Angela Morgan4 said:There was no abuse, though our environment was certainly working against us.
If we were merely friends—of a casual sort—I could find a way to keep him in my life, perhaps just as someone on the periphery. But under these circumstances, I have nothing.
By "on the edge," I mean suicidal thoughts and planning, though I have never actually attempted to carry them out.
It is possible that multiple issues are at play here, and the breakup simply exacerbated the depression. Regardless, the weight of it is most palpable whenever I think of him.
I attended sessions every two weeks (it wasn't private practice); the psychologist utilized cognitive behavioral therapy, and it provided me with absolutely no relief.
So, I’m guessing that means nobody is technically "to blame" for the breakup—which, honestly, usually makes things even harder to process. Correct me if I’ve got that wrong.
If we were friends (even casual ones), I would have found some way to keep him in my life—you know, just keeping him on the periphery. But this way, there's nothing left.
I get that. Still, I can't help but wonder what kind of friendship that would have actually looked like. It’s incredibly tough to maintain a healthy connection after a split, especially when one person isn't entirely clear about how they're feeling.
To me, it seems like people play various different roles in our lives, and it's often difficult to ask one single person to fill multiple roles—especially when those roles are opposites. Of course, you don't have to see it that way.
On the edge—suicidal thoughts, planning, though I haven't actually tried to act on them yet.
I assume you've discussed this with your therapist. That sounds pretty serious to me. Are you experiencing those thoughts right now?
It might be a combination of several things, and the breakup just added to the depression. I definitely feel it most whenever I think about him.
That’s a very common and understandable reaction. Remembering a loss is rarely pleasant, particularly when you aren't in a great headspace to begin with.
I went every two weeks (not privately), the psychologist used cognitive behavioral therapy, and absolutely nothing helped me.
I'm sorry you had that experience. I wouldn't want to speak without knowing the specifics, but perhaps it was just the wrong approach or the wrong therapist for your needs.
Honestly, reading your post, it feels quite heavy—it sounds like the breakup might have been the catalyst for the depressive symptoms you're describing. I really do think you should keep seeking professional support; maybe even exploring medication (of course, I'll leave that call to the psychiatrists, I'm just mentioning it as an option).
You mentioned feeling like a burden—do you have any support systems around you? Family, friends? How are they reacting to everything?
