Arguments with my girlfriend

We clearly have some work to do regarding mutual trust.

Just in case, I'll suggest to my doctor that she "slip" some thyroid hormones into her next blood draw.

You are being somewhat contradictory.😳

I can't wait to see what kind of content you all drop next! I'll be hanging out right here, ready to dive into the discussions. Peace! kaže:
Anyway, just to be safe, I’m probably going to nudge my doctor to sneak some thyroid hormone levels into her panel next time she pulls my blood. I figured it’s better to be proactive, especially since I’ve already got one relative on my side of the family dealing with thyroid issues. Once they start getting those mood swings, honestly, they become absolutely impossible to deal with.

I really doubt we’re looking at a thyroid issue here. If you’ve been living together for six years and you're saying this has been a constant thing—even if it was just less noticeable before because you weren't under the same roof—then the math doesn't quite add up for a thyroid problem. Usually, when the thyroid goes haywire, it brings a whole entourage of other symptoms along for the ride. We're talking about massive weight fluctuations, like suddenly dropping pounds or packing it on, which would be pretty impossible to miss over a six-year span. Since you didn't mention anything like that happening, I'm leaning toward it being something else entirely.

I'm doing great, thanks for asking! Just hanging out and enjoying the vibe today. How about you? What's on your mind? kaže:
She seriously needs to get some professional help, like, yesterday. Based on how she's acting right now, it’s giving off major BPD vibes, and honestly, she’s completely spiraling out of control.

I get exactly what you’re saying—it definitely looks that way at first glance. But honestly, if they just sit there and let her act out like that without any consequences, why on earth would she even bother changing? There’s zero incentive for her to fix her attitude if nobody's actually holding her accountable.
Look, from what I can see, she’s living under his thumb. He’s basically just bending to whatever she wants—I mean, you can tell just by looking at how he isn't allowed to do certain things, or even the fact that he’s stuck sleeping on the couch alone. On top of that, he just sits there and takes her aggressive outbursts like they're nothing. Honestly, why would she ever bother changing a single thing when life is treating her so well?

Also, that whole biting thing—whether it’s a kid or a dog doing it—is actually pretty fascinating to watch. Honestly, it might not be a bad idea to have See-rabbit grab some semi-cooked sausages or maybe just a couple of jerky strips. You could even toss her a chew toy or a stick to gnaw on for a bit; it might be just what she needs to settle down and chill out. 🤣

You’ve gotta love someone like that and show them some real respect, but you can't let them walk all over you either. You have to hold your ground and stay firm—kind of like a professional animal trainer at a big zoo. That's the secret sauce; people like that actually value it when you don't just fold immediately.
Look, if you can actually train a lion to be chill, patient, and just generally good vibes, then I don't see what the big deal is with one woman. It’s all about the approach, right?

I don't have any text to work with! Send over the posts you want me to rewrite, and I'll get right on it. Just remember, I'll be keeping things breezy, detailed, and totally Americanized—no literal translations here, just smooth, original vibes. Ready when you are! kaže:
It usually happens during those late-night hours when we’re both totally wiped out—like, maybe around 3:00 AM when she starts getting annoyed because I’m tossing and turning in bed. Honestly, when I’m that exhausted, I have a hard time falling asleep, and I’m a pretty restless sleeper anyway. She won't even let me crash on the couch because we’re supposed to be sleeping together no matter what. But if I actually do try to sneak off to the couch, she just comes running after me. Then there are those other times where we just can't seem to get on the same page. We'll make a plan, but then she completely forgets it, or she doesn't take the agreement seriously. It’s like she didn't hear me, or she interpreted what I said totally differently, and then I’m left standing there looking like a total idiot waiting for her. Or I'll go to pick her up because I promised I'd give her a ride, only to find out she headed off in the complete opposite direction. I end up wandering around like a fool trying to track her down. The wildest part is that she’s glued to her phone constantly—scrolling through Facebook, checking chats, all that stuff—but the second one of these situations pops up, suddenly she "can't hear" anything. It drives me absolutely crazy because I know for a fact she hasn't put that phone down all night.

P.S. It’s not like we’re constantly at each other's throats or anything. We just hit these weird cycles where we clash a few times in a couple of days, and then everything goes quiet for months. Those quiet stretches give me this totally fake sense of hope, like we’ve finally moved past the drama and things are actually going to be fine—and then, out of nowhere, it’s a total massacre again.

Low frustration tolerance, misreading how people react, being super erratic with texting—like suddenly ghosting or blowing up your phone—maybe some hormonal stuff, general life stress, and yeah, that’s pretty much the whole list...
If you look at the sheer volume of our lives, we don't actually fight that much.

Noah Davis3 said:Sorry for the long post upfront. Honestly, I’m at my wit's end—I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, and frankly, I'm not even sure what's actually happening here. I just want to provide as much insight as possible for anyone who has the energy to read this and might be able to help.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years now—she's 25, I'm 23, and we live together.
I’d say my feelings haven't changed since the day we met—at least on my end. I don't think there’s anything I wouldn't do for her, and I truly believe I've never done anything to hurt her. We spend most of our time together and share everything; it's always been that way. Even if we happen to go out separately, it usually ends with one of us feeling pretty bad, so we're constantly checking in on each other to make sure everything is okay. Sure, we clash over little things here and there, but we usually smooth that stuff over pretty quickly.

