😉

Look, if you're feeling unhappy with your physical shape, why not hit the gym? Problems that only you can solve aren't going to fix themselves—you have to take the lead. As you start working on yourself, your confidence will grow, and everything will start looking up. You'll find yourself smiling more and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, which naturally draws people to you. Don't just hide away in your room; go out and actually LIVE! Go all out to get into that college of your dreams, or if you aren't heading to school, start diving into hobbies that help you become the person you want to be.

We're all rooting for you! 🙂)

First off, you’ve gotta realize you’re essentially on your own. It sounds harsh, but it's just reality. Being overweight isn't the end of the world either—just get moving. Hit up a local Gold's Gym or whatever. You won't be alone forever. 😁 And honestly? Cut out the losers. Not everyone you meet is actually your friend. You have to learn how to read between the lines because people can be incredibly opportunistic. Nobody truly cares about your struggles or the fact that you lost your mother. If you stop treating those things like they're massive obstacles, they stop being problems.
Maybe go pick a fight with someone 😁... just kidding. It’s all just part of growing up. Don't take yourself or anyone else too seriously; life is much easier that way. At your age, there’s no room for being overly serious—keep that stuff tucked away. But still, you have to stand up for yourself. Finish high school and try to get into a state university if you can. Nobody there is actually as important as they pretend to be in social circles.

Don’t go bottling everything up inside... seriously, that is a one-way ticket to a mental breakdown. You’ve gotta talk about it with someone or at least just vent it out on your own. I’m not saying you should spend the whole damn day wallowing, but taking a few minutes to let it out? Definitely do that.

Honestly, it feels like you’re lacking a bit of confidence and just being able to chill, which makes you come across as closed off when people try to hang out. Look, the weight thing is secondary—not the main issue here—but you should probably tackle it. Get into a sport, hit the gym, try some MMA, or even dance lessons or something else entirely. It’ll make you more approachable to most people, girls will notice you more, and honestly, it’s just good for your health and makes you feel less like crap. 🙂

I actually think it’s a good move that your dad remarried. It would have been way harder on you if he’d just spiraled into a massive depression and spent his days moping around the house with his head down. He seems happier this way. It’s a little selfish, if you think about it, to expect him to put his own life on hold for you. One day you’ll start a family of your own, and both of you will be glad he has someone by his side.

John Flores6 said:Hey, I’m struggling a bit here—everything basically went downhill after my mom passed away when I was in 4th grade. Since then, life has just been… well, a mess. I became super sensitive, and honestly, I barely have any friends. Most people who hang out with me only stick around because they feel bad for me, which sucks. Even when I thought I finally found a real buddy back in 7th grade, he ended up totally screwing me over. Then, things got even heavier in 8th grade when my dad remarried—that really crushed me and made me shut down completely. I actually had some pretty intense mental breakdowns back then. Lately, I’ve been trying to bottle everything up, so those outbursts aren't happening as much, and I guess I feel a little better? I really wanted a fresh start, so when it came time for high school, I didn't pick the local school nearby. Instead, I chose one that requires an hour-long commute each way, hoping I could find a new crowd—people who wouldn't know anything about my past or my issues. But man, it hasn't worked. I’ve been at this school for two months now and nothing has changed. I act totally normal, just like everyone else, and people are friendly enough, but nobody really reaches out or includes me. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit on the bigger side—I’m about 6'1" and 200 lbs. 🙂 I just don't get what the issue is. I seriously can't seem to make actual friends or find anyone I can truly trust. I just feel so alone.🙂

Imagine if some random person just started dumping their life story on you, acting like you're suddenly their absolute best friend. It’s a lot to handle. 😳
The reality is you’re never going to find someone who checks every single box right out of the gate. It just doesn't work that way. 🙂

You just need a little more self-confidence and a way to vent all that negativity.

Good luck!

Matthew Chavez said:Imagine if some random person just started dumping their life story on you, acting like you're suddenly their absolute best friend. It’s a lot to handle. 😳
The reality is you’re never going to find someone who checks every single box right out of the gate. It just doesn't work that way. 🙂

You just need a little more self-confidence and a way to vent all that negativity.

Good luck!

Of course—that’s exactly why someone bothers to write posts and seek advice or share experiences in the first place. It sounds like everything is perfectly fine "except" for two tiny little things—your confidence and an "outlet" (??) for venting.
What exactly am I supposed to do about it?
And I assume he is wondering the same thing. We aren't just posting for the sake of filling space; we are actually saying something specific here.
The issues definitely started when his mother passed away. If this were something that could be fixed with one hand tied behind your back, he wouldn't be posting here. At the very least, he needs a psychologist, maybe even a psychiatrist.
He became far too attached and grew too relaxed in his relationship with his father, so the separation—which he views as a "betrayal"—hit him incredibly hard. Though, really, that isn't even the point. It makes it look like the father abandoned his son to go find his own happiness, but that is a complete misinterpretation of the situation.
It’s not that you suppressed anything; it’s that you were blind and simply refused to admit to yourself that you were struggling.
You could go to a driving school in Chicago and take fifty-four hours of lessons in a single direction and you would experience the exact same thing everywhere. People aren't the problem; you are. You are running from yourself, even though you know deep down you can't escape. Real friendship is built over years, not by moving to a new city or changing schools.
Your weight and your physical appearance have absolutely nothing to do with any of this. Just forget about it.
Maybe start by looking online (or at a local library) for something regarding building up self-confidence. That might help.
But honestly, the best move is to see a doctor who can actually advise you on how to proceed.