Bring me back to life

Look, this is honestly pretty awkward to write because—I mean, isn't every sane person capable of setting boundaries and just pulling themselves together when life gets heavy? That’s my exact problem... I just don't have any drive left for anything.

I don't even know which part of this mess is most important to mention just so people actually understand what's going on with me—because if anyone reading this actually has some decent, practical advice, I desperately need it, since I certainly don't have any for myself...
I just can't snap out of it. There are days where I can barely drag myself out of bed, feeling totally lifeless and miserable for absolutely no damn reason. I could just stay under the covers all day, hiding under a blanket, without a single valid excuse...

Things really started spiraling after my grandma passed away back in 2010—she was my absolute favorite person in the world—but look, I'm not trying to hide behind the "loss of a loved one" thing to justify being in this constant state of limbo. I'm in college right now and things are a total disaster; it feels like my last shot before I completely crash and burn. I don't have a job on the side so I'm constantly broke, and my parents aren't exactly well-off either. Both of them are sick—my dad is fighting lung cancer...

My cycle is a complete wreck; I'll go two or three months without it, and then when it finally hits (only because I'm on pills), I end up in the ER because the bleeding is so heavy it's dangerous (I don't know if that's related, but whatever). And I can't lose weight to save my life. I eat light, healthy meals, yet I'm still sitting at 207 pounds at 5'3". I haven't had my hormone levels checked yet, though I am scheduled to go to the doctor soon...

Basically, the core of the issue is that I have zero motivation. When I'm in Washington, D.C., I won't leave my apartment for days at a time. When the time comes to actually get out of bed, I'll lie to my roommate and tell her I was at class or something... I just sleep or toss and turn, endlessly scrolling through the internet, watching shows and movies, just wasting time. And then I start mindless eating... everything I do is half-hearted and aimless. I'm just waiting for the days to pass. But when I go home, I put on this ridiculous mask and act like the perfect, helpful Christian girl who's always smiling, studying hard, hanging out with my one friend, seeing my boyfriend... and none of them realize I'm just playing a role. I'm acting like the person I *want* to be, but I'm not her. I've been living in D.C. for seven years now and it's the same loop. All my friends from college have moved on with their lives, while I'm stuck in place, failing exams that I've retaken six or seven times. I've lost touch with people along the way, and whenever they call, I make up excuses because I can't bear to talk about school or where I am or what I'm doing... it's like they're just looking for a reason to judge me. I don't have a single real friend because I can't bring myself to trust anyone enough to tell them how I truly feel. Everyone sees a version of me that isn't real... and honestly, I'm exhausted by all these lies piling up. I feel like if I slip up even once, the whole facade is going to come crashing down on me.

It's hard, and I cry all the time. I'm eaten alive by this laziness, this total neglect of myself, the mess in my apartment, and all the basic routines a normal person handles without thinking. I can't seem to move. It feels like I need someone to physically push me forward... I can't do it alone. I can't change my own trajectory, and please, don't give me that "you have to do it yourself" advice, because I've tried. Everything I do is on autopilot. My brain feels empty.

Sorry for the massive wall of text.

Help me...🙂😢

Look, I really think you should go find some actual professional help. It’s obvious you’ve spiraled into a massive depression, and honestly? Nothing you read on this forum is going to fix what you're going through.

Stop being stagnant, stop letting yourself go, and just start studying. It’s this vicious cycle, isn't it? You aren't keeping up with your coursework, so you start beating yourself up, which leads to stress-eating, which leads to weight gain, and before you know it, you're hiding under the covers just to avoid facing the basic, straightforward steps you actually need to take to fix things.

It strikes me that what you’re truly lacking is a bit of momentum and perhaps some genuine support from someone who actually "gets" it.
There are seasons in life where finding the internal spark to get moving again feels nearly impossible to do solo.
Perhaps there is no need for all this pretense; I suspect you have a close confidant nearby—someone you can truly be vulnerable with—who might be willing to act as your anchor while you find your footing again.
You absolutely can do this!
Just try not to exhaust yourself by putting up a front or hiding behind a mask. We all face our own uphill battles... and anyone can overcome them, provided they demonstrate a sincere desire to move forward.

Get your thyroid levels and antibodies checked first. If those come back normal, then go see a therapist.

And that’s it... just a bunch of people read my post and nothing else happens... So what, should I go find a therapist, get some professional help, and just admit I'm being lazy??

