Issues with my daughter—is it a disorder or something else? Need advice!

Please help—has anyone dealt with something similar?
My daughter is 15. She’s always been withdrawn—ever since middle school—which made her a target for bullying. They mocked her, treated her like she was stupid, and just picked on her. We told her to stand her ground, to fight back, even tried intimidating the bullies when we found out they were isolating her or making fun of her right in front of teachers. Of course, the school counselors did absolutely nothing. Eventually, we moved her to a different middle school in another district to give her a fresh start. It seemed fine at first, but then word got around via social media about how "weird" she was, and the isolation started all over again. Then high school happened, and things took a much darker turn. We're talking full-blown panic attacks, being unable to stand up in class, sneaking out of the house through her bedroom window just to avoid seeing anyone, and staying in her room all day—only coming out to grab food from a convenience store. She missed several months of school entirely. We went through the whole gauntlet: psychologists, psychiatrists, group therapy... now she’s struggling with an eating disorder and some intense OCD tendencies. It’s bizarre. She can’t touch her own lips; she’s obsessed with cleanliness, yet simultaneously leaves a mess everywhere. Her eating habits are ritualistic—she eats only one specific type of food, sits in front of a bathroom mirror to watch herself eat while avoiding touching her lips, uses plastic utensils, and is hyper-vigilant about pulling wrappers away from her face so she doesn't touch them. When she showers, it’s like she won't wash her whole face; she’ll get soap near her mouth but won't use her hands to rinse it, opting for Q-tips instead. She won't drink water—only bottled juices (mostly iced lemon tea with a "standard" cap), which she opens with extreme precision to avoid hand contact. Medication-wise, she started on Locten at 25mg, then 50mg, then 100mg. Her doctor then switched her to Seroquel, but she looked like a zombie—honestly, we both felt that way—so we stopped everything about 2–3 weeks ago. Currently, she’s on Zoloft (50mg in the morning) and Locten (25mg at night).
The doctor recommended Zoloft 2x50mg plus Seroquel 25mg at night.
So far, no improvement. She’s slightly calmer, but the obsessions persist. We try to accommodate every single one of her needs—making multiple trips to the store daily for specific juices, snacks, or yogurt just to keep her stable. The whole family is under massive stress; she was always such a sweet, albeit quiet, girl. She’s actually passed thirteen exams for her diploma, with only two left, but frankly, school doesn't matter right now. We just want her to be okay. She’d change her entire career path just to avoid being in a classroom with her current peers, but she’s lost; she doesn't seem capable of functioning in an academic setting at all right now.

She eats once a day—usually chicken medallions or croquettes with a liter of yogurt. In the afternoon, she asks for "liquid," so we run out to find a specific juice with a lid she can open carefully, maybe grabbing a candy bar along the way. Most of her day is spent in her room listening to music or watching TV. For a while, she was completely obsessed with a certain singer—she couldn't process his passing. She still loves his music, though that obsession has dialed down a bit. At one point, she even wanted to fly out to visit his grave.
Essentially, she feels "disgusting"—especially if she touches something with her hands, let alone her own lips. She’s lost 22 pounds (dropped from 155 to 132 lbs at 5'6"), and now her weight has plateaued.

How do we move forward? We joined another support forum hoping to hear from people who have walked this same path.
🤷

granitetrucker7 said:Please help—has anyone dealt with something similar?
My daughter is 15. She’s always been withdrawn—ever since middle school—which made her a target for bullying. They mocked her, treated her like she was stupid, and just picked on her. We told her to stand her ground, to fight back, even tried intimidating the bullies when we found out they were isolating her or making fun of her right in front of teachers. Of course, the school counselors did absolutely nothing. Eventually, we moved her to a different middle school in another district to give her a fresh start. It seemed fine at first, but then word got around via social media about how "weird" she was, and the isolation started all over again. Then high school happened, and things took a much darker turn. We're talking full-blown panic attacks, being unable to stand up in class, sneaking out of the house through her bedroom window just to avoid seeing anyone, and staying in her room all day—only coming out to grab food from a convenience store. She missed several months of school entirely. We went through the whole gauntlet: psychologists, psychiatrists, group therapy... now she’s struggling with an eating disorder and some intense OCD tendencies. It’s bizarre. She can’t touch her own lips; she’s obsessed with cleanliness, yet simultaneously leaves a mess everywhere. Her eating habits are ritualistic—she eats only one specific type of food, sits in front of a bathroom mirror to watch herself eat while avoiding touching her lips, uses plastic utensils, and is hyper-vigilant about pulling wrappers away from her face so she doesn't touch them. When she showers, it’s like she won't wash her whole face; she’ll get soap near her mouth but won't use her hands to rinse it, opting for Q-tips instead. She won't drink water—only bottled juices (mostly iced lemon tea with a "standard" cap), which she opens with extreme precision to avoid hand contact. Medication-wise, she started on Locten at 25mg, then 50mg, then 100mg. Her doctor then switched her to Seroquel, but she looked like a zombie—honestly, we both felt that way—so we stopped everything about 2–3 weeks ago. Currently, she’s on Zoloft (50mg in the morning) and Locten (25mg at night).
The doctor recommended Zoloft 2x50mg plus Seroquel 25mg at night.
So far, no improvement. She’s slightly calmer, but the obsessions persist. We try to accommodate every single one of her needs—making multiple trips to the store daily for specific juices, snacks, or yogurt just to keep her stable. The whole family is under massive stress; she was always such a sweet, albeit quiet, girl. She’s actually passed thirteen exams for her diploma, with only two left, but frankly, school doesn't matter right now. We just want her to be okay. She’d change her entire career path just to avoid being in a classroom with her current peers, but she’s lost; she doesn't seem capable of functioning in an academic setting at all right now.

