What now? (Feeling stuck and like a failure)

I know this is probably buried somewhere in the massive threads here, but I gotta ask! If I go see a private psychiatrist and pay out of pocket for everything, does that actually leave a paper trail? I’m terrified of anyone finding out—I don't even want my wife to know—but mostly I'm worried about how it might look when I'm applying for jobs down the road. Honestly, things have been dark; I’ve had thoughts about suicide and just ending it all, but I can't do that to her or the kids, even though I feel like I'm staring at a dead end with zero motivation. I don't even know where to start or who can actually help me. I just feel so pathetic and worthless lately, like a total failure; I’m stuck in this low-paying grind and I can't give my kids the life they deserve, which makes me feel like I've let myself down more than anyone else. Does anyone know a good doctor in New York City? Also, if anyone has been through this exact same hell, please hit me up in a PM—I need to know if it's actually possible to pull through and turn things around. I've pushed all my friends away and I feel like a walking corpse. At home, I try so hard to mask it and act normal so I can play with the kids, but it's an exhausting struggle because I'm just so disillusioned with everything. I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to fix my life, but I just don't see a way out!

Everything stays documented within her private files, as even private practitioners maintain their own sort of archive. Of course, she isn't going to just hand that over to anyone; I don't believe there is any link to the Social Security Administration in that regard, and besides, the law protects you under physician-patient privilege. Theoretically, no one will ever find out unless they actually break into her office and physically steal your file from a drawer or hack into her computer.

Go, without question. She is strictly prohibited from disclosing that information to anyone—not even if your employer were practically begging her and somehow managed to find out! The police are the only ones who could potentially access such records, and even then, only with a valid court order. And honestly, they’d have to actually know where you are first, which would require them to be clairvoyant or have someone tip them off.

Just go as soon as you can and schedule an appointment. There is absolutely no reason to hesitate, and once someone objective offers you a bit of sensible advice, you’ll likely feel much better and start seeing things from a different perspective. Go immediately; there is no reason to keep suffering like this!

wearyrider16 said:

You hear more and more sad stories like this lately. I’ve been through something similar myself, and honestly, life can feel like this relentless, messy struggle against constant unfairness. There aren't any quick fixes for you, me, or anyone else caught in this mess... we're all just trying to survive a system that feels rigged from the start.

But look—everyone has their own path to walk. The easiest thing to do would be to just give up, but that's basically admitting defeat. Maybe try seeing a therapist first? They might prescribe some anti-anxiety meds, and if you need them, take them (speaking from my own experience). It's okay. Just keep your head up and try to push through this madness... don't let the world crush you; fight back as hard as you can! Plenty of us are fighting the same battle. You aren't alone, and hopefully, there's some comfort in that for now. 🙂

...as for the job situation and seeing a psychiatrist, that won't show up on your employment record. Legally, they aren't allowed to access that kind of private info... otherwise, who would ever work for the government??? 😂

And thanks for the support, man, I know I'm not alone, but it's just so incredibly hard to deal with your own mess and constantly analyze everything you did wrong and where you missed the mark! The absolute worst part is that both my wife and I used to have great jobs, we were living a totally normal life, but then my branch office shut down, and her pay got cut because she works for a private firm during this recession, and the kids are getting older, and the cost of living is just skyrocketing! I honestly have no clue how people manage to survive and keep going, or if it's even possible to be happy with all this crap hanging over your head! I truly believe I'm a decent guy, I've never been a troublemaker or anything, but because of this situation, all these stupid thoughts are starting to swirl in my brain, and every single month we find ourselves deeper in the red (even though right now it's only a few thousand dollars and we don't even have loans), but our expenses are higher than what we bring in, and we aren't even living a luxury lifestyle so there's nothing left to cut or save! I'm literally losing my footing, and I'm even having these dark thoughts about things like retail theft or gambling or whatever! If someone had told me this two years ago, I would have told them they were insane, but nobody really knows what they're capable of until they hit a brick wall!