Good grief... look, I am not mentally unstable, and I am definitely not too lazy to actually get moving and improve myself... It’s just that I have zero motivation—none at all—to get going. I have the will, I really do, but I’m missing that one crucial push, you know? That validation from the people around me that tells me I can actually become who I want to be. Is it really such a sin—or am I just being an idiot—to ask another human being to help nudge me out of this rut? Because apparently, wanting that immediately means I'm "not normal" and need professional intervention...

No, I don't have anyone I can actually trust with this... maybe that's why I'm like this—because I don't have a single real friend in my life that I can pour my entire soul out to... I just don't...

steelpanther11 said:And that’s it... just a bunch of people read my post and nothing else happens... So what, should I go find a therapist, get some professional help, and just admit I'm being lazy??

Good grief... look, I am not mentally unstable, and I am definitely not too lazy to actually get moving and improve myself... It’s just that I have zero motivation—none at all—to get going. I have the will, I really do, but I’m missing that one crucial push, you know? That validation from the people around me that tells me I can actually become who I want to be. Is it really such a sin—or am I just being an idiot—to ask another human being to help nudge me out of this rut? Because apparently, wanting that immediately means I'm "not normal" and need professional intervention...

No, I don't have anyone I can actually trust with this... maybe that's why I'm like this—because I don't have a single real friend in my life that I can pour my entire soul out to... I just don't...

If people told you to seek professional help, it doesn't mean you're crazy or anything like that. It just means they think you should talk to someone who actually knows how to help you break out of that vicious cycle. Look, perfectly normal people see professionals when they hit a rough patch in life....

steelpanther11 said:And that’s it... just a bunch of people read my post and nothing else happens... So what, should I go find a therapist, get some professional help, and just admit I'm being lazy??

Good grief... look, I am not mentally unstable, and I am definitely not too lazy to actually get moving and improve myself... It’s just that I have zero motivation—none at all—to get going. I have the will, I really do, but I’m missing that one crucial push, you know? That validation from the people around me that tells me I can actually become who I want to be. Is it really such a sin—or am I just being an idiot—to ask another human being to help nudge me out of this rut? Because apparently, wanting that immediately means I'm "not normal" and need professional intervention...

No, I don't have anyone I can actually trust with this... maybe that's why I'm like this—because I don't have a single real friend in my life that I can pour my entire soul out to... I just don't...

Someone mentioned earlier that you need someone who will actually listen and understand you...

...and a solid psychologist is exactly that!

But a good psychologist 😉

J.B. Hunt, I honestly don't get why people react this way; they realize they're struggling mentally, but the moment you suggest professional support—they take offense. 🤷

Seeking therapy doesn't mean you're CRAZY!

EDIT: You aren't going to find a quality psychologist in Columbus (been there, done that), so I'd recommend looking in Washington, D.C., specifically near a Suburban neighborhood🙂

Why don't you just pack up and move out of Washington, D.C.?
From what I can tell, you haven't even been showing up to your lectures lately. Just head back home and figure out your next move from there.
Change is good....

You can't even be honest with yourself.
You have zero motivation to do anything, go anywhere, or even knock out those few exams. You could easily spend the entire day just
stuck in bed.
This isn't some mental health crisis; it’s just pure laziness. You can try to argue with me, but
you'd just be lying to yourself.

What you actually need is a kick in the pants and a little bit of drive. Get those exams done. Take a second to
think about how your friends managed to move forward while you're stuck behind.
It's not like you're any less smart than they are—you just need the willpower to sit down, study, and
get through these tests.
Finding a side hustle is always an option, but if you're constantly hunting for excuses, that's just laziness.
Losing weight is the same deal: eat less and hit the gym.

If you keep lying around like this, your life is going to stay pretty miserable, rotting away in your room without ever experiencing anything interesting.

Because at the end of the day, it's just laziness and 🙂

You’re letting life just pass you by, essentially hiding from reality because you've lost the drive to tackle your problems or the strength to even try.

You need a spark, and honestly, can't you find it in your family? Your dad is seriously ill, yet you're just playing the part of the "perfect daughter" instead of letting your love for him push you forward. Shouldn't you be showing him how much his sacrifices meant—especially since he worked so hard to put you through college despite having so little? Don't your parents deserve to finally see you hold that diploma?

Stop burying your head in the sand and start taking charge of your own life; give yourself orders, enroll in those classes, get out more, and stop eating junk food.