She eats once a day—usually chicken medallions or croquettes with a liter of yogurt. In the afternoon, she asks for "liquid," so we run out to find a specific juice with a lid she can open carefully, maybe grabbing a candy bar along the way. Most of her day is spent in her room listening to music or watching TV. For a while, she was completely obsessed with a certain singer—she couldn't process his passing. She still loves his music, though that obsession has dialed down a bit. At one point, she even wanted to fly out to visit his grave.
Essentially, she feels "disgusting"—especially if she touches something with her hands, let alone her own lips. She’s lost 22 pounds (dropped from 155 to 132 lbs at 5'6"), and now her weight has plateaued.

How do we move forward? We joined another support forum hoping to hear from people who have walked this same path.
🤷

Ah, severe anxiety, obsessive-compulsive...
First off, you really have to distinguish between OCD and an obsessive personality. It isn't a hard rule, but it happens quite often.
When someone with obsessive personality traits hits a breaking point, the result usually manifests as depression, paranoia, or even physical illnesses—not necessarily full-blown OCD.
See, an obsession primarily triggers this deep sense of unease or intense anxiety. It is essentially an unwanted mental intrusion.
Among the various types of obsessions (which isn't the focus here), her case involves obsessive fears. That's the "filth" aspect—the fear of contamination, germs, and things like that.
Still, it differs from a standard phobia because these thoughts persist even when the phobic stimulus or trigger isn't present.
To try and neutralize that fear, people perform actions that seem completely irrational. In her case, there is this profound lack of security; she can never truly feel certain that her hands are clean.
And that right there is the trigger for the compulsions—excessive hand washing or constant checking. She is trying to reclaim a sense of safety through these misguided and inappropriate actions.
The ritual.
In theory, it lessens that discomfort or stress.
The real struggle, though, is the diagnostic side: separating OCD from other disorders like phobias, psychosis, depression, and so on.
It is very similar to schizophrenia or mania; the symptoms overlap significantly. Ultimately, if left unmanaged, such a state can lead to complete social isolation from everyone.
Recently, we've seen real improvements in treating OCD by combining psychotherapy with medication.
Unfortunately, it is a chronic condition. Usually, the approach starts with medication to stabilize the situation slightly, and then you move into psychotherapy.
If the psychotherapy shows results, the medications are gradually tapered off.
Even though it is chronic, it can be managed effectively, and one can eventually move away from medication entirely.
In psychotherapy, everything is built upon behavioral methods—specifically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (you can look up CBT online...) or exposure therapy.
Specific tasks are assigned that she must follow (this requires the whole family to participate). The goal is to establish positive habits.
Secondly, there are response prevention techniques—essentially just working to reduce the rituals.
People with obsessive personalities are often literally consumed by details and rules, and they tend to insistently demand that others adapt to their specific way of doing things (as seems to be happening with you). They are frequently intolerant of others' feelings, prone to criticism, and can be quite stingy or rigid in how they communicate.
It isn't easy, but it is possible to return to a normal life rhythm and improve one's quality of life.
Chronic depression (dysthymia) is a common complication, along with major depression, hypochondria, and occasionally—though rarely—heart issues.
As for the medication, it gets a bit complicated.
In severe cases, doctors prescribe combinations of antipsychotics and antidepressants.
Antipsychotics don't work for everyone (for her, Seroquel is what's used), but nowadays there are various types of similar yet slightly different drugs (like Loquate, Q-pin, Quetiapine...).
Regarding antidepressants, you have Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (like Paroxetine, Seroxat, Sertraline, Zoloft, Citalopram, Lexapro, Prozac, Sarafem, Luvox, Fevarin, and many others...) as well as tricyclic antidepressants (like Anafranil).
What can I say... patience and time.

Wait, are you guys just now noticing this?
Man. What really stuck out to me was that bit about "school psychologists haven't done anything." Look, they didn't give birth to this kid, and they aren't responsible for them—not like the parents who spend 20 hours a day watching them. I guess it’s no wonder the little one turned out this way. If you had written the whole story about your marriage and your life, we'd probably understand why things ended up like this.
I honestly don't think she can heal while she's still in that environment or that family where the issues started. There’s maybe very little chance.

