Losing a loved one: "Life just doesn't feel worth it anymore

In short, how can I offer spiritual comfort to someone grieving a deep loss? They were incredibly close to this person—talking every single day—and now that they're gone, it feels like life has lost all meaning. It’s hard to watch them suffer like this; they've spiraled into such a dark place and have completely neglected themselves. Even though some time has passed since the death, things aren't getting better. Spiritual teachers often say that being too attached isn't healthy, but how do you explain that to someone who doesn't see the world through a spiritual lens? It feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. They've shut everyone else out and only find any semblance of joy in their remaining family members, which makes me terrified of what would happen if they lost someone else. I try to bring up spiritual perspectives to help, but all they say is that the memories are killing them and that there's no point in looking forward because you won't be conscious to experience anything anyway.
I just need the right words to help them start finding happiness in the world again, rather than just clinging to the few people they have left.

Justin Garcia7 said:In short, how can I offer spiritual comfort to someone grieving a deep loss? They were incredibly close to this person—talking every single day—and now that they're gone, it feels like life has lost all meaning. It’s hard to watch them suffer like this; they've spiraled into such a dark place and have completely neglected themselves. Even though some time has passed since the death, things aren't getting better. Spiritual teachers often say that being too attached isn't healthy, but how do you explain that to someone who doesn't see the world through a spiritual lens? It feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. They've shut everyone else out and only find any semblance of joy in their remaining family members, which makes me terrified of what would happen if they lost someone else. I try to bring up spiritual perspectives to help, but all they say is that the memories are killing them and that there's no point in looking forward because you won't be conscious to experience anything anyway.
I just need the right words to help them start finding happiness in the world again, rather than just clinging to the few people they have left.

Welcome to the club, stranger—you’ve officially entered the long, winding road toward escaping your own ego. But honestly? You're chasing shadows here. You're looking for some kind of cheat code or a magic spell, because let me tell you, there isn't some secret string of syllables you can whisper into someone's ear that suddenly flips a switch and gives them this unstoppable, endless ability to "find joy in everything." That's just not how life works.

In short

There is no "in short." There's no shortcut. What you actually need is a massive overhaul of your perspective, a bunch of different ideas, lived experience, theory, actual practice, constant self-testing, and a heavy dose of reality checks. Mastering any of that doesn't happen overnight, and it definitely isn't an "instant" fix.

Don’t push too hard trying to talk someone into some "deep spiritual truth" or anything like that—honestly, it isn't good for you! It'll just drain you. You really need to step out of that emotional whirlwind and all those looping thoughts...

Your drive to help them—and probably others, too—might actually be coming across as a sort of attack to them, even if they aren't consciously aware of it. It’s like a milder form of pressure, right? Instead of using logic, they feel this emotional weight being pushed on them, which clashes directly with how they're feeling and their own sense of confidence. This kind of approach usually backfires; it's totally normal for sensitive people to trigger those automatic defense mechanisms—which, in this case, looks like them just shutting down completely. Especially when they already feel like nobody truly gets them.

The best way to help people like this is to avoid contradicting them or trying to intellectually convince them of things they aren't interested in—no matter how well-intentioned or logical your points might be! If you truly care about them, just listen to them calmly, without any aggressive interruptions (or even intense listening!). Let them vent those thoughts they're obsessed with out loud. Try not to let your own emotions bleed into the conversation (besides showing some empathy, of course...), because they’ll pick up on your vibes and see it on your face. They'll instinctively conclude that you're trying to manipulate their feelings.

And hey, don't be fooled—this person isn't actually wrapped in an impenetrable veil of nonsense to hide from the world, even if it seems that way. There’s always going to be a crack, or at least one will eventually form. But it has to happen during those low-pressure moments where they're actually open to something interesting reaching them—that's how they'll snap out of that hypnotic state.

So, don't overanalyze their situation. Just follow your gut and act on what your intuition is telling you.

In times like this, I’d say finding the right words is pretty much impossible, especially if you aren't some smooth talker. Just try being the best friend you can manage. If that fails, might as well be their harshest critic.

