Falling in love: a sign of weakness?

Kenneth Castillo96 said:To be honest, it’s obvious to me that I’m just hesitating. Besides, I don't think I even stand a chance with her, and frankly, none of this seems worth the effort anyway...

I suspect she’d just tell me I’ve completely deluded myself... and that she doesn't want to see, speak to, or hear from me ever again... I would feel utterly humiliated... and that is exactly what I am trying to avoid...

🤦

I suspect this conversation might be drifting away from the intended scope of this specific sub-forum. In fact, I am fairly certain this topic belongs elsewhere—perhaps moved to a section where people will actually be interested in reading it and sharing their own perspectives and experiences.

Let's be real: this section isn't a help desk for learning how to cheat on your wife! 😍 If your goal is just to brag about having a huge ego or a big ego, go talk to the FBI or some legal experts instead. 😍

Mark Nelson said:Alright, fine. Now I see it's actually true.
Honestly, I'd rather just ask how to fall in love with my wife all over again.

Look, love isn't some gym routine where you hit the weights and suddenly everything is back in shape. Love is something that just happens, stays for a while, and often—frequently—just vanishes. I don't get this whole idea of "bringing love back"... and honestly, what exactly are we trying to bring back? If it’s gone, it’s gone. Why torture yourself? You can try, sure, but... feelings are what they are. You can love the person you live with in plenty of different ways, but once you feel that spark for someone else, it means you just don't love your partner in that specific way that fulfills you anymore. Why is everyone so obsessed with forcing this "rekindling" thing anyway???
One day you're there, the next you're not... life is incredibly, totally fleeting, and I see zero point in making someone suffer by "trying to win back love." Love is either there or it isn't. There's no magic spell or fairy dust that's going to bring it back once it walks out the door and slams it shut.
Besides, what really ticks me off is how most people immediately label the person who stopped loving them as a "bad person." They almost never stop to ask what actually caused those feelings to die out in the first place. Love isn't a one-way street; it takes two individuals building it up or tearing it down together... damn it, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Look... love is just a feeling. Feelings are driven by chemistry, and chemistry is volatile. By its very nature, love eventually fades.

You don't label someone a "bad person" simply because they stopped feeling that spark. That isn't the issue. The problem is how that shift actually plays out in reality; people are judged as "bad" because of their behavior after the feelings die.

An incredibly small percentage of people, when the love dries up, actually sit their partner down and say, "Look, I don't feel this anymore. We need to go our separate ways." That would be the decent way to handle it.

But that’s rarely the scenario. Usually, it's much uglier. Driven by selfishness—mostly concerns over money, stability, or security—people stay tethered to a partner they no longer care for while simultaneously hunting for someone new. That's where the cheating starts. And since cheating is inherently "bad," that’s how the person earns their reputation as a "bad person." 🤷

There is also a subtle but vital distinction between "love" and "infatuation." To put it bluntly: how "right" is it to blow up a marriage, a family, or something built over years of solid effort, just because you caught a fleeting crush on someone else?

Zachary Smith91 said:Look, love isn't some gym routine where you hit the weights and suddenly everything is back in shape. Love is something that just happens, stays for a while, and often—frequently—just vanishes. I don't get this whole idea of "bringing love back"... and honestly, what exactly are we trying to bring back? If it’s gone, it’s gone. Why torture yourself? You can try, sure, but... feelings are what they are. You can love the person you live with in plenty of different ways, but once you feel that spark for someone else, it means you just don't love your partner in that specific way that fulfills you anymore. Why is everyone so obsessed with forcing this "rekindling" thing anyway???
One day you're there, the next you're not... life is incredibly, totally fleeting, and I see zero point in making someone suffer by "trying to win back love." Love is either there or it isn't. There's no magic spell or fairy dust that's going to bring it back once it walks out the door and slams it shut.
Besides, what really ticks me off is how most people immediately label the person who stopped loving them as a "bad person." They almost never stop to ask what actually caused those feelings to die out in the first place. Love isn't a one-way street; it takes two individuals building it up or tearing it down together... damn it, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I have no idea how smart it is for him to blow up the marriage that produced his kids.
I'm really not in a position to judge.
Dennis Bailey2, I basically wrote everything I would’ve quoted in response to your post, so you might as well just read that instead of us going in circles with quotes and signatures.
Bottom line: feelings don't define who we are as people, but they absolutely dictate what we end up doing.
By that logic, he’d show some actual integrity if he stopped chasing other women before he even figured out how he felt about his wife—especially while they were still legally bound.