Thanks for the input, shadowbadger32—we didn't "just notice" now, but I appreciate the optimism—you know, "it'll be fine," "things will improve," and all that. You have no idea what we've actually been through. As for my marriage, everything is perfectly fine; we’re just a normal family. We live right near my parents' place, and we’ve always been there for her—constant communication, always. And as for needing to go break someone's bones at school? I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about. Regardless, we’re going to keep fighting this out despite your bleak prognosis...

granitetrucker7 said:Please help—has anyone dealt with something similar?
My daughter is 15. She’s always been withdrawn—ever since middle school—which made her a target for bullying. They mocked her, treated her like she was stupid, and just picked on her. We told her to stand her ground, to fight back, even tried intimidating the bullies when we found out they were isolating her or making fun of her right in front of teachers. Of course, the school counselors did absolutely nothing. Eventually, we moved her to a different middle school in another district to give her a fresh start. It seemed fine at first, but then word got around via social media about how "weird" she was, and the isolation started all over again. Then high school happened, and things took a much darker turn. We're talking full-blown panic attacks, being unable to stand up in class, sneaking out of the house through her bedroom window just to avoid seeing anyone, and staying in her room all day—only coming out to grab food from a convenience store. She missed several months of school entirely. We went through the whole gauntlet: psychologists, psychiatrists, group therapy... now she’s struggling with an eating disorder and some intense OCD tendencies. It’s bizarre. She can’t touch her own lips; she’s obsessed with cleanliness, yet simultaneously leaves a mess everywhere. Her eating habits are ritualistic—she eats only one specific type of food, sits in front of a bathroom mirror to watch herself eat while avoiding touching her lips, uses plastic utensils, and is hyper-vigilant about pulling wrappers away from her face so she doesn't touch them. When she showers, it’s like she won't wash her whole face; she’ll get soap near her mouth but won't use her hands to rinse it, opting for Q-tips instead. She won't drink water—only bottled juices (mostly iced lemon tea with a "standard" cap), which she opens with extreme precision to avoid hand contact. Medication-wise, she started on Locten at 25mg, then 50mg, then 100mg. Her doctor then switched her to Seroquel, but she looked like a zombie—honestly, we both felt that way—so we stopped everything about 2–3 weeks ago. Currently, she’s on Zoloft (50mg in the morning) and Locten (25mg at night).
The doctor recommended Zoloft 2x50mg plus Seroquel 25mg at night.
So far, no improvement. She’s slightly calmer, but the obsessions persist. We try to accommodate every single one of her needs—making multiple trips to the store daily for specific juices, snacks, or yogurt just to keep her stable. The whole family is under massive stress; she was always such a sweet, albeit quiet, girl. She’s actually passed thirteen exams for her diploma, with only two left, but frankly, school doesn't matter right now. We just want her to be okay. She’d change her entire career path just to avoid being in a classroom with her current peers, but she’s lost; she doesn't seem capable of functioning in an academic setting at all right now.

She eats once a day—usually chicken medallions or croquettes with a liter of yogurt. In the afternoon, she asks for "liquid," so we run out to find a specific juice with a lid she can open carefully, maybe grabbing a candy bar along the way. Most of her day is spent in her room listening to music or watching TV. For a while, she was completely obsessed with a certain singer—she couldn't process his passing. She still loves his music, though that obsession has dialed down a bit. At one point, she even wanted to fly out to visit his grave.
Essentially, she feels "disgusting"—especially if she touches something with her hands, let alone her own lips. She’s lost 22 pounds (dropped from 155 to 132 lbs at 5'6"), and now her weight has plateaued.

How do we move forward? We joined another support forum hoping to hear from people who have walked this same path.
🤷

Your daughter is a victim of bullying—which is essentially the peer-group version of mobbing, except it happens in social circles intended for connection rather than professional environments.
Everything she's doing right now is likely just her way of coping with extreme stress.
To be blunt, you haven't reacted forcefully enough as parents—neither toward the bullies themselves nor their parents.
This situation reminds me of a case I saw where a boy was bullied so relentlessly at an American school that he developed PTSD; his body chemistry actually tanked, producing minimal serotonin. Meanwhile, the father was busy shuffling between psychologists and sending formal letters instead of just stepping in and knocking some sense into those administrators or dealing with the culprits directly.
And then, predictably, the recommendation is to move the kid far away—as if the child is somehow the one at fault.

At this age, peer acceptance is everything. Kids are trying to pull away from their parents to build their own identities and lives.
By taking the path of least resistance, you're forced to find a school where she won't be targeted or shunned—because if you were tackling this head-on, the problem would already be solved.
What is your husband doing about this?
Just playing the bystander?

I don't know if she's being picked on by both boys and girls, but if that's the case, honestly, it might be best to transfer her to an all-girls school—somewhere with a more supportive atmosphere for more compassionate fields of study.
Your daughter doesn't have the psychological "armor" to defend herself yet. If she doesn't get lucky, wherever you move her, she might just end up stacking one bad experience on top of another.
The specific major doesn't matter right now. What matters is that she completes her education and recovers mentally—or at least gets through it with minimal damage to her mental health. Once she graduates, she has her whole life ahead of her to choose a different career.

Look, let’s not go tearing into the OP right now. Nobody has all the answers—believe me, I’ve been there—but she’s clearly putting in the work to learn this stuff and actually support her daughter. At the end of the day, that effort is what really counts.