What really scares me, though, are those moments where everything just suddenly explodes and I find myself right in the middle of a literal war zone.

I get that we're both under massive amounts of stress—money, work, college, all that—but I can't make sense of how she acts when things spiral out of control. She starts screaming and smashing things, and if I try to approach her, she turns on me. She’s especially prone to biting—so I won't even count the number of bites, scratches, and bruises I've ended up with after one of these "sessions." I have never once approached her with any intention of hurting her; I'm just trying to restrain her so she doesn't destroy the little bit of stability we've managed to build, and so she isn't running through the apartment building or the neighborhood screaming—there's zero aggression intended. I'm just trying to hug her so she stops flailing her arms, or sit/lie down with her so she stops hurting herself. Sometimes that works, but most of the time, the struggle just keeps going.
Her screaming... honestly, it terrifies me. Her face contorts until she doesn't even look like herself, and she screams so loud I feel like my eardrums might actually burst. I don't understand why the cops haven't shown up at our door yet, because if I heard someone screaming like that, I'd think someone was being murdered or tortured. After the initial stage—the breaking things, the screaming, and the wrestling around the apartment—she usually collapses onto the floor, or occasionally the bed or couch, and goes into some kind of lotus position. For the first two seconds, I'm relieved because she’s stopped raging and screaming; but then she starts rocking back and forth and chanting something, which just triggers another wave of panic for me because I have no idea what's happening to her or what to do. At that point, I try to coax her to sit on a chair, the couch, or the bed so we can talk like adults; it rarely works the first time, but eventually, she moves somewhere "normal" so we can attempt a conversation. I always make sure to stay at least 2 or 3 feet away from her and ensure there's "open space for an escape route"—because in those moments, she's actually afraid of me (I'll get back to that). We spend the first 20 minutes just trying to de-escalate, which gets lost in her rocking and chanting, her catching single words, the occasional scream, and constant attempts to flee the situation. Only then can we actually talk, mostly because we're both completely exhausted by that point (we're talking about an hour of "fighting" before we hit this stage).

Afterward, she claims she barely remembers half of it and perceives everything as me being aggressive toward her. She doesn't remember the parts where she's smashing things; she only remembers the moments I try to hold her back, which she views as an attack. She doesn't remember the rocking or the chanting or any of that. And almost every single thing I say is interpreted as verbal abuse. A few times I tried recording her on my phone to show her later what I was talking about (since she insists I'm making it up or trying to make her look crazy), and once I actually succeeded and showed her the video, she just broke down crying and apologizing. Of course, it happened again. Same exact thing.

I know maybe I should just let her smash things and walk out of the apartment, but I can't leave her wandering the neighborhood in that state—someone could easily jump her, and more than that, I'm terrified she'll hurt herself. I also can't just let her wreck the little bit of stuff we've worked so hard to afford through sacrifice, because in the end, she'll just bitch at me for not stopping her.

It either happens late at night when we’re both exhausted—for instance, she gets annoyed because I’m tossing and turning in bed (look, when I'm burnt out, falling asleep is a struggle, and I’ve always been a restless sleeper)—but then she won't let me just crash on the couch because apparently, we *have* to sleep together no matter what. If I actually try to move to the couch, she just follows me. Or there's the other thing where we can't reach an agreement—well, we "agree," but then she forgets, or doesn't take it seriously, or claims she didn't hear me, or thought I meant something else entirely. So I'm standing there like an idiot waiting, or I'm driving around looking for her because I'm supposed to pick her up, but she's headed in the complete opposite direction and I'm left wandering around like a fool. It’s honestly infuriating because she’s constantly glued to her phone—scrolling Facebook, messaging, all that mindless stuff—yet suddenly, in these moments, she never hears a word I say. It drives me crazy knowing she hasn't let go of that device for a second.

I honestly don't get what's going on anymore or where the breakdown is. I've overanalyzed my own actions a thousand times—and look, I'm not saying everything I've done was perfect—but I truly feel like I did the best I could in those situations. I have no clue how to help her, or even myself.

P.S. It’s not like we’re fighting 24/7. We’ll clash maybe two or three times in a few days, and then things are fine for months. Those quiet months give me this... I don't know, false sense of hope? Like we finally moved past this and everything is fine, and then—out of nowhere—it’s a total massacre again.

I probably missed something important because I'm honestly losing my mind right now. Just ask away and I'll answer. Thanks.

For all that, you could just hand her a basketball and tell her, "Hey, go take it out on the hoop for a bit."

Maybe you guys just need to have a real talk about mutual respect?

