Dealing with people being rude and mocking me

I noticed a long time ago that people tend to have this weirdly repulsed reaction to my presence—it almost always ends in them mocking me.
It’s the people who see me for the first time, or vice versa. It happens just walking down the street in Chicago, or sitting in a group somewhere. Even when I don't say a word, or when I'm actually trying to engage in a conversation, I somehow end up being the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. It’s like a chain reaction—I catch someone's eye because of some perceived flaw, and then the whole vibe shifts. Maybe it's a hint of anxiety I'm projecting, or maybe it's just physical dissatisfaction.
I try to make eye contact with women, but they’ll give me one quick glance and then immediately look away or stare at the floor.
I honestly can't tell if it's my face—though I think my build is fine—or if it's just my lack of confidence. I also struggle with being a pushover; I find it incredibly hard to say "no," even when I know saying yes is a bad move.
Sometimes I try to fake it—you know, walk with a bit of swagger or act composed while out at a cafe—but society usually finds a way to push me back down to where it thinks I belong.
I attempt to play it cool, acting like I couldn't care less about what strangers think, but that doesn't help when I actually want to meet someone new; they just brush me off. And even with people who have known me for years, my opinion carries zero weight. When I speak, it's like I'm invisible.
On top of that, if I mess something up—and I am responsible—the fallout is always disproportionately massive. It turns into this whole "everything is your fault" spectacle.
This has been my reality for years, and my social standing is just... bottom tier. It's hard to change once you're stuck. Even when I try to improve, people just sideline me because they've already decided who I am.
I'm at a loss for how to break out of this cycle of broken connections—both verbal and non-verbal—with everyone around me.

If you want anyone else to change their mind about you, you have to start by changing how you view yourself first.
So, what are we talking about here? What are your actual strengths, skills, or virtues?

Jack Smith5 said:If you want anyone else to change their mind about you, you have to start by changing how you view yourself first.
So, what are we talking about here? What are your actual strengths, skills, or virtues?

Jack Smith5 makes an excellent point there... once you truly understand who you are, just be that person. Don't go through life constantly "trying" to be likable or putting on an act. People can sense that kind of thing from a mile away. If you can just present yourself authentically, without all that heavy mental baggage, then you'll naturally find your tribe. At the end of the day, we're all going to be someone's favorite person and someone else's total stranger... it's just how it works.

The world outside acts as nothing more than a mirror reflecting your own internal landscape; which is why your username gave me such a good chuckle!
The crux of the matter, then, lies within you and how you perceive your own essence; it seems likely that somewhere in your conscious or subconscious mind, there is a lingering belief that you possess less inherent value, leading to the feeling that you simply don't deserve the attention of others...
How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Honestly, I’ve been wrestling with this one for a long time now. For me, it might actually be one of the biggest hurdles I face in life. It’s kind of a weird paradox—I can't stand it when people don't show me any respect, but then, if they’re actually being decent and kind? I can't handle that either. It gives me this nagging feeling like... "yeah, I definitely don't deserve this."

I feel the exact same way, especially after dealing with bullying back in school. For me, it usually manifested as people mimicking my actions or the things I said, but in a mocking sort of way—as if they were trying to say, "Look how much better this looks on me than it does on her." Ever since then, I’ve always had this nagging feeling that people are making fun of me whenever someone copies me. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm not. But yeah, people find it harder to genuinely like one another, which just creates this massive chain reaction. So, let me guess: when they're alone with you, suddenly they're all nice? Sure. And honestly, I can be a bit off-putting myself; I have this vibe where I seem like I hate the world because I rarely smile and always try to stay serious. But you know what? I don't care, and you shouldn't either. Why? Because your own needs matter more than living by everyone else's standards. It's vital to build up your self-belief and become aware of both your strengths and those flaws you might want to work on. Only by doing that inner work will you attract true friends who actually value you, rather than fake ones you feel pressured to impress with your look or behavior. Just be yourself instead of someone living by someone else's rules...☕