I sent over my full take via DM, so just check it out whenever you get a spare second. We’re talking about a pretty heavy situation here, and I honestly just want to do whatever I can to help out.

shadowbadger32 said:Wait, are you guys just now noticing this?
Man. What really stuck out to me was that bit about "school psychologists haven't done anything." Look, they didn't give birth to this kid, and they aren't responsible for them—not like the parents who spend 20 hours a day watching them. I guess it’s no wonder the little one turned out this way. If you had written the whole story about your marriage and your life, we'd probably understand why things ended up like this.
I honestly don't think she can heal while she's still in that environment or that family where the issues started. There’s maybe very little chance.

No, that simply isn't true. One really ought to dig deeper into the actual causes of these conditions instead of just scribbling down every random thought that comes to mind.
The root causes of OCD are not fully understood. That is an absolute, definitive truth, and anyone suffering from such a disorder will tell you the same thing.
The best course of action is to educate oneself and not miss even a single scrap of information. The more one knows, the easier it becomes to accept certain realities.
There is absolutely no point in criticizing the parents; while they might be involved, they aren't necessarily the cause. So much of it depends on an individual's temperament, which shifts based on their circumstances.
@granitetrucker7... please, look into the work of Jeffrey M. Schwartz, as he is one of the foremost authorities regarding the treatment of OCD.
The technique is known as response prevention—essentially, how to stop a compulsion and replace it with something new, something constructive.
This technique actually works, and one shouldn't disregard any method, including this one.
Listen... obsessions will shift, and compulsions will too. Do not let any change in behavior catch you off guard. I know you are prepared and aware of everything, but this disorder is quite insidious and unpredictable.
I am praying that you all find enough strength to get through this.🙄

granitetrucker7, your daughter probably has OCD. Look, I live with OCD myself, and from where I'm sitting, what you're describing sounds like a pretty severe version of this sneaky little disorder... I'm with everything Blue Ivy said; it's all spot on. These people on the forum blaming you and your husband for your daughter's condition have absolutely no clue what they're talking about. My parents were incredibly attentive and responsible, yet here I am dealing with OCD; meanwhile, my brother grew up in that exact same household and doesn't have a single symptom of any psychological issue—so, if you ask me, this whole theory that parents cause these disorders is just total nonsense. Anyway, you should try to find her a psychotherapist who uses cognitive-behavioral therapy, which, in my opinion, is the gold standard. Therapy is basically built on exercises designed to teach someone how to resist those mechanisms the disorder uses to control them. Those exercises and the actual dialogue are the most critical parts. Personally, I don't think medication plays a massive role in this specific disorder, and honestly, it often does more harm than good...

So, you're telling me this whole situation is just the fallout from bullying? Honestly, I was a victim of bullying myself back in the day, yet things never escalated to this kind of massive scale... Are you absolutely certain you have the full picture regarding everything she's going through and the actual environment she's living in right now?

Honestly, it looks to me like she’s dealing with some serious self-doubt, and those manic tendencies might just be a defense mechanism from being bullied by everyone around her. Kids can be absolute monsters when they pick a target, right? It’s a cycle. I went through something pretty similar during my teenage years... How did I pull myself out of the gutter? Eventually, I just got sick of feeling like a complete loser. One day I just decided "no more Mr. Nice Guy." I threw myself into athletics, hit the gym until I actually built some muscle, found someone to love—which was a huge motivator—and moved on to high school where the social circle was totally different. And guess what? The new crowd embraced me completely. Now, I’m practically bursting with mental health* 😍.
Personally, I wouldn't touch psychiatric meds at such a young age; they often do more harm than good. A few honest, heartfelt talks with real friends usually go much further...

*Well... let's be real... during the dark moments, I can't exactly claim to be the happiest person alive. Some scars just never fully heal...

casualharbor9 said:Honestly, it looks to me like she’s dealing with some serious self-doubt, and those manic tendencies might just be a defense mechanism from being bullied by everyone around her. Kids can be absolute monsters when they pick a target, right? It’s a cycle. I went through something pretty similar during my teenage years... How did I pull myself out of the gutter? Eventually, I just got sick of feeling like a complete loser. One day I just decided "no more Mr. Nice Guy." I threw myself into athletics, hit the gym until I actually built some muscle, found someone to love—which was a huge motivator—and moved on to high school where the social circle was totally different. And guess what? The new crowd embraced me completely. Now, I’m practically bursting with mental health* 😍.
Personally, I wouldn't touch psychiatric meds at such a young age; they often do more harm than good. A few honest, heartfelt talks with real friends usually go much further...

*Well... let's be real... during the dark moments, I can't exactly claim to be the happiest person alive. Some scars just never fully heal...

