How to survive postpartum without any family support?

But I honestly don't get how you can have a kid right now and they just... don't care about them? Like, if they're mad at you, that shouldn't fall on the baby. It feels really strange to me that the child isn't a priority, but since I don't know your family personally, I guess I can't fully wrap my head around the whole situation.

Timothy Cruz6;41434460 said:I think the thread title might be a bit off. To me, this isn't really about being a parent or having kids, it’s just a standard fallout within a larger family unit.

But honestly, that’s kind of the crux of it—everything with my family changed because of this. I mean, our relationships were fine, or at least civil enough, until that one day happened. And instead of things just settling back into a normal rhythm afterward, everything spiraled into what I described. It's not like I'm drowning; my husband is great and he's got my back, and my little guy is healthy and happy, but man, it just hurts. I'm not made of stone. I look at my son and I can't help but spiral thinking about the future. Like, how am I supposed to deal with the idea that in eighteen years, I might not even get to see him, or maybe even my own grandkids? How does someone even process that?

Angela Wright said:Look, just be grateful to God that you’re healthy, your kid is doing well, and you’ve actually got your life together with enough money to live comfortably. Honestly, having that kind of stability is a massive blessing these days. You’ll find plenty of people who aren't as lucky acting bitter or jealous because of it, but let's be real—those people are the ones losing out in the end. My great-grandmother used to wrap up every single prayer with the same thing: "God, just give us health, and above all, give us good sense." That’s the mindset you should keep when you think about your extended family.

feralnomad8 said:Basically, the whole thing kicked off because of my family. Things were fine—polite enough, I guess—until that one day. Instead of things just settling back into a normal routine after that, everything spiraled exactly how I described.

hollowdrifter5 said:Or maybe your expectations of what family should look like have just shifted. You’ve got a healthy kid, a husband who actually stands by you, and all the ingredients for a good life. Honestly, if you stop overthinking it and just focus on that, you'll be fine.

Kyle Lee7 said:Wow, you really are something else. You’ve got a kid, a husband, and enough money to be comfortable, and now you're out here wishing your parents actually loved you?! ☕

I totally get where you're coming from, but are you absolutely certain this dynamic only started after you had your baby? Because later on, you mentioned that your parents favor your sisters and his favor his brothers—that kind of thing doesn't just happen overnight. It sounds like you probably hoped having a child would finally shift the balance, but clearly, it didn't. If neither your side nor his side are particularly dramatic people, then unfortunately, you might just have to accept things as they are. That said, it's definitely not a situation where you're going to suddenly lose your mind and end up in a psychiatric ward just because they aren't calling you. You have every right to feel sad and disappointed, but if you genuinely feel like you're losing your grip because of it, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional.

To give you some perspective, I've dealt with being the family outcast since I was a little girl. My dad's side of the family always favored his sister and her daughter; they basically neglected him, treated my mom like an outsider, and once I was born six months after their "golden child," they went out of their way to push me out of the family circle. My grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousin ignored me my entire life, using subtle insults and put-downs. My grandma even used to joke about how she "only had one granddaughter" (out of two, LOL). They’d cook special meals for her and bring back treats from Venice, while I was just "the other one." That favorite granddaughter inherited everything, while I got absolutely nothing because my grandma made sure to sign over her entire estate to her daughter while she was still alive, just so my father wouldn't get a cent. It got even worse when the "princess" failed every grade and eventually dropped out of high school, while I went on to graduate college and start my career.
As for my mom's side, there were a thousand of them, and they actually hated my dad. Since my mom married "above" their social standing, they always looked at us with suspicion. To them, I was just the weirdo who actually studied and got good grades instead of following the family tradition of enrolling in a trade school and getting married at eighteen to start having kids. Her mother acted like such a prima donna; she’d come stay with us for three months, lounging on the couch perfectly healthy, while my mom—who lives with MS and barely moves—had to play maid all day. And whenever my mom was bedridden and couldn't even sit up, they’d show up unannounced, never bothering to ask if she was feeling well or if ten people plus small children dropping in was actually okay.
So, yeah. That’s family for you. You don't get to pick them.

Rebecca Roberts35 said:As I said before, what changed after delivery wasn't your parents or your husband's parents—it was your own expectations.
It’s just not realistic to claim everything was perfect before, and now suddenly it’s all terrible.

Reading through your posts, there seems to be a certain amount of frustration tied to your sense of inadequacy, and maybe some postpartum hormones playing a part.

Regarding your parents, you probably need to work on making sure their behavior doesn't push you toward a psychiatric breakdown.
Now that you're a mother, it’s high time you stop being a child caught up in jealousy over a favored sister; you need to mature and accept things you can't change anyway.