Ugh, mirrors... I’ve had this same struggle forever. Growing up, I was basically the designated punching bag in my friend group—mostly because I just never knew how to hold my own. I couldn't find the right comeback to save my life. And look, I’m not a cynic or the type of guy who loves tearing people down for fun, and I definitely don't take things personally. It’s just... part of who I am. Honestly, it hasn't changed much even now.
But even with that, there’s this weird negative vibe I’m convinced I carry around. Like, there’s this outward energy you radiate that just creates certain situations. I don't know how to put it into words, really. It’s a mix of how you act, your guilt, even your subconscious stuff—because when people pick up on a specific "vibe" from you, they’re going to react to it, whether they realize it or not. But then there’s the whole physical aspect too. For example, back in high school, there was a phase where I tried to be a bit more carefree and acted like a total goofball to get girls to notice me. A buddy of mine was doing the exact same thing. The kicker? He got all the credit. We’d both crack the same jokes and everyone would laugh, but while he was seen as this "charming idiot" that girls actually wanted to hang out with, I was just labeled the "clown"—you know, the guy who’s just being silly and isn't worth taking seriously. He had that natural charm, that effortless look, while I was getting the exact opposite reaction for doing the same stuff. Plus, since I radiated that sort of goofy, clumsy energy, people were always picking on me—not even maliciously, just because I didn't have a defense mechanism ready.
I don't want this to sound like a massive pity party—and hey, I don't know where you're at right now—but the human psyche and the subconscious are powerful things. People have this internal radar that picks up on emotions and micro-movements and just replays them. That explains why people react to you the way they do. And honestly, facial expressions play a huge role. I know this one guy who’s just... kind of unpleasant to look at, slightly irritating, and a friend of mine once told me, "I don't even know him, but I get this sudden urge to just walk up and slap him."
Obviously, none of this is fair, but society can be pretty ruthless. As far as you're concerned, you’ve gotta build up that self-confidence, because if you show any weakness, people will sniff it out instantly and you're toast. Try to analyze your own behavior; you might not realize how a seemingly harmless situation can totally shape what people think of you. Work on yourself and evolve, but don't obsess over it. Just try to create some relaxed, low-pressure moments for yourself.
At the end of the day, though, some things just are what they are. You've gotta make peace with that. Maybe you've got an irritating face or you look perpetually grumpy—that’s just your exterior, and you can't force it to change. But don't let that get to you. If you work on the inside, eventually you'll start shattering those first impressions people have of you just by being who you are.

It’s actually pretty straightforward. You just have to get good at something—really master a craft. Once you hit that level, people start noticing the talent or the sheer passion you put into it. That leads to genuine compliments, which boosts your confidence, which fuels more motivation to improve, which leads to even more recognition. It’s a positive feedback loop.

That’s exactly why I asked him about his specific traits, virtues, and skill sets. He needs to take what he loves and polish it until it shines.

Most "popular" people are essentially popular for nothing; their status is built on a vacuum.
Think of it this way: Person B thinks Person A is cool. Then Person C sees how much Person B admires Person A, so suddenly Person C decides Person A is cool too. It spreads like wildfire through D, E, F, and so on.
People tend to follow the herd, and that mentality is contagious. Eventually, though, once people grow up and move past that phase, they stop buying into the "cool factor." At that point, all that matters is what Person A actually brings to the table—their character, their skills, and their integrity. If they don't have those, the "coolness" evaporates, and they aren't worth mentioning anymore.

So, if you actually have substance—real character and real skills—you don't need to chase trends or pretend to be someone you're not. What you need is results. Focus on honing your craft and showing it to the world.

It’s just a vicious cycle, man. You end up with zero confidence because everyone around you is laughing at you, and then they keep laughing because you've got no backbone. It’s exhausting. You basically have to just... decide to change from the inside out—which sounds way easier said than done, trust me—to break that loop. Honestly? I’ve been stuck in this exact same headspace for years. I constantly feel like I’m not enough, and people just sense that weakness and feed off it. It’s like everyone is just waiting for a chance to jump on someone who seems unsure of themselves, just to give their own pathetic little egos a quick boost.

@Jack Smith5 It’s actually pretty straightforward. You just have to get good at something, right?

Well, that’s exactly where the problem lies. Even when I actually am talented at something, people still find ways to mock me. And honestly? It totally kills my drive. Because of all that ridicule, I find myself procrastinating more and more on life stuff. I read tons of books trying to stay motivated, but those kinds of people just get under my skin.

And don't even get me started on the ones who use that passive-aggressive, indirect way of making fun of you. That's even worse.

I honestly feel like those subtle, indirect jabs can actually be worse. They just slowly build up these bad habits over time, don't they?

Back in high school, I dealt with a ton of that passive-aggressive mocking. But hey, I was just a naive optimist back then, totally immature.
Now I’ve definitely grown up, though a little bit of that old-school optimism still pops up every now and then.