No. Absolutely not. There is simply no connection to manic behavior here whatsoever. Why must everyone insist on jumping to such extreme conclusions? It just isn't the case.
Can you honestly believe that? Is it really possible to just... decide? To simply wake up one morning and say, "You know what? I'm bored with this whole addiction thing, so I'm just going to stop being sick now"? It’s absurd! Truly! There is absolutely no way anyone can overcome an addiction like that—not by sheer willpower alone, and certainly not through such a reckless, nonsensical approach to a serious medical crisis. How can anyone even attempt to tackle a problem of this magnitude with such a flippant attitude? It’s impossible!
She simply isn't in a position to hit the gym right now, let alone fall head over heels in love or pick up some intense new sport. Isn't that exactly what was highlighted in the opening post? It was all laid out right there from the very beginning!
Where is the motivation in this OKP? It’s just... non-existent. Truly. And don't even get me started on the lack of any additional incentives! Does anyone else feel this void? Is there even a point? There simply isn't any drive here, nor are there any bonuses to make it worthwhile. Nothing!
Medication is quite literally her only lifeline at this stage. Without them, there isn't even a conversation to be had about psychotherapy. There simply is no other way forward. Is there any other path? I don't think so. There are no alternatives here.
It really isn't about her age! Honestly, why does everyone always jump to that conclusion? It’s such a tired argument, isn't it? Age is just a number, but people act like it's some kind of definitive barrier. It truly has nothing to do with how old she is.
When medications finally start doing their job—after what feels like an eternity of waiting, mind you—that’s usually when the real work begins. That’s when you transition into psychotherapy. And let’s be honest, isn't that the only way? Medication can stabilize things, sure, but it’s the therapy, combined with various self-help strategies, that actually tackles the lifestyle shifts required to make a change. It’s about attempting to dismantle those obsessive patterns that just won't quit interfering with a normal life. Can one truly find peace without addressing the root through such dedicated effort? I sincerely believe it is the only path toward meaningful transformation.
I see everyone here speculating about bullying, harassment, parental neglect, and all that other stuff... but let's be honest, isn't it all just guesswork? We are making assumptions. Does anyone actually know what the specific trigger was in that exact moment? No. In fact, there might not even have been a single trigger at all! That is precisely why they call it a "silent illness," isn't it? It creeps up on you when you least expect it.
We keep feeding her nothing but conflicting information, and instead of actually sharing some real experiences, the whole thing just turns into The Muppet Show. It’s honestly ridiculous... how can anyone expect clarity when we're acting like this? Truly unserious.

Hi. I think some people here have grasped the core of this—we’re exhausted. We are tired of the psychiatrists and the outpatient clinics. Even though it’s "only" been a few months, we are traveling 62 miles to Chicago for the first appointment. It feels like our best bet might be private KBT, even if we have to take out a loan to make it happen; we’ve already sent out several inquiries. After about a month on Zoloft, there seems to be zero progress—in fact, the last few days have been worse. Some days we've tried a (1,1,0) Zoloft dose, plus Loquen at 10 PM at 0.25 mg. We are considering a gradual taper because she remains just as irritable and detached. Our main hesitation is the reaction from her psychiatrist; she basically just prescribes based on our descriptions of the situation, and she actually got angry the first time we discontinued the Seroquel because the patient looked so terrible.
We try to keep her engaged—we've tried everything, even setting up a dedicated space for her in the house so she can have "her own peace," with her own room and bathroom. (She uses the bathroom sink to eat; she puts store-bought food or yogurt on a tray by the mirror, likely so she can watch herself eat without touching her lips—she uses plastic utensils we buy almost daily). She comes downstairs occasionally, usually only if prompted, but she repeats the same loops constantly (things like "I want a dog" or "I want liquid"). We have a Labrador, but she insists on having a Terrier from her grandmother's place. We actually brought one over, but it was too small and cried quite a bit, so we had to bring it back. Everyone is under immense stress. Her brother is a top-tier athlete—karate—and he's heavily burdened by all this. We are writing this together—my husband and I—so please don't assume I'm tackling this alone. My husband has been more hands-on than I have; he’s been the one driving her and waiting outside the school during her lower grades, talking to teachers and counselors, and even confronting kids he thought were bullying her. I’ve spent more time talking to the girls, asking them to come sit with her, etc., but any improvement was always temporary. Best regards and thanks for the advice.
P.S.—we aren't offended by the criticism on this forum. We just want her to get better. Perhaps someone can share how to start the recovery process, because instead of improving, things seem to be spiraling. School isn't our priority right now; her well-being is.
Best regards!

granitetrucker7 said:Hi. I think some people here have grasped the core of this—we’re exhausted. We are tired of the psychiatrists and the outpatient clinics. Even though it’s "only" been a few months, we are traveling 62 miles to Chicago for the first appointment. It feels like our best bet might be private KBT, even if we have to take out a loan to make it happen; we’ve already sent out several inquiries. After about a month on Zoloft, there seems to be zero progress—in fact, the last few days have been worse. Some days we've tried a (1,1,0) Zoloft dose, plus Loquen at 10 PM at 0.25 mg. We are considering a gradual taper because she remains just as irritable and detached. Our main hesitation is the reaction from her psychiatrist; she basically just prescribes based on our descriptions of the situation, and she actually got angry the first time we discontinued the Seroquel because the patient looked so terrible.
We try to keep her engaged—we've tried everything, even setting up a dedicated space for her in the house so she can have "her own peace," with her own room and bathroom. (She uses the bathroom sink to eat; she puts store-bought food or yogurt on a tray by the mirror, likely so she can watch herself eat without touching her lips—she uses plastic utensils we buy almost daily). She comes downstairs occasionally, usually only if prompted, but she repeats the same loops constantly (things like "I want a dog" or "I want liquid"). We have a Labrador, but she insists on having a Terrier from her grandmother's place. We actually brought one over, but it was too small and cried quite a bit, so we had to bring it back. Everyone is under immense stress. Her brother is a top-tier athlete—karate—and he's heavily burdened by all this. We are writing this together—my husband and I—so please don't assume I'm tackling this alone. My husband has been more hands-on than I have; he’s been the one driving her and waiting outside the school during her lower grades, talking to teachers and counselors, and even confronting kids he thought were bullying her. I’ve spent more time talking to the girls, asking them to come sit with her, etc., but any improvement was always temporary. Best regards and thanks for the advice.
P.S.—we aren't offended by the criticism on this forum. We just want her to get better. Perhaps someone can share how to start the recovery process, because instead of improving, things seem to be spiraling. School isn't our priority right now; her well-being is.
Best regards!