Forgive me for being blunt, but a mentally stable person wouldn't be behaving this way. You have a problem, which is fine, and it's actually better that you're aware of it, but you clearly can't fix this on your own. You aren't the first person to go through this, and unfortunately, the people on this forum can't offer much more than support, but a professional who specializes in this can actually help you solve it.

steelpanther11 said:And that’s it... just a bunch of people read my post and nothing else happens... So what, should I go find a therapist, get some professional help, and just admit I'm being lazy??

Good grief... look, I am not mentally unstable, and I am definitely not too lazy to actually get moving and improve myself... It’s just that I have zero motivation—none at all—to get going. I have the will, I really do, but I’m missing that one crucial push, you know? That validation from the people around me that tells me I can actually become who I want to be. Is it really such a sin—or am I just being an idiot—to ask another human being to help nudge me out of this rut? Because apparently, wanting that immediately means I'm "not normal" and need professional intervention...

No, I don't have anyone I can actually trust with this... maybe that's why I'm like this—because I don't have a single real friend in my life that I can pour my entire soul out to... I just don't...

There isn't a boulder in the world that can't be moved; you just have to push harder on certain ones. 😉

How can you say you have no motivation?! You’re just not vibrating on the right frequency, because you’ve completely missed the point...

- you have two parents who are struggling with illness
- they don't have any money to spare
- yet they've been investing in your education for 7 years now

Do you really need more motivation than that—to finally hand a degree to the people who would literally die for you?! Okay, fine, a degree doesn't mean everything in life, but then what on earth were you even studying?! Don't you think it would bring them joy, perhaps even lift their spirits during their own sickness, to see you finally settle that college question once and for all?!

It's clear you aren't built for academic study, but you don't have to force it. Save them the expense! Just take whatever credits you've earned, get a certification if you have enough, and call it a day. Don't try to be an academic; just be a professional.

You are lazy, yes, you are. That's why you can't see how much motivation is surrounding you to solve at least two major life hurdles. College and the weight.

Okay, look, you're 5'3" and I am too. You weigh 207 lbs, while I'm at 110 lbs. See the difference? Two of me make one of you. That means every single day, you are essentially carrying one whole version of me on your back, crushing your spine. You are destroying your health! Isn't that enough motivation to lose some weight? Oh, wait, I suppose that can only happen when you "feel" like it.

What bigger push could you possibly need than your own health and happiness being within reach?!

steelpanther11 said:And that’s it... just a bunch of people read my post and nothing else happens... So what, should I go find a therapist, get some professional help, and just admit I'm being lazy??

Good grief... look, I am not mentally unstable, and I am definitely not too lazy to actually get moving and improve myself... It’s just that I have zero motivation—none at all—to get going. I have the will, I really do, but I’m missing that one crucial push, you know? That validation from the people around me that tells me I can actually become who I want to be. Is it really such a sin—or am I just being an idiot—to ask another human being to help nudge me out of this rut? Because apparently, wanting that immediately means I'm "not normal" and need professional intervention...

No, I don't have anyone I can actually trust with this... maybe that's why I'm like this—because I don't have a single real friend in my life that I can pour my entire soul out to... I just don't...

Maybe those who haven't walked a similar path just don't get it. I'm not suggesting you seek professional help, because they often lack a personalized touch. They've been swallowed by routine; they aren't interested in the root cause, only the diagnosis. It becomes a vicious cycle of prescriptions that "professional help" tends to lead you into...

I guess if you set up a solid daily routine—fill your schedule, stay on top of your college work, look after your health, and actually get out there socially—it helps. Just try to get involved in something as soon as you can. I think the more you keep yourself busy, the easier it'll be to find purpose and direction without having to go looking for it. It just kind of happens on its own.

Carl Garcia2 said:I guess if you set up a solid daily routine—fill your schedule, stay on top of your college work, look after your health, and actually get out there socially—it helps. Just try to get involved in something as soon as you can. I think the more you keep yourself busy, the easier it'll be to find purpose and direction without having to go looking for it. It just kind of happens on its own.

It's the absolute truth... getting moving like that restores your drive, and once you push past that initial "I don't feel like it" phase, everything starts to flow quite naturally.

Morgan Chase5 said:It's the absolute truth... getting moving like that restores your drive, and once you push past that initial "I don't feel like it" phase, everything starts to flow quite naturally.