I feel like I’m constantly being mocked by people older than me. For instance, one of my mom's former colleagues... It’s been hard, because I lost my mom, and now my dad has fallen ill. He’s slowly recovering, but I’m navigating all of this entirely on my own. There isn't anyone to help me. There isn't even anyone to watch over him if I need to run an errand in town. Since I don't have an income right now, I have to pay someone for everything. And honestly, I don't know how I'll manage to work once Dad comes home from rehab, especially since his mobility is so limited. Right now, he’s staying at a local skilled nursing facility where people go to recover after being discharged from the hospital. I really don't think staying there long-term is what's best for him. He belongs at home, and that’s what he wants too. His old coworkers try to offer help, but I guess it feels like fake support—like they just want to look like good people. Personally, I trust the dedicated nurses at Home more than any of the help they're offering. I just don't understand how people can find it okay to mock someone who has been without a mother since they were 35. Meanwhile, their kids—people my own age—still have their mothers. I actually thought about canceling my phone service because this whole situation feels like harassment. But Dad said we should keep the phone for now. I suppose there are good people out there, but they seem to be in the minority.

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@mistyjackal842 Honestly, it’s just heartbreaking when people act like that. Especially those who are nearing retirement or are already retired—you’d think they’d have more wisdom, right?

It’s such a blatant lack of respect. To an outsider looking in, it’s just baffling. Why is there so much unfairness out there?

I feel like this kind of behavior pushes people to stop respecting one another. It leads to these nasty stereotypes being forced on us, which I’d argue are actually pretty dangerous for society as a whole.

At the end of the day, we all just want to love and be loved. Those who block that connection or mock someone's hard work and genuine care... well, their opinions shouldn't carry any weight. They aren't worth following.

There's definitely too much negativity floating around sometimes. But hey, maybe one day we'll see more truly good people come along—people who actually know how to value hard work, knowledge, kindness, and a real, honest conversation.

I honestly don't know what to do to pull myself out of this total mess—socially speaking, both verbally and non-verbally—with everyone else around me.

Maybe, just as a sort of first aid measure, you could try shifting your perspective a little bit. It’s highly likely that some people are being perceived by you in a certain way simply because that's how you *assume* they view you—which is a bit of a psychological trap, isn't it? Try to sit with the thought of why you find certain people off-putting... and then ask yourself how much weight you're actually giving those feelings. I truly believe that kind of introspection might help.
As for a permanent fix, I suspect the advice provided by the other folks on the forum who responded to you is actually quite solid.

It’s pretty rough when people act like that. I’ve been in that exact same spot myself—so I can offer some perspective.
-Just accept it and stop expecting things to change—because if you don't change your own approach, nothing actually will.
-I don't know how much you rely on these people, but if being around them constantly leaves you feeling like garbage, maybe it's time to cut them off or at least dial it back. Just enough so you have space to work on yourself—though keeping them at arm's length is a smart tactical move; it gives you someone to hang out with while you practice new social skills and test the waters. Use them as stepping stones—they aren't respecting you anyway.

-That brings us to the whole "cutting them off" thing. You’re probably feeling a bit isolated and lost right now, but at least you don't have to sit there and take being treated like an idiot.
This is your chance to get to know yourself better and study your own patterns—figure out exactly what's screwing you over, where you're vulnerable, and start toughening up to build yourself into something stronger.
It isn't easy, obviously, but it’s doable.

Trust me, when a person undergoes a massive shift, others notice. When they see you went from being the pushover everyone walked over to someone projecting genuine confidence—looking them in the eye with a relaxed, powerful energy—the whole dynamic shifts. But it has to be real, not just an act.
I know from experience that when I feel like absolute trash, nobody respects me.
And honestly, why would they? They should, but most people are jerks—they’ll just view you as someone they can use to feel better about themselves. Or worse, they'll just pity you.
In those periods where I’m feeling low, nobody can help me—I actually end up feeling somewhat superior to everyone else. I'm not some big shot, but when I'm satisfied with who I am, people feel it.

If you know someone is unhinged and wouldn't hesitate to snap, you'll naturally watch how you treat them; if someone is charming or great at what they do, people respect that. Bottom line: you need to possess qualities that people actually value.
There are plenty of total idiots out there who are incredibly annoying, yet they respect themselves so much that others end up respecting them too.

You need to find some internal substance—I don't know what you do for a living or what your hobbies are, but you need to do something that makes you proud.
Stop asking for permission and stop trying to please everyone; instead, just assert yourself and stop giving a damn about who likes it.
You need to become your own man, rather than chasing validation from everyone else!
That doesn't mean you have to turn into a complete asshole, though. Having your own opinion and not being afraid to say "no" is a hell of a feeling—it's a totally different dimension compared to sucking up to everyone. To reach that level, you have to make changes... you have to start doing things differently and tackle stuff you've never tried before.

I know it sounds easy to say, but if you want people to value you, DEMAND RESPECT! 😁
I’ve experienced both being the guy everyone wants to be around and the guy nobody cares about, and both times, it mostly came down to how I viewed myself during those chapters of my life.