The brother would surely want to step in and help, but clearly, he can't.☕

Regarding Blue Ivy and the rest of the commenters—you can try to medicate this kid with all sorts of pills for whatever symptoms pop up, but if she's still stuck in an environment where she's being bullied or isolated, nothing is going to change. She needs to learn how to hold her own in those situations—how to stand up for herself and speak out when necessary.
Instead of reacting properly to injustice, her response is just to withdraw inward and develop these psychological symptoms.
In fact, since her brother can't step in to fix the issue directly, maybe he should be teaching her how to handle it herself.

granitetrucker7 said:Please help—has anyone dealt with something similar?
My daughter is 15. She’s always been withdrawn—ever since middle school—which made her a target for bullying. They mocked her, treated her like she was stupid, and just picked on her. We told her to stand her ground, to fight back, even tried intimidating the bullies when we found out they were isolating her or making fun of her right in front of teachers. Of course, the school counselors did absolutely nothing. Eventually, we moved her to a different middle school in another district to give her a fresh start. It seemed fine at first, but then word got around via social media about how "weird" she was, and the isolation started all over again. Then high school happened, and things took a much darker turn. We're talking full-blown panic attacks, being unable to stand up in class, sneaking out of the house through her bedroom window just to avoid seeing anyone, and staying in her room all day—only coming out to grab food from a convenience store. She missed several months of school entirely. We went through the whole gauntlet: psychologists, psychiatrists, group therapy... now she’s struggling with an eating disorder and some intense OCD tendencies. It’s bizarre. She can’t touch her own lips; she’s obsessed with cleanliness, yet simultaneously leaves a mess everywhere. Her eating habits are ritualistic—she eats only one specific type of food, sits in front of a bathroom mirror to watch herself eat while avoiding touching her lips, uses plastic utensils, and is hyper-vigilant about pulling wrappers away from her face so she doesn't touch them. When she showers, it’s like she won't wash her whole face; she’ll get soap near her mouth but won't use her hands to rinse it, opting for Q-tips instead. She won't drink water—only bottled juices (mostly iced lemon tea with a "standard" cap), which she opens with extreme precision to avoid hand contact. Medication-wise, she started on Locten at 25mg, then 50mg, then 100mg. Her doctor then switched her to Seroquel, but she looked like a zombie—honestly, we both felt that way—so we stopped everything about 2–3 weeks ago. Currently, she’s on Zoloft (50mg in the morning) and Locten (25mg at night).
The doctor recommended Zoloft 2x50mg plus Seroquel 25mg at night.
So far, no improvement. She’s slightly calmer, but the obsessions persist. We try to accommodate every single one of her needs—making multiple trips to the store daily for specific juices, snacks, or yogurt just to keep her stable. The whole family is under massive stress; she was always such a sweet, albeit quiet, girl. She’s actually passed thirteen exams for her diploma, with only two left, but frankly, school doesn't matter right now. We just want her to be okay. She’d change her entire career path just to avoid being in a classroom with her current peers, but she’s lost; she doesn't seem capable of functioning in an academic setting at all right now.

She eats once a day—usually chicken medallions or croquettes with a liter of yogurt. In the afternoon, she asks for "liquid," so we run out to find a specific juice with a lid she can open carefully, maybe grabbing a candy bar along the way. Most of her day is spent in her room listening to music or watching TV. For a while, she was completely obsessed with a certain singer—she couldn't process his passing. She still loves his music, though that obsession has dialed down a bit. At one point, she even wanted to fly out to visit his grave.
Essentially, she feels "disgusting"—especially if she touches something with her hands, let alone her own lips. She’s lost 22 pounds (dropped from 155 to 132 lbs at 5'6"), and now her weight has plateaued.

How do we move forward? We joined another support forum hoping to hear from people who have walked this same path.
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Don't do that. She needs to go herself—she needs to build a sense of agency and practice making her own choices.
Don't turn the child into someone who is essentially helpless.
She has to learn how to deal with conflict—even if it means, just once in her life, having to really stand her ground against someone.