I honestly think the "spiritual guidance" and strength should be directed toward Justin Garcia7, rather than the person who just lost someone they love. She needs to work through her own stages of grief in her own way... she just needs time, and those around her need to show some patience and understanding.

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Matthew Anderson4, well said. I would have criticized her too.🙂

Honestly, it’s hard to wrap your head around someone being in that kind of headspace. And man, it’s even harder to know when to call it quits and stop trying. So, what's actually left for us to do? I guess we just listen—really listen—and then try to pull them back into the world by doing stuff they actually enjoy. Maybe grab a burger or hit up a game.

Look, I'll try to put this into some kind of logical perspective, though I know it might land wrong: "Stop letting the loss of someone consume you. I know, I know—that sounds cold, but it’s just the way things work in this life; everyone who's here eventually leaves. And hey, if there really is an afterlife, think about it this way—you're basically just causing that person more grief by staying stuck in this misery. They wouldn't want to look down and see you wasting your life away because of them. Try to get out more, hang with people, and find something that actually makes you smile. You can't undo what happened, but don't let one death cause you to drift away from your friends and family. Just live—cherish the time you have right now with the people who are still standing here with you."

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:Honestly, it’s hard to wrap your head around someone being in that kind of headspace. And man, it’s even harder to know when to call it quits and stop trying. So, what's actually left for us to do? I guess we just listen—really listen—and then try to pull them back into the world by doing stuff they actually enjoy. Maybe grab a burger or hit up a game.

Look, I'll try to put this into some kind of logical perspective, though I know it might land wrong: "Stop letting the loss of someone consume you. I know, I know—that sounds cold, but it’s just the way things work in this life; everyone who's here eventually leaves. And hey, if there really is an afterlife, think about it this way—you're basically just causing that person more grief by staying stuck in this misery. They wouldn't want to look down and see you wasting your life away because of them. Try to get out more, hang with people, and find something that actually makes you smile. You can't undo what happened, but don't let one death cause you to drift away from your friends and family. Just live—cherish the time you have right now with the people who are still standing here with you."

Nicholas Gonzalez8, that was a lovely sentiment, truly, but—if I'm being honest—it doesn't actually help. I know this because I lost one of my absolute favorite people myself quite recently (less than two months ago, actually). A conversation only provides relief in the exact moment it's happening; once it's over, the void returns. Only time helps. Patience, empathy... and for heaven's sake, avoiding criticism. If that person needs to talk about the person they lost, then you just listen. You listen and you listen again, even if you have to do it a hundred times. You try to convince them they shouldn't feel guilty—assuming they're struggling with guilt—even though they probably won't accept it anyway. For me, two specific things provided a bit of solace: the book *Angels in My Hair* by Lorna Byrne and a testimony from Gloria (there's a little 35-page booklet about it online). They helped me believe that everything happened exactly as it was meant to, that there is an afterlife, and that eventually, we will all be reunited with our loved ones. Maybe buy them a book? They'll likely read it, even if they aren't particularly inclined to believe in such things... that was my case, too. I'm still sad, mind you, but somehow I've managed to move forward, whereas for a while there, I simply couldn't.

The real question is—how do you actually help people who aren't interested in helping themselves? I don't think the main issue is just being attached to life itself... it’s more about that refusal to let go after someone passes. Some people just won't release that grip, and they won't move forward. See, if someone is willing to accept that their world has fundamentally shifted, then time eventually does its job and dulls the edges of the pain. But the ones who refuse to face that reality? They just stay stuck, living in a past that doesn't exist anymore, letting all that heartache feed them. It basically gives the pain its own kind of fuel, I guess.

Well, Paul Jones7 hit the nail on the head there—that’s pretty much all there is to be done.