Though, one wonders how much your parents actually favor your sister versus how much this is just a reflection of your own complexes.
Honestly, the examples you gave as proof of favoritism aren't particularly convincing to me.

It is normal for a family to focus most of their conversation on the newest addition.
And the big news right now is your sister's pregnancy.
That happens in every American family; the newest arrival is going to be the center of attention for a while. That’s just standard.
But it isn't exactly normal to think what you wrote in your opening post—that your sister might have gotten pregnant on purpose just to push you into the background.

Similarly, your mother's reaction to you being harsh toward your sister seems completely appropriate.
Just because your mother spoke against her to you (where is the actual favoritism in that?) doesn't give you the right to discipline your sister in a way that only parents are allowed to.

As for you and your husband helping with the baby during the holidays, well, I guess that's just normal.
Your child is primarily your responsibility (I suppose), and if the grandparents want to step in, that's just their good will.
There shouldn't be any resentment there.

Regarding your husband's parents, it makes total sense that they've cooled off temporarily after your husband yelled at them.
I mean, why resort to insults in the first place?

feralnomad8 said:This story feels about 90 percent like my own. When I sat down to write my very first post, I was clearly going through some kind of minor mental breakdown—it was a lot. Things are much better now, though. I’m just trying to stop overthinking everything and actually lean into the little things that bring me peace when I can.
I was never really the golden child growing up, you know? I just sort of flew under the radar. But now, it feels like things have shifted in a weird way. It’s like I’ve become some kind of threat to the people in my family who act like they're untouchable—my sisters and his brothers, specifically. They carry themselves with this fake sense of superiority, and honestly, it’s exhausting to watch. It feels like there’s this constant, subtle push to just... erase us. My husband and I aren't trying to flex or anything; we've managed to get our careers on track, raise our kid, and get settled into a home. We did it. It wasn't easy, and I’m not bragging about it—honestly, if everything fell apart tomorrow, we could live in a tent for all I care. But it seems like that success triggers this deep-seated envy in them. It’s hard to deal with that much resentment when you're just trying to live your life.
I honestly wasn't asking for much. I just wanted things to stay pretty much the same after the baby arrived—you know, just checking in every few days, a quick "how are you doing?" or "how’s the little one settling in?" Nothing over the top, nothing crazy. I didn't even need people dropping by or making a whole production out of visiting. But this total silence? This complete lack of contact? It actually kind of shook me. Just... nothing. Zero. And it’s been going on like this for a while now. In the beginning, I was the one reaching out. I was actually in such a good mood right after giving birth, feeling all that newborn glow, but looking back now, I finally see it. They weren't just busy; they were ignoring me in so many different ways. It’s like they weren't even curious about what the baby looks like.

feralnomad8 said:Just some thoughts on this... if they hadn't changed, then I guess I have. But there’s such a thing as consideration, you know? Just basic decency and etiquette. That's really what I find myself rambling about all the time.
I mean, looking back, I spent so much time being the one reaching out, you know? Just constantly calling them, checking in... it felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting. But it’s only just hitting me now that it was pretty much one-sided. Not once did anyone actually reach out to ask how I was holding up, or even just check in to see how I was managing everything with the baby. It’s a strange realization to have.
Honestly, nothing in my family is ever quite normal. It’s like my mother is this master manipulator who can bend everyone around her to her will with just a single word—it's wild how she keeps them all spinning. But me? I’m out of her reach. I’ve got my own identity, my own way of looking at things, and I don't let her pull my strings. Everyone else in the house seems to have lost all sense of reality lately. They’re completely obsessed with the material stuff—just constant spending and wasting money like it grows on trees. Meanwhile, I’m over here actually trying to save and build something. It’s like we’re living in two different worlds.
So, my sister... I mean, credit where credit is due, she really thought she was playing the game right. She set her sights on marrying into one of those big, old-money families—you know the type, like the Vanderbilts or something. She just wanted that lifestyle, that security. But then she got pregnant, and well, things went south fast. That wealthy guy? He just walked away. Left her high and dry. It’s funny how life works sometimes, isn't it? You chase the gold standard, thinking you've found the jackpot, but then the whole thing just falls apart like a house of cards. One minute you're at a gala in Manhattan, and the next, you're realizing the foundation was built on nothing but sand.
It’s just... there's this underlying frustration, I guess. It feels like when I was starting from zero—when I didn't have anything to my name and nobody really knew who I was—every little win felt like such a huge deal. Back then, milestones were celebrated. But now that things have actually fallen into place? Now that I've actually achieved those goals? Suddenly, it's like it doesn't even count. It’s treated like it’s nothing special. Like, buying a house outright without a massive mortgage isn't even worth mentioning anymore. People act like it's trivial or just... silly. It’s strange how the goalposts move once you actually reach them.
The truth is, my parents are trying so hard with my sisters—like, they’re giving it everything they've got—but it’s just not clicking. It’s like watching someone try to fix a vintage Mustang engine with nothing but a screwdriver and a prayer; the effort is there, but the results? Not really. And then there’s me. I feel like I actually get it, you know? Like it comes naturally, or at least I'm not constantly hitting a wall. But honestly, saying I'm "good" at it feels like a total lie. It's more like... a complete negation of the word.
It’s the exact same story with my husband. It feels like his two brothers have already decided his fate. They’ve basically written him off—like he’s destined to fail, so they figure they should just liquidate everything they own to build up their own houses. They act like my house isn't even a factor in the equation. And honestly, where does it end? To make matters worse, they actually get angry at him when he tries to teach them a lesson or point out the reality of things. It’s just... it's a lot. Like, his own father never even got to meet his grandson because of all this tension. And then there's the favorite son, who lives twenty miles away from them and hasn't had kids in like ten years, yet they still treat him like the golden child. I just don't get how they can't see what's happening right in front of them.