We gave it a shot—coordinated with her coach to get her interested in hitting the heavy bag, and occasionally she’d actually go for it. But now? Nothing. We tried everything from volleyball to basketball to dance classes. We could try pulling a fast one and just driving her there under false pretenses—maybe she'll actually enjoy herself once she sees what's happening—but once the session is over, she refuses to go back. Especially not now.

granitetrucker7 said:We gave it a shot—coordinated with her coach to get her interested in hitting the heavy bag, and occasionally she’d actually go for it. But now? Nothing. We tried everything from volleyball to basketball to dance classes. We could try pulling a fast one and just driving her there under false pretenses—maybe she'll actually enjoy herself once she sees what's happening—but once the session is over, she refuses to go back. Especially not now.

Obsessions and compulsions are essentially just human attempts to establish
some semblance of control when everything else feels like it's spinning out of hand.
If you add depression into the mix, things get complicated—it becomes a major hurdle. In those cases, the anger isn't being directed outward at the world or the people who actually deserve it; instead, it’s turned inward, becoming a battle against herself.

Look, I know I’m probably going to get dogpiled for this, but honestly, that whole thread about plastic cutlery and other random nonsense... I feel like it actually explains everything about why she ended up the way she is. You guys are constantly hovering over her, jumping to fix everything and basically enabling all these little whims of hers. If you ask me, she’s become this spoiled version of herself because that’s exactly how she was raised. She never really got the chance to learn how to stand on her own two feet or build up any actual self-respect.
But hey, it is what it is. I’m not saying you guys are bad parents—I’m sure you did the best you could with what you had—but usually, when you take that hyper-protective approach, it ends up creating kids who are essentially helpless, without any real tools to handle life's stresses.

granitetrucker7 said:We gave it a shot—coordinated with her coach to get her interested in hitting the heavy bag, and occasionally she’d actually go for it. But now? Nothing. We tried everything from volleyball to basketball to dance classes. We could try pulling a fast one and just driving her there under false pretenses—maybe she'll actually enjoy herself once she sees what's happening—but once the session is over, she refuses to go back. Especially not now.

Honestly, I don't think we should be bickering in these threads. Everyone here is just sharing their own unique perspective based on what they've lived through. We should offer those insights with good intentions, right?

As far as I'm concerned, I think you all have given it your absolute all—and you're still doing it. Whether you made mistakes or not is almost irrelevant at this point. There isn't a single parent out there who hasn't made tactical errors along the way; the most important thing is being aware of them and keeping your child's well-being as your North Star.

Time will eventually reveal which combination of medications is necessary and correct. I truly hope that, ultimately, they can be phased out, because medication shouldn't really be a permanent solution for anyone.

My very first thought when I read your post was that your daughter needs to be offered some kind of healthy alternative. By that, I mean finding a way—if at all possible—for her to gain at least one positive experience involving school and kids her own age.

She had the misfortune of being a sensitive soul who ran into negative experiences with her peers, things that unfortunately just kept happening. It’s truly incredible how some young people can be so predatory toward anyone who is different, while the others (those who don't fit into that certain group) are either too unformed or too weak to stand up against the herd mentality.

I won't claim that her experience is the sole trigger for her condition; it's likely a confluence of many circumstances... but I believe her recovery needs to be built brick by brick. One of those bricks should be slowly restoring her faith in people—specifically the young people she belongs with. And now, you've tried, and it didn't work. You have to keep trying.

And I would agree with David Bishop3 that you shouldn't indulge her to the point where you're essentially serving her. That might be okay for a little while, but perhaps you could start suggesting that once a week she joins you for some errands (keep it brief if needed), using the excuse that "you'll know best what you need."

Beyond the therapies you're already doing, my suggestion would be a gradual "re-entry" into real life. Even if it doesn't work immediately, try it very slowly, using a method of trial and error. Don't give up; if it fails once, take a break, then try again. In the meantime, I'm sure new ideas will come to you.

gentlesailor25 said:Look, I know I’m probably going to get dogpiled for this, but honestly, that whole thread about plastic cutlery and other random nonsense... I feel like it actually explains everything about why she ended up the way she is. You guys are constantly hovering over her, jumping to fix everything and basically enabling all these little whims of hers. If you ask me, she’s become this spoiled version of herself because that’s exactly how she was raised. She never really got the chance to learn how to stand on her own two feet or build up any actual self-respect.
But hey, it is what it is. I’m not saying you guys are bad parents—I’m sure you did the best you could with what you had—but usually, when you take that hyper-protective approach, it ends up creating kids who are essentially helpless, without any real tools to handle life's stresses.

It feels to me like a perfect storm of several factors.
On one hand, you have a family dynamic that stifles independence—essentially raising a child to be dependent—and on the other, you have bullies who reinforce that fragile stability by targeting her.
The fix has to come from both sides: how things are handled at home and how they are handled out in the world.
Handing over little spoons and juice boxes isn't going to teach a kid how to transform from a perpetual victim into someone who can actually fight back in any arena.