When someone claims their life has lost all meaning because they lost a loved one, honestly, they probably didn't have much meaning to begin with... I mean, if you "love" someone so intensely that their absence leaves you with zero reason to keep breathing, what you’re really talking about isn't love at all, but attachment, selfishness, possessiveness, addiction, or just some deep-seated habit... none of those things are actually love.
No one else can live your life for you, so it’s frankly borderline sacrilegious to dump the burden of your existence onto someone else, expecting them to provide your purpose, while simultaneously ignoring your own responsibility to figure out what makes your life worth living... which is something only you can do.
People like that are just lying to themselves, clinging to a delusional little bubble and refusing to look in the mirror... there is absolutely no way to help them until they decide to change on their own.🤷
Sure, you can listen to them vent if you have the patience, but eventually, they'll have to face reality alone—because at the end of the day, nobody is going to step in and live their life for them.😉

p.s.
It’s perfectly natural to go through a whirlwind of emotions—denial, refusal to accept, anger, rage, sadness, anxiety, maybe even total despair—when we lose someone close. But time is the ultimate healer for everything... that’s just how the whole human race operates, there’s no other way it works. And if an individual stubbornly refuses to let time do its thing, then the issue isn't the loss itself, it’s the person.

rustymaker5 said:When someone claims their life has lost all meaning because they lost a loved one, honestly, they probably didn't have much meaning to begin with... I mean, if you "love" someone so intensely that their absence leaves you with zero reason to keep breathing, what you’re really talking about isn't love at all, but attachment, selfishness, possessiveness, addiction, or just some deep-seated habit... none of those things are actually love.
No one else can live your life for you, so it’s frankly borderline sacrilegious to dump the burden of your existence onto someone else, expecting them to provide your purpose, while simultaneously ignoring your own responsibility to figure out what makes your life worth living... which is something only you can do.
People like that are just lying to themselves, clinging to a delusional little bubble and refusing to look in the mirror... there is absolutely no way to help them until they decide to change on their own.🤷
Sure, you can listen to them vent if you have the patience, but eventually, they'll have to face reality alone—because at the end of the day, nobody is going to step in and live their life for them.😉

p.s.
It’s perfectly natural to go through a whirlwind of emotions—denial, refusal to accept, anger, rage, sadness, anxiety, maybe even total despair—when we lose someone close. But time is the ultimate healer for everything... that’s just how the whole human race operates, there’s no other way it works. And if an individual stubbornly refuses to let time do its thing, then the issue isn't the loss itself, it’s the person.

But what happens when someone dies, and then their spouse or kid passes away just a month later?

The fastest answer—and honestly, the only explanation you’re actually going to grasp and truly accept regarding the loss of someone you love—is that you need to step into the silence. Now, I could go on forever, spinning all sorts of theories or giving you a laundry list of things to do, but since what you’re really asking is about faith—and I don't mean organized religion, I mean that fundamental, raw belief that there is a way through this, a way to resolve the chaos inside you—then if you have enough conviction to pull this off, here is what you do: you retreat into total silence for seven days. You turn everything off—the TV, the radio, your phone, every single electronic gadget in the house. You don't break that silence, and you can't. If you stick to it, that heavy weight sitting on your chest will finally lift. Seven full days of nothing but quiet, and you'll find your release from this suffering and finally understand.

If none of that resonates with you, then just don't do it and disregard everything I've said.

Nancy Booth said:But what happens when someone dies, and then their spouse or kid passes away just a month later?

It all really stems from these bizarre human concepts... we throw big parties to celebrate birthdays, yet death is treated like this massive taboo! It’s as if we think only certain people die, so we refuse to talk about death, thinking maybe if we ignore it, we can somehow dodge it... 😛
Can you see how absurd it is to ignore and fear something that is clearly an inherent part of being all living things on this planet?
And that illogicality just gets even worse when you consider how religious people are, given that every religion, in its own way, talks incessantly about eternal life. So, man, where's the catch? 🤷

Obviously, losing loved ones hits hard, especially if it happens multiple times in such a short window... but the reality is that life is meant for those who are still breathing, and we aren't doing ourselves or the departed any favors by refusing to actually live it. Trying to find the meaning of life in other people instead of within oneself is the ultimate mistake, and it's the root of so much sadness and dissatisfaction... It just goes to show how alienated humans have become from God, from love, and from their own true nature, blinded by the roles they play in this little life movie... 😉

rustymaker5 said:It all really stems from these bizarre human concepts... we throw big parties to celebrate birthdays, yet death is treated like this massive taboo! It’s as if we think only certain people die, so we refuse to talk about death, thinking maybe if we ignore it, we can somehow dodge it... 😛
Can you see how absurd it is to ignore and fear something that is clearly an inherent part of being all living things on this planet?
And that illogicality just gets even worse when you consider how religious people are, given that every religion, in its own way, talks incessantly about eternal life. So, man, where's the catch? 🤷