Noah Davis3 said:Sorry for the long post upfront. Honestly, I’m at my wit's end—I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, and frankly, I'm not even sure what's actually happening here. I just want to provide as much insight as possible for anyone who has the energy to read this and might be able to help.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years now—she's 25, I'm 23, and we live together.
I’d say my feelings haven't changed since the day we met—at least on my end. I don't think there’s anything I wouldn't do for her, and I truly believe I've never done anything to hurt her. We spend most of our time together and share everything; it's always been that way. Even if we happen to go out separately, it usually ends with one of us feeling pretty bad, so we're constantly checking in on each other to make sure everything is okay. Sure, we clash over little things here and there, but we usually smooth that stuff over pretty quickly.

What really scares me, though, are those moments where everything just suddenly explodes and I find myself right in the middle of a literal war zone.

I get that we're both under massive amounts of stress—money, work, college, all that—but I can't make sense of how she acts when things spiral out of control. She starts screaming and smashing things, and if I try to approach her, she turns on me. She’s especially prone to biting—so I won't even count the number of bites, scratches, and bruises I've ended up with after one of these "sessions." I have never once approached her with any intention of hurting her; I'm just trying to restrain her so she doesn't destroy the little bit of stability we've managed to build, and so she isn't running through the apartment building or the neighborhood screaming—there's zero aggression intended. I'm just trying to hug her so she stops flailing her arms, or sit/lie down with her so she stops hurting herself. Sometimes that works, but most of the time, the struggle just keeps going.
Her screaming... honestly, it terrifies me. Her face contorts until she doesn't even look like herself, and she screams so loud I feel like my eardrums might actually burst. I don't understand why the cops haven't shown up at our door yet, because if I heard someone screaming like that, I'd think someone was being murdered or tortured. After the initial stage—the breaking things, the screaming, and the wrestling around the apartment—she usually collapses onto the floor, or occasionally the bed or couch, and goes into some kind of lotus position. For the first two seconds, I'm relieved because she’s stopped raging and screaming; but then she starts rocking back and forth and chanting something, which just triggers another wave of panic for me because I have no idea what's happening to her or what to do. At that point, I try to coax her to sit on a chair, the couch, or the bed so we can talk like adults; it rarely works the first time, but eventually, she moves somewhere "normal" so we can attempt a conversation. I always make sure to stay at least 2 or 3 feet away from her and ensure there's "open space for an escape route"—because in those moments, she's actually afraid of me (I'll get back to that). We spend the first 20 minutes just trying to de-escalate, which gets lost in her rocking and chanting, her catching single words, the occasional scream, and constant attempts to flee the situation. Only then can we actually talk, mostly because we're both completely exhausted by that point (we're talking about an hour of "fighting" before we hit this stage).

Afterward, she claims she barely remembers half of it and perceives everything as me being aggressive toward her. She doesn't remember the parts where she's smashing things; she only remembers the moments I try to hold her back, which she views as an attack. She doesn't remember the rocking or the chanting or any of that. And almost every single thing I say is interpreted as verbal abuse. A few times I tried recording her on my phone to show her later what I was talking about (since she insists I'm making it up or trying to make her look crazy), and once I actually succeeded and showed her the video, she just broke down crying and apologizing. Of course, it happened again. Same exact thing.

I know maybe I should just let her smash things and walk out of the apartment, but I can't leave her wandering the neighborhood in that state—someone could easily jump her, and more than that, I'm terrified she'll hurt herself. I also can't just let her wreck the little bit of stuff we've worked so hard to afford through sacrifice, because in the end, she'll just bitch at me for not stopping her.

It either happens late at night when we’re both exhausted—for instance, she gets annoyed because I’m tossing and turning in bed (look, when I'm burnt out, falling asleep is a struggle, and I’ve always been a restless sleeper)—but then she won't let me just crash on the couch because apparently, we *have* to sleep together no matter what. If I actually try to move to the couch, she just follows me. Or there's the other thing where we can't reach an agreement—well, we "agree," but then she forgets, or doesn't take it seriously, or claims she didn't hear me, or thought I meant something else entirely. So I'm standing there like an idiot waiting, or I'm driving around looking for her because I'm supposed to pick her up, but she's headed in the complete opposite direction and I'm left wandering around like a fool. It’s honestly infuriating because she’s constantly glued to her phone—scrolling Facebook, messaging, all that mindless stuff—yet suddenly, in these moments, she never hears a word I say. It drives me crazy knowing she hasn't let go of that device for a second.

I honestly don't get what's going on anymore or where the breakdown is. I've overanalyzed my own actions a thousand times—and look, I'm not saying everything I've done was perfect—but I truly feel like I did the best I could in those situations. I have no clue how to help her, or even myself.

P.S. It’s not like we’re fighting 24/7. We’ll clash maybe two or three times in a few days, and then things are fine for months. Those quiet months give me this... I don't know, false sense of hope? Like we finally moved past this and everything is fine, and then—out of nowhere—it’s a total massacre again.

I probably missed something important because I'm honestly losing my mind right now. Just ask away and I'll answer. Thanks.

It sounds like she might be dealing with BPD, which several others here have already suggested.

They really ought to see a psychiatrist.
If you can't get them to agree to help, you have to ask yourself if staying in this relationship is worth it—it can be incredibly draining and just plain hard to deal with.
If you decide to stay, I'd recommend diving into some books on the subject so you can learn how to manage things more effectively.