What’s your relationship with your dad like?

He’s honestly my best friend...😁

redcrane22 said:So, it looks like there are more of us out there.🙂

And what you said about the other part is so true. Just a quick side note, though—they don't actually have kids together; she has a son from a previous marriage. And yeah, I really do try to look the other way or just ignore her, but her influence on him is just massive. Though, really, that's on HIM, unless she's somehow cast a spell on him, 😬 which doesn't sound entirely impossible.

Here's a perfect example: My dad invites me over for lunch, so I go. Lunch isn't even finished yet, and I pick up a newspaper to flip through for a bit, and she snaps at me, asking why I'm holding a newspaper instead of a broom to help sweep the patio.😲
And mind you, he only invites me over once a year. Being the "nice girl" I am, I just quietly picked up the broom just to please my dad. Looking back, I should have just told her to go fly a kite.🤣

What would you do in that situation?

I wouldn't say it's his fault, per se, he's just too weak to push back against her... I know it kills you to see your dad stuck in a position like that, it's just not right...

I’d either try to cut those visits down to an absolute bare minimum—like, practically non-existent—or if I felt up to it, I'd start opening my dad's eyes. Like, when she throws those little jabs at you, if your dad hears them, you could totally shut her down by pointing out how rude she's being, basically making her look small and uncivilized right in front of him...

As for that thing with the lunch, man, if I were in your shoes, I would've reacted the second my blood started boiling. It's possible I wouldn't have snapped at her if it was just us, but if Dad was listening, I would've told her she ought to spend more time reading books herself, since common etiquette says everyone picks up their own trash... then I'd just go right back to my paper, and if Dad was watching, I'd keep making her look bad in his eyes...

It just hit me while I'm typing this, the fact that your usual "just ignore her" tactic hasn't worked tells me just how thick-skinned and oblivious this woman is... so maybe a strategy of much harder resistance, where you peel back all those layers of her primitivity and expose her right in front of him, might actually get somewhere better...
The way you describe her, she sounds like a real piece of work...

How long have she and your dad been together?

Thanks so much 😍

I’m definitely going to take your advice to heart, so I'll let you know how things turn out 😉

The two of them have been together forever—nearly 30 years now. My dad spent most of his career working in Washington, D.C., while she stayed back in my hometown. She used to be such a close friend of my mom's, too 😁
But honestly, anyone who knows her—whether they went to school with her, worked with her, or were just close to her—always says the same thing: "Man, what a nightmare, she's such a piece of work." So, I know deep down this isn't coming from my side
It’s just baffling how someone like that can have such a massive influence over a person who used to be so smart, kind, and genuinely funny
You know, a few years back, my dad invited me to tag along with him to Rome. He was heading there on a business trip for a few days and wanted some company. I was so excited, and we actually had a wonderful time; it was truly 😍
Then I found out later that she was originally supposed to go, but she ended up breaking her leg and couldn't make it. I don't know, I guess my excitement for the whole trip just sort of dipped a little bit once I realized that 😬

Thanks again for trying to help me navigate this. If I'm being honest, though, my biggest fear is that my dad might start loving me a little less because of how I feel about his wife

God bless you all. My old man was a heavy drinker, and honestly, he still is. That’s just how he put it.😢
Since his blood sugar issues started, he’s actually cut back a little—he isn't knocking back 50 beers a day anymore, just 40.
It's a total disaster.
Back when my brother and I were just kids, everything felt sort of wrapped up in cellophane, you know? It was all hidden away. But once we grew up a bit—*sniff*—that alcohol habit just floated right to the surface.
I can't say he was ever rough with me or laid a hand on me... no, he wasn't like that. But he blew "every cent he had at the local pub." While other men were out there building lives and laying foundations, he was just holding down the bar so it wouldn't fall over.
Unfortunately, some people get a real shot at a future, while others have to fight tooth and nail just to survive a future clouded by chronic alcoholism.
So many years have passed now that when I look at him, it's more out of pity than actual resentment. He lives his life, not mine, but still... think of all the things he could have built or achieved if a drink hadn't been the center of his universe.
But what can I do? At least I can sit here and read your happier stories.🙂

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

Well, I have absolutely no relationship with my father whatsoever. If I am being honest, the only thing I can possibly thank him for is the fact that his constant, relentless nonsense forced me to become such an incredibly resilient person.
To me, my father is just a total stranger and someone I view with pure contempt, though I can say with absolute certainty—thank God!—that I don't have an Elektrin complex.