Kevin Nguyen3 said:No. Absolutely not. There is simply no connection to manic behavior here whatsoever. Why must everyone insist on jumping to such extreme conclusions? It just isn't the case.
Can you honestly believe that? Is it really possible to just... decide? To simply wake up one morning and say, "You know what? I'm bored with this whole addiction thing, so I'm just going to stop being sick now"? It’s absurd! Truly! There is absolutely no way anyone can overcome an addiction like that—not by sheer willpower alone, and certainly not through such a reckless, nonsensical approach to a serious medical crisis. How can anyone even attempt to tackle a problem of this magnitude with such a flippant attitude? It’s impossible!
She simply isn't in a position to hit the gym right now, let alone fall head over heels in love or pick up some intense new sport. Isn't that exactly what was highlighted in the opening post? It was all laid out right there from the very beginning!
Where is the motivation in this OKP? It’s just... non-existent. Truly. And don't even get me started on the lack of any additional incentives! Does anyone else feel this void? Is there even a point? There simply isn't any drive here, nor are there any bonuses to make it worthwhile. Nothing!
Medication is quite literally her only lifeline at this stage. Without them, there isn't even a conversation to be had about psychotherapy. There simply is no other way forward. Is there any other path? I don't think so. There are no alternatives here.
It really isn't about her age! Honestly, why does everyone always jump to that conclusion? It’s such a tired argument, isn't it? Age is just a number, but people act like it's some kind of definitive barrier. It truly has nothing to do with how old she is.
When medications finally start doing their job—after what feels like an eternity of waiting, mind you—that’s usually when the real work begins. That’s when you transition into psychotherapy. And let’s be honest, isn't that the only way? Medication can stabilize things, sure, but it’s the therapy, combined with various self-help strategies, that actually tackles the lifestyle shifts required to make a change. It’s about attempting to dismantle those obsessive patterns that just won't quit interfering with a normal life. Can one truly find peace without addressing the root through such dedicated effort? I sincerely believe it is the only path toward meaningful transformation.
I see everyone here speculating about bullying, harassment, parental neglect, and all that other stuff... but let's be honest, isn't it all just guesswork? We are making assumptions. Does anyone actually know what the specific trigger was in that exact moment? No. In fact, there might not even have been a single trigger at all! That is precisely why they call it a "silent illness," isn't it? It creeps up on you when you least expect it.
We keep feeding her nothing but conflicting information, and instead of actually sharing some real experiences, the whole thing just turns into The Muppet Show. It’s honestly ridiculous... how can anyone expect clarity when we're acting like this? Truly unserious.

What used to be attempted a few decades ago via surgical scalpels and sucking up brain matter with pipettes, is now being done chemically. And the most common results of this "treatment"? Lifelong addicts who can't get out of bed or even lie down without a handful of pills, all while dealing with side effects hitting the liver, kidneys, and stomach... all to the sound of applause from psychiatrists at symposiums in the fanciest cities, which are organized and funded by pharmaceutical companies.

OCD: ... fear... fear... fear...
Our brains, much like those of our ancestors millions of years ago, experience fear and signal the body to react. The only difference is that today, fears are often caused by a cocktail of real and imaginary (or purely fictional) problems due to our increasing capacity for abstract thought. Consequently, the brain simply doesn't know which reaction to trigger, so it sends signals for random responses that look senseless to the outside world.
Instead of violently interrupting this confusing brain-body interaction with chemicals because it's the modern (and highly profitable) medical standard—even if it's essentially a system of trial and error—perhaps we should look at the causes of these situations from a biological-informatics perspective?

casualharbor9 said:What used to be attempted a few decades ago via surgical scalpels and sucking up brain matter with pipettes, is now being done chemically. And the most common results of this "treatment"? Lifelong addicts who can't get out of bed or even lie down without a handful of pills, all while dealing with side effects hitting the liver, kidneys, and stomach... all to the sound of applause from psychiatrists at symposiums in the fanciest cities, which are organized and funded by pharmaceutical companies.

OCD: ... fear... fear... fear...
Our brains, much like those of our ancestors millions of years ago, experience fear and signal the body to react. The only difference is that today, fears are often caused by a cocktail of real and imaginary (or purely fictional) problems due to our increasing capacity for abstract thought. Consequently, the brain simply doesn't know which reaction to trigger, so it sends signals for random responses that look senseless to the outside world.
Instead of violently interrupting this confusing brain-body interaction with chemicals because it's the modern (and highly profitable) medical standard—even if it's essentially a system of trial and error—perhaps we should look at the causes of these situations from a biological-informatics perspective?

Let's weigh the illness (in this case, OCD) against the alternative. Is it better to live an entire life confined to a room by a crushing disease, or to step out into the sunlight with a dose of medication and all its consequences?
Aren't we all more or less aware of the side effects and risks when we swallow these various toxins with exotic names?! Of course we are (I certainly am).
I assume you don't carry the weight of mental illness on your shoulders, because if you did, your objectivity would be built on entirely different foundations—on the disease itself.
Medications attempt to substitute for hormones and the entire complex mechanism of how individual hormones flow and are stored. How successful that really is remains relative, but experience shows there is success there, unlike with lobotomies and pipettes.
The profits of certain corporations dictate nothing about the methods or paths used to sell drugs; I wouldn't even be surprised if mental disorders were intentionally induced just to boost pharmaceutical sales.
We have to live with those assumptions and manage our own health, setting aside hearsay and rumors because they don't help when I wake up in the middle of a heavy depression.
In that moment, the only thing that helps is the medication, and as long as that's the reality, I have no choice. The question of morality is commendable, but it isn't going to cure me.☕