How to deal with social burnout?

My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

It’s the same old story every single time. I have some terrible experience, immediately blame myself, and then spend hours spiraling, convinced that everyone just hates me. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that I've always been an outsider, but I honestly don't know how to finally just accept that about myself. Instead, I keep chasing this idea of being popular, which usually backfires. It starts with people being friendly, but before I know it, they stop showing me even the most basic level of respect.

I wonder if it's because I don't respect myself? Is that what they see? Or am I just constantly asking for things from people that they were never going to give me in the first place?

It’s actually kind of embarrassing how naive I was, thinking certain people actually wanted to step up and help me out... Nowadays, it feels like you have to pay a premium just to get someone to sit down and explain something to you without treating you like dirt.

It seems to me that you and your boyfriend have entered into a state of total symbiosis—almost like conjoined twins—and on top of that, are you perhaps exerting an excessive amount of effort when it comes to trying to forge connections with people in general?

I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

Popularity is essentially the byproduct of sociability—but I’m talking about that effortless, organic kind of charm. It’s funny, though, because you often see those introverted, almost antisocial types who end up having a massive following simply because they possess a sense of genuine authenticity that people find magnetic.

When someone adopts that desperate, "please love me" persona, it tends to act as a total repellent to others.

If your primary objective is to be popular, it feels much like aiming specifically for fame; it’s such an obvious, clumsy motivation that it inevitably makes your behavior seem forced and unnatural, and people can sense that lack of sincerity from a mile away.

What is it, precisely, that you are trying to achieve by chasing that?

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

The title of this thread is what causes the confusion.

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Why bother doing that when you have already stated that you dislike people and find them irritating?
Why put yourself through that misery?

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Everyone is important to someone; you are undoubtedly important to your boyfriend.

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

There are still people today who wish to help selflessly, but to encounter them, you first need to actually like people.

Gary Harris7 said:I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

Gary Harris7 said:I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

Gary Harris7 said:I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

You would be best served by relaxing, finding a "normal" job, and realizing that life is not a fairy tale.

Gary Harris7 said:I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

Does this sound like it was written by an eighth grader or some insecure high schooler? Honestly—would you even want to be Christina Aguilera? 🤣
Do you even realize that all those people with a million friends on Meta probably only have, what, five actual good friends? Everyone else is just a fan, someone who’s too intimidated to speak up, or some weird combination of "I scratch your back, you scratch mine"—basically just old neighbors, school acquaintances, or coworkers who fall for whoever puts out the best advertisement on their profile. And honestly—do you have any idea how many stupid things these people do? And I mean *stupid*—just because they aren't actually enjoying themselves? It’s all just a performance so the social media crowd can spam likes, all so they can fit in or desperately try to validate this fake image they've built for themselves.

Gary Harris7 said:I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

Haven't you realized yet that everyone who actually achieves something massive—and maybe more importantly, gets paid a fortune for it—is doing what they actually love? Some people want to sing, some want to run experiments, some want to act, some want to chase a ball around, and yeah, some just want to lie to people... but very few of them were just wandering through life like some lost extra in a movie, desperately begging for validation. No, they all had a specific goal—one where building connections and gaining public recognition were key drivers to their success.
What do you guys think—do these pop stars actually grind through those grueling tours and deal with the endless travel just because they crave the adoration? Think about it for a second—would they even bother if every single one of their shows was strictly for charity?
Look, honey, you clearly have no clue how the world actually works!
At the end of the day, the best thing you can ask for in life is just to do what you love... everything else that happens is just a side effect...

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

It’s not surprising at all. I’ve noticed the same thing—I struggle to get along with almost anyone, except maybe folks from the South or certain parts of the Midwest. Looking back on it properly, I realize I’ve never really clicked with most people anyway... Northerners just don't have those traits... and anyone who claims everyone is the same clearly hasn't lived or doesn't know what they're talking about...