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

We're basically just acquaintances, not even close to a father-daughter bond.
🤷
No Electrin complex here.
I had one, but I grew out of it.
My old man is just an acquaintance and nothing more.

Hello everyone—I am new here and still finding my way around this forum. Please bear with me if I make any mistakes along the way.

Here is my story:

I am 17 years old, living at home with my mother, my sister, and my father. For three years now, my father has been a severe alcoholic, and for those entire three years, our family has been absolutely devastated. He drinks day in and day night—more and more every single day. It is humiliating; we can’t even go out together as a family anymore. He totaled the car, my sister and I have zero peace to actually study, and my mother is constantly on edge...

I honestly don't know exactly how this spiraled, I just know it keeps getting worse. Dad has been admitted to rehab twice, but every single time he comes back, he just drinks harder. Mom, my sister, and I have tried purging every drop of alcohol from the house, but he always brings more in and hides it. When we inevitably find it, he just plays games—claiming "it isn't mine" or spinning some ridiculous lie. We have sat him down to talk so many times; look, the man is truly wonderful when he is sober—he is always the first to lend a hand, and everyone in our neighborhood loves him. I have cried right in front of him, begging him to stop, and every time, he would just pull me into a hug... In the past, when he stumbled home drunk, he and Mom would argue, and then he’d just head to bed. Back then, somehow, it was almost tolerable.

But over the last year, things have truly spiraled out of control. Dad joined some recovery group, but instead of things improving, the police ended up knocking on my door. He got into a car accident—obviously, because he was drunk. Thankfully, he survived without major injuries. That night, it finally hit me: there is no way out of this. I was completely broken. I started skipping school; I would literally run out of the house just so I didn't have to listen to the screaming... Whenever a week or two would pass without him drinking, I’d feel a glimmer of hope and think, "Thank God, he finally learned his lesson," but of course, I was always disappointed. Lately, his drinking has become even more frequent, and the arguments have escalated into physical violence. When Mom loses it, she becomes aggressive—there were times she would slap him. There has been hitting with umbrellas, chairs... and he eventually fought back against her once. I find myself standing between them, trying to pull them apart, crying, screaming... and nothing works. I have told them repeatedly that if this continues, I am leaving. And you know what? I did leave. They called me, and I told them I was staying at a friend's place. No—they simply did not grasp how hard this is for me, or that I left because of *them*. They have fought so many times; believe me, I have never seen anything more horrific in my life.

I could write until tomorrow, but I think this is enough for you all to grasp the situation I am in.

What should I do?
Do I call the police? What are they even going to do about a drunk man and an enraged woman?
Should they get a divorce? No, I can't allow that. What happens to the property and the income? Mom doesn't work.

Please, I am begging for advice. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I am entering my senior year of high school soon and heading toward college—this is one of the most critical periods of my life—but if this chaos continues, I can't even dream of achieving anything at all...

"When I finally reach those heights of happiness again, building it up with small joys, despite everything, he will reappear and tear me down, just like he always does..."

Thank you.

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

I didn't have much of a relationship with him... we were more like distant relatives or just casual acquaintances...

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

Because he fathered so many children... 😍

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

Look, I don't exactly have much time to waste... 😁

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

not funny...

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

I didn't make it... I just killed myself...

Alex Walker5 said:What is your relationship with your father like?
What are you grateful to him for?
Is there anything you resent?
Do you struggle with an Electra complex? Do you have any sexual fantasies involving your father?
As men, do you deal with an Oedipus complex?
Have you ever felt the urge to kill your father?
Would you describe him as an authority figure, a friend, a stranger, someone worthy of contempt or pity, or a loving father whom you love in return?

He was a nobody, a total nonentity... at least in my eyes
to everyone else, he was just a cruel, manipulative bully and an abuser, among other things

Now, all I can do is move on and feel relieved for everyone who had to deal with him... they don't have to endure his bullshit anymore

naomi4

She's looking for some expert advice!