Staying busy is honestly the best therapy there is. In this particular situation, she's completely avoided taking any responsibility; she isn't being accountable to herself or anyone else around her. She really needs to realize she's an adult now and can't just dodge life's challenges indefinitely—you can't just float downstream forever and expect things to work out.

steelpanther11 said:Look, this is honestly pretty awkward to write because—I mean, isn't every sane person capable of setting boundaries and just pulling themselves together when life gets heavy? That’s my exact problem... I just don't have any drive left for anything.

I don't even know which part of this mess is most important to mention just so people actually understand what's going on with me—because if anyone reading this actually has some decent, practical advice, I desperately need it, since I certainly don't have any for myself...
I just can't snap out of it. There are days where I can barely drag myself out of bed, feeling totally lifeless and miserable for absolutely no damn reason. I could just stay under the covers all day, hiding under a blanket, without a single valid excuse...

Things really started spiraling after my grandma passed away back in 2010—she was my absolute favorite person in the world—but look, I'm not trying to hide behind the "loss of a loved one" thing to justify being in this constant state of limbo. I'm in college right now and things are a total disaster; it feels like my last shot before I completely crash and burn. I don't have a job on the side so I'm constantly broke, and my parents aren't exactly well-off either. Both of them are sick—my dad is fighting lung cancer...

My cycle is a complete wreck; I'll go two or three months without it, and then when it finally hits (only because I'm on pills), I end up in the ER because the bleeding is so heavy it's dangerous (I don't know if that's related, but whatever). And I can't lose weight to save my life. I eat light, healthy meals, yet I'm still sitting at 207 pounds at 5'3". I haven't had my hormone levels checked yet, though I am scheduled to go to the doctor soon...

Basically, the core of the issue is that I have zero motivation. When I'm in Washington, D.C., I won't leave my apartment for days at a time. When the time comes to actually get out of bed, I'll lie to my roommate and tell her I was at class or something... I just sleep or toss and turn, endlessly scrolling through the internet, watching shows and movies, just wasting time. And then I start mindless eating... everything I do is half-hearted and aimless. I'm just waiting for the days to pass. But when I go home, I put on this ridiculous mask and act like the perfect, helpful Christian girl who's always smiling, studying hard, hanging out with my one friend, seeing my boyfriend... and none of them realize I'm just playing a role. I'm acting like the person I *want* to be, but I'm not her. I've been living in D.C. for seven years now and it's the same loop. All my friends from college have moved on with their lives, while I'm stuck in place, failing exams that I've retaken six or seven times. I've lost touch with people along the way, and whenever they call, I make up excuses because I can't bear to talk about school or where I am or what I'm doing... it's like they're just looking for a reason to judge me. I don't have a single real friend because I can't bring myself to trust anyone enough to tell them how I truly feel. Everyone sees a version of me that isn't real... and honestly, I'm exhausted by all these lies piling up. I feel like if I slip up even once, the whole facade is going to come crashing down on me.

It's hard, and I cry all the time. I'm eaten alive by this laziness, this total neglect of myself, the mess in my apartment, and all the basic routines a normal person handles without thinking. I can't seem to move. It feels like I need someone to physically push me forward... I can't do it alone. I can't change my own trajectory, and please, don't give me that "you have to do it yourself" advice, because I've tried. Everything I do is on autopilot. My brain feels empty.

Sorry for the massive wall of text.

Help me...🙂😢

Hey 😉

1. I think you have a totally wrong idea of what a psychologist is or who goes to see one, but hey, there's no point forcing you into something you clearly don't want (though you'd be surprised how many people seek help for all sorts of reasons)😉)

2. I don't know what kind of "push" you think you're gonna get from people on a forum... nobody here actually knows who you are, what you like, or what you even want enough to point you in the right direction. You have to find that yourself. And if you already know what it is? Then just move. 🙂 Scrape together a tiny bit of motivation to knock out some small tasks. Seeing that you're actually capable of handling those little steps will give you the fuel to keep going. You'll see you can actually achieve what you set out to do. So what if you mess up once in a while? You're human. Just get moving! You have to decide to do this yourself; nobody can force you.

Also, I don't see why you'd feel awkward posting this... browse through the threads for a bit and you'll see you aren't the only one feeling this way.

You mentioned a roommate, a friend, and a boyfriend... why aren't you talking to them about what's eating at you? They're close to you and could help you snap out of this state. Just drop the act once in a while and try being honest—it'll make things easier. If you can't talk to them, consider seeing a psychologist or therapist. There's nothing wrong with that; they'll listen and help guide you. 🙂

And regarding that bolded part, I think your perception is a little off. You say you lost those people, but then you say they call you and YOU turn them down because you just can't be bothered. Plus, you're pre-judging how everything will go when you meet up. Of course they're going to ask about college and what you've been up to since you haven't seen each other in forever. You met in college; that's just how people talk. If you decided to see them more often, the college talk would stop and you'd actually have other things to discuss. 🤷

You want a "push"? Try spending one day without apologizing to yourself or everyone else. Just move. When they invite you out, go. Maybe you'll actually have fun or find something you need out there (you definitely aren't going to find motivation watching Netflix). Force yourself to leave the house for thirty minutes and walk around the suburban neighborhood. It sounds hard to believe, but it'll recharge you. The more you stay home under the covers, the more you'll want to just burrow into bed and never come out again.
Make a realistic study plan and take one exam. There's your motivation to start. From there, you'll figure it out.

Hey!

Look, first off—good on you for reaching out for help. Seriously. It shows you’ve actually got the guts to try and change things instead of just sitting there letting life pass you by. That's step one.

Now, let's talk reality: you need to cut back on the movies and binge-watching series. You're just flushing your life down the drain at this point. If you absolutely have to watch something, make it something educational—and even then, don't overdo it. Get out of bed, too. Just get moving. Physical activity isn't just some cliché advice; it actually triggers those hormones that make you feel less miserable. Go for a walk, go for a run, hit a yoga class, join a dance studio—whatever gets your blood pumping.

Swap the screen time for some music that actually pumps you up. You can listen while you're doing other stuff, so it won't eat up your whole day like a Netflix marathon does. And when it comes to studying? Stop trying to do it in your room where everything is a distraction. Head down to the local public library. It’s quiet, it’s focused, and it keeps all the mindless nonsense away from you. Also, get to campus and focus on finishing that degree. I know, I know—it feels impossible right now, but forget about "waiting for motivation." Motivation is a myth for people who aren't doing anything. Even if you feel like garbage and don't want to go, just show up. Once you actually start moving, the momentum builds itself.

And for heaven's sake, clean your apartment once in a while. It sounds basic, but science backs it up—living in a dump makes you feel like crap. A clean space helps clear the head.

You also need to start talking to people. Walk up to someone, introduce yourself, strike up a conversation. Ask them to grab a coffee. Make new friends in the real world. Sure, you can meet people online first and then transition to hanging out in person, but don't stay stuck behind a screen forever. And look, you're going to get rejected. People will say no. That’s just how life works. Don't let it stop you; keep pushing, and eventually, it'll pay off.

I noticed you mentioned you're living life on "autopilot." That’s a dangerous way to exist. You need to wake up and actually be present in the moment. Meditation might actually help with that. 🙂

Most importantly? Stop lying to yourself. Stop pretending everything is fine when it isn't. Radical acceptance is the only way to actually start solving your problems.

Honestly, I’m feeling the exact same way as I did a few weeks ago when I first posted this on the forum. Look, I get it—I know I haven't taken any actual steps yet, and I'm fully aware that nobody on this board is going to step in and force me to do the work for me. But, I don't know... reading some positive comments or having a complete stranger cheer me on actually makes things feel a little lighter? It gives me a spark of motivation, in a way...

It's just the same old cycle, over and over. There are moments where I actually find the energy to move—like when I finally tackled all that university paperwork—but then, boom, I'm right back in bed, sinking into a massive depression and just trying to hide from the rest of the world. I want to change so badly, I really do, but damn... it is just so incredibly hard. Sometimes it feels easier to just be a coward and wallow in self-pity because facing reality is exhausting...

Anyway... the bottom line is that I want to be better. I want to be a high-quality person, someone worth something, but I just can't seem to get moving. It’s like I’ve got literal shackles on my hands and feet, holding me down...

Becoming a better version of yourself is actually quite simple 🙂 especially if you have someone standing by your side—like a boyfriend, for instance. Just open up to him, explain the whole situation, or even suggest he comes to stay with you for a few days or weeks. His presence might just be the spark you need to actually put in the work and prove to yourself that you really are the person you’ve been pretending to be.
If this "act" lasts for a certain amount of time while you're together, then try to make it a permanent fixture by having him stay with you more consistently. It might just help you build a lasting habit.😉

I read enough to see that this person actually matters to you. Since you see them regularly, you should really consider what happens if you keep living this inactive lifestyle. If you don't change, you risk losing everything you currently have and spiraling into even deeper trouble.