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Hmm, but why on earth do you need "pleasant communication" or whatever you call it just to feel valued?
Communication should be about sharing a laugh, killing time, or exchanging a wise or interesting thought. If a person doesn't lift your mood or talk about things that actually interest you, then what is the point of communicating with them in the first place?? What's the goal??
To have them suffocate you, ruin your mood, or make your morning, evening, or entire day miserable?
You should be able to feel valued all on your own...

Someone made a great point earlier—the issue might be that I’m trying way too hard. I overextend myself trying to spark a conversation, which feels pretty absurd in today's world where being open and hunting for a new crew is treated like a chore.

- Exactly. Stop forcing it. You're pushing against things you can't control, and frankly, it's a losing game. People are who they are. Nowadays, especially given the state of things, money dictates everything—personal satisfaction, mood, all of it. Most people just want to be left alone, which I get.

But heaven forbid I actually step out and try to talk to someone new; it turns into an absolute train wreck every single time.

- Question: What kind of communication are we talking about here? Like, what do you actually talk about?

So what's the move? Avoid new people entirely so I don't have to deal with obnoxious, disgusting personalities? It's clear I'll never be some big VIP, but I didn't realize it would be this difficult to just have a decent, pleasant interaction that makes a person feel even slightly valued.

- Trying to connect with others just to feel validated is a bad strategy. Everyone is different. One person might tell you you're amazing, while another tells you you're an idiot. Usually, people fixate on the negative, and then the whole circus starts with everyone making excuses and spinning nonsense.

Gary Harris7 said:It’s the same old story every single time. I have some terrible experience, immediately blame myself, and then spend hours spiraling, convinced that everyone just hates me. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that I've always been an outsider, but I honestly don't know how to finally just accept that about myself. Instead, I keep chasing this idea of being popular, which usually backfires. It starts with people being friendly, but before I know it, they stop showing me even the most basic level of respect.

I wonder if it's because I don't respect myself? Is that what they see? Or am I just constantly asking for things from people that they were never going to give me in the first place?

It’s actually kind of embarrassing how naive I was, thinking certain people actually wanted to step up and help me out... Nowadays, it feels like you have to pay a premium just to get someone to sit down and explain something to you without treating you like dirt.

Look, no matter who you are, some people are going to love you and others are going to think you're a total nuisance. That’s just life—it's completely normal. You should just be yourself, the version of yourself you actually want to be. You don't need to win over every single person on the planet, and you definitely don't need to fit their mold. Once you start respecting your own boundaries, other people tend to follow suit.

And don't beat yourself up for thinking people might help you for free. I’m one of those people, and I’ve met plenty of others like me. So, we exist! 🙂 Even so, there are definitely sharks out there who only care about what they can get from you and will charge you for every little thing.

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Honestly, you might actually be seeking it out if things feel a bit dull lately. If that's the case, maybe rethink the strategy—you could be spending that energy hanging out with actual decent, friendly folks instead. And more importantly, why are you taking the bait? It takes two to tango, right? Nobody can start a fight with you unless you decide to show up for it. They can yell, they can poke at you, they can be rude as hell, but they won't last long if you just stay calm and keep being pleasant.

Also, about this whole "not liking people" thing... if certain types don't vibe with you, go find the ones who do. Sure, you might meet five new people and hate all of them, or they might think you're a bit much, but that one person you actually click with? That one connection can change your entire life for the better.

Gary Harris7 said:My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!

Look, your mindset, your past baggage, and what you expect from others—that's the energy you're putting out there. Maybe that's the root of it. Personally, I approach everyone with total honesty and an open book attitude, and it’s led me to meet some truly incredible people. If someone doesn't mesh with me, I just move on. If someone takes advantage of my sincerity or breaks my trust, I'll take the hit, shake it off, and keep moving. 🙂 I don't let it eat at me. The more positive I stay, the easier it is to attract that same kind of energy back. Just relax, lower those expectations a notch, and stop trying to perform for anyone. Let things happen naturally. There are billions of people on this planet; you aren't meant to click with every single one of them. Just stay persistent and keep meeting people. Learn from the messy parts along the way, and you'll eventually get better at navigating these social waters.