feralnomad8 said:Just some thoughts on this... if they hadn't changed, then I guess I have. But there’s such a thing as consideration, you know? Just basic decency and etiquette. That's really what I find myself rambling about all the time.
I mean, looking back, I spent so much time being the one reaching out, you know? Just constantly calling them, checking in... it felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting. But it’s only just hitting me now that it was pretty much one-sided. Not once did anyone actually reach out to ask how I was holding up, or even just check in to see how I was managing everything with the baby. It’s a strange realization to have.
Honestly, nothing in my family is ever quite normal. It’s like my mother is this master manipulator who can bend everyone around her to her will with just a single word—it's wild how she keeps them all spinning. But me? I’m out of her reach. I’ve got my own identity, my own way of looking at things, and I don't let her pull my strings. Everyone else in the house seems to have lost all sense of reality lately. They’re completely obsessed with the material stuff—just constant spending and wasting money like it grows on trees. Meanwhile, I’m over here actually trying to save and build something. It’s like we’re living in two different worlds.
So, my sister... I mean, credit where credit is due, she really thought she was playing the game right. She set her sights on marrying into one of those big, old-money families—you know the type, like the Vanderbilts or something. She just wanted that lifestyle, that security. But then she got pregnant, and well, things went south fast. That wealthy guy? He just walked away. Left her high and dry. It’s funny how life works sometimes, isn't it? You chase the gold standard, thinking you've found the jackpot, but then the whole thing just falls apart like a house of cards. One minute you're at a gala in Manhattan, and the next, you're realizing the foundation was built on nothing but sand.
It’s just... there's this underlying frustration, I guess. It feels like when I was starting from zero—when I didn't have anything to my name and nobody really knew who I was—every little win felt like such a huge deal. Back then, milestones were celebrated. But now that things have actually fallen into place? Now that I've actually achieved those goals? Suddenly, it's like it doesn't even count. It’s treated like it’s nothing special. Like, buying a house outright without a massive mortgage isn't even worth mentioning anymore. People act like it's trivial or just... silly. It’s strange how the goalposts move once you actually reach them.
The truth is, my parents are trying so hard with my sisters—like, they’re giving it everything they've got—but it’s just not clicking. It’s like watching someone try to fix a vintage Mustang engine with nothing but a screwdriver and a prayer; the effort is there, but the results? Not really. And then there’s me. I feel like I actually get it, you know? Like it comes naturally, or at least I'm not constantly hitting a wall. But honestly, saying I'm "good" at it feels like a total lie. It's more like... a complete negation of the word.
It’s the exact same story with my husband. It feels like his two brothers have already decided his fate. They’ve basically written him off—like he’s destined to fail, so they figure they should just liquidate everything they own to build up their own houses. They act like my house isn't even a factor in the equation. And honestly, where does it end? To make matters worse, they actually get angry at him when he tries to teach them a lesson or point out the reality of things. It’s just... it's a lot. Like, his own father never even got to meet his grandson because of all this tension. And then there's the favorite son, who lives twenty miles away from them and hasn't had kids in like ten years, yet they still treat him like the golden child. I just don't get how they can't see what's happening right in front of them.

Nothing in my family is ever normal. My mother is a master manipulator; she can bend anyone around her to her will with just a word, but I’m out of her reach. I still have my own identity and my own way of looking at the world. They’ve all lost any sense of reality, I guess. It’s nothing but material things, spending, and pure wastefulness for them. Meanwhile, I save. It’s just not their way.
My sister, bless her heart, thought she could just marry into money. She wanted that high-society life, so she got pregnant. Now, that wealthy guy has already walked away from her. I guess that’s how it goes.