Obviously, losing loved ones hits hard, especially if it happens multiple times in such a short window... but the reality is that life is meant for those who are still breathing, and we aren't doing ourselves or the departed any favors by refusing to actually live it. Trying to find the meaning of life in other people instead of within oneself is the ultimate mistake, and it's the root of so much sadness and dissatisfaction... It just goes to show how alienated humans have become from God, from love, and from their own true nature, blinded by the roles they play in this little life movie... 😉

Who isn't terrified of dying? Honestly, same here... *spit, spit, spit*—there, three times to ward off the bad vibes. 😉

Losing people you love hits hard—there’s no way around it—especially when it happens all at once like a damn landslide. But honestly? Life keeps moving for those of us left behind. Refusing to live it doesn't do anyone any favors, not even the ones we've lost. Looking for the meaning of life in other people instead of finding it within yourself—that’s easily one of the biggest mistakes you can make. It's a fast track to a whole lot of heartache and feeling pretty damn unsatisfied with everything. It just goes to show how far we’ve drifted from God, from actual love, and from our own true nature—all because we're too busy playing these scripted roles in this big, messy life movie. 😉

So, what’s the whole point of living? For me—if I’m being honest—it’s not some grand, cinematic epiphany or finding the Holy Grail. It’s more about those small, quiet moments that don't really mean anything to anyone else. A perfect cup of coffee on a Tuesday morning, a decent playlist, or just finally getting a project finished without losing my mind. It’s less about "making a mark" on the world and more about just... existing well. Finding a little rhythm in the chaos, I guess. What about you guys? 🙂

Nancy Booth said:Who isn't terrified of dying? Honestly, same here... *spit, spit, spit*—there, three times to ward off the bad vibes. 😉

Losing people you love hits hard—there’s no way around it—especially when it happens all at once like a damn landslide. But honestly? Life keeps moving for those of us left behind. Refusing to live it doesn't do anyone any favors, not even the ones we've lost. Looking for the meaning of life in other people instead of finding it within yourself—that’s easily one of the biggest mistakes you can make. It's a fast track to a whole lot of heartache and feeling pretty damn unsatisfied with everything. It just goes to show how far we’ve drifted from God, from actual love, and from our own true nature—all because we're too busy playing these scripted roles in this big, messy life movie. 😉

So, what’s the whole point of living? For me—if I’m being honest—it’s not some grand, cinematic epiphany or finding the Holy Grail. It’s more about those small, quiet moments that don't really mean anything to anyone else. A perfect cup of coffee on a Tuesday morning, a decent playlist, or just finally getting a project finished without losing my mind. It’s less about "making a mark" on the world and more about just... existing well. Finding a little rhythm in the chaos, I guess. What about you guys? 🙂

So, you really think a little ritualistic spitting is going to scare death away? 😁

It’s the unknown that gets us, really... since death stubbornly refuses to reveal itself, wrapping everything in this shroud of mystery and making it the ultimate taboo, it remains this hauntingly enigmatic part of our existence... and we all know how people generally struggle when they're faced with things they can't fully grasp or control... 😍

But then you look at people suffering from terminal illnesses who are practically begging for the end just to escape the agony, or those folks who were brought back after clinical death against their will... it makes you wonder if they've glimpsed something the rest of us haven't... 😉

Nancy Booth said:Who isn't terrified of dying? Honestly, same here... *spit, spit, spit*—there, three times to ward off the bad vibes. 😉