Mark Nelson said:I have no idea how smart it is for him to blow up the marriage that produced his kids.
I'm really not in a position to judge.
Dennis Bailey2, I basically wrote everything I would’ve quoted in response to your post, so you might as well just read that instead of us going in circles with quotes and signatures.
Bottom line: feelings don't define who we are as people, but they absolutely dictate what we end up doing.
By that logic, he’d show some actual integrity if he stopped chasing other women before he even figured out how he felt about his wife—especially while they were still legally bound.

Hey, nobody is forcing anything; everyone’s entitled to their own take. Just because you have your opinion doesn't mean it's the gold standard for me or anyone else. Okay? Look, I’m all for a good debate, but I think most people forget that there are folks out there who are just more stable—people capable of making tough calls without spiraling. Some people are just built differently than others. Personally, I fall into that group that might be labeled "emotionally immature" for one reason or another, making it hard for me to stay steady when things get messy. That’s just the reality. As much as I might wish I were different, I'm not, and I'm probably never going to be. Lately, I've actually started accepting that this is my "handicap," my flaw, my thing... it's just who I am. And yeah, it would be absolutely wonderful if everyone possessed enough strength and resolve to be decisive, and then the world would truly be a beautiful place, but... well, it isn't. It never will be, for as long as humans are walking this earth... whether that's a blessing or a curse, depending on how you look at it.

Zachary Smith91 said:Hey, nobody is forcing anything; everyone’s entitled to their own take. Just because you have your opinion doesn't mean it's the gold standard for me or anyone else. Okay? Look, I’m all for a good debate, but I think most people forget that there are folks out there who are just more stable—people capable of making tough calls without spiraling. Some people are just built differently than others. Personally, I fall into that group that might be labeled "emotionally immature" for one reason or another, making it hard for me to stay steady when things get messy. That’s just the reality. As much as I might wish I were different, I'm not, and I'm probably never going to be. Lately, I've actually started accepting that this is my "handicap," my flaw, my thing... it's just who I am. And yeah, it would be absolutely wonderful if everyone possessed enough strength and resolve to be decisive, and then the world would truly be a beautiful place, but... well, it isn't. It never will be, for as long as humans are walking this earth... whether that's a blessing or a curse, depending on how you look at it.

I just wanted to chime in with something along the same lines as the person above, that's all.

Obviously, none of us are perfect, especially when it comes to the emotional side of things.

I mean, I think anyone can work on themselves throughout their life, regardless of whether they feel they've already hit their peak development or whatever.
It’s a solid step that you’ve recognized your rough edges and are learning to own them.
Maybe you won't change completely, but maybe you could do just enough so those traits aren't quite so loud and don't mess with your relationships as much. Then again, nobody knows your situation better than you do.

Kenneth Castillo96 said:How does one actually say it—hey, yeah, I’m head over heels for you—without completely blowing their chance and making things awkward?

Look, you just walk up to her—stand tall, like some rockstar center stage, look her dead in the eyes, grab her by the waist, and just own it. Say it with pride. If she doesn't fall for you after that, well... then nothing will.😂

Mark Nelson said:Whenever we fight for something worth having, there's always a risk involved.
Asking "what if" questions doesn't really change anything; it just keeps things stuck.
Women, generally speaking, are incredibly good at picking up on signals. You only have to scroll through this forum for a second to see that. 😁
It's the same way they know exactly how to send signals when they're interested in someone. Your job is just to watch, pay attention to how she acts, and not force anything.
Then you can decide for yourself whether it's worth making a move or if you should just walk away. 🙂

Since we’re already dancing around this topic, there’s this one woman—according to some of the local gossip—who used to be quite fond of me back in the day. She’s been in a long-term relationship with someone for ages now.

She flirts with everyone else, plays the field, all that nonsense... except with me. When she catches my eye, she acts awkward—almost uncomfortable—and tries to make a quick exit immediately. I’ve tried to strike up a conversation, but I’m met with nothing but absolute, freezing ice. I even asked her out for a drink once, but she insisted that things were better as they are. Now, when other guys call, she’s all smiles and no trouble. I don't buy a word of it... my gut tells me her heart skips a beat whenever I'm around. Plus, I catch her stealing glances at me when she thinks I'm not looking. Is that a genuine signal, or am I just overthinking the whole thing?...