There is a certain frustration here. When I had nothing and was nobody, achievements like mine were actually held in high regard. But now that I’ve actually pulled it off—just because things fell into place for me—suddenly it’s not worth mentioning. Now, buying a house outright without a mortgage? Apparently, that's just trivial. Unimportant. Stupid.
The truth is, my parents are desperately trying to hold things together for my sisters, but they’re clearly failing. And me? I guess I’m doing alright, though that feels like a complete lie. It's all just a negation, really.

My husband tells me it’s the same old story. Two brothers are basically set for life, while this one is just left to rot. They’d sell everything they own just to build him up, acting like my house isn't even part of the equation. I don't see where this ends. And to top it off, they have the nerve to get angry when he actually tries to teach them a lesson. My dad never even met his grandson. Meanwhile, their little favorite lives twenty miles away and hasn't had kids in ten years. I guess it's hard for them to see any further than that.

Rebecca Roberts35 said:Do you really experience people so superficially in your life that you actually need them to reach out just for the sake of etiquette or some sterile sense of social decorum? I guess it’s possible. Maybe.
If you had written that you wanted them to reach out because you miss them, or because you actually want them back in your life... I might have understood that. But claiming basic etiquette or politeness is your primary motivation? I guess that's just unlikely.
It seems like it’s less about your ego being bruised by their lack of respect or recognition, and more that you actually just miss them. I guess you genuinely miss their presence. Maybe.

Nothing in my family is ever normal. My mother is a master manipulator; she can bend anyone around her to her will with just a word, but I’m out of her reach. I still have my own identity and my own way of looking at the world. They’ve all lost any sense of reality, I guess. It’s nothing but material things, spending, and pure wastefulness for them. Meanwhile, I save. It’s just not their way.
My sister, bless her heart, thought she could just marry into money. She wanted that high-society life, so she got pregnant. Now, that wealthy guy has already walked away from her. I guess that’s how it goes.

Why even bother wanting people close to you if you don't actually value them? I guess it's just a pointless cycle.
You have a pretty ugly way of looking at your mother and sister.
Maybe you haven't considered that they've frozen you out because they actually sense it. They know. You even told your mother straight to her face what you thought about your sister. I guess they just figured it out.

You judge them quite harshly. I guess people don't exactly go out of their way to socialize with folks who basically despise them and view them as mentally unstable.

There is a certain frustration here. When I had nothing and was nobody, achievements like mine were actually held in high regard. But now that I’ve actually pulled it off—just because things fell into place for me—suddenly it’s not worth mentioning. Now, buying a house outright without a mortgage? Apparently, that's just trivial. Unimportant. Stupid.
The truth is, my parents are desperately trying to hold things together for my sisters, but they’re clearly failing. And me? I guess I’m doing alright, though that feels like a complete lie. It's all just a negation, really.

What kind of advice do you actually expect to lead to success? I guess it's mostly just noise.
Sure, it would have been nice if they’d given you credit. But being this frustrated as an adult just because your parents didn't offer some praise? It isn't exactly mature. I guess.
It seems like you're still stuck in this headspace where you aren't actually living for yourself. I guess you're mostly just performing, trying to impress your parents. Maybe that's just how it is.

I guess it’s perfectly fine if parents end up focusing more on the child who's currently causing the most trouble. It happens. Maybe it's just how things work.
Even if you manage to get a second chance, I guess you still won't truly understand.
You’re all set for them, both physically and mentally. I guess, in their minds, you don't even need that much intense support.

My husband tells me it’s the same old story. Two brothers are basically set for life, while this one is just left to rot. They’d sell everything they own just to build him up, acting like my house isn't even part of the equation. I don't see where this ends. And to top it off, they have the nerve to get angry when he actually tries to teach them a lesson. My dad never even met his grandson. Meanwhile, their little favorite lives twenty miles away and hasn't had kids in ten years. I guess it's hard for them to see any further than that.

I don't follow that last sentence.
Besides, you mentioned that you and your husband already had your child, so I'm not sure why you feel the need to mention what his parents should have provided later on.

Look, I get it—it’s not ideal when elderly parents show favoritism from one day to the next. But if that’s actually the case, it might be time for both of you to just let it go, unless you plan on staying perpetually bitter teenagers.
Regardless of what our own parents were like, once we have children of our own, we have a responsibility to move past our childhood grievances and accept the things we simply cannot change.
Let go of that resentment, and try not to fuel your husband's bitterness either.
Even if it feels unfair that your husband isn't receiving the same material inheritance as his brothers, you have to realize that beyond their basic obligations, parents have every right to manage their assets however they see fit without anyone lecturing them.