Losing people you love hits hard—there’s no way around it—especially when it happens all at once like a damn landslide. But honestly? Life keeps moving for those of us left behind. Refusing to live it doesn't do anyone any favors, not even the ones we've lost. Looking for the meaning of life in other people instead of finding it within yourself—that’s easily one of the biggest mistakes you can make. It's a fast track to a whole lot of heartache and feeling pretty damn unsatisfied with everything. It just goes to show how far we’ve drifted from God, from actual love, and from our own true nature—all because we're too busy playing these scripted roles in this big, messy life movie. 😉

So, what’s the whole point of living? For me—if I’m being honest—it’s not some grand, cinematic epiphany or finding the Holy Grail. It’s more about those small, quiet moments that don't really mean anything to anyone else. A perfect cup of coffee on a Tuesday morning, a decent playlist, or just finally getting a project finished without losing my mind. It’s less about "making a mark" on the world and more about just... existing well. Finding a little rhythm in the chaos, I guess. What about you guys? 🙂

Man, a question like that immediately brings to mind those canned answers you hear from beauty pageant contestants during the Q&A segment... 😁 Like, "world peace," obviously! 🤣

What can I even say? Ever since the dawn of time, humanity has been obsessing over the purpose of being here, and even now, we still haven't stumbled upon one single, perfect answer that satisfies everyone...
People find—or fail to find—all sorts of different meanings in this life... and frankly, my own perspective probably won't do much to help you find yours if you haven't found it yet, and if you already have, why even ask me!

rustymaker5 said:So, you really think a little ritualistic spitting is going to scare death away? 😁

It’s the unknown that gets us, really... since death stubbornly refuses to reveal itself, wrapping everything in this shroud of mystery and making it the ultimate taboo, it remains this hauntingly enigmatic part of our existence... and we all know how people generally struggle when they're faced with things they can't fully grasp or control... 😍

But then you look at people suffering from terminal illnesses who are practically begging for the end just to escape the agony, or those folks who were brought back after clinical death against their will... it makes you wonder if they've glimpsed something the rest of us haven't... 😉

Man, a question like that immediately brings to mind those canned answers you hear from beauty pageant contestants during the Q&A segment... 😁 Like, "world peace," obviously! 🤣

What can I even say? Ever since the dawn of time, humanity has been obsessing over the purpose of being here, and even now, we still haven't stumbled upon one single, perfect answer that satisfies everyone...
People find—or fail to find—all sorts of different meanings in this life... and frankly, my own perspective probably won't do much to help you find yours if you haven't found it yet, and if you already have, why even ask me!

Actually...
Just kidding... 😁

People are terrified of the unknown—and since death basically stays hidden behind a curtain of mystery, it becomes this ultimate taboo topic. It’s just this lingering, shadowy part of being alive. And let's be honest, most people aren't great at handling secrets...

But then you look at people dealing with terminal illnesses, who are practically calling out for death just to end the agony. Or those who barely clawed their way back after clinical death. Do they know something the rest of us don't?

Well, looking at it from the perspective of someone suffering, death could be seen as an end to pain. You could even argue that God was merciful to give humans a way to eventually escape all suffering...😁
But since I'm still relatively healthy, I can't really see it that way. To me, that viewpoint is totally foreign—and like you said, it sounds pretty terrifying...
It reminds me of the faithful Job, who, in his deepest misery, cried out: "Oh, that You would hide me in the grave and give me a deadline before You remember me..."
Pretty comforting words for someone facing a terminal diagnosis, waiting for death to feel like a final release...

As for clinical death, I'm not buying it. Why would only some people have these "afterlife" experiences while others just wake up from nothing? Plenty of people come back without seeing anything at all... 🤷

Man, this question feels like something a beauty pageant contestant asks when they're put on the spot. 😁 Like, "World peace, obviously!" 🤣

What can I say? Ever since the beginning of time, humanity has been obsessing over the meaning of life. And we still haven't landed on one single, perfect answer.
People find meaning in all sorts of places—or they don't find any at all. My take probably won't help you find yours if you haven't found it yet, and if you already knew it, why ask me?

Maybe I just think I've got it figured out, but hey, if you can tell me something better than what I know, I'd be a fool not to listen...
Still, I think I know—or rather, I've read what the Bible says the meaning of life is, and I'm perfectly fine with that...
Ecclesiastes 12:13. The conclusion of everything you've heard is this: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.
Though, I realize that verse might be a bit heavy for you to wrap your head around... 🙂

PS: I also worry that your "meaning of life" isn't lighting up a good cigarette, which explains why you won't tell me...😉 😉
(I was just messing around at the end there—hope you didn't take it personally) 😉

Nancy Booth said:Actually...
Just kidding... 😁

People are terrified of the unknown—and since death basically stays hidden behind a curtain of mystery, it becomes this ultimate taboo topic. It’s just this lingering, shadowy part of being alive. And let's be honest, most people aren't great at handling secrets...

But then you look at people dealing with terminal illnesses, who are practically calling out for death just to end the agony. Or those who barely clawed their way back after clinical death. Do they know something the rest of us don't?

Well, looking at it from the perspective of someone suffering, death could be seen as an end to pain. You could even argue that God was merciful to give humans a way to eventually escape all suffering...😁
But since I'm still relatively healthy, I can't really see it that way. To me, that viewpoint is totally foreign—and like you said, it sounds pretty terrifying...
It reminds me of the faithful Job, who, in his deepest misery, cried out: "Oh, that You would hide me in the grave and give me a deadline before You remember me..."
Pretty comforting words for someone facing a terminal diagnosis, waiting for death to feel like a final release...

As for clinical death, I'm not buying it. Why would only some people have these "afterlife" experiences while others just wake up from nothing? Plenty of people come back without seeing anything at all... 🤷

Man, this question feels like something a beauty pageant contestant asks when they're put on the spot. 😁 Like, "World peace, obviously!" 🤣

What can I say? Ever since the beginning of time, humanity has been obsessing over the meaning of life. And we still haven't landed on one single, perfect answer.
People find meaning in all sorts of places—or they don't find any at all. My take probably won't help you find yours if you haven't found it yet, and if you already knew it, why ask me?

Maybe I just think I've got it figured out, but hey, if you can tell me something better than what I know, I'd be a fool not to listen...
Still, I think I know—or rather, I've read what the Bible says the meaning of life is, and I'm perfectly fine with that...
Ecclesiastes 12:13. The conclusion of everything you've heard is this: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.
Though, I realize that verse might be a bit heavy for you to wrap your head around... 🙂

PS: I also worry that your "meaning of life" isn't lighting up a good cigarette, which explains why you won't tell me...😉 😉
(I was just messing around at the end there—hope you didn't take it personally) 😉

Honestly, back in the day, lighting up a good cigarette felt a lot more meaningful than having to fear God! 🙂 😁

And why would I be offended? If you really felt like doing it, then you'd just do it... 😉

rustymaker5 said:Honestly, back in the day, lighting up a good cigarette felt a lot more meaningful than having to fear God! 🙂 😁

And why would I be offended? If you really felt like doing it, then you'd just do it... 😉

Just shut it already...

Micah 4:5. "For though all nations walk in the name of their own gods, we will walk in the name of Jehovah, our God, forever and ever." 😉

Nothing can fix that kind of damage, not even the passage of time. Even after years go by—after you finally accept that the chapter is closed and try to move on—the scars remain. You can't just scrub them away. That’s just the way life works.

wearyfox14 said:Nothing can fix that kind of damage, not even the passage of time. Even after years go by—after you finally accept that the chapter is closed and try to move on—the scars remain. You can't just scrub them away. That’s just the way life works.

A bit fatalistic...

There's a difference between living with consequences and just burying yourself in self-pity and sadness—the kind where the ego refuses to let go, or maybe just doesn't want to. There's a massive gap between those two things. Some people will take one path and actually move forward, while others... well, they just stay stuck right where they are. It comes down to choice, I think.

The even bigger struggle after losing someone you love is this paralyzing fear of losing everyone else left. Once you've lost one vital person, you find yourself living under constant stress, just waiting for the next shoe to drop with the rest of your family. What’s the point of life if you spend every moment gripped by anxiety over those you care about? For people like this, happiness isn't some abstract concept—it's entirely tied to their loved ones. When that foundation is suddenly ripped away, finding a reason to keep moving forward becomes